I am new to this institution called marriage and a novice when it comes to saying and doing all the “right” things in this covenant relationship.
Each day I grow and each day I learn how to think and act within the context of being a devoted wife. So as I go through experiences on my journey, I thought I would share some of my lessons on becoming the kind of wife I want to be for my husband—a godly wife.
A wife’s role
First and foremost, a wife is her husband’s helper (Genesis 2:18 Genesis 2:18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
American King James Version×). She is someone who aids and assists her husband regularly. A wife is a strong defender for her husband and a warrior with her husband in the physical and spiritual battles of life.
For a wife to fulfill her role, it is good to refer to the Proverbs 31 woman, who is a godly woman. If you read Proverbs 31 you will find the list of a righteous woman’s characteristics.
How can a wife help her husband? One of the noblest things a wife can do is not to nag her husband into becoming a better man but to make intercession for him at the throne of God. Praying for your husband can support, encourage and strengthen him. The power of prayer can change your life and your relationship with your husband!
A prayer answered
The past few months I made it a goal to pray for my husband. My wonderful Aunt Brenda suggested a book that had various sections and thoughts on what I could pray in order to help my husband. Some aspects were: his purpose or job, his protection, his spirituality. Each night I would pray for a specific area in his life, and in the morning, I would pray that his day be blessed.
One recent situation that came up for my husband was his work. He would come home frustrated and drained. He was doing his best to separate the stress and negativity of his work environment, but I could see it was weighing him down. I began trying to help by offering my thoughts on how to better deal with his co-workers, how he could beef up his resume and so on. To my surprise, this did not seem to be the best method of encouragement for my husband, and it did the exact opposite of helping him. The more I said, the more unenthusiastic he became.
I decided I needed to stop talking and start praying. I prayed that God would lead him, give him wisdom, understanding, patience and success. Soon after, he started looking for jobs. It seemed this was where God was leading him. I prayed that he would get interviews and they would go well—especially for the job that God wanted him to have. Sure enough, he got calls for interviews! The first interview was for a job with very little pay, the second too far away and finally the third happened last week.
I remember praying throughout the day. When I would take breaks at work, I would go to pray in the bathroom stall. I wanted to be as it says in Romans 12:12 Romans 12:12Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
American King James Version×;constant, devoted, earnest and persistent in praying for him. I asked my immediate family and Church family to pray for him knowing their close relationship with God, and I was convinced that the prayers of the righteous would avail much (James 5:16 James 5:16Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
American King James Version×).
That day I came home, and he stood up from the couch as I opened the door. “I have a new job!” His stress had melted away and it had been replaced by exuberant joy in his eyes. This job was higher paying and more along the lines of his career path. Not only did his job change, but he asked how he could make my life easier in the week ahead. He did things around the house that he hadn’t done, and we spent more time together just talking.
When you don’t know what to do—pray
The main lesson I have learned in the past few months is that sometimes the best thing you can do for your husband is to pray for him. Become disciplined in making these prayers focused on what he needs. I would often find myself thinking of basic proverbs and pray, “Help him to walk with wise men” (Proverbs 13:20 Proverbs 13:20He that walks with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
American King James Version×). I would pray, “Help him to be patient and a man of understanding” (Proverbs 14:29 Proverbs 14:29He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalts folly.
American King James Version×). Look for promises in the Bible and ask God to fulfill His Word. God says you can ask for wisdom, and He will give it in James 1:5 James 1:5If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that gives to all men liberally, and upbraides not; and it shall be given him.
American King James Version×. I claim that promise for myself and for my husband.
A symbiotic relationship
Prayer can bolster your husband’s faith and his relationship with God. However the blessing of prayer is that it not only produces positive change in others that you are praying for, but prayer changes you. It develops living faith in your life. Because you see your prayers being answered, it helps you learn to be the kind of woman that God wants you to be and the kind of wife that your husband wants to have. So as you pray for your husband, you are changing too! God is helping your husband and you! Both of your relationships with God are improved through your prayers as a wife.
The role of a wife includes praying for her husband—not just on his off-days but on a consistent basis. It is our role to help him in the physical and spiritual battles of life and our responsibility to know how to use the powerful discipline of prayer. It may be the best gift you can give!
“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life” (Proverbs 31:10-11 Proverbs 31:10-11 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
American King James Version×).
Enrich your husband’s life by endeavoring to pray for him. Use prayer as a tool to overcome your own selfish nature so that you can grow closer to being that capable and virtuous wife.