How Did Jesus Treat His Parents?

Unlike his mother and stepfather, Jesus was God in the flesh. Yet how He treated His physical parents serves as an example for us today.

It was the wedding celebration of the year. People were mingling. The drinks were flowing. The music was playing... and then it happened. The wine ran out. While the host panicked, one of his friends broke into a group of young adults to ask her son to help.

A normal young adult may have ignored the plea for help. But this young man gladly left the group to help his mother and the host resolve the crisis.

The mother didn't hesitate to ask for help and the son was not put off by his mother's request. Wouldn't it be great if all parents and children had this kind of relationship?

This story is real. It happened approximately 2,000 years ago between Jesus Christ and His mother, Mary. This interaction took place in a town called Cana at a wedding party (John 2:1-11 [1] And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
[2] And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
[3] And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
[4] Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
[5] His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
[6] And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.
[7] Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.
[8] And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
[9] When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,
[10] And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.
[11] This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.

See All...). When the host ran out of wine, it seems that Mary knew Jesus could solve the problem and didn't think twice about asking Him for help.

When she brought the problem to Jesus' attention, He first responded by saying, "Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not come." Then, after she instructed the servants to do whatever He asked (indicating she obviously expected Him to act on her request), He gave instructions to them and performed His first recorded miracle—turning approximately 120 gallons of water into excellent wine!

While addressing one's mother as "woman" sounds cold in the English translation, its Aramaic roots show otherwise. The New International Version translates it as "Dear woman." The Jewish New Testament renders the word "Mother." Mary obviously was not put off by the way Jesus addressed her, notes David H. Stern in his Jewish New Testament Commentary . Mary was undaunted and continued to work with Jesus toward solving the problem. Likewise, Jesus did not ignore the problem His mother brought to His attention—He went above and beyond.

Imagine it: He was the one who commanded from the midst of fire and smoke on Mt. Sinai, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
See All...).

He also later inspired the apostle Paul to write, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
See All...).

He must have been the most obedient child in the history of the world. As a teen and young adult, He must have set an awesome example of honoring His parents. The Bible doesn't tell many details of this, because the Gospel accounts have other purposes. These include showing that the spiritual—our relationship with God—is even more important than our physical family, and that Christ's mission as God in the flesh unavoidably conflicted with normal family life.

Talk about a generation gap or a communication problem! His parents truly couldn't understand Him at times! And although He actually did know more than His parents, He was willing to submit to them.

Some Bible readers mistakenly assume, after reading some of Jesus' comments the way they are recorded in the Gospels, that He didn't think much of family bonds. Closer analysis, however, shows that Jesus was very respectful of His parents. Since we are commanded as Christians to be like Jesus Christ, we can learn a lot about how we should regard our parents by examining how Jesus regarded His. If the perfect Creator God could honor and love fallible human parents, so should we.

Clearing up misconceptions

Let's look at Matthew 8:21-22 [21] And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.
[22] But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.

See All..., where Jesus appears to rebuke a disciple for not agreeing to follow Him at the moment because he wanted to stay behind to bury his father. Verse 22 states, "But Jesus said to him, 'Follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead.'"

At first glance, Jesus appears to have given a very cold, callous response to someone who is mourning the loss of a loved one. But further information from someone familiar with the culture of the day sheds important light on this example. Dr. Stern asserts that the disciple's father was not dead yet, or he would have been at home practicing the type of deep mourning we see in later Gospel accounts of Mary and Martha at the death of their brother, Lazarus. Dr. Stern suggests that the disciple wanted to live in comfort with his father until he died, which may still have been years away, collect his inheritance and then, at his leisure, rejoin the disciples at a more convenient time.

Thus, Jesus' response could be stated as, "Let the spiritually dead (those who are consumed with the cares of this world) bury their own physical dead." Jesus was not teaching disrespect for one's father. He was simply telling the disciple to get his priorities straight.

Just a few chapters later, in Matthew 12:46-50 [46] While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him.
[47] Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.
[48] But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?
[49] And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
[50] For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.

See All..., Jesus appears to disown His own family. His mother Mary and His brothers wait outside while He is inside, teaching a group of people. Jesus' family sends word inside that they want to speak with Him, to which He replies in verses 48-50: "'Who is My mother and who are My brothers?' And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples and said, 'Here are My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.'"

Mary and His brothers gave no indication why they wanted to speak with Jesus. Dr. Stern suggests that they might have simply brought Him food or water, but also could have wanted to ask Him to stop preaching or could have even planned to take Him away from His disciples by force. Since their purpose wasn't clear, Jesus probably thought it best to take the opportunity to point out that spiritual ties always come before family ties.

Likewise, in Mark 10:29-30 [29] And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's,
[30] But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.

See All..., in which Jesus states that those who have left family or possessions for the sake of the gospel will receive much in return, He is emphasizing the importance of the Kingdom, not devaluing the family.

Some argue that Jesus advocated hatred toward family in Luke 14:26If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
See All..., in which He said, "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple."

Many translations and commentaries suggest that a better way of understanding the meaning of "hate" in today's language would be "love less by comparison," for a God of love who is building a family would never advocate hatred of siblings, spouses and children. Dr. Stern notes that the phrase "and his own life also" is key to understanding the verse. Total dedication to Jesus and the gospel, not alienation from family, is the goal.

Jesus upholds the Fifth Commandment

In Mark 7:6-13 [6] He answered and said unto them, Well hath Esaias prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.
[7] Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.
[8] For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do.
[9] And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition.
[10] For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death:
[11] But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free.
[12] And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother;
[13] Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

See All..., Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for shirking their family responsibilities. In earlier verses, the Pharisees had criticized Jesus and His disciples for not practicing ritual Jewish washings before they ate. Jesus responded by calling them hypocrites for trying to get around the Fifth Commandment—to honor their parents—through their tradition of Corban.

This tradition allowed Jews to dedicate their money and possessions as a gift to God and the temple, but to retain use of their wealth until their death. Under this tradition, such individuals refused to help their needy parents in their old age, saying that their money was Corban—that is, dedicated to God. Jesus pointed out that this was a blatant, selfish way of breaking the Fifth Commandment.

In addition to Jesus' miracle of producing wine at Cana, the Gospel accounts give us details of two other interactions between Jesus and Mary. The first account is in Luke 2:42-50 [42] And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast.
[43] And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it.
[44] But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance.
[45] And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him.
[46] And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.
[47] And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.
[48] And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.
[49] And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business?
[50] And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them.

See All..., when Jesus at age 12 remained in Jerusalem after the Spring Feast. Joseph and Mary believed their Son was among the group traveling with them and initially did not realize He was missing. Three days later, they found Jesus in the temple, reasoning with the teachers. Upon finding Him, Mary asked "Son, why have You done this to us?"

As a mother, she was naturally worried. But Scripture gives us no evidence that Jesus disobeyed His parents. They believed He had left with them, but there is no mention of a command to come with the family that Jesus disregarded.

Though current Western tradition regards age 18 as the time when a child becomes an adult, Jewish boys of the first century had a "coming of age" at 12. This was when they started being held responsible for keeping the law, and when they first read from the Torah during public synagogue services.

With that view of 12-year-old boys, and with the revelation Mary had been given, she should not have been so worried and should have known where to find Him, says Dr. Stern. Once again, Jesus was placing spiritual priorities ahead of physical ones, and He did not disobey His parents.

Finally, in John 19:26-27 [26] When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!
[27] Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.

See All..., Jesus shows love for His mother in one of His final actions as a human being. In the last hours of His life, Jesus undoubtedly had a lot on His mind, including the unbelievable pain and exhaustion He felt, the way He had been mistreated, the need not to sin in His final moments and His upcoming victory.

However, in this most traumatic time, He still showed love, respect and responsibility for His mother, Mary, to make sure she would be cared for. With the last of His strength He lovingly asked His best friend, John, to take care of her.

While the Gospel accounts don't give us detailed instructions on every issue that can arise between children and their parents, they do show Jesus obeying the Fifth Commandment. As Christians, we are commanded to live as Christ lived, so let's be sure we honor our parents. VT