Who Is Winning the Battle of the Sexes?

Is married life all about the battle of the sexes? Are husbands and wives doomed to a life of fighting each other for their rights? Is this what God intended when He made us male and female?

On Sept. 20, 1973, two tennis champions squared off in a much-publicized challenge match dubbed the Battle of the Sexes. Representing women was Billie Jean King, a formidable opponent with 20 Wimbledon titles to her name. Bobby Riggs represented men.

Although Mr. Riggs at 55 was also a former champion, he was 26 years older than the 29-year-old Ms. King. The match was set up according to the men's standard: The winner would have to win three sets instead of the customary two for women. Using this test of endurance to her advantage, Ms. King made her opponent run as much as possible and prevailed by scores of 6-4, 6-3 and 6-3.

Billie Jean King's victory in the Battle of the Sexes was symbolic of significant changes in athletic opportunities that were occurring in the United States. Laws were passed requiring colleges, universities and other schools to offer the same number of sports for women as they offered for men. With this change and an overall greater awareness of women's causes, many believed females were on track to receive opportunities and respect equal to men's.

Some 26 years later our society still grapples with the same issues. Though outwardly claiming not to discriminate according to sex, equal pay remains an issue because many companies still pay men more than women to do for the same job. As more women work full time outside the home, the decision of who will take care of the children and handle domestic duties such as cooking, housecleaning and washing clothes has become an important issue. What does a family do when a husband and wife both have good jobs and one is asked to transfer to another area?

Workplaces can be hostile environments for men and women. Men feel demeaned when a woman (or another man, for that matter) who doesn't know the job is placed over them. Women are insulted when their contributions are either not taken seriously or are not rewarded the same as men's—or when they are the objects of insults and sexual jokes.

The battle between the sexes continues. But is any of this what God intended when He made us as two sexes, male and female? Are men and women doomed to a life of fighting each other for their rights? Let's understand God's instruction book, the BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ., and see where humanity has gone wrong.

A "very good" plan

A modern, and somewhat biased, account of mankind's creation says God first created man and, after realizing His mistakes, created woman. Such reasoning assumes God made a mistake in creating humanity male and female. Yet the biblical account tells us God described His creative work, including designing people as male and female, as being "very good" (Genesis 1:31And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
See All...). His plan was not flawed. Disharmony between the sexes is not a design problem.

It is also plain from the creation account that both men and women are made in the image and likeness of God (verses 26-27). If both sexes gave more thought to the awe-inspiring legacy bequeathed to human beings by the eternal God, some of the conflicts we have would appropriately pale into insignificance.

From the outset the creation of Eve from Adam's rib links the first woman and first man together in a particularly important way. They were literally made of the same flesh and bone. Being exactly the same flesh, they were a perfect match. Their only difference was their masculinity and femininity.

In teaching that future husbands and wives were to "become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
See All...), God emphasized that the sameness of flesh that Adam and Eve shared was to be a continuing concept for marriages for all time.

Jesus Christ underscored the importance of this concept in His basic teaching about marriage. "But in the beginning, at the creation, 'God made them male and female.' 'That is why a man leaves his father and mother, and is united with his wife, and the two become one flesh.' It follows that they are no longer two individuals: they are one flesh" (Mark 10:6-8 [6] But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
[7] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
[8] And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

See All..., Revised English BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ.). Christ used the strongest of metaphors to emphasize the intimate and loving relationship a husband and wife were to enjoy in every aspect of their lives.

The apostle Paul upheld this principle and added that it is symbolic of our relationship to Jesus Christ. "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones" (Ephesians 5:28-30 [28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
[30] For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

See All...). God designed a husband and wife to be a close-knit team—not opponents in constant conflict.

A shared inheritance

When we examine the ScripturesThe divinely inspired writings of both the Old and New Testaments. The term Scripture is used in the New Testament to refer to both the Hebrew Bible (Luke 24:44-45) and the new apostolic writings accepted as inspired (2 Peter 3:16; 1 Timothy 5:18)., we find, as Paul explained, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
See All...).

During His earthly ministry, someone asked Jesus about marriage in the Kingdom of God. He responded: "The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are considered worthy of taking part in that age and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, and they can no longer die" (Luke 20:34-36 [34] And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage:
[35] But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:
[36] Neither can they die any more: for they are equal unto the angels; and are the children of God, being the children of the resurrection.

See All..., New International Version).

Reflecting this common future, Peter admonished husbands and wives to think of themselves as "heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
See All...). Husbands and wives are joint or fellow heirs of the Kingdom of God. Men and women have the same glorious spiritual future. Both will be "sons of God" in God's Kingdom (Galatians 3:28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
See All...; Luke 10:36Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?
See All...).

But in this life God has ordained differences between the sexes. God gave men and women strengths complementary to each other. In other words, God has given us different roles. Let's examine two specific areas in which God has ordained varied roles.

Different roles in marriage

God intends husbands and wives to treat each other with love and respect (1 Peter 3:7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
See All...; Ephesians 5:33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
See All...). God's way does not authorize abuse or any feelings of superiority. Although the BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ. shows husbands and wives have different roles within marriage, they are to treat each other with kindness and honor.

Within marriage the BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ. reveals that the husband should be the leader. Wives are instructed to "submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:22-24 [22] Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
[23] For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
[24] Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

See All...).

A woman's voluntary acceptance of this role requires spiritual strength. It is a conscious choice godly women make first and foremost because of their respect for Christ. The reality is that no husband can effectively carry out his duties and responsibilities as the head of his family without his wife's cooperation and positive input.

Another important concept to understand is that a husband is to be the head of his wife, not the head of every woman he meets. Further, proper leadership within the family flows from a husband's understanding that he, too, is under authority—in this case the loving authority of Jesus Christ.

Even though some husbands' poor choices and actions have made it difficult for their wives to fulfill this role, God's standard remains. As Peter explained, this is something godly women do whether their husbands are godly or not. In such cases some women have positively influenced their husbands by their good conduct, wisdom and example (1 Peter 3:1-2 [1] Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
[2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

See All...).

But wives aren't the only ones with a challenging marital role. Husbands have an equally difficult task: loving their wives as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25-29 [25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
[26] That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
[27] That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
[28] So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
[29] For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

See All...), especially when their wives act in unloving ways.

A loving husband must put his wife's and family's needs and desires above his own. Consider Christ's example. He died for sinners who put Him to death—not just loyal, friendly people who supported Him and encouraged Him throughout His physical life. Godly husbands and wives try hard to fulfill the roles God has given them within their marriages even though their mates may occasionally be selfish and inconsiderate. God doesn't expect mates to endure cruel abuse, but He does expect us to be tolerant of human frailties. The ideal of marriage is everlasting faithfulness to one's partner, reflecting Christ's unending faithfulness to the Church.

In recent years some have assumed that a husband's leadership within the family has simply been a cultural phenomenon from male-dominated societies and therefore changeable as culture changes. In the truest sense, marital roles are cultural matters, but not in the way some have thought.

Throughout time God has invited people to adopt His culture and standards, not faddish human cultural values. Paul and Peter emphasized this principle by explaining that godly culture with different roles for husbands and wives goes back to creation (1 Timothy 2:11-14 [11] Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
[12] But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
[13] For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
[14] And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

See All...) and was reflected in former times by holy women and men such as Sarah and Abraham (1 Peter 3:5-6 [5] For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
[6] Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

See All...). Godly husbands and wives follow these biblical examples as they make God's culture their culture.

Different roles in the Church

In 1 Corinthians 14 Paul explained to the Christians in Corinth how to conduct religious services. Paul made it clear that the speaking role was the responsibility of men (verses 34-35; 1 Timothy 2:11-14 [11] Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
[12] But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
[13] For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
[14] And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

See All...). This is not a reflection on a woman's spiritual understanding or her innate ability to teach.

The ScripturesThe divinely inspired writings of both the Old and New Testaments. The term Scripture is used in the New Testament to refer to both the Hebrew Bible (Luke 24:44-45) and the new apostolic writings accepted as inspired (2 Peter 3:16; 1 Timothy 5:18). are clear that God grants both men and women His Holy Spirit with its accompanying wisdom. At the founding of the Church on Pentecost, God poured out His Spirit on men and women. As Peter publicly explained: "But this is what was spoken by the prophet Joel: 'And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, that I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall see visions, your old men shall dream dreams. And on My menservants and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit in those days; and they shall prophesy" (Acts 2:16-18 [16] But this is that which was spoken by the prophet Joel;
[17] And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams:
[18] And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit; and they shall prophesy:

See All...).

Philip the evangelist had four daughters who prophesied (Acts 21:8-9 [8] And the next day we that were of Paul's company departed, and came unto Caesarea: and we entered into the house of Philip the evangelist, which was one of the seven; and abode with him.
[9] And the same man had four daughters, virgins, which did prophesy.

See All...). Prophesy comes from the Greek word propheteia and signifies "the speaking forth of the mind and counsel of God" ( Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New TestamentThe 27 authoritative books of the apostolic writings: the four Gospels of Christ, Acts (a history), 21 apostolic letters and the book of Revelation. Words, 1985, "ProphecyA prediction of events to come. "A discourse emanating from divine inspiration and declaring the purposes of God, whether by reproving and admonishing the wicked, or comforting the afflicted, or revealing things hidden; esp[ecially] by foretelling future events" (Revised Thayer's Greek English Lexicon, "Propheteia")., Prophesy, Prophesying"). It should not be thought of strictly as telling the future. "... ProphecyA prediction of events to come. "A discourse emanating from divine inspiration and declaring the purposes of God, whether by reproving and admonishing the wicked, or comforting the afflicted, or revealing things hidden; esp[ecially] by foretelling future events" (Revised Thayer's Greek English Lexicon, "Propheteia"). is not necessarily, nor even primarily, fore-telling. It is the declaration of that which cannot be known by natural means ... whether with reference to the past, the present, or the future ..." (ibid.).

Most often it is simply reflective of conveying spiritual wisdom. Some of the biblically approved ways for women to "prophesy" include teaching children (Proverbs 1:8My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
See All...) and other younger women (Titus 2:3-5 [3] The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
[4] That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
[5] To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

See All...). One thinks of "the words of King Lemuel" in Proverbs 31, "the prophecy that his mother taught him" (verse 1).

Women may also teach spiritual principles, but not during religious services. Note the example of Priscilla, whom Paul called one of his "fellow workers in Christ Jesus" (Romans 16:3-4 [3] Greet Priscilla and Aquila my helpers in Christ Jesus:
[4] Who have for my life laid down their own necks: unto whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles.

See All...).

"Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the ScripturesThe divinely inspired writings of both the Old and New Testaments. The term Scripture is used in the New Testament to refer to both the Hebrew Bible (Luke 24:44-45) and the new apostolic writings accepted as inspired (2 Peter 3:16; 1 Timothy 5:18).. He had been instructed in the way of the Lord, and he spoke with great fervour and taught about Jesus accurately, though he knew only the baptism of John. He began to speak boldly in the synagogue. When Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they invited him to their home and explained to him the way of God more adequately" (Acts 18:24-26 [24] And a certain Jew named Apollos, born at Alexandria, an eloquent man, and mighty in the scriptures, came to Ephesus.
[25] This man was instructed in the way of the Lord; and being fervent in the spirit, he spake and taught diligently the things of the Lord, knowing only the baptism of John.
[26] And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly.

See All..., NIV). In the privacy of their home, Priscilla and her husband, Aquila, taught Apollos spiritual principles he did not yet understand.

It is worth noting that Aquila and Priscilla are each mentioned six times in the New TestamentThe 27 authoritative books of the apostolic writings: the four Gospels of Christ, Acts (a history), 21 apostolic letters and the book of Revelation.—never separately but always together as a team. Sometimes one is named first and sometimes the other. People just didn't think of Aquila without thinking of Priscilla, and vice versa. This is perhaps the ideal New TestamentThe 27 authoritative books of the apostolic writings: the four Gospels of Christ, Acts (a history), 21 apostolic letters and the book of Revelation. example of oneness, togetherness and teamwork in a marriage—perhaps the personification of Christ's teaching that "they are no longer two individuals."

Since the apostle Paul is the author of the directives that women are to keep silent in religious services, some have theorized that he was a backward thinker whose writings reflected his bias against women. But should his instruction be understood as merely a personal preference?

Perhaps realizing that some may mistakenly view his statements in 1 Corinthians 14:33-34 [33] For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
[34] Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

See All... about women not speaking at services as just his own idea, Paul added that "the things which I write to you are the commandments of the Lord" (verse 37). Paul's teaching was God's instruction, not just an expression of his personal opinion.

And the winners are ...

Now that we have examined the scriptural roles of males and females, it is time to abandon the concept of the battle of the sexes.

The real winners are those who are not fighting against the roles God has given the sexes. The winners are husbands and wives who respect God's standards and understand that we are joint heirs of the coming Kingdom of God who follow the inspired apostle's instruction in Titus 3:2To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
See All... to "speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all." This is the correct formula for successful male-female and marital relationships. This is how to make marriage work! GN