Nothing seems good about grief or the trials that bring it on us. But in the midst of a horrendous loss I began to see the connection between grief and love—and God.
My son was a chip off the old block, so to speak. I had loved to explore and had spent time in Alaska and thought about homesteading up there—an aunt and uncle and grandfather did just that.
As a boy, Michael was always exploring, building tree houses, learning to shoot, hunt and fish. He loved to be out hiking, swimming, canoeing, water skiing, ice skating, downhill and cross-country skiing, and he loved flying when I would take him up in Ambassador College's Piper Cub in Big Sandy, Texas, where I worked.
He was not so inclined when it came to school and church, but neither was I growing up. But he was never openly rebellious—he just had other priorities that were more important to him. He had acquired some health problems growing up—chemical toxicity due to exposure to formaldehyde fumes from building materials in a new home we built—which probably favored the outdoor lifestyle that he loved.
At my encouragement, he tried some community college studies, but when an opportunity to take a survival training camp came along, Michael jumped at it. He made much of his own survival gear.
After his mother died, he decided to head north to Alaska. He landed at Wrangell in the southern panhandle area to explore and practice his survival skills. Michael made friends and picked up various temporary jobs, including working on a fishing boat, which he said almost sank because most of the crew was drunk.
He was faithful to write home and to others about his experiences. He applied for a job with the Forest Service and was planning to buy land and settle in the area.
Michael also began to spend more time studying his Bible and began to ask many questions in his letters. I began to think about taking a trip up to visit him the coming summer of 1995.
Missing!
But in February, I received a call from the sheriff's office in Wrangell, Alaska, notifying me that Michael was reported missing in the Alaskan wilderness, and that they were sending out a search party to find him. He had been out practicing survival skills in the wilderness. I was deeply concerned and asked many to pray for his safety.
A friend of Michael's, who took supplies and mail to him at a wilderness cabin every month or so, had reported him missing on his trip out in February.
The friend, a Forest Service employee, had gone to the cabin where they were to meet. He searched for him, but did not go out to Michael's survival camps. Some of Michael's letters gave accounts of close encounters with huge Alaskan brown bears that had raided one of his camps, so this was of no small concern.
Bad News
I was praying that he would be found safe, but when I heard back from the Wrangell sheriff's office about a week later, the news was not good.
The search party had found him some distance from the cabin deep in the frozen snow-covered woods in a clearing on a hill overlooking a beautiful river valley. He had been there for over a month. I will spare the details, as it was difficult to impossible to determine exactly what had happened.
I was overwhelmed with emotion and grief, such as I had never felt before. I was fully expecting to hear good news, but I also knew the chances he was taking exploring and trying to survive on his own in the Alaskan wilderness in the winter.
He was my only son, almost 27 years old, just beginning to reach for his dreams and also seeking to understand God's Word. I was especially hopeful to be able to be a spiritual guide to him in his quest to know God.
Grief is an intense emotional feeling of distress and suffering of the heart for someone you love. It is only natural to grieve for those you love and over such a loss, especially close family, children and friends you want to share the future with or share in the joys of their happiness and success.
Going Through Grief
The grievous news of my son's death came as I was beginning to prepare for the Passover that spring. In my grief I sought to understand and console my feelings as I was reviewing more deeply the meaning of the spring Holy Days and of God's sacrifice of His only Son for us.
As I considered my love and concern and the grief I had for my son, my only son, I began to realize that we don't grieve for those we don't love, and the more we love someone, the more we grieve. True mature love (Greek agape ) is a sincere, deep outward concern for others. Grief, whether outward or inward (not all show their grief outwardly), therefore, could be considered a measure of our love.
I considered the one who has the greatest love, which is, of course, God. "For God is love" (1 John 4:8, 16)! Jesus said, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).
Considering also, if we grieve for those we love, how much more does God grieve for us, whom He created to be His own children to share His love with (Hebrews 2:5-11; 1 John 3:1-3)? And how much more does God grieve when we go astray and when we suffer (Hebrews 2:9, 14-15, 17-18; 4:15)? Parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin and the prodigal son reveal feelings God has toward us. "I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.
"But the father said… [when his lost son returned repentant], 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf…and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and now is found" (Luke 15:7, 22-24).
How Much More Does God Grieve?
If I was overwhelmed with grief for my only son, how much more did God the Father grieve when He allowed His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and be crucified and die for our sins? God the Father has loved Jesus Christ for all eternity (Luke 1:30-35; 3:21-22; Ephesians 3:14-19; John 1:1, 14; 3:16).
As I began to consider how much greater God's love is than mine, I began to understand how much more He loves my mother, my wife, my son and daughters and all mankind—and me—than I ever could. The apostle John revealed that Jesus came to demonstrate God's love for us:
"In this the love of God was manifested toward us, because that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be a propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).
We love God only because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Some might ask, why then doesn't God prevent us from choosing the way of sin and death? Why did God allow Adam and Eve and that generation before the Flood to be tempted by Satan and to choose the way of evil and death?
The answer, of course, is that the only way God could create godly character in His children was to give man the freedom of choice. But God is not negligent to teach man the laws of life and blessings or to warn mankind of the consequences of sin and evil (Genesis 2:16-17; Deuteronomy 5:31-33; 6:1-9; 7:7-15; 8:1-20; 28:1-2,15; Ezekiel 18:4).
Character has to be tested and proven; therefore God allows men to be tested, even deceived, and to choose, disobey and suffer the consequences of sin to prove for themselves that God's Word and His laws are true, righteous and absolute (Genesis 3:1-6; Deuteronomy 4:8; 30:1-20; Jeremiah 17:10; Matthew 5:17; Romans 7:10-12).
God is grieved when we choose the way of evil, suffering and death (Genesis 6:5-6; Deuteronomy 30:15-20). But God will not take away our freedom to choose and suffer the consequences. However, God, in great love for us, planned before the foundation of the world that Jesus Christ would come down and give His own life to redeem man from sin and death (1 Peter 1:18-20).
So how much does God love us? Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends" (John 15:13).
The apostle Paul wrote, "Scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
"…having now been justified by His blood, we [and our loved ones] shall be saved from wrath through Him.
"For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life" (Romans 5:7-10).
Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice for the sins of mankind, all will have a chance for salvation in a resurrection (1 Peter 1:13-21; Romans 5:6-11; John 5:21, 25, 28-29; Revelation 20).
Jesus Christ's Example of Love
When Jesus (from the Hebrew Jehoshua, meaning "the Eternal who saves") came to this earth as the Son of Man, He saw the grief and emotional pain of others and had great empathy and expressed grief and wept for them (John 11:30-36; Hebrews 2:9-18; 4:15). If you have lost a loved one, know that God also grieves with you. I learned from my experiences that God felt my pain and grief, and He gave me much comfort through His Word and Spirit (John 14:26-27; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).
Jesus was "despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…
"Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised [Hebrew daka, "beat to pieces, break, bruise, crush, destroy, humble, smite"] for our iniquities; the chastisement [Hebrew musar, "punishment, correction, discipline, instruction, chastisement"] for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:3-5).
As an example of His love for us (Matthew 5:17-19; John 13:34; Romans 13:8-10; 1 Peter 2:21), Jesus greatly humbled Himself by giving up His power and glory with God the Father to be born as a human, and became obedient to death, even the most humiliating death of the cross (Philippians 2:5-8; Hebrews 2:9-11, 14-18; 12:2-3), that we and our loved ones could be reconciled to God and raised up again to life in a resurrection (Acts 24:15; Romans 6:5, 23).
And when He was suffering on the cross, He prayed to God for those who had forsaken Him and those who were crucifying Him, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34).
How great is God's love and the grief He has for us to offer His only begotten Son to suffer and die for us to pay for our sins (Colossians 1:19-23; Hebrews 2:9-10)! And how great is Jesus' love to give Himself as a sacrifice for us (Hebrews 2:14-18)! UN
Allen Stout attends the Portland, Oregon, congregation.
