Marriage Changes Everything

Marriage is a God-ordained institution that fundamentally alters two of our most basic activities, family life, and sexuality. Sex, reproduction, raising offspring, the family life that arises from these activities are not necessarily unique to humans.

Every creature carries within itself a biological imperative to reproduce through some form of sexual activity. Many of what we tend too consider the higher life forms on earth actively raise their offspring… some even to the extent of having what could be considered families… the lion’s pride, the birds that build their nests and lay their young, the wolf’s pack, the elephant’s herd, the gorilla's tribe… but one of the things that set’s mankind apart from the rest of God’s creation is the institution of marriage.

Animals have mating rituals as a means of proving their worthiness to be a mate and to reproduce… (as do humans).  But there is no ceremony, there are no vows made before witnesses, no covenant, no enforcement of that covenant by conscience or community laws. And so marriage sets mankind apart from the rest of creation as creatures made in the very image of God, made to be a reflection of Him, made to take on His very nature, and ultimately to be brought into His Family.

Marriage is a sign and a living demonstration of God’s character as the great covenant maker… and the faithful covenant keeper. The institution of marriage transforms human sexuality and family life by setting them in a Godly context of faithfulness, loyalty, self-giving love, oneness… in short LOVE.

We live in strange times

There was a time when sex outside the boundaries of marriage was a definite no-no. Yep, right here in the good old U.S.A. fornication, adultery, divorce were dealt with very strictly… in a way similar to the instructions God has revealed in scripture. BUT, you would hardly know it by looking around at our nation today.

Some of us who are a bit older have witnessed sex outside of marriage go from strictly taboo/illicit/illegal justified in cases where true love is presentàto a purely recreational activity with virtually no connection to the idea of pursuing a loving relationship.

So… let's get down to some basic principles:

Marriage is a God Ordained Institution

Marriage is not something that mankind dreamed up of his own accord. It's not something that has evolved out of biological necessity or came about from mankind’s own thinking. Marriage is a way of doing and a way of thinking about sex and family that comes directly from God.

Gen 2:24

Mankind has taken the basic institution and twisted it into all kinds of weird shapes, through polygamy, divorce, remarriage and so forth.

Matthew 19:4-8 Jesus sets the record straight as to what the original intent was… one man, one woman, and the two bind together as one… loyal to one another, faithful to one another and exclusive to one another.

God is a Family

Through scripture and through history God reveals/shows Himself to humanity in many ways… Creator, Protector, Master, Conquering King, Teacher, Lover, Husband (YHWH took Israel as a bride)… but our understanding of God went to a new level when Jesus showed up. For in addition to all the many goals accomplished through the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ He also came to show us God as a Family.

 

John 1:1-5 – Word = logos, spokesman, revelator, idea made manifest etc

                        1) Separate 2) Self-existing 3) Eternal

Verse 14 – Came to live among mankind… as Son of Man

Verse 18 – through the Son we come to know the Father

Verse 34 – that person is witnessed & recorded in history as the man Jesus

Matt 11:27 (Luke 10:22)

Matt 3:17 – Witness of the Father to John the Baptist

Matt 17:5 – Witness of the Father to key disciples

John 17:1 – Jesus (praying) acknowledges God “Father”

With the understanding that God is actually a family, we can look back at the record of mankind’s creation with better understanding of what is really going on.

God’s Purpose is to Expand His Family Through Mankind

A fundamental teaching of the church of God is that God’s purpose or better yet the God Family’s purpose is to:

1. Beget and raise children through the Holy Spirit, teaching them and rearing them in the ways of the family
2. To bring them into the fullness of son-ship in the God family through resurrection
3. To give them an incorruptible spirit body that will be members of the image of the God Family both character and spirit…  (of like kind)
4. To dwell together in harmonious unity and share the universe together forever more

Some of our published literature summarize by saying “God is reproducing Himself”

What about marriage… where does marriage fit into this plan? If we just want a model of God reproducing Himself wouldn’t the animal model work just as well?

Gen 1:26 – “let us” – more than one being here… we know now from hindsight that this is the God Family at work here!

 

But if we look deeper we also see the very first human marriage and a pattern that was meant to help mankind experience, and by experiencing it to better understand family life & sexual reproduction… from God’s perspective. 

We find two separate beings, similar… yet not the same sharing the common goal of increasing and multiplying through reproduction… joined together, no longer two but ONE FLESH… in other words, marriage.

What is it that Marriage Adds to Human Family & Sexuality?

Marriage is a contract, a promise of future behavior… in God talk à a covenant.

            Community event – performed in front of witnesses from the community

            Faithfulness

            Fidelity

            Unity/oneness (one flesh)

            Structure

I will be faithful and loyal to you, I will become one with you, I will maintain purity and fidelity within our relationship, I will accept the God-ordained structure of authority and submission, I will bear and raise children with you, I will promise to do all these things in front of many witnesses.

Our commitment to our marriage covenant reflects God’s character as the great covenant maker… and the faithful covenant keeper. The institution of marriage transforms human sexuality and family life and places them on a higher level… a Godly level.

Marriage as a Covenant

Malachi 2:14-16 human marriage spoken of as a covenant

Ezekiel 16:8 marriage as a picture of YHWH’s covenant with Israel

Romans 7:1 new covenant spoken of in terms of a marriage

Rev 19:7 Christ’s relationship to the church spoke of in terms of a marriage

Ephesians 5: 21-33

Faithfulness Loyalty & Commitment

Proverbs 30:18 The romance, physical and psychological chemistry that kick off a relationship are wonderful, strange & exciting. But they are also fragile and transitory… because people change, you change.

To survive a relationship requires commitment, faithfulness, and loyalty. And, this is what love is all about. And this is what the covenant of marriage adds.

God could have left mankind without marriage… we would still reproduce. Male would seek out female, children would still be born. Men might stick around and help rear their offspring… but he might not. Parents might stick together as long as the practical needs of their children existed… but they might not. Without commitment, faithfulness or loyalty of marriage women, children, men would ever be free from the fear of being replaced by a stronger, more appealing, more fertile competitor… or just plain abandoned.

And when we abandon the blessing of marriage that God has given us this is what we get… a world of fearful uncertainty, alienation, and confusion. But it’s not what God intended.

Marriage Gives Structure To Human Family & Sexuality

Within the human family, our marriage covenant provides a structure of authority and submission.

1. This God-ordained structure of authority means we are not always fighting and struggling over who is in charge. (discuss merit, consensus)
2. The proper application of authority and submission within the family is that of mutual self-giving love, care, affection… note: the instruction on this matter in Ephesians urges wives to submit to their husbands but it doesn’t turn around and say husbands RULE your wives… God says “Husbands, love your wives” after the example of Christ.

Once again we see the institution of marriage adding a dimension to human family life that reflects the values of the God Family, and the God Families way of doing things Phil 2:5-8.

Marriage also establishes a clear structure for human sexuality… Sex outside of marriage is forbidden.

Exodus 22:16 by engaging sexually with an unmarried woman a man was taking her as wife… so premarital sex either didn’t exist (because the couple was considered as good as married already and really only had to go through the formalities) or it was considered harlotry which is soundly condemned throughout both the Old Testament and the New Testament scriptures.

What is Sex Without Marriage?

Sex is meant to reproduce… it’s a built-in biological urge which guarantees the survival of the species. TRUE… but talking about humans as if we were mere animals is foolishness because we are not.

I Cor 6:12-20

What is Sex Without Faithfulness, Loyalty à Commitment

I’ll try you on for size but I’m keeping my options open

I’ll stick with you until or unless something better comes along

I’m committed to you as long as I still find you attractive

But now we’ve got…

Hey, we’ve both got needs… let’s hook up J

But outside of the marriage covenant with its promises of loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, and commitment human sexuality becomes a process of users using other users. And when they have no further use for that person they just throw them away… or perhaps its you who gets thrown away.

People rationalize with talk of biological needs, natural healthy urges… which of course must be fulfilled like eating or going to the bathroom. But it is foolish and deceitful to talk of man as if he were a mere natural animal... because we are not.

Case in point: man pursues sex for the sheer pleasure of it… animals do not. One of the scientific drives of the 20th century was to create a reliable form of birth control allowing humans to enjoy sexual pleasure without reproduction.

This ability to appreciate sex for the sheer pleasure of it is from God I Cor 7:3-5 (refer to the Song of Solomon). Where mankind goes horribly wrong is to pursue this pleasure for selfish desires rather than to love the other as we love our own selves, to care for them, and become one with them in a setting of faithfulness, loyalty, and commitment. 

Becoming One

One of the goals of a Godly human family life, marriage and sexuality is to provide a safe place for us to learn about dwelling together with others in oneness both physically and spiritually “one body, one spirit”.

Gen 2:18 implies that when he was alone he was incomplete

Verses 21-25 “she was part of him and he was part of her”

She was like him… of the same flesh… yet separate from him, unique yet a perfect fit for him. And because of this, they were drawn together to become one flesh

Eph 5:31-33 Becoming one flesh in marriage pictures the spiritual oneness previously discussed

John 17:13-24 – oneness & unity in love is the nature, essence, spirit, quality of the God Family relationship

God wants mankind to experience family life, to enjoy unity and oneness with other flesh and blood beings as a foretaste of what He has in store for us. Done right marriage, family and sex can help us better understand God’s incredible plan to bring “many sons to glory” to enjoy oneness and unity within His family, to dwell together forever more… with no more tears, sorrow, or fear of abandonment… firmly fixed in a setting of loyalty, faithfulness, commitment…love.