Sermon Transcript — June 26, 2004
Time magazine had an article that I think was profound and I'd like to read it to you. It's just a couple of paragraphs because it begins to amplify what I'd like to talk about today in the sermon. The author says: "Most ethics become important when the roof falls in. Large sections of the nations ethical roofing have been sagging badly from the political arena to churches, schools, industries, medical centers, law firms, stock brokers, pressing down on the institutions and enterprises that make up the body and blood of America. There is a widespread sense of moral disarray. Once there was a traditional language of public discourse based partly on biblical sources and partly on republican sources (that is where our country came from and what we believed as our forefathers taught us) but that language has fallen into disuse leaving the American society with no moral lingua franca. As one man said, we had a traditional set of standards that have been challenged and found wanting and no longer fashionable. Now there doesn't seem to be any more moral landmarks. In a recent poll for Time more than 90% of the respondents agreed that morals have fallen because parents failed to take responsibility for their children or to imbue them with decent moral standards. 76% saw the lack of ethics in businessmen as contributing to tumbling moral standards and 74% decried failure by political leaders to set a good example."
You know what? That was written in April 1987. I though it was interesting to note how things haven't changed. While things do change, things remain so much the same that it's kind of sad to see what has happened and I believe we recognize that these transgressions that we're reading about show a general shunning of values that Americans have always held dear.
So what I'd like to do today in the sermon, I'd like to not talk about child rearing or child development but I'd like to talk a little bit about our need to understand some very basic principles and be reminded again of those very basic principles because today is a special day for our children and I think it's a good day to just simply focus on the fact that we are growing. We have like I say over 50 children now attending with family and I think we need to talk a little bit about these things.
So my question today to all of us in this room: What do I owe my children? What do I owe my children? I'd like to talk about the topic of: What do I really owe my children? I think a lot of us who are grandparents look back on our lives and things that we've done with our children and our grandchildren. I think many of us as parents have children who have grown older and perhaps they've already been sprung into their own particular family and then of course some now have smaller children, younger children and some of us with teenagers. So I'd like to ask the question and deal with the question today: What do I really owe my children? You know the prophecies, you know what the bible says was going to happen at the time of the end and how prophecies would show in II Timothy 3 a spiraling degeneration in the ethics and the moral values of human nature. We understand that, we recognize Matthew 24 what the bible says, the love of many would wax cold. We also recognize that after you've been hearing these things for such a long time that one can become very dull of hearing and forgetful of some very basic, serious principles that God has set in motion. So let's talk about some of those today. Let's evaluate a few of them, let's talk about what the world outside is experiencing and what the bible says we should be experiencing. Today I'm going to take you to some people who have dealt with a serious number of problems like this and have come to conclusions that many of which are biblically based and I find it most interesting how many of them are really principles that are found in the pages of the bible. So today I'm going to take the witness of two different sets of people and I'm going to take the biblical principles that we believe in and put them all together to show you that what the world has said by their experience that the bible principles really are the only things that really do work. They're really the only things that really do work and while they don't put them in the exact words that I may put them in today, I think we recognize that they are seeing, they have seen and they recognize that there is a great need for us to follow those basic principles as we work with our families.
I'd like you to turn with me over to II Peter, chapter 2 beginning in verse 6. We read about a man whose name was Lot. Sometimes we look at Lot as being a man who had some problems because of what the bible reveals happened to him after he left Sodom and Gomorrah but there's something very interesting about the words concerning this man while he lived in Sodom and the realization that he went through. This begins actually going through talking about false prophets in the first verse, it talks about bringing damnable heresies and that they would make merchandise of God's people in verse 3 and then he began to talk about how God was going to deal with them because He didn't spare the world of the angels, He didn't spare the world of Noah, He didn't save the world of Sodom and Gomorrah but He dealt with all of them just as He will deal with these false teachers and it says:
II Peter 2:7 And He delivered just Lot, who was vexed with the filthy conduct of the wicked.
Verse 8: For that righteous man dwelling among them, in seeing and hearing, vexed his righteous soul from day to day with their unlawful deeds.
Now people don't understand that while we saw his problems later and the things that happened when he did get drunk and he did do things that were wrong before that time living in Sodom, he saw, he perceived, he discerned, he was not like the frog in the water, he understood what was going on in his world and he was tormented by the conduct of those around him, seeing and hearing the deeds of Sodom and Gomorrah; an abominable society that God ultimately destroyed by fire. So we recognize that he saw reality and he saw the comparisons that needed to be looked at in a society that was going down so fast that it was hard to follow it in such a tailspin that it was going through.
The book of Ezekiel chapter 9 and verse 4. Let's notice what Ezekiel chapter 9 and verse 4 said about the people in the area of Jerusalem. Ezekiel writes the following words:
Ezekiel 9:4 And the Lord said unto him, Go through the midst of the city, through the midst of Jerusalem, and set a mark upon the foreheads of the men that sigh and that cry for all the abominations that are done in the midst of it.
He said there was a very special mark that somehow God put upon those individuals who saw and perceived and were deeply moved and hurt by what they saw. They sighed and they cried over the abominations that were committed in their midst. And so a mark was placed on them. What kind of mark? I don't know but it was placed on their foreheads so they would be protected when the city was destroyed, when the city was dealt with by the angels of God and with the human beings who finally came in to destroy that part of the world.
So we recognize that sometimes the values and the concepts of morality as a nation become very fuzzy. That's what we saw in the article that I read from in 1987. Sometimes under the bombardment like we have today of T.V. and movies and examples of the constant deterioration of ethics and values all around us that things become fuzzy. Values of morality are lowered or dropped so people think perhaps a little bit less of those things, they don't keep them sharp and in their mind. So we recognize that we have to continually be reminded of what God's word says. I do believe that one of the things the bible says very specifically is to continue to be reminded and to have our minds brought back to those basic principles that we should be living with. We find that there are ethics that God has set in motion for our good; the principles dealing with good and with bad. I think we have to be able to understand what's good, what's bad, what is our moral duty and our obligation. What are our principles of conduct that we should have as a human being? We have values that we hold as a church. They are distinctive in their character. They are rules of conduct by which we live as human beings and they should be a part of our private life and they should be a part of our public life.
So today what I'd like to do is I'd like to specifically pose three questions for you and to answer those questions hopefully in the time that I have left in the sermon. Let's ask the first question. What does the Church of God owe you? What does the Church of God owe you? Number two; what does the ministry of Jesus Christ owe you? Number three; what do you owe your family and your children because you see they're all a part of the same thing? What do we owe you? What do you owe your family and your children?
I thought it was interesting; we some years ago had a lady that wrote in Chicago for the Sun Times. She took thousands upon thousands of letters that she received to answer the question: "What do I owe my children? What do I owe my family?" Her name was Ann Landers. She probably was one of the most well known of all of the writers of lovelorn columns and columns that have to do with giving advice and giving help to people. Her daughter apparently carried on with the same column that she had written but this particular woman had literally thousands upon thousands of letters that she received to answer the question that I began with. What do you really owe your children?
I'd like to show you something about what she had to say because I do believe that when you look at it, she boiled it down to six basic principles. Those six basic principles I do believe have place in God's church. This is a lady who had seen and experienced a world that she was living in and I do believe that she showed us what she came to realize and understand. So give me about five minutes to share with you what this particular lady said in an article that she wrote for Family Circle. This goes back when she was still alive.
She said: "What do you really owe your children?" She said: "Parents bend over backwards to relate to their children in their hunger for approval; they make outrageous financial sacrifices so their children will have every known advantage. Parents turn into willing victims of the gimme game, complying with every request, only to discover that no matter what they do, it isn't enough." She says: "You don't owe your children chauffer service, ski outfits, or even a college education. You do owe them something."
She said: "In all the letters that she wrote, she said you owe them consistency in discipline and a sense of personal worth." She boiled it down with the six points, the two basic principles; consistency in discipline and a sense of personal worth. She goes on to say that in the end parents are despised for their gutlessness and blame for when there is trouble. But she says in essence you don't owe them these things, what you do owe them is something that you and I call values and ethics that are based on principles of the bible, and they are principles that you and I follow; we strive to follow and that we strive to teach our children. She said in the six points; let's begin with the first one: She said: "Do parents owe their children anything? Yes, they owe them a great deal. One of the chief obligations is to give their children a sense of personal worth."
Number one: She said: "Give them a sense of personal worth." Valuing a person.
A younger person who is put down and criticized and made to feel stupid inept and constantly compared with brothers and sisters and cousins who do better will become so unsure and terrified of failing that he or she won't try at all. The child is repeatedly called bad or naughty or no good will have such a low opinion of him or herself that he or she may eventually behave in a way that justifies the parents description. It was interesting in growing up I had several relatives that believed that what would happen to all of my cousins and so forth that they would all be successes but when it came to Richard, he was in bad shape, we don't know what's going to happen to him, he'll probably end up working in some mediocre job in some particular place, somewhere in this society. It's kind of interesting to see what happened when God opened my mind and gave me an opportunity to be a part of His church. Again, those are principles that you see that when you hear these people saying these things, you tend to want to either try harder or you tend to go according to what they believe about you.
So number one that she said what she saw in all of these letters is that you have to give a sense of personal worth. You have to value a person. You have to be willing to work with them and to show them those concerns and rightly so and be with them in the sense of the word of a very positive outlook with your children.
Number two: She said: "Of course children should be corrected and set straight." But she said: "Criticism should be heavily outweighed by praise. I once suggested to a mother who's bright but unmotivated eleven year old son was flunking nearly every subject that she listen carefully for one whole day to every word she said to him." The mother reported after her experiment that she was appalled. "I had no idea I never spoke to Jimmy except to admonish him or to order him to do something." I thought that was interesting. Some parents find it difficult to verbalize approval of their children even though they think well of them. Parents who cannot praise them with words should show their approval in other ways; a smile, a caress, and touching is very important. I think we call it skin hunger. I think we understand that.
Number three: She said: "In all the thousands of letters that she received, parents owe their children some religious training;" or as we say, spiritual training. If they had it themselves it provided comfort and strength and a sense of identity. She said: "I'm convinced the children need the emotional support of religion today more than ever." Now she uses religion in a broader sense of the word. We don't look at it in the same way, we look at it in the sense of a way of life that we follow. But number three, of all of the letters and all of the things she saw the need to have some form of religious training. Why? Because there's a definition of good and there is a definition of right and a definition of wrong, and a definition of evil and the principles that are found in the pages of the bible. Whether you cut the bible in half and only use the New Testament or whether you simply use the epistles of Paul like some people do, the point was that there was a sense of value. Something that was lasting, that was xxed upon the minds of those children. We'll talk a little bit more about that in just a moment.
Number four: I thought this was most interesting. Parents owe their children a comfortable feeling about their bodies and sufficient information about sex to counteract the misinformation they will inevitably pick up on the street. They also need, they owe their children privacy and respect for their personal belongings. I thought that was interesting as well. As the child grows older they need to have their own private place, in that right sense of the word and I think you understand what I mean by that. But a lot of people don't do that; people leave it to others to do that sort of thing.
Number five: They owe their children a set of decent standards and solid values around which to build a life. This means teaching your children to respect the opinions and the rights of others. It also means being respectful of elders, their teachers and the law. Interesting. That was one of the major areas that she emphasized in this particular article about the need to have a decent set of standards and solid values around which to build your life.
Number six: The last one that she gave, she said simply: "When parents keep their promises, no matter what the cost, they teach their children the importance of honoring a commitment. A father who brings home tools from the factory and a mother whose linen closet is stocked with hotel towels lets their children know it's all right to steal. A child who is lied to will lie. A child who is slapped and punched will punch and slap others. A youngster who hears no laughter and sees no love in the home will have a difficult time laughing and loving. To put it another way, it's setting an example for them, they simply live what they learn." She said in conclusion to her article about all of the letters that she had had and the bottom line was: "No child asked to be born, if you bring a life into this world, you owe him or her something and if you give your youngsters their due, they in turn will have something of value to give your grandchildren." So I thought it was a very interesting article but it was based on the thousands and thousands of letters that she had gone through and this was her final thought in that sense of the word, summing it all up in those six points that she gave to the entirety of the world through Family Circle at that time.
I want you to turn with me to Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 6. There is a promise here, a promise that sometimes is misunderstood by people. It does not deal with the calling into the church. It does not deal with the I Corinthians 7 concept. It deals simply with a principle. It deals simply with the principle and that is what we're talking about today. I gave you six basic Ann Lander's principles that she learned by reason of dealing with the thousands of people and answering the questions that these individuals had in the years that she was a columnist. Notice what is stated by Solomon. He said:
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Now that particular scripture simply has a greater meaning than being called into the church. It has to do with the instilling of basic values. I think we recognize that when a person comes to fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years of age, they will test those values. They will find out whether they really do work or not. You will find that in the early years of teens, you will see people testing those individual qualities that they have been bought up with. So we as members of God's church, we as fathers and mothers and as teachers and guides and helpers of our children need to understand that when we hold fast to those basic principles and by ongoing teaching and working with our children, we are training them up, we are what we call hedging them up or in a systematic way we are teaching them and narrowing them up in the way that they should go. You and I can do that through two different aspects. One we teach values and number two we live values.
So the writings of Solomon simply said very simply: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. It's talking about simply when you impart those values and they go from just being superficial or on the surface and they begin to be driven down deeper and deeper and deeper into the psyche as we use an expression when they begin to be written on the heart of an individual, they become a part of the reflections of the things that they have learned and they have become.
I can tell you this that I was singing a song the other morning, just after taking a shower and getting ready to put my clothes on. I was singing a song and I hadn't sung that song since I was in the Baptist church and that was (I'm not going to tell you how many years that is, that's very bad but I can tell you this; it was over 50 years ago) and I was singing that song and I said: "Where did that come from?" "Where did that come from?" It was not biblically wrong but all of a sudden, I'm singing. Now you might wonder why I sing in the morning? Well everything is down hill from there so I get my good stuff early in the morning and then from there who knows what's going to happen? But I was singing it and I say to myself: "What's going on?" It was part of my programming growing up as a young person. We had singalongs at that time in the church where we were and those singalongs became a part of my thinking and my being and all of a sudden it popped out and I'm saying: "Wow." Then I began to think about my mother who was probably the trainer or was she the nag? I wasn't sure sometime because when you're a teenager you thought she was nagging you, you understand that because at that time you know little boys as they grow older get irritated by mom and dad telling them what to do. But I began to realize that she had said things to me that they pop out in just in the last few years and I say: "Where did that come from?" Then I say: "Oh yeah, I remember, that was mom nagging me about something that I needed to do." It's been etched on my mind and something triggered me to come back to that. I don't know how but all of a sudden, boom out it came and it was exciting to realize that some of the things that I had learned from her going back to that time are still there. I'd like to get them out a little bit more because I can't remember half of the ones that are in there but the point is that it was interesting to note how an unusual circumstance allowed it to come out in a song and then from there it opened up a thought about what she had said years and years ago. So what I found was the fact that she taught me values. My father taught me the value of work, my mother taught me the value of principles in the bible because she believed in what the bible said. She lived by them. They both lived by certain principles that they had and so the end result was some of that was etched on my mind and now it comes back and it comes back in judgment, it comes back in the way we handle things in life. So it's a unique process that is going on when the spirit in man has programmed to it something from these experiences.
Let's go over to Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4. The apostle Paul talks about scripture that talks first of all in the first section about children obeying your parents in the Lord, honoring them, it's the first commandment with promise, you know that particular thing. We'll get to that sometime this summer in another sermon that I'm preparing right now on child development in the early years but I think this particular one I want to focus on is verse 4 simply from the point of view of teaching principles, teaching values, living those values. Notice what it says:
Ephesians 6:4 And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, (he says in another place, I think Colossians, it says: less they be discouraged but here it says:) but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Now what does it mean to nurture? I think it's just simply a broad sense of education, it's a broad sense of instruction; it's repeated in that sense of the word admonition. It's a constantly going over again and again these principles. The admonition that is found here means simply putting into the mind. Encouragement by training through the word of speaking and I think this becomes a very important point.
Now the bible is filled with principles. If you really come down to the overall Christian concept it is that we learn the principle and apply the principle in both the letter and in the spirit. Principles practiced create a pattern of behavior. Principles practiced create a pattern of behavior and this is what it is telling us here in verse 4 that when you have this nurturing and when you have this admonition, it is just a training process by which you will see the individual is being taught over and over and over again those basic principles. Now we're going to see that in just a moment in the way that it should be done.
This is I Timothy. Let's go over I Timothy for a moment and read how God does this with us. How God rears His children. This is the apostle Paul speaking to Timothy. He said:
I Timothy 4:11 These things command and teach.
Verse 12: Let no man despise your youth but be you an example of the believers in word and conduct (Now he starts out with word meaning what you say and you're always supposed to speak the pure word of God and secondly your conduct should follow, your conduct should follow what you say. I think the principle is you know, do as I say and not as I do because sometimes people don't do what they should be doing. But the principle of the apostle Paul is be an example in word and conduct. Then he said:) in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Other examples of principles that should be followed.
This is the way God rears us by word and by deed. We teach values, we live values and I think those two principles are very important. You've heard the statement; example is worth a thousand words. An example is worth a thousand words. I think was it Ralph Emerson who said: "I cannot hear what you're saying because what you are shouts above what you are saying." I think we recognize the importance of people who say and do. The best thing that you can have someone say about you is that you not only say it but you do it and I think these are very, very important.
We're told that there are three laws that impart the ability to remember and to make knowledge or values or ethics a part of our innermost being. There are three laws and according to what I have read over the years, these are probably the three greatest laws that are a part of the nature of man. They're a part of the nature of God in the sense of the word of these laws that are for our good. There are three of them. One is called repetition, the second law is called impression, and the third law is called association. Now with those three laws we begin to understand how things become a part of us as a human being. It's a part of the teaching of God's church, it's a part of the teaching of parents. Let's go over them for just a moment.
Point number one is called repetition or repeated teachings. Number two it is perceptions or impressions; that which is impressed upon you either positively or negatively. Then number three associations or what we call comparison. God intends for us to do that. The bible is filled with all three of these. But I'd like to go over this in a biblical prospective today and just start by showing you the importance of how God said this should be done beginning first of all in the letter and then in the principles of how we apply them. Let's go to Deuteronomy chapter 6 to begin with in verse 4. A scripture that we have seen many, many times but we'll go over the principle that is found here because verse 7 is the key to this. The number one point that I'm going to cover here is called repetitions. Notice what it says:
Deuteronomy 6:4 Hear O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord,
Verse 5: And thou shall love the Lord thy God with all your heart and with all thy soul and with all thy might.
Verse 6: And these words which I command thee this day, shall be in your heart;
Now when you talk about heart it's perhaps a little bit more than being in the mind. It has to do with your innermost being, it becomes a part of your being, it becomes that which is etched inside of you. Notice what it says in verse 7:
Verse 7: And you shall teach them diligently unto your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Now if you go back and read the original Hebrew it says this: "You shall love them in by repetition." That's actually what the word actually means. It means it's kind of like a knife that cuts, it sharpens, it goes down deep inside. For instance, you've got a piece of steel and you want to etch something on that steel. You take something else that is as hard as that steel and you begin to rub back and forth until you etch into that steel what you want. You want an etching from that particular sharp instrument. This is what it says in verse 7: "You shall rub them in by repetition." That's what the Hebrew word actually means here. It means that when you begin to teach and you work with something you begin by making it a part of an individual and the more you teach it the more you give it, the deeper it goes. How many times have you remembered in years gone by the teaching of the two trees? How many times have you remembered in years gone by the teaching about the spirit in man? I remember in 1956 I sat in Shakespeare club and over and over and over again the man talked about why were you born? I kept saying after about two years, well let's get on with something else! You know how you laugh and kid about that which comes back and you say today: "Man would I love to hear about the two trees again," because a lot of people walked away from that. They walked away from the spirit in man, they walked away from why you were born. But the man kept doing that. He just kept hammering and hammering and hammering. I described him as a man who would grind you to powder with that sort of thing and I didn't know why at that time. But he was going back to those basic things and he would say: "I'm going to preach the trunk of the tree and you guys can preach the branches and the twigs," and he did and that for me became a very important principle in child development because as you teach a child, you also teach your congregation. You also teach the fundamental things and from there you build into what we would call the branches or the twigs but you always come back to the rubbing in by repetition that basic principle that you find in the word of God.
Now the apostle Paul made this comment as well. Let's go over to II Timothy chapter 4 and just read very quickly what the apostle Paul said about this very principle of repetition.
II Timothy 4:1 I charge you, therefore, before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the living and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom:
Verse 2: Preach the word; be instant in season and out of season; (which he means simply keep at the very basic things that you're supposed to be doing, you repeat, you repeat, you repeat. Sometimes I remembered with my own mother I'd say: "I'm getting sick of hearing her say this" and now I'm not so sick because it pops up out of nowhere but it was etched, etched, etched and it almost drives you, you know as a young teenager insane, that's the only word I can use for it but I began to realize that this was the way that as we say, we got it. The same thing happened in the early years of the college when we were there. So he says preach it over and over) reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.
Turn over to II Peter 1, it's the same principle here. In verses 2 through 4 he talks about how we are to gain knowledge.
Verse 3: According as his divine power has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who has called us to glory and virtue;
Verse 4: By which are given to us exceedingly great and precious promise, that by these you might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
Now follow all the way through to verse 10. This is Peter talking now and he says:
Verse 10: Wherefore the rather brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure; for if you do these things, you shall never fall.
Verse 11: For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Verse 12: Wherefore, I will not be negligent to put you always in remembrance of these things, though you know them, and are established in the present truth.
Now why did he do that? Was he just getting to be an old man that just kept repeating himself? Why was John always emphasizing at the time of 90 A.D. Love? Well the answer to it was, it wasn't because he was an old man. Now maybe that as an older man he would tend to go back and fall back on those basic things but the point is very simply, you continue to give the important principles over and over and over and over again. Then when somebody comes along and gives a video and tells you that Mark 7 is talking about being able to eat unclean foods, you can actually say: "Hey, I know the answer to that, you can't fool me, you can't deceive me." That's the principle that we need to realize. We need to constantly talk to our children, we need to constantly (whether we're in the car, at the dinner table, in the bedroom or wherever we might be) it's teaching time always of these basic principles.
Even the words of Leviticus chapter 23 which simply says that when the holy days season came, you proclaimed these seasons during the time that it came upon you. You would continuously go over again the principle: Passover, the Days of Unleavened Bread, Pentecost, Trumpets, Atonement, and Feast of Tabernacles. You go over it during that particular season. Why? Because something new is always learned about the holy days and it etches deeper and deeper and deeper into your mind the true meanings of these things.
Point number two. We talk about perceptions or impressions. I said before that there is a difference when you etch something on a piece of steel. It is lasting, it takes a long time if a sharp instrument is etching on steel to get it off or to erase or to remove it than you can be getting rid of something on water. There's a major difference between etching on water and etching on steel. Therefore, we in God's church are learning by the impression of these things that are given to us. We learn by positive reinforcement as we observe these days; the Days of Unleavened Bread by removing leaven from our house, eating unleavened bread during that period of time. The Day of Atonement; what a great experience. I know some people don't find it too easy but the point is, it's a great experience because it punctuates the meaning of that particular day. What a great way to start the Feast of Tabernacles in the sense of the word by having the Day of Atonement where you don't eat anything and then all of a sudden you get to eat to your hearts content. Then the Feast of Tabernacles and the Last Great Day in taking almost 9% of your second tithe if you saved it for that period of time and going in an eight day spending that kind of money lavishly with all the good things that you could enjoy. It punctuates the meaning of the Feast. It actually teaches by a positive reinforcement as we observe these days. Why is it so many young people who have not continued with the church always want to go to the Feast of Tabernacles? Do you ever wonder? Because they know the good times, they know the good times. I thought it was interesting, I've had a number of them say: "Oh yeah, we want to come down and enjoy Mom and Dad, this is a great time of the year." It is because it teaches the millennium and the great abundance that you can have. So we recognize that the perceptions or the impressions that are made upon us through these things are lasting because they go down deep into the mind of individuals if they're done properly and done right. Notice over in Hebrews chapter 5, Jesus Christ learned by the things that He was impressed by. Notice what it says:
Hebrews 5: 8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things that he suffered;
The King James version sometimes doesn't really depict a greater perception of what is going on. It says that Jesus Christ learned by a hands on learning experience. That's what it says. Suffering sometimes is suffering, other times it's a reality of living in a world that is without God's way of life and sometimes we learn and can be taught by this type of experience and therefore it says: He learned what He went through, He learned all about human nature, He learned all about human beings in ways that only can be learned I believe living on this earth and as it says because He did go through these things He's able to help those who are tried or tempted as we said in the sermon that I gave about 6 or 8 weeks ago.
Verse 9: And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him.
Let me show you a positive reinforcement over in the book of Matthew chapter 6. We're not going to take all the scriptures, I'm just going to bounce you through three principles that are found here in Matthew the 6th chapter. This is what we call simply having a perception or an impression by a positive reinforcement. Now we find in chapter 6 that the first section of Matthew 6 has to do with giving, it has to do with giving. The second section of Matthew 6 has to do with praying. The third section of Matthew 6 has to do with fasting. Now three basic principles of things that a Christian should be doing; giving and secondly praying and thirdly fasting. But at the end of each one of the sections we see the statement that is made in verse 4 and verse 6 and over in verse 18, notice what it says in verse 4, he said that you don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.
Matthew 6:4 That your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret himself, shall reward you openly.
Now paying good dividends on a principle is what God is interested in giving to us in the way that He is intended for us to learn. He give us positive reinforcement, it says He's going to reward you openly in verse 4.
Verse 6: When you pray, it says you shut your closet door. You pray to your Father in secret and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly.
You see tangible evidence of your God worth. You get tangible evidence of your God worth. Now we talk about human worth, we talk about human self-esteem, I understand all of those things, there's a certain human level that we must have. But I will tell you this that when you establish a relationship with God, then you find that this vertical relationship that you have with God allows you to understand a whole lot more about the human relationship. I learned a whole lot more about my human father because I learned about my heavenly father because I didn't have a good relationship with my human father to begin with. But I learned a great deal about that relationship with the third heaven as Mr. Antion talked about last week. But the point that you see here is that in giving there is an open reward. In praying, there is an open reward and in fasting He said the same thing in verse 18.
Verse 18: You don't appear unto men to fast but unto your Father who is in secret and your Father who sees in secret shall reward you openly.
Now several of your critical texts say these three sections don't have this openly in them. Yet the four or five thousand Greek manuscripts from which we get our King James version have it in there and the reason it's in there is because you have what we describe simply as a positive reinforcement, you have a positive reinforcement. You get a positive reinforcement by keeping the Days of Unleavened Bread, the Day of Atonement, the Feast of Tabernacles. There's a certain something that you get physically and there's something that you get spiritually. You get an understanding and a development of that. This is what it says over here in Matthew 6 and the second point of remembering is by positive reinforcement. There are many, many a time that you're going to have a down day. You can't have up days all the time except maybe one or two people on the face of this earth and that's disgusting. You know what I mean, I know one like that and they never are down. But the point is that you see that there are going to be down days and you've got to drive yourself back down on your knees and it's an amazing thing what it does to begin to reinforce your relationship with God.
Now, my point to you is this: that in remembering, that's one of the great things, that is one of the great things that will always take you back to saying: "These things work." These are positive values that you can impart to human beings, you can impart to your family. It's like Malachi 3 in verse 8, it says God says you pay your tithes, you prove me now herewith says the Lord and I will take care of you, I will bless you. These are principles that we follow as God's people and it's a part of remembrance, you remember those things. I can look back, you can look back on the myriads of times that when you were down, you asked for help you got it for that one particular time and things have worked out. The majority of the time in our lives we see these things occur. That's a part of the same principle that we use in working with our children.
Point number three: Let's go to Deuteronomy 30. You've read this scripture many a time. It's talking about God having set before us both good and evil, it says life in good, death in evil. Now this is the third way that we learn; it's called associations or comparison. In verse 15 it says:
Deuteronomy 30:15 See, I have set before you this day life and good and death and evil.
Then he begins to explain that he gave us the commandments, he said to keep them and if you keep them that this is what will happen. If you don't keep them in verse 17 he says this is what will happen. He says you have a choice, you have an ability to be blessed or you have an ability to simply follow and find yourself receiving the end result of what the bible says is sin. We see here simply an association.
Verse 19: I call heaven and earth to record this day against you; that I set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life that both you and your seed may live.
So we see again that in these two scriptures the concept of comparisons between the two ways of life.
Now if you understand that in chapter 30 he is simply referring back to what happened in Deuteronomy chapter 28. What we found there was simply the matter that there were both in Deuteronomy 28 and Leviticus 26, blessings and cursings. He showed you that if you did these things physically as a nation, this is what would happen. If you didn't do these things, this is what would happen. So we see a comparison what would happen to those who value the proper ethic back at that particular time and those who didn't, what would happen to them as well. Deuteronomy 28 and Leviticus 26 show you that particular thing so you have comparisons between the two.
Now in the society that we live in sometimes individuals try to do this. About seven or eight years ago I saw a documentary that was given where teenagers who had had an ongoing series of interlocking problems with the law went to jail to sit in the jail and be talked with by the inmates. I saw the film, I don't know where I saw it but I did see it, I do not recommend it because the language was so bad. What they were literally trying to do to these teens is to create what we call shock therapy. They showed them that if they ended up in jail, this is what was going to happen to them and they began to describe scenes and situations by which they were going to be taken care of. You follow what I'm saying? You understand what I'm saying? It's a terrible thing that in many, many jails you have this sort of thing and so these inmates were explaining to these teenagers and so after it was over they would interview some of the teens. Many of them said: "I don't ever want to go there." A few of them, eh, you know that type of thing because they weren't impressed by that. They didn't understand the comparison of being in and being out for some of them but for some of them, they were simply so shocked by what was going to happen if they went to jail, they decided: "Hey I don't want to have that happen." Now whether it lasted for a long time or not, I don't know because they didn't follow up on that with the other young people. But the point was that you were given in that particular case, a very harsh comparison between being in prison and being out of prison and the saddest thing is that that is true in most of the prisons in the United States today. You know that that is true, the tragedy that you see that has occurred in those cases.
Let's go over to I Corinthians chapter 10 and note one more scripture in the sermon today concerning the concept of comparisons.
I Corinthians 10:11 Now all these things happened unto them for examples, and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.
Now what did he mean by that? It simply means that the apostle Paul was telling us that when you look at the children of Israel you can see the comparisons between the men of faith and the people who simply choose to follow that way which was going to bring death. He simply was telling them that these were written so that we can have them before us.
We can make comparisons; we can make associations by these things. There are people that we champion. I love to read David's Psalms because when you have a down time you can relate to David in his down time. When you're having a joyful time, you can relate to David in his joyful time. You can relate to certain individuals in the bible in a very special way. I think we all have our champions of faith who we see in the face of adversity and we go to them at times when we need to. A friend of mine was telling me the other day about how he went back to read about Joseph and what he went through and how he was in prison for such a long period of time and how he handled it and he said that was encouraging for him because of the things that he had been going through.
So the point is that I Corinthians chapter 10 and verse 11 we see these comparisons of what happens to those who don't value the proper ethic. We see the end result of those who remain faithful in the face of adversity as found in Hebrews 11. Even our own negative experiences I believe at times are teachers. They're not always the best but it is best to learn from the problems of others than from are own.
Let me finish this sermon this afternoon with something that I found most profound. Strong families are built on strong biblical principles and values. Even in the world we have found people who learn unwittingly some of the great bible principles and practice them. Let me show you. There's a book that was written by two professors, one from Alabama and one from Nebraska. They joined together and they wrote a book entitled "Secrets of Strong Families." I want to read the whole article to you, it will take maybe 10 or 15 minutes but there are six secrets to strong families. I think as you listen to what I'm going to read to you, you will see that most of them reflect principles that you and I should be learning, we have learned from the bible and life's experiences through God's spirit. I think you will find that it's probably a most interesting thing because what we recognize is that some families survived according to these men's life's crisis and they prospered while others were overwhelmed by the difficulties and the problems that they had.
So this is the book entitled "Secrets of Strong Families." The authors are Nick Stennett and John DeFrain. This is just a summary of what the book is all about. Let me share it with you because I think you'll find it is most interesting. He asked the question: "Do strong families still exist?" After 30 years of marriage and family counseling we knew that despite the average families ups and downs, the answer is yes. The puzzling question was, why and what? What is able to do that? So what they did was they gathered together the information on families strengths and they dealt with the negative aspects of that and they went into newspapers and they gathered from 25 states all of this information, it was pulled again from a society point of view, not from a biblical point of view but from a society point of view. The point is, if you live in a strong family, he said: "Please contact us." Because we knew that a lot of families he said had failed but what we needed to know was what made strong families succeed? Interesting. What made strong families succeed? He said the letters poured in, the questionnaires that were mailed to people. They responded to it and he said one of the most interesting things was that six key qualities for making a strong family function were mentioned time and time and time and time again. "These are the qualities," he said. Listen to them. I think you'll find them interesting.
Number One: Commitment. Crucial to any family success is the investment of time, energy, spirit and heart as an investment; otherwise known as commitment. The family comes first. Family members are dedicated to promote each other's welfare and happiness and they expect the family to endure. That was their commitment. Strong families commitment and sexual fidelity are so closely linked that extra marital affairs are regarded as the ultimate threat to a marriage.
What do we say? What does the church teach? You know, you shall leave your father and mother and shall cleave unto your husband or your wife and they two shall become one flesh. That's a part of sexual fidelity. That's a part of commitment and all of those things.
It says: It's sometimes work and it's demands on time erodes some of these things but he says you have to come back to the place where you always put family first. Number one point.
Number Two: Time together. When fifteen hundred children were asked: "What do you think makes a happy family?" They didn't list money, cars or fine homes. They replied:
"Doing things together." Doing things together. Members of strong families agreed. They spent lots of time together; working, playing, attending religious services and eating meals together. What you do isn't as important they say as doing it.
Notice what it says: What you do isn't as important as they say as doing it, meaning that it's an ongoing type of thing. They talked about how it needs to be good time, and it needs to be sufficient time and the stupid idea of having the idea of just quality time for 15 minutes with one of your kids, they said that's a bunch of baloney.
Number three: Appreciation. Feeling appreciated by others is the most basic of human needs. As we scored the questionnaires and conducted interviews we find the quality of appreciation of family members expressed about one another was even greater than anticipated. One mother wrote: "Each night we go into the children's bedroom and we give them a big hug and kiss and then we tell them, you're really good, you're really a good kid."
Now what did Ann Landers say? A sense of personal worth. Remember that? That was her number one point that she wrote from all the thousands of letters that she had. So the same principle: You are really good kids and we love you very much.
It's important they said to leave that message with them at the end of the day.
So appreciation.
Another couple said that their appreciation had literally changed their life together. "We fell into a trap early in our marriage reporting that partly because of some couples that we saw socially that they began to imbibe in a message that was simply bad. They were measuring their standards by other people's standards. We hadn't realized what was beginning to happen. One couple delighted in acid sarcasm especially with each other. We hadn't realized how their faultfinding and belittling were rubbing off on us and we began to see things in a negative way. We decided to stop, we found new friends, we began to accept the positive and when my husband comes home now it's a totally different approach that we have toward everything. We've conditioned ourselves to look at what we have rather then what we lack."
So it's an appreciation for those positive things and an appreciation for one another.
Number four: Communication. Psychologists know that good communication helps to create a sense of belonging. It eases frustration as well as full-blown crisis. Strong families emphasize that good communication doesn't necessarily happen. It usually takes time and practice. As one father said: "We spend lots of time in casual conversation, sometimes we uncover important issues, feelings, values that need to be aired. But if my son can't talk with me about cars and tennis, why should I expect him to discuss drug traffic from what was happening at school?" Good communication means clearing up misunderstandings. Strong families work at deciphering one another's messages."
It's like the lady that said to her husband simply: "Are there any good movies downtown?" So he began to explain what all the movies were like downtown, what was going on? He said: "I answered the question literally, telling her what was playing, rarely did I discuss going to a movie, then I'd be surprised when she was sulking." Eventually he said: "I'd figure it out, what she was really saying to me was I'd like to go to the movies, that's really what she was wanting to say. I finally figured out what she was trying to say. Now I'm better about checking to be sure I understand what she really means."
Ye, invariably I think we understand that one real good, some of us. Right?
Number five: Spiritual wellness.
Remember what we talked about having some form of religion that Ann Landers said? Again, this is the thousands of letters she got. Here are thousands of people who have written that they say spiritual wellness was defined by strong families as a caring center with each of us promoting sharing, loving and having compassion for each other.
For many, the yearning of their spiritual nature expressed by church or synagogue membership. For others spirituality manifested itself as concern for those around them or adherence to a moral code. Strong families expressed their spiritual dimensions in daily life. They literally practiced what they preach.
Ha, ha, isn't that unique?
Our family one participant wrote, has basic values; honestly, responsibility and tolerance to name a few. We know that we practice these things in everyday life. I can't talk about honesty and cheat on my income tax. I can't yell responsibility and turn my back on a neighbor who is in need. "I know that I would be a hypocrite if I did such," the man said.
Number Six: Coping with crisis.
I found this most interesting. This to me was something that I never have seen in some of these things before; coping with crisis.
A story was told of a grandmother whose son had come home to talk to her. She was dying, she was blind from cataracts, she was suffering from complications of diabetes and her middle-aged son came home and he was telling her about the difficulties in his life and she listened patiently, then spoke. She said: "Life is trouble."
Now that's what the bible says when you come to the book of Ecclesiastes. We talk about through much tribulation; we shall enter the Kingdom of God. We talk about these experiences that we have to face.
It goes on to say: Strong families are not without problems but they have the ability to surmount life's inevitable challenges when they arise. Many of the tools these families identify as necessary for coping with crisis have been touched on earlier. But focusing on the positive, skills in communications, spiritual resources and then he said the last one is adaptability. One man talked about how his life was coming apart and his wife was going to leave him and the man finally began to realize that he had to make some changes. So he began to make changes and he began to set apart time for his family and the end result was that everything turned around for the individual. He had learned as it says in this article that the professor had learned what all strong families know; a healthy family is the place we enter for comfort, development, regeneration, a place from which we go forth renewed and charged with power for positive living. As one woman said: "I put love into my family as an investment in their future, my future, our future, and it's the best investment I can make."
The point is that you see these six principles and all six of them are biblically oriented; just as Ann Landers gave you six points in hers. Why six and six, I don't know. But the point is brethren that you and I have simply a responsibility. You and I owe our children, we owe one another, we owe our family and I think these principles that we see as we number one have repetition, association and impression. Those three remembrance concepts and follow them. They are a part of developing the roots that God said would last forever and ever and ever!