I really like her and I know she likes me too. My problem is that she feels we ought to make love to solidify our relationship. She says that if we don't, we can't know if we are sexually compatible and she will have to leave me. I love her and I don't want to lose her.
Answer:
In our society, very poor examples are often set regarding relationships between men and women. Many in our society view premarital sex as "normal." Accepting this erroneous idea, many unmarried couples engage in intimate activity that should be reserved for marriage.
Of course, this is contrary to God's teaching. In 1 Corinthians 6:18 it says: "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."
"Sexual immorality" includes any sex act that occurs outside the bounds of marriage between a husband and wife. Obviously, this would include fornication, which is sex prior to marriage. Clearly, the Scriptures show us that intercourse is only to take place within marriage.
In any event, the reasoning of your friend concerning sexual compatibility is unsound. That popular concept is often put forward as a justification for premarital sex. Study after study has shown that having sexual relations with someone before marriage actually increases the odds for divorce later on. Your happiness in marriage will be based on mutual respect and love, not on how well you make love.
We suggest you explain to her that you are not in agreement with her reasoning and that you would like to save yourself for marriage. We know this may sound risky, but it is far more risky to your health and your future happiness to give in to her suggestion.
We also suggest reading the following articles before speaking with your friend. It will help you understand how you should view the subject and will help you in explaining it to her.
The first article, titled "A Touchy Subject: Hand-holding, Hugging, Kissing and More," appeared in the January-March 2004 issue of Vertical Thought ).
A second article, "Sex, Dating and You," appeared in the October-December 2001 edition of Youth United .
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