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How Can I Be an Effective Father?

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How Can I Be an Effective Father?

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How Can I Be an Effective Father?

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Sermon presented by Steve Myers on June 14, 2014 in the Cincinnati East, Ohio congregation.

Transcript

[Steve Myers] You may have heard about the young father to be.  He was at the hospital and he was pacing back and forth, and back and forth and he’s just wringing his hands.  He just can’t stay still.  His wife is in labor and she’s having a difficult time it seems and he was just beside himself.  He started walking up and down the halls, his stomach was just tied up in knots and he was just worried about all of what possible things could happen.  So he was just really upset about everything and no, this was not Aaron Creech.  But he was just sweating and perspiring and he was just agonizing over all of these terrible feelings of what could happen, if everything would be ok.  Finally, 4:00 in the morning a nurse comes into the waiting room and says, “I’ve got wonderful, wonderful news!  You have a little girl.”  The guy says, “Wow that is great!  I am so thankful it’s a girl. She’ll never have to go through the things I went through tonight!”  Not thinking about what the Mom went through I guess. 

Fatherhood is a challenge.  In fact, being a part of a family can be wonderful opportunity and bring special challenges to us.  We’ve been talking a little bit about this over the last several sermons that I’ve given.  We began I guess in a sense talking about creating an environment for growth right here in our Cincinnati East congregations by becoming family.  By being a family, not just a church family, but being an intimate household of God and how to leave a legacy for our families.  How to build and grow together and be the kind of family that we need to be so that the baton of spiritual truth continues on and is passed on to our children so that we are a close and connected intimate spiritual family. 

Well, here we are at Father’s Day weekend and as fathers there are certainly many challenges.  Like this father who finally had a daughter.  Big challenges, maybe not just in having children but what do you do with them once you have them.  You probably all remember the Psalm about children being a heritage – that is Psalm 127:3 and it also says that blessed is the man who has a quiver full of them.  And of course we know, quivers vary in size; some have larger quivers than others.  But when your quiver is full God says that’s a blessing.  But what kind of father brings a blessing on those children?  What kind of father will you be for the rest of your children’s life?  What kind of light, like our little pen says, what kind of light will we be to our family?  Because we know, it’s not too hard to become a father, but it certainly takes a dedicated concerted effort to become a good Christian father. 

When our children are born Dad’s begin to take on responsibilities that never end.  It doesn’t come to an end and that job will be a part of the rest of our life.  So, if we’re to be an effective Christian father it’s something that we’ve got to realize it is within our reach, but we do have to reach.  We do have to strive for it.  Our God ordained role is not dependent on just having children.  We know it’s not just depended on what kind of job we have not our salary or our position, or our physical stature, or even for that matter our education.  Fatherhood is not dependent on those things, but it is dependent on us.  It’s dependent on Dad’s making choices and desiring to put into action those things that we are challenged with.  Taking on a Godly aspect of what manhood is all about, grabbing it and seizing onto it even when the going gets tough.  Because we know in families there are going to be times that it is tough.  It’s going to be difficult, it’s going to be challenging.  Yet we’ve got to take the bull by the horns, especially as Dads, and begin to exhibit Godly effective fatherhood. 

So how can I be an effective father?  How is that possible?  I’d like to share several keys in how to do just that – how to be an effective Christian father.  Now they’re not awe inspiring points I don’t think.  I think they’re pretty basic, pretty simple, maybe incredibly simple but at the same time these very simple concepts are profound when you consider them.  And I think as we go through these various points, it’s not something that we as mothers, or grandmothers, or grandfathers can say, “Oh yeah that’s for the dads.  Been there, done that, I don’t have to worry about those kinds of things.”  I think if we all could put these simple keys into practice it would change.  It would change our families individually, and it couldn’t help but change our spiritual family as well.  So no matter where we are in life, I think these keys can apply to each and every one of us. 

And the first one is so simple.  As a father, we need to be there.  We need to be there for our children.  That means we’ve got to accept, as God’s people, we’ve got to accept the fact that God has ordained the role of fatherhood.  And so Dads, what does that mean to us?  It means we’ve got to be a living sacrifice.  Write down Romans 12:1.  We’re to be a living sacrifice to our family, a living sacrifice of love, a living sacrifice of care, a living sacrifice of time.  And it’s something that God doesn’t just say, “This would be a nice idea.”  Or “If you happen to be able to, you know, come up with the extra time you should try to do this.”  No, it doesn’t say that.  You know, God reminds us our life is to be an offering.  A truly Godly father’s life is an offering to his family and to his children.  And so if we are true Godly fathers, that means we are going to be dedicated to developing our family to their full potential.  To their full God given potential and as we look at this we could say, “Well, yeah, ok.  That’s kind of a no brainer.”  But you know what – what tends to happen?  We know this, we all know that to be healthy we should eat right and exercise every day.  How many of us do that?  Ok, we don’t.  We know it to be true, but we have a tendency not to do that.  Some of us do a pretty good job at that and that’s wonderful.  But when it comes to being a parent, being a Godly father, ok, we understand we’ve got to be there for our kids and it’s not the fact that our children aren’t important to us, but what does happen?  Well, we get caught up in life. 

Life is busy; there are lots of things going on.  There are so many demands that are put on us as parents that sometimes our priorities get shifted.  They get moved, they get shuffled, they sometimes have to change.  But wait a second – as men, after God and our spouse, our children are the very next priority in our life.  Not our jobs, not other activities.  It’s our family.  God first and then our family because our kids didn’t just show up, they didn’t ask to be born.  We brought them into this world and so until they reach adulthood who’s responsible for them?  We are.  We as parents, especially Dads we are fully responsible for our children and all too often, we can get off track.  And it’s the story of so many.  You don’t have to be the president, or prime minister, or a king to get priorities shuffled.  You don’t have to be a plumber, or a minister, or a machinist, whatever to get off track.  You see men, to be honest, all too often what happens is that we give our children everything but what’s most important.  And that’s of ourselves and you know the Bible is filled with, I mean when you think about it, surprising examples of that very fact.

Look at the story of King David.  When we think of King David maybe you think of Goliath, maybe you think of a man after God’s own heart.  But you know when it came to his family, David had almost unbelievable problems.  Turn with me over to I Kings 1:5.  I Kings 1:5 we’re going to find an example in David’s life, in fact it wasn’t the only example in his life.  Here is David, the man who could slay a giant, the man who could build a nation, set aside all the materials for the temple so that a house for God could be built.  But for the life of him, he couldn’t build a relationship with his sons.  Couldn’t do it – he couldn’t do it in his absence and it seemed like he couldn’t even do it with his presence, but why?  Well, I Kings 1:5 gives us a little bit of an insight.  It talks about Adonijah, his son. It says:

I Kings 1:5-6  Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king”; and he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. …Alright first of all, that’s a problem. David’s already king; why in the world would his son want to usurp the authority of his father?  Well it tells us that he got chariots, horsemen, men to run before him, but verse 6 tells us some of the insight into why.  Why was it like this?  Why was it like this with his other sons?  Why was it like that with Adonijah and what about the others as well?  Well verse 6 says… (And his father had not rebuked him at any time by saying, “Why have you done so?” He was also very good-looking. His mother had borne him after Absalom.)

Well, Absalom had the same problems Adonijah had.  So you look that up in other translations and it gives us the exact reason.  The Contemporary English Bible says, “he never gave him direction”.  Never gave him direction.   Another translation says he never confronted him. Other translations say he never reprimanded him, or never disciplined him, never corrected him.  He didn’t take his God given fatherly responsibilities and put them into practice in his family.  David couldn’t say no.  He couldn’t say no to his children.  Never challenged them – why are you doing these things?  It takes time, it takes effort, it takes a direct decision to do those things and it’s a process that every one of us as Dads has to take the time and spend that time to accomplish what David couldn’t do.  Because when it was all said and done all David  could do, after Absalom’s death, Adonijah’s death you begin to see all he could do was cry about it.  Because he didn’t do what he was supposed to do.  You could just write down 2 Samuel 18 talks about David mourning his sons because he hadn’t properly engaged them in his life.  And the funny thing, when we think about our own lives, I don’t think there’s a one of us here that wouldn’t give up our life for our kids.  That wouldn’t die for our children.  If they were in danger wouldn’t we just dive right in there?  Wouldn’t we stop that bullet and stand in front of it?  I think we would. 

But the challenge is life is not just one incident where we sacrifice our life.  We have to sacrifice our life on a daily basis, on a daily basis.  How often do we step in and save our children from the rush of  life around us?  From the values of society around us?  You know, what about talking with them, teaching them, more than acknowledging them?  Because it takes not only talking to them, not only correcting them and guiding them, but it also takes a concerted effort to demonstrate our unconditional love for them, doesn’t it?  Don’t we have to show, we can’t just say it, we’ve got to show it as well and as fathers we’ve got to be there because life is going to be challenging for our kids.  It’s going to be difficult and it seems that the way this world is going there’s more and more of those lightning bolts that would strike and try to take out our kids.  And the frequency and the difficulty of those things seem to occur more and more and more. 

Just look at what our children face today that we never had to.  We didn’t have the internet.  Anything and everything right out there at the click of a button.  We didn’t have to worry about U Tube, we didn’t have to worry about video games. We didn’t have to worry about the kinds of things that are seen in movies and music and a society that is constantly aligning itself against Godly values.  I mean, more and more our world is just anti-God, and we thought the 60’s was bad enough, you know God is dead, but today it is so much worse. 

So how are we going to counteract that?  We’ve got to be there.  We’ve got to be there because we’ve got to face the fact that we are in a spiritual battle.  This is a war and Ephesians talks just about that.  Ephesians 5:12, you can just write it down, we are facing a spiritual host of wickedness, and there are so many forces out there that want our children.  They want our grandkids.  Satan wants to tie them up and own them.  They want their life, they don’t want any understanding of God’s way and His will to be in their life. 

This world and these spiritual forces are out to get the heart and core of our children and the only thing that’s standing between them – Godly parents, Godly parents and the will of God.  And God’s given us His Spirit; He’s given us the strength to battle those forces and so you begin to think about the importance of being there.  We can’t just placate our kids; we can’t just throw them a few toys and say, “Well, keep busy.”  We can’t just pick them up when they’re crying and expect that will solve all the problems because it doesn’t.  It creates other problems as well.  We’ve got to be with them.  So, we take them to the store when we go there.  We have meals together and we talk and we share.  We sit together at church because we’re a family and we read, and we play.  We play even as grandparents we play with our grandkids and all of that adds up into incredible deposits into a positive relationship building a relationship with our kids and our grandkids because we begin to know who they are.  Who they are, what they are, why they do the things they do and what do they need?  What do they need?  And if you’ve ever had more than one child you know they’re different.  They are different.  Because the challenge is that if we don’t do those things, and why it’s so important.  If we don’t,  something else is going to fill n that emptiness and that’s where they can get into trouble. 

Over in I John we’re given a little bit of an insight into God’s example, the example that we want to strive to emulate.  I John 3:1 right at the beginning of I John 3 look at how God set the example for each and every one of us as fathers, or even as mothers and grandparents as well, beginning of I John 3, John says:

I John 3:1-2 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!...Of course, we can read over that really quickly but think about the awesome love that God just doesn’t talk about, but what did He do?  He bestowed it on us.  He demonstrated that love.  What did He do?  He gave His Son’s life for us.  He showed it and so He says here: Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 

And so God gives us insight into His very character, His nature.  We can begin to understand more about our Father because of what He does.  Just like our children can understand more about God Himself by what we do as Godly Dads -  how we live our life, what we say, how we correct them, how we play with them.  We show that kind of Godly love that God Himself demonstrates to us.  In fact, many of the translations show that it’s not just any old love that God has given us, He’s bestowed on us great love, inspiring love.  And we can do that very thing if we’re willing to step up and invest in our families.  Do you think God’s invested in us?  I mean in a way you can say that He invested the life of His Son.  He gave His very life and He expects us to do the same as Dads and Moms.

In fact, I was reading the other day about interest and the amazing attributes of interest.  Now this was talking about literal interest; Einstein once said that “ The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest”.  And so you put money in the bank and it just can grow, now these days certainly a lot less, but even as bad as the economy is today, do you know what?  If you had put $1,000 in the bank 25 years ago, do you know what it would be worth today?  Around $14,000; somewhere around that because of this amazing nature of compound interest.  Now if you took $1,000 and put it in stocks; maybe let’s go back a little farther.  Imagine your grandfather or maybe your great-grandfather all the way back in 1950, putting $1,000 not just once, but if he put $1,000 every year into the stock market and average rate of return over all those years, do you know what kind of investment he would have today?  $1.85 million - pretty amazing how those deposits add up.  They add up.  And now you might say, “Well, you know I can’t do that.”  But when it comes to our families we have to do that.  God’s mandated that we do that. 

I was inspired by a man, his name was Theodore R. Johnson, Ted.  Probably better known as Ted.  Ted, an average guy.  It was interesting I saw a write-up on this man.  He worked for UPS. United Parcel Service, he worked there his whole career, never made over $14,000 his whole life.  Never made over $14,000 working at UPS but do you know what he did?  He took every little bit that he didn’t have to spend on necessities and he put it back into the stock market.  Now here’s an average guy – didn’t make that much money.  Do you know what he invested in?  UPS stock.  He put everything back into UPS stock so he’s not a very good stock strategist I guess you could say.  You’re supposed to be diversified and have all kinds of different things, right?  Well, he didn’t do that.  He put it all back into UPS stock.  Just a year or so ago he reached 90 years old and do you know what kind of nest egg he has today?  70 million dollars!  A guy that never made over $14,000 in his life.  $70 million!  Wouldn’t it be great to go back about 20 years and start doing that a little bit?  Oh wow – that is phenomenal and I think just like that kind of interest, that kind of deposit it was a matter of small deposits over time that ended up to be a monumental impact in his finances.  So, he never really had to work a day of  his life and gave it to his kids and his relatives when he died.  And so what amazing thing – can we do that same thing with our families?

 I think we can do this in our physical families as well as our church family as well.  Make those deposits.  Be there – be there for our families even when we may not think it’s necessary  even when it’s inconvenient and even when it’s not appreciated.  We have to do those things if we’re going to combat all the forces that are out there working against our children.  We’ve got to work against the peer pressure, we’ve got to spend the time with our children or somebody else will, or something else will.  And so we’ve got to be interested in what they’re interested – what are their hobbies, what is their schooling like?  How important is it to them?  What are their alternate activities that we can help them with so they don’t get themselves into trouble?  Can we help them to be productive with their time?  I think as parents and grandparents we can do that and in fact, we have a responsibility to do that.  As parents we have that responsibility to help them with all the negatives that are out there, especially the negative peer pressure that is out there.

 

There’s an amazing Proverb right at the very beginning of the book.  Proverbs 1:8 talks a little bit about this negative peer pressure and how it impacts our families.  It’s also interesting that this Proverb talks to the children too, so young people here’s a Proverb for you, that you can listen to and you can see that you have a responsibility toward your parents.  It’s not just all dependent on Mom and Dad, as children I have a responsibility to my parents and I have a responsibility to God as well.  And this Proverb focuses on that – let’s notice it: Proverbs 1:8.  This may read a little bit different than the King James or the New King James, I’m going to read this from The Message:

Proverbs 1:8-19  Pay close attention to what your father tells you.  Never forget what you learned at your mother’s knee…So kids, we’ve got to listen to Mom and Dad.  That’s what it’s telling us.  It says…Wear their counsel like flowers in your hair, like rings on your fingers….Sometimes you put a ring on and  you can’t get it off and in this case that’s a very good thing.  It’s a good reminder, keep in mind what your parents are teaching you.  It goes on v.10…If bad companions tempt you, don’t go along with them….And boy are the temptations out there….  If they tempt you don’t do it!  Don’t do it.  Now in this case they say they say, “Let’s go out.  Let’s raise a ruckus.  Let’s beat up some old man, let’s mug some old woman,  let’s pick them clean get them ready for their funerals.”…Now maybe the thing that your friends are luring you into aren’t seemingly that bad, but we start heading down that path and before you know it you could end up in a situation like this. Verse 15 it says…Oh friend, don’t give them a second lookDon’t listen to them for a minute.  They’re racing to a very bad end, hurrying to ruin they lay their hands on.  Nobody robs a bank with everyone watching, yet that’s what these people are doing.  They’re doing themselves in.  When you try to get for yourselves, that’s what happens.  The more you get, the less you are.

And so as parents we fight against that.  We’ve got to make sure that we are close to our children and provide opportunities for good things and help them to be able to battle the peer pressure because there will be times we are not there and they are out there on their own.  And they’ve got to make choices and so we’ve got to help them so that they do make those right choices when they’re faced with those things.

And of course you might say, “Well, I’m not a very good Dad.  I’m not a very good Mom.  I guess I don’t know how to be.”  Well, learn how.  Get the help that you need to be a good parent.  We have plenty of Moms and Dads right here in our congregation that have had amazing experiences.  Talk to them, get advice from them, seek understanding.  Become more educated – there are amazing free opportunities that are right here in our community offered by Clermont County where you can learn to be a better parent and there’s really good principles.  Now they might not be reading out of the Bible, but they have great principles on how to be a better Mom or Dad.  Why not take advantage of those?  If you need the help, get it.  And of course, I think part of it is we shouldn’t sell ourselves short because sometimes it’s just the smallest things, the smallest things can make such a huge difference. 

I was reading the story about a man named James Boswell.  James Boswell – you probably never heard of him but he was a famous biographer.  He wrote maybe one of the most famous biographies of English history.  He wrote a biography of a man named Samuel Johnson, so you’ve probably never heard of either one.  I hadn’t really heard of  them before, reading a little bit about it.  But here’s a man who became known as the greatest biographer, or the greatest biography written in English so as a poet and a writer and an essayist and all this sort of thing, the man was famous in his time which was several centuries ago.  But what was interesting about this man, James Boswell, one of the things when he would write about his personal life, he would write often about a very special day in his life.  And that day that he would write about was all the way back in his childhood when he was just a kid.  And he would often write about a very specific day when his Dad took him fishing and he would look back on that day.  As an adult that day was absolutely fixed in his mind and he would often reflect on that day and also alot about the other things that his father had taught him.  And some of the things of that what he considered an amazing experience while fishing with his dad.  Now, that’s a pretty simple thing.  Fishing with your Dad?  That takes a little bit of time doesn’t it, but he looked at that as almost a turning point in his life.

Now it’s interesting after Boswell’s death, people had heard that story about that fishing day in his life and a man finally decided to check that day out.  Not with Boswell, but to look up his father and they came across his father’s journal where he kept track of what his life was like.  So, here’s Boswell’s father’s journal and they searched that journal to find out what happened on that amazing fishing day.  That day of fishing must have been absolutely profound.  So they found his dad’s journal; they searched through it and they found the day and they found his father’s entry on that very day.  Do you know what his father wrote?  His father wrote one sentence.  It said, “Gone fishing today with my son – a day wasted.”  Isn’t that amazing?  Now, we can criticize the dad for being so cold hearted but sometimes, put yourself in that position dad.  Have you ever felt that way?  Just going to waste time with my kids and we don’t see it as anything important.  But to that child it could be a life altering experience. And so I think that’s such a phenomenal story that we’ve got to be there for our kids.  Even if it’s as simple as just going fishing, a day that we might think is a wasted day, might just make the difference in our children’s life. 

Can you imagine if your child was a billboard, what would be written across their face?  What would be written across their heart and their lives? I think it would be something like, Dad, show me that you care.  Be there.  Be there.  So I think that first key is so vitally important, in fact it’s tied into the second key which I think also is kind of a no brainer.  But as a Dad, we not only have to be there, but we have to be the right example.  We have to be the right example.  What do our kids take in as they live around us, as they live in our household?  They take it all in.  They take it all in and how much does a good example speak?  A good example speaks so much louder than any of the words that we can say.  What we do impacts our families in an amazing way. 

I heard a story one time about Diogenes who was a famous Greek philosopher.  He was having a little session and one of the students got a little out of hand and cursed.  You know Diogenes did?  He didn’t slap the kid.  He went over and he slapped the father.  How many of us would get slapped?  Amazing when we begin to think about it because as the role that God has given us, there are responsibilities as parents.  We have those responsibilities and we shape our children’s lives, as much as at times we want to say, “Well it’s not my fault.” We do.  And God set that example, you might just write down Isaiah 64.  Isaiah 64:8 it talks about how God is the potter and we are the clay.  So spiritually, God molds us and shapes us and He guides us and if we will listen to Him and He sets the ultimate example for us.  Well, it’s not much different in our families, that God’s established this family to be a kind of representation of what’s going on spiritually.  So, certainly as fathers and as mothers we shape and we mold and we help determine our children’s future.  And so it’s something that we’ve got to be sure that we’re setting the right example for our kids. And that doesn’t mean that we have to know it all, or be brilliant Einsteins or things like that; that’s just not the case.  Sometimes it might be as simple as going fishing. 

You may have heard the story about a different kind of fishing trip.  One day a man took his son fishing and after they were floating around in the boat, not much was happening the little boy finally said, “Dad, how does this boat stay on top of the water?  How does it float?”  His Dad thought about it for a minute and he said, “You know, I don’t really know why a boat floats, that’s a pretty good question.”  Well, they sat there for a little while longer and the son thought of something else.  “But Dad how is it that the fish, you know they’re under the water and if I go under the water I’m going to drown but how do those fish breath under there?”  The Dad said, “You know, that’s a really good question.  I don’t really know how they do that.”  And so the son thought a little bit more and getting kind of bored, kind of looking around he said, “Dad, look at the sky.  It’s a beautiful day.  Why is the sky blue?” and you know the answer.  Dad said, “Well, hmmmmm I don’t know.  I’m not really sure why it’s blue.”  So finally the son said, “I’m sorry Dad, you’re probably tired of me asking all of these questions.  I’m sorry for asking so many questions.”  And of course the Dad said, “Ah listen, this is no problem son.  If you don’t ask questions how are you every going to learn anything?”  Of course you’ve got to ask the right guy I guess, if you’re going to learn anything. 

But an interesting point when it comes to our example.  What is our example even as Moms and Dads?  Do we love learning?  Do we love learning and set that example for our children because no doubt, we can give those things and pass them on to our children and of course, as a right example, probably the greatest gift we can give is a good example and as a Dad a good example with their mother.  A good example with their mother.  I think one of the greatest things is to have a right relationship as husband and wife because that sets the tone.  How to have a relationship, how do you get along and wives and mothers have a responsibility as well.  Husbands are to love their wives; wives are to respect their husbands.  They do it in front of their children and the kids see it all.  They see the things in public, they see the tings in private and they see either an inconsistency or a consistency in that relationship.  They’re going to learn relationship skills from us, from us as their parents.  And so they’re almost like little detectives, they’re detecting what a good relationship is like.  They’re detecting what a good marriage is like.  They know when it’s nice, they know when it’s warm, they know when it’s caring, they know when it’s loving, they know when there’s difficulties and they see those difficulties either resolved or if left unresolved.  They see and understand deep respect.  They see love or anything else in between demonstrated right before their eyes.  And so, it’s a command that to fathers God says, “Love your wives”.  I think it helps determine the kind of place that we live. 

Is our residence a home or is it just kind of a house?  Is it just a place that people come and go, basically take care of themselves, do their own thing and come and go as they want?  I mean just a resource center you might say.  Well, we stock up; we eat and we get out of there.  Oh we might sleep there a few hours and then we’re off and doing our own thing.  But I think as an example of kindness, tenderness, love, laughter – those kinds of things make just a house something totally different.  When there is love, when there is affection, when there is conflict resolution – imagine that.  That makes that place so much different. 

You see a real Godly home is where power phrases are spoken.  Of course, too often times when we think of power words we think of those other kinds of words; those four letter words that are power words, no doubt they are.  But power phrases have to be spoken in our homes.  There has to be a right example of powerful words that dad has to utter, like please, like thank you, like I love you, I care, I’m wrong, I’m sorry, would you forgive me?  You see those are real power phrases.  Those are spiritually powerful phrases that I think can unlock the barriers, that can help build such a powerful strong spiritual family.  I think it opens up not just doors in the house, but opens up doors in the home and the heart that can make a huge difference.  So God gives us that responsibility as fathers. 

You can always write down I Peter 3:7 as dads, as husbands it gives us straight out advice.  It tells us as husbands dwell with your wives with understanding.  With understanding and give honor to your wife.  You see if it doesn’t start with us as dads, as husbands how in the world is it going to be a right example to our children?  Because there’s no doubt – we will set an example for our kids.  Will it be a bad one or will it be a good example?  Because as dads even that little section in Peter talks about the fact that as a husband if we don’t exhibit love to our wives we can hinder their spiritual growth.  We hinder their opportunity to inherit the Kingdom of God.  I don’t want that on my shoulders, do you?  Not at all, so we’ve got to.  We’ve got to take the responsibilities that God gives us and love our wives.  Dwell with understanding, give honor to them.  Those are commands that God gives us so that our families then will become the kind of families that God wants us to have. 

So we can’t have any double standards can we?  We can’t have one thing for the kids and one thing for the parents or one thing for the dads.  If it’s right today – it’s right.  It can’t be right today and wrong tomorrow.  Those kinds of things drive kids crazy.  Or go ask your mom and the answer’s going to be different than going asking your dad.  That is a respect buster right there; that’ll undermine your entire family.  Think about it – why do we trust God?  How can we trust God?  Well, we know He’s consistent.  We know Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever.  God is absolutely consistent in everything.  He’s not a respecter of persons.  We know that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights.  Not the father of flashlights or things like that.  But it’s a good reminder for us.  Take out that flashlight, every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights in whom there is no shadow of turning; there is no variation.  He is absolutely consistent and so we can trust Him.  We can have faith in Him. 

How can our children have trust and faith in us?  Because we don’t bend the rules.  We live by those same rules we expect them to.  We don’t allow our emotions to get us carried away and do silly things.  We exhibit what’s right and boy do they take it all in.  How does dad handle that?  What does dad say when a difficult thing happens?  What does dad say when he’s under stress?  Does he snap or does he rise to the occasion?  You know as dads we can be very dogmatic about prayer and about study and we can be zealous about being at church.  And we can do all of those things, step on those kids; get them in line like they need to be.  Yeah, they do need to be in line, no doubt.  They need to have direction as we read in David’s example.  But what happens when somebody cuts us off on the highway?  You see what happens with us when somebody does us wrong?  What happens in a close game when we get beat at the last second?  What happens when we slip with the hammer and pound our own finger?  You know what comes out of us? 

And think about it – what’s going to speak louder to our children: what we say or what we do?  What we do.  I think that example, we just can’t discount it because children seem to be all eyes and we paint a picture every day with our actions and they are so quick to see our inconsistencies.  They see how fair we are, they see how we treat the other kids, well, what about this one or that one?  Boy, are there Biblical examples about treating our children the same, as much as we possibly can.  They see those things.  They take in that information.  They see how we determine things, how we make decisions, how we come to conclusions about things.  They see how we treat our friends, they know what we say about people when we’re at church; they know what we say about people when we’re not at church.  They see how courteous we are, they see how respectful we are and how we deal with our families and how we wait in the grocery line.  They see those things.  So do we live up to the same expectations that we place on them? You know are we judgmental on the very same issues we expect them to be perfect in?  You see if we’re different then we better be careful.  We better make sure that we change. 

Over in the Proverbs, maybe we should turn over to the Proverbs 20:7.  I was thinking about Father’s Day and this particular passage came to mind.  In Proverbs 20:7 it says:

Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him.

So, we have a direct connection between example and the impact on our children.  In the NIV it says “a righteous man leads a blameless life”  I like that a little bit better because it means we’re not perfect.  It means we can’t be blamed because we’re repentant, because we’re forgiven.  We make mistakes, we go before God, we repent.  Maybe we make mistakes in our family with our children.  We repent, we change and the children see that and we are blameless because we’re not to be blamed.  God doesn’t hold that over our head anymore once we repent and we change.  And once we do that it says, “blessed are his children after him” because they learn the same thing.  They learn what repentance is about. They learn what forgiveness is about and when we strive to live right spiritual lives, God says the children are blessed.  They’re blessed as well.  Some translations say their sons are blessed after them.  So I don’t think we ever want to forget that there are certainly rewards that come with the responsibilities, aren’t there?  That God promises blessings. 

Now that doesn’t always mean they’re going to be in the church.  They certainly will grow up and have to answer that call and they will have responsibilities and choices to make.  So we’re not talking about that, but it does say there are certainly blessings that come of it and so as dads boy do we have a responsibility when it comes to that.  Of course, that also means as dads sometimes we can be a little too heavy handed.  We can be a little overbearing.  We know that in Ephesians it tells us we shouldn’t provoke our children to wrath. As dads especially, Fathers don’t provoke your children to wrath, that’s Ephesians 6:4.  In fact it’s interesting how many times Ephesians comes up as you deal with a subject like this because there’s lots of instruction for families, for moms and for dads and even the kids as well. 

And so as dads we need to be mindful what Paul is telling us, what God’s inspired him to tell us because different than moms – dads leave an impact.  And if we think about it, guys, we’re not mom.  We’re not mom.  We are different than moms.  There seems to be a capability that I have, or maybe you do too, that we can aggravate our children.  We can exasperate them; we can just frustrate them to no end if we’re not careful.  Now it doesn’t mean that no isn’t no.  It doesn’t mean that the standards change, but it means that we don’t have to push them beyond what they’re capable; we don’t need to frustrate them to no end.  We can still expect standards to live by, but certainly we’ve got to make sure that we’re not just exasperating them and frustrating them.  And so, sometimes as dads we can focus in on one trait of our children and maybe one negative action, and just make it all.  And so when nail that thing, it makes our children feel like their whole life is a mess.  That they are absolutely no good if we harp on this one thing over and over and over.  It’s more than making just the point.  It is provoking them to wrath, it is exasperating them, it is frustrating them to no end so that they feel discouraged.  They feel like they can’t measure up and God certainly doesn’t want us to have our children feel that way. 

So as dads, we’ve got to control that.  We’ve got to control that frustration in our own thinking.  We’ve got to control our own anger and how it’s exhibited.  Certainly we’ve got to line out expectations, certainly we’ve got to show that we expect specific behavior, right behavior, good behavior.  Yes, we want right attitudes but as dads we’ve got to do that even while we’re punishing our children, even while we’re correcting them.  Colossians has a similar kind of phrase where it says fathers, don’t provoke your children lest they become discouraged and boy do we live in a world of discouragement.  This world we live in is so discouraging.  I think young people today face a world of discouragement and that discouragement can lead them down just a terrible path.  And in our family, the place that’s supposed to be safe, the place that’s supposed to keep them from harm, if they feel no different in our families because they’re exasperated beyond their ability, then we don’t do anything to pull them back from that cliff,  that cliff of self-worth that seems like I’m no good.  I can’t measure up, I can’t meet those expectations. And so yeah, dads, we have to walk a balancing act here.  We have to pray to God and be close to Him so that even when our kids are disciplined, even when they’re corrected, they absolutely have to know that it’s because we love them, because we care about them, because we want the best for them.  And so we certainly have to know that we love them and that they love us and that we deeply care about them. 

And so we have to convey that to them in every way we possibly can so that they know that their dad loves them.  Maybe not spoken words all the time, but it’s showing an active love, not just a passive love.  You know – “I told my kid I loved him once and if it ever changes I’ll tell him.”   It’s not that; you can’t do that.  It has to be an ongoing act of love rather than just a passive thing for our kids.  Because think about it.  Maybe you or your family that you grew up in wasn’t like that.  Maybe they didn’t understand God’s will; they didn’t understand His way.  Well, we have an extra battle to fight then because we’ve got to overcome our own upbringing in order to stop that cycle because if we don’t what are they going to be like when they grow up?  It’ll be like the Harry Chapin song – my boy is just like me,  and not for the good, not for the good.  And so we’ve got to make sure that we are showing that and if our children were like a billboard what would be written across their face?  I believe it would be show me that you care.  Show me that you care, be the right example. 

One other thing I think we can talk about for just a moment that kind of ties in with example, with living that example.  It’s living by the right values,  living by true values, the true Godly values because there is an interesting command.  Sometimes we just think of it maybe as an idea, but I think it can be taken as a command.  It’s Proverbs 22:6, you probably know it by heart once we start it.  It says:

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go…and then it says…and when he is old he will not depart from it.

So, God gives us a command to train up a child in the right way, by the right values.  And isn’t it, I think it’s fairly true that if we do a halfway decent job, maybe not perfect job, we do a reasonable job don’t children grow up to ultimately adopt the kind of values, maybe the kind of standards that we have as parents?  Now once again I’m not saying they’re all going to be in the church.  They have decisions that they have to make when it comes to some of those things.  I believe that they’re being called by God, but I do believe that even when it feels like we’re not getting through, especially to our teenagers, we’re not getting through.  We have a tendency to think ahhhh what’s the use?  This is ridiculous; I’m not getting anywhere.  I’m just wasting my time, but I think when we stick to a good game plan and we stick to those true values, I think it does point them to blessings.  It does point, like Proverbs 20 was saying, like Proverbs 22 says, they will be blessed.

Because it is kind of interesting when you read this we often think about training our children.  We’re thinking about disciplining our children, we’re thinking about showing them.  There is an interesting explanation to this passage when it comes to the section that says train up a child in the way he should go.  Well, we automatically thing that he should be in the church, he should be living by God’s standards, and all of those kinds of things which is true and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that understanding.  But it seems that in the original wording that this is referring to not in the way he should go, but his way; the child’s way rather than the way.

Ok, now what would that impact when we think about it in that sense.  Train up a child literally according to his bent and when he’s old he won’t depart from it.  Or in other words, wise parents recognize our children’s abilities.  They recognize their talents; they recognize their attributes, their aptitudes, what they’re good at.  What are children good at?  If you’ve had more than one child you see they’re good at different kinds of things.  They have their own talents, they have their natural abilities and so do we as good dads and good moms help our children to develop their natural talents and abilities?  I think that’s what this verse is speaking to.  Do we help our kids to develop their own natural talents and abilities to the best they possibly can?  Because we’ve all seen parents who have to live their lives through their children.  I had a friend whose son had to be the starting quarterback on the team because he was an amazing athlete who flunked out himself in high school so now he’s living through his son.  Pushing his son to be that guy that  he could never be.  But guess what?  It never worked.  He wasn’t that good of an athlete, it wasn’t working.  But he pushed him and pushed him and pushed him until their relationship fell apart because he could never measure up to what his dad wanted.  That wasn’t the ability that he was given.  He didn’t have that natural bent, but his father failed to see it. But as Godly parents, God’s telling us here to recognize our children’s abilities, and their gift’s and their potential and help them to develop it to the very full.  That’s what God wants us to do. 

Now how do we do that?  How do we do that?  How do we live that true values?  How do we make a difference in our children’s lives?  We could even ask the children. We could ask the young adults.  What makes the difference between a happy and successful life, and a life that could end up in failure?  We all know the kids would answer, “Lectures, just yell at us and we’ll finally get it.”  Right?  Now, that’s not going to cut it and that’s not what Proverbs 22 is saying, not what Proverbs 20 was telling us.  In fact, there’s even a more powerful one that’s a great reminder.  It’s in Deuteronomy 6; it’s a familiar one as well.  Deuteronomy 6:5 it starts with Dad, as head of the household, certainly is connected to mom because she’s under this responsibility as well.  Deuteronomy 6:5 I think gives us that vital key to living by right values.  It starts by saying: 

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,…See, God isn’t just any old God, he’s our God he’s my God.  As moms and dads he has to be my God and I have to exhibit the love that I have for God.  It says…… with all your soul, and with all your strength…And as a result it says…“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.See it starts with us, then it says…You shall teach them diligently to your children…and that’s not talking about just lecturing them is it?  Because we could teach them, they could memorize it and as soon as they’re 18 they’re out of here.  They’re out of your family, they’re out of your life.  Now, I’m not saying that they don’t have responsibilities, that they don’t have choices, but there is this connection.  Sometimes we drive them that way; sometimes we try to bend them with their career, we try to bend them in their activities of their sports or their music or whatever it may be to what we want them to be.  And we want to make them little mini-me’s and God says that doesn’t work.  So instead He tells us we put God first in our lives and we teach them.  And how do we teach them?  It says here when we talk about them when we sit in the house when we’re relaxing, when we’re just eating….and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

You see when we plan family activities together, when we do things together.  It’s not just talking about sitting down in the classroom and lecturing them, not that sometimes we’ve got to do that too.  Sometimes we do have to do that, but here He’s talking about practical, hands on, down to earth applying God’s way to whatever comes up in life.  Of course, if we’re not together we’re not going to have those opportunities so it takes so much more than just this – well, I went to church and we were all together when we went there on the Sabbath.  We know that’s not the way, it’s got to be our regular practice.  It’s got to be our life all week long, every day of the week.  So it becomes then not just something we do, but it is our life, it is our way, it is our way of life because it’s certainly a myth to think that TV or computers or video games are the best babysitters of all.  We know that’s not it, that is not it especially with our preteens.  Boy can that be a difficult thing.  But here we find God telling us about His kind of classroom; the kind of classroom that as dads we have the privilege to be the instructor in those classrooms.  And so we can do that very thing in the classroom of life.  We can be different.

 It’s kind of like the little boy went to school and asked his teacher about how life began.  And the teacher said, “Well, we are all evolved.  We came from monkeys you know, we evolved.”  He went home and said to dad, “Dad, how did people come about?”  Well, dad said, “God created us.  God made Adam and Eve and all of mankind came through them.”  The little boy was a little confused.  He said, “Dad, my teacher said we evolved from monkeys and you say that God made us.  Why is that?”  The dad just looked at his little boy and said, “Listen, I told you about the origin of our family, your teacher told you about the history of his family.”

See we get to teach our kids.  We have the opportunity to be the instructor, to be that classroom teacher of life and so they’ll see how we work through problems.  They’ll see how we weigh the pros and cons of making decisions with our money; how to earn it, how to work for it, how to spend it.  How to resolve conflict – we have that opportunity and so as we do this we can exhibit the kind of true values that God certainly wants us to and we’re told right here that we have that God given responsibility.  We have the authority from God and not only authority but we also have the responsibility to teach and to train.  And so we can even ask ourselves how committed am I to the true values – the true value of honesty, the true value of hard work, the true value of loyalty, and courage and respect?  That also includes the ability to admit when I’m wrong, to admit that I messed up, that I failed.  And I learn from those mistakes and I go on and I have an attitude that God wants me to have.  I want to be a servant and I’m striving to be that kind of guy.  I’m reaching – reaching out for others, reaching and striving to live God’s way, to do my work and to be sure there’s time to play.  And that I have a right view of the world around me and I think when we do these things we are real.  We are real; we are who we are no matter where it is.  Whether it’s at church or whether it’s at home or whether it’s at work and we love our wife and we love our children.

So, if our children were a billboard I think they would say, “Dad, show me you care – live true values.”  And I believe if we begin just with these three very simple but really profound keys, we begin to see a picture of our heavenly Father, don’t we?  Because God exhibits all of these things we emulate Him, right?  He is our God and there’s a wonderful Psalm that’s almost like a little prayer.  It’s in Psalm 143:10 and that little Psalm says:

Psalm 143:10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.

So, not only show me, but teach me…but teach me.  And we have that right and responsibility that God’s given us as Godly husbands and fathers.  So, let’s be there for our families.  Let’s be sure that we imitate Christ and follow Him as living the right example and let’s at all times be sure we are exhibiting true values in our lives.  And as we do those things we really are imitating our great God; and as we do that there is no doubt we can be effective, loving fathers.