Sermon Transcript — July 17, 2004
We've often heard it said that, if our brother has offended us in some way, we should follow Christ's example and instructions as outlined in Matthew 18. And yet, of course, many people don't do that, perhaps for many reasons. Some say, "Well, it just doesn't work, I've tried it before, and it just doesn't work, so why bother?" Of course, it is hard for me to understand that Christ would give instructions to us that can't be kept, that won't work. Since it is coming from Christ, I assume that He is able to understand and know what works and what does not work, and when He does give us instructions, then it's always by assumption that, in fact, they do work. So, therefore, there's nothing wrong with the instructions, there is nothing wrong with what Christ gave us. There might be something wrong, though, with us! Perhaps we are not following them as we ought to.
Let's go, briefly, to Matthew 18 after having introduced it. Matthew 18, I'm sure you are all familiar with the instructions that are given to us here. Matthew 18:15, where Christ said:
Matt. 18:15 — "Moreover if your brother sins against you...he's offended you in some way... go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother."
And then He says in verse 16:
V. 16 — "But if he will not hear you, take with you one or two more, that...quoted from the Old Testament...by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established."
Then it says:
V. 17 — "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."
We have here a description of the process that we should follow, when a brother has offended us or sinned against us in some. As I say, many people, it seems, are very reluctant to do that, very reluctant to go their brothers with these particular issues. So, why do we feel that way, why do we feel that it won't work? Why do we feel it's not going to do us any good? Or, whatever the excuse, or reason, or the justification may be for not doing that.
Well, actually, I am not going to be speaking about going to your brother, this afternoon, in case that's what you may have thought thus far. I'm not going to be speaking about, at least not directly, going to your brother.
What I'd like to do this afternoon is put the shoe on the other foot. So, rather than taking a situation where you or I, as an individual, feel that we have been offended by somebody, then we should go to that person, and how we should go to that person -- I am not going to be talking about that this afternoon. Let's put the shoe on the other foot. You are the brother. I am the brother. We are the ones who caused the offence. As so, therefore, the focus and what I want to address this afternoon is how are we going to receive this person that we offended? That is the focus I'd like to have this afternoon.
Oftentimes, when we think of Matthew 18, we're thinking in terms of going to someone who has offended us in some way. The focus this afternoon, the shoe on the other foot, is we offended, we caused the offence, we said, we did something wrong, our brother has come to us feeling a certain way. How are we going to receive him? How will we react to him?
I would like to illustrate the focus of this point by an actual situation that occurred with me many, many years ago. The situation, even though it occurred many years ago, has stayed in my mind and I think you will see the reasons why, as I go on to describe it. Many years ago I was asked by a fellow minister, a minister friend of mine, to speak to another individual. This other individual was a good friend of mine, very close friend of mine; but, the minister friend said, "Well, there is a certain problem this person is having." "Somebody needs to talk to him." "He's a good friend of yours, so why don't you talk to him?" And, of course, my initial thought was, why me, you know? Why do I get the dirty work? He hasn't offended me, he hasn't said anything against me and, like I say, he's a good friend of mine, so maybe I'll lose my friend if I go to him, maybe he's going to be upset and angry with me. All these thoughts, you know, go running through your mind and so forth. The minister friend of mine said, "Well, you know him better than I do and I just think you could do a better job than I could do, so I yielded and it obviously was clear to me that someone did have to speak to him. So, I thought, well okay, I do know him, maybe I can be of help to him, but I was concerned, you know, just like a lot of situations where you know you should go to your brother. How is he going to react? What's he going to say? Is he going to be upset with me? Will I lose my friend?
So, I went to him and presented the situation to him and very much to my relief, and perhaps even surprise, he received me with open arms, in that sense, he immediately acknowledged that he understood he had this particular problem and he asked for help in dealing with it, and so forth. In other words, it was not an unpleasant situation and Matthew 18 worked! It worked perfectly. There was no problem with it whatsoever. It was a pleasant situation. It was productive. The individual asked for help and guidance and advice, in terms of dealing with the particular issue and, in that sense, there was nothing bad or unpleasant about it whatsoever. It was just a very delightful situation. We talked for quite a bit of time about the issues and I would say, if anything, rather than jeopardizing our friendship and relationship, if anything, it gave us a greater respect and admiration for each other. And like I say, because it did work, even though this did occur many years ago, it stayed in mind because, obviously, there had been other situations of which, for one reason or another, they may not have worked. So, this one did and therefore it stayed with me.
One thing I would have to say about this particular situation, why it worked, and we've asked the question, "Why did it work?" Well, obviously it worked in the first place because I did go to the individual. You know, nothing is going to work unless you do your part. So I did do that, but I would have to say that the real reason it worked is because my friend made it work. He made it easy. He made it work because he was receptive, he was open, he was not argumentative, he was not challenging, he was not upset, he was not angry. So, in going to him, I would give credit to him because he made it work and he made it easy.
In Proverbs 9, we find here a description, I think, of an attitude that so often can occur in situations of this nature. Proverbs 9:7:
Prov. 9:7 — "He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself. He who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself."
V. 8 — "Do not correct a scoffer lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man and he will love you."
As I was looking over my notes this morning, I had actually written down something that I was going to say at this particular point and I had already, of course, printed out my notes, so I will read out the point I was going to make. The point was this: Perhaps one reason why some don't go to their brother is because they don't know how they will be received. You know, you say, "Maybe I should go and talk to some friends." They say you should go, you talk to a minister, he advises you to go, you're advised to do that, but you think, "I don't know, I don't know how I'll be received, I don't how he is going to react if I go to him." And I thought, as I read that particular statement, that I could have worded it a little bit differently. Instead of saying, perhaps, one reason why some don't go to their brother is because they don't know how they will be received. The thought occurred to me that I could reword it. Perhaps one reason why some don't go to their brother is because they do know how they will be received. There is a little bit different focus there. They do know.
Again, though, my point today is not going to your brother. You are the brother. You are the one who has offended. You are the one who has sinned. So, we need to ask ourselves today, "Am I a scoffer or a wise man?" What is the impression that people have of me? Sometimes I hear people make a statement along the line: "Why didn't so and so come talk to me about this problem?" Maybe they've heard through the grapevine that this person is upset, maybe they've heard he's talked to some others about the situation, and so they get a little bit upset themselves. They say, "Well, why didn't so and so come talk to me?" Maybe there is a reason. Maybe there is a reason.
Have we ever stopped to ask ourselves, "What is there about me that maybe prevented this person coming to me?" Usually when the question is asked, of course, the blame is being put on the other person. Why didn't he come? What's he got against me? Where is his fault? Where is his mistake? Why didn't he come to me? Maybe we should be looking at ourselves and asking ourselves the question. Maybe I have a reputation, maybe people think that I'm a scoffer, that they can't talk to me, they can't be open with me, I'm going to get angry, I'm going to get upset, whatever it may be. And that certainly can be a true statement. Again, the illustration I gave earlier of my friend who was a wise person. I went to him, I spoke to him, I could talk to him and correct him, because he respected me for that and appreciated that, and he had a totally different approach. But the person who is a scoffer is not going to be receptive, is not going to do that.
That's why I am giving you the focus today. When we go to our brother, what are we going to find? What kind of attitude is there? What approach do you and I have with someone who feels they need to correct us about something? There are a few basic concepts I'd like to cover today in terms of why we need to have the correct approach in terms of how to receive correction.
You know, the Bible says we have to, "grow in grace and in knowledge," II Peter 3:18, we have to "grow in grace and in knowledge." One aspect of growth is to recognize that we have to change. That there are, probably, a number of things about us that we are not doing correctly, that we have to change; so, we need correction if we are going to grow. We need correction if we are going to grow.
In II Timothy 3:16, Paul speaks to Timothy about one of the purposes of the Bible, not the only one by any means, but certainly part of the reason for the Word of God, the Scriptures, the Bible. II Timothy 3:16 says:
II Tim. 3:16 — "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable..."
Obviously for many things, he mentions first of all teaching, or doctrine rather, which would be our beliefs, the teachings that we have, should have. It also mentions: "...for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness."
As we study the Word of God, the more we do study the Word of God, the more we find that there are things that we need to change, that we alter in terms of our beliefs, perhaps, but also in our conduct, our actions, our very nature, our thoughts; that there are things that we need to change as we study the Word of God. But, there is also a positive reason why this is done and verse 17 gives us that.
V. 17 — "That...for this purpose...That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped unto every good work."
So correction is not for the purpose of harming, destroying, making us mad, making us angry, making us resentful, it's not really those negative things, there is a positive aspect about correction, to enable us to grow into spiritual maturity. That's the reason for that. That's why God has written His Word. That's why God has given us His Word, so we can grow into perfection and completeness and spiritual maturity. We weren't born with it!
We make a lot of mistakes in life. There are a lot of concepts we have because of the world, society, the system we live in, because of the education we may have, there are many causes, many reasons. It is for that reason that God, through His Word, needs to direct us in the correct way, for a positive purpose of being like God, to become spiritually mature, as God would have us to be. The same thing applies, of course, no matter where the correction may come from, whether it be from a friend, whether it be from a relative, a brother in the church, the Word of God, the same principle applies and should apply. Whatever that correction may be, whatever that source may be and, again, from the point of view of us as individuals receiving correction, do we look upon it that way? This person has come in order to help me in a positive way, to grow into spiritual maturity. That should be our focus. But, again, if the attitude is resentfulness, antagonism, anger, whatever wrong motive it may be, how much good is going to be done by the correction that is being offered to us?
Of course, this leads to a point that Paul makes in Hebrews 12, and I'm sure all of us would say, "Amen," at least to the first part of this, where Paul says in Hebrews 12:11:
Heb. 12:11 — "Now chastening seems to be joyful for the present but painful ..." Amen! Now that's the way it seems to me. I've never found correction to be pleasant, even when it was presented in the most pleasant manner. I don't go looking for it intentionally. I don't suppose anybody does. It's not something I would want, in a sense I'd rather go to Disneyland maybe, than to go seek correction. You know, it's not a fun thing. It's not a joyful thing. It's not a pleasant thing. That's a truism. It can be very painful, because correction deals with our very inner being, of who we are and what we are. We don't like it, by nature. That certainly is true. But, he goes on to say: "...nevertheless afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Not right away. Sometimes it will take a week or a month, or longer, to let it sink in, to think about it, to reflect on it, where we finally come to the point that we can be honest with ourselves and say, "You know, I hate to admit it, but he was right." "He was right." "I hate to admit it though." Sometimes we don't like to admit it. No one likes correction. It's not very pleasant, so when our brother comes to us, maybe we won't necessarily have the best attitude right away, but certainly if we do have the spirit of God and have the correct attitude overall, as time goes on, we should be able to reflect on it and think about it and see that it was good for us. We needed that. It was very necessary for our growth.
I think, at the same time, perhaps, many of us feel as Jeremiah did, in chapter 10:24, I certainly do, Jeremiah 10:24, he did ask God for correction, asked God to correct him, but notice how he put it:
Jer. 10:24 — "O Eternal, correct me, but with justice; not in your anger, lest you bring me to nothing."
I think we could all say the same thing. You know. God please correct me, but, be nice! I'm sensitive. I don't want anybody's feelings hurt. Be compassionate. Be gentle. I'm a sensitive and easily hurt individual you know, more or less, is what he is saying here. And, of course, we would want that from anybody else. Again, when our brother comes to us, we would want him to come that way. On the other hand, maybe because he's not God, maybe he doesn't handle it perfectly, perhaps he does not handle it, as God would have done. Maybe he, himself, is not in a very good attitude. Maybe he, himself, is angry, upset, mad, because of what? What you did. What I did. The reason he is coming to us is because we offended, we had the fault, we committed the sin, did the wrong. So, in that sense, why be mad at him? It's our fault he's discussing. He's discussing our sin, what we did wrong. Maybe he doesn't do it perfectly, but, at the same time, we need to look at ourselves and don't say, well, what's wrong with him? What a lousy attitude he's in. We're the ones that caused that. If we had not sinned, he wouldn't be feeling that way. If we had not offended him, he wouldn't be upset. So, again, maybe human beings aren't able to do this, as we would expect, or like, in the same way that God does, but we should still receive the correction that is coming because, after all, we caused it. We're the cause. We're the ones who sinned.
This leads to the next point. If we're going to have success with Matthew 18, we have to admit that we are wrong. It's fundamental. We have to admit that we are wrong. I have found it rather interesting to see some of the things about Martha Stewart. A lot of people want her to admit that she was wrong and so there is a lot of debate on television about that and, of course, some people say, "Well, no, if she didn't do anything wrong, why should she admit that she is wrong?" And others say, "Well, it would be better for her, if she will admit that she is wrong." So, I have found that concept to be interesting, the way they are talking about it. Well, it certainly, when it comes down to us as human beings, we all do sin.
Now, David, one thing that we find about David (you might be turning to Psalm 32:5), one thing you find about David, is that David was very quick to admit his sins. To admit he was wrong. David did commit a lot of sins. He was very human, but no matter whether it was God, or whether it was a prophet like Nathan or Samuel, or whatever, going to David and in that sense, certainly, following the principles of going to your brother, as Christ outlined; you do find that David received his brother, he did receive the correction in the right spirit, with the right heart and the right attitude. You do find that here in Psalm 32:5 and this is just one of the several places that we could turn to about David.
Ps. 32:5 — "I acknowledged my sin to you, and mine iniquity have I not hidden." David did not do that. He didn't give excuses, he didn't justify, he didn't pretend, he didn't do as Adam and Eve, point the finger towards somebody else. He said, "I am wrong." "I am guilty." "I understand that." "I know that." "I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Eternal...and notice this, because of that...thou forgave the iniquity of my sin."
So, that is the end result of what we are seeing: forgiveness, reconciliation, and pardon. We're trying to find a way to reconcile the division, as it were, which has occurred because of this particular situation. David was a man after God's own heart and he did do that, and that is, perhaps, one reason why God has such love for David, that he was able to do that and have the right spirit and attitude. When those who noted things wrong in him, pointed them out, he acknowledged it and he made it easy. He made it easy.
As I say, we're all human, we all sin, we all do wrong things, we all do offend people. It seems, especially, the closer we are to people the more we do that. In our families, with church members, perhaps people we work with, but we all do it and, therefore, it is natural that people will come to us, from time to time, to point out that "you did such and such," or that "you offended me," or "this was not correct," or "this was wrong." That's going to be natural. And yet, sometimes, even though those things are pointed out, by nature, we don't like to admit that we were wrong. We don't like to acknowledge, even though we, philosophically, may agree, yes, I'm human and I do sin! You know the concept we have, the philosophy we have, but the specific becomes difficult to do.
I remember one time counseling a lady, and her husband, too, for that matter, with respect to their marital situation, marital problems they were having and, especially, talking with the lady, the wife, it seemed that the only thing she could do was point out all of the mistakes and sins and problems of her husband. And she had a long list, she had a long list, of all the terrible things that he had done and was doing and so forth. After a period of time I said, "Well, don't you have any mistakes in the marriage?" "Have you not done anything wrong in the marriage?" "Aren't you human?" "Oh, yes, I'm human." "I know I have my mistakes." "I know I've sinned too." "Okay, that's wonderful." "So, what are your mistakes?" What did she do? Listed her husband's all over again and, as far as I could see, the only mistake that she was willing to acknowledge she had made, was marrying the bum in the first place! There was no other mistake, it seemed, that she'd made! So, philosophically, yes, we all sin, and she acknowledged that, but when it came down to actually admitting them, she could not do so, did not do so.
In Jeremiah 2, God speaking through His prophet, Jeremiah, and to the people of Judah at that time, He says in verse 30:
Jer. 2:30 — "In vain I have chastened your children; they received no correction." Again, that's our focus today. How do we receive correction? What is our attitude and approach when correction comes our way? When someone comes to us? When our brother approaches us? "They received no correction: your own sword hath devoured your prophets, like a destroying lion." And in verse 35:
V. 35 — "Yet thou say, Because I am innocent, surely his anger shall turn from me. Behold, I will plead my case against you, because you say, I have not sinned." And this was the case with Judah at that particular time. I haven't done anything wrong. We haven't sinned. We haven't committed any iniquity. And so, God was trying to correct them, He was trying, through His prophet, to show them where they were wrong, but they would not acknowledge it. They were scorners. They were not wise men. Matthew 18 did not work for them because they didn't have the right attitude to make it work. The attitude has to be right, if it's going to work. Nothing wrong with the process, but if the attitude of the individual is, "I haven't done anything wrong," or "I can't see where I've done anything wrong," nothing is going to achieved. We have to admit that we are wrong.
Now, this leads me to the next point and we could ask the question, with respect to God, Jeremiah and Judah, why did God send His prophets to Judah? Because He hated Judah? Because He wanted to "get back at" them? Or, is it because of God's love for Judah? Why was God trying to correct them and show them their mistakes and their sins? Because God loved them. It was out of love and concern. So again, if we come to Matthew 18, when your brother comes to you, why has he come to you? Out of love and concern. It certainly should be that way. We should take the position and the attitude that it is that way. We should believe that, just as God sent His prophets to Judah to correct them because of concern and love for them, when our brother comes to us, no matter who it is, and that person is pointing out our sins, our faults, illustrating why they felt offended by what we have done, it is not out of hatred, it is not out of resentment, it is not out of hostility, but because he loves us.
Now, Galatians 6, we are given here the attitude that a person should have when he goes to his brother so, again, that is not necessarily our focus, at least not directly, but let's look at what he does say in terms of this person who has come to us. Let's put it, again, put the shoe on the other foot, when this person comes to us, what position do we take in terms of what he has done and why he has done that?
Gal. 6:1 — "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such an one...notice this...in a spirit of gentleness; considering yourself, lest you also be tempted." So, when we go to another individual, you know, to deal with their faults or problems or whatever it may be, we should go, having thought beforehand, how am I going to approach this person? What will I say? How will I say it? How will I deal with this person?
First of all, in a gentle, humble, contrite attitude, realizing that while you may be talking to him about his sin at this moment, you're human and you also have sins; therefore, you ought to treat him in the way you would wish to be treated, if someone comes to you about your problems and your sins. So, again, with the shoe on the other foot, how are we going to receive correction? Let us assume that the person who is coming to us is coming in that spirit. Let us assume that this person perhaps had to work up a lot of courage to come to us. Perhaps it was very difficult for him to do so. Perhaps it took him a period of time before he could get enough courage to come to us. Maybe he talked to two or three friends and they had to really encourage him to do what was right. Maybe he talked to a minister and he said, "This is what you've got to do, this is what you must do." Perhaps he didn't want to. Perhaps he felt very reluctant to, but he said, "Okay, I know I should, now I need to work on how I'm going to do that," and we're told here how he should do that. So, if we're going to receive our brother correctly, in order to have the right solution, as Matthew 18 describes, then we're going to have to have the approach that he is doing that, that he is doing that, and we would certainly hope he would, but we should certainly have the attitude that he will do so.
In this same book of Galatians, this same book of Galatians, Paul deals with some of the problems of the church that existed in that particular area at that time. He starts out the book by warning them of the way they are going doctrinally, that some are bringing in a false gospel, chapter 1, and, unfortunately, many of them were believing that false gospel, some of them were being deceived by that, so they were being affected by that. So, Paul was trying to outline to them the dangers and the risks, and the problems associated with, this particular issue and this problem that existed there. Why was he doing that? Because of his concern for them. His desire to see them in the Family of God. His love for them. He didn't want them to lose out on salvation. He didn't want them to be tricked and deceived, you know, into following a false god or a false gospel. He didn't want that, so he had to talk to them and write to them out of a deep feeling of concern and love for them. But, did they understand it that way?
Interesting, in chapter 4 and verse 16, perhaps some of them did not.
Gal. 4:16 — "Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?" Again, when we receive our brother who wishes to correct us, needs to correct us about something, is he our enemy because he is really relating to us the truth about what we have done, our actions, or whatever it may be? We certainly should not look upon it that way. Unfortunately, oftentimes we do. When people come to us about those things, we initially bristle. We initially excuse. We initially get upset. We don't like it. It's not very pleasant. So, Paul had to say here... "I'm really not your enemy, it's out of love that I'm doing this, it's out of concern for you that I am doing this; this is, after all, the truth." We have to have that approach when that person comes to us — he's not our enemy. He is not there to harm us. He is there to help us.
Again, let's go back to Hebrews 12, where we were before and, again, notice God's approach when He does correct us and chasten us. Hebrews 12:5, Paul says:
Heb. 12:5 — "And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks unto you...as to sons...as to children...children of God...My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him:"
V. 6 — "For whom the Lord loves he chastens...not hates, but loves...and scourges every son whom he receives."
V. 7 — "If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father does not chasten?"
There is a great deal in these verses that we could expound on, if we had time to do so, but I do find it interesting that it says don't despise correction, don't hate it, don't look down on it, don't neglect it. The chastening is for your good. You need it, it is necessary, don't react in a negative way. It also says don't be discouraged, because the natural tendency is to be discouraged. Perhaps, sometimes, we have a guilt feeling because of what we have done, and can I ever overcome this, can I ever come out of this? Don't be discouraged! Again, there is a positive point and a positive goal that is to be achieved and that's the purpose for that and it does say that God, because He does love us, is going to correct us. Again, when our brother comes to us, we should understand and believe and trust that it is because he loves us and cares for us and wants to help us out of our particular situation.
It is also interesting that God deals with us and corrects us because we are His children. Parents don't correct the neighbor's children, you know, because, obviously, they are not ours. We don't love them to that same extent. We do correct our own children because we love them, we want them to grow up in the right way, we want them to live the correct way, you know, so forth and so on. We do that because they're our children. We don't do that for others, for strangers, for neighbors, what have you. So, we're the very sons of God and God is correcting us. Again, we should have that same approach and attitude, whether it be a wife or a husband, or a child that comes to us, or a friend, or a relative, another church member, whoever it may be. We may have offended them, or we may have done something wrong and that person is coming to us to correct us. It's from this point of view: they love us. They care for us. They are concerned about us. They want us to go the right direction and they want to help us to do that. I found that to be the case with my friend I mentioned before, that he made it so easy to do.
In II Corinthians 7, if you'll go there, I'll just give a little bit of background on II Corinthians 7, while you're going there. Paul wrote a very corrective letter to the church at Corinth, I Corinthians. It's sixteen chapters of correction. Pretty well filled with correction in all sixteen chapters, dealing with all the problems, the sins, the short-comings, the carnality of this small congregation, I suppose, in the city of Corinth in Greece. I don't know how in the world a small congregation like that could have so many problems. But they did! And it's sixteen chapters worth of them. So, Paul wrote to them a very corrective and a very sharp letter, in one sense of the word, dealing with them, because the issues themselves were very, very great. And then, after he wrote the letter, he sent Titus there to find out how they reacted, how they were coming along, their response to this letter of correction. We'll, drop down to verse 7 of II Corinthians 7:
II Cor. 7:7 — "And not only by his coming...referring to Titus, when Titus came back to him and related how they had responded to the letter...but also by the consolation with which he was confronted in you, when he told us of your earnest desire, your mourning, your zeal for me; so that I rejoiced even more." I am sure Paul must have heaved a great sigh of relief when Titus came back and said, "Paul, they're repentant!" It worked. You got through to them. They're repentant. They're changing. They're going to overcome and they love you for it. They appreciate your letter. They are glad you wrote to them. Yes, it was hard to receive but, on the other hand, they realized that you're talking about their sins and so, again, they're going to change, they respect you for that.
Paul says, "Even if I made you sorry with a letter"...again, correction is going to bring sorrow to a certain extent, because of the very nature of correction.
V. 8 — He says: "I do not regret it, though I did regret it." Maybe after he had sent the letter, initially, he thought, "Oh-h-h, could I have said it differently?" Was I too tough? Could I have worded it better? And, he had second thoughts about it, but not after he got the word back from Titus and realized the end result, so he says, "No, I don't regret it." Initially, I did, but because of the end result, I don't regret it. So, it says: "I perceive that the same epistle made you sorry, though only for awhile." Afterwards, it yields "the peaceable fruits" of thinking about it, meditating on it, as you begin to change.
V. 9 — "Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance...." -- That's the end, that's the real purpose, that's what you're trying to achieve, a change in their life, and that's what this person who comes to us should want to achieve. It should be his desire, his goal, and we should assume it is. We should take the position that it is. "For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing."
V. 12 — "Therefore although I wrote to you I did not do it for the sake of him who had done the wrong...referring to a man in I Corinthians 5, we won't go through that...nor for the sake of him who had suffered wrong, but that our care for you in the sight of God might appear unto you." Why did I write that letter? So you could see how much we love you. "Our care for you." We wanted to help you. We weren't doing that to get back at you, or to make you feel bad as an end result, an end result in repentance, yes, but not an end result in itself. We wanted you to see our deep care for you. When a person comes to us, again, the shoe is on the other foot. How do we receive correction? We should understand that that person is coming to us because he cares for us. Again, I went to my friend because he was my friend and, if he hadn't been, I don't know if I would have done it. But, he was my friend and someone had to deal with it! I am just so glad and thankful he made it easy for me and we had a very good end result.
Again, tying in what Paul has said here with the next and final point I wish to give you. What is the purpose for your brother coming to you? Why has he done that? Again, through love and those things but, again, the end result is, obviously, reconciliation or to put it a different way, forgiveness. The reason I put it this way is because we go back to Matthew 18, to the very same chapter we began with, we go back to Matthew 18 and we'll find it interesting that Christ talks about the very same subject: forgiveness. So let's go back to Matthew 18 and verse 21. After having gone through this process of going to your brother or, as we are looking at it today, we are receiving our brother who is talking to us about our particular situation and sins or problems.
Matt. 18:21 — "Peter came to Him and said: Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?" You know, you've told me I have to go to my brother, but surely we can draw a line on this. I don't have to do this all day long, do I? I mean, how times? What's the limit? Where can I draw the line? And, he suggested seven times. He thought that was half way; that was fine enough.
But Jesus said unto him:
V. 22 — "I do not say to you, seven times: but, up to seventy times seven." In other words, infinitely. No one is going to keep a record up to 490, I am sure. It is infinite. There is no limit. As long as your brother has a problem, you go to him for the purpose of seeking reconciliation, and so forth, and he says, "I repent." "Please forgive me." What do you have to do? You must forgive. That's what it says in verse 35.
V. 35 — "So my heavenly Father will also do to each of you, if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother his trespasses." It is interesting to note that Christ's words, His very next words after giving the instruction about going to your brother, are talk about forgiveness. And this is the whole point. You've made a sin, you've committed a sin, you've offended your brother, you've done something wrong. He is going to come to you and, if you are repentant, he will have to forgive you. He will have to forgive you. Now, that is not easy to do. That is not easy to do. Maybe it was very difficult for him to come to you in the first place, but I guarantee you, when you say you repent, please help me, and so forth, it is also going to be difficult for him to forgive you. You all know that. I know that. It is human nature. It is hard and difficult to forgive, and especially from the heart. Especially from the heart. We have to realize that, when an individual comes to us, he is going to have to fulfill that part of it himself.
I would like to conclude with what Christ says in Matthew 7:12. Again, a scripture we are all familiar with. In terms of the approach we should have, whichever foot the shoe is on, whether it is going to your brother, or whether you are receiving your brother.
Matt. 7:12 — "Therefore whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them: for this is the law and the prophets."
Whether, in that sense, we are going to our brother because he's offended us, or because our brother has come to us because we have offended him, whatever the approach, whatever is said, whatever is done, whichever side we may be on at that particular point, we must do it to them as we would have them treat us. That is the overall principle.
In conclusion, going to your brother who has offended you is very hard to do. By nature, we probably don't want to do it. We expect it to be difficult. We expect it to be unpleasant. We're afraid, sometimes, to do so. Sometimes we have to work up the courage to do so. Perhaps others have to encourage us to do so. We also have to be sure when we go to our brother that we are in the right attitude, we have the right approach, we do have love, we have concern, we have humility for the individual. We also have to realize, in the final analysis, when he utters those words, "I'm sorry," "I repent," you've got to forgive him. From the heart! Very hard to do.
At the same time, we have to realize that receiving your brother is also very hard to do. It's hard to have that attitude, to admit that we are wrong, that we made a mistake, and this person is coming to us with a spirit of love and humility. It's hard to acknowledge that; it is hard to recognize, perhaps, that he is there because he wants to help us with our particular problems. We have to work on that attitude, as well, so we can receive the correction in the spirit in which it should be intended, in order to overcome and seek the reconciliation and forgiveness with our brother.
Brethren, Matthew 18:15-17 can work, should work, ought to work, but we all have our part to play, on both sides, whichever shoe may be on whichever foot. Let us also understand, to make Matthew 18 work, we also have to know how to receive our brother in the right spirit and frame of mind.