Sermon Transcript — July 23, 2005
The sermon that I am going to give is an adaptation of a message I brought at the Louisville Weekend this past year. I had many young people say, boy, the whole church would really benefit with a sermon on this particular topic about friendship, and so I have decided to adapt it today for a sermon. My wife was saying, bring something a little bit lighter, because I said I could bring something on death! I could bring something on terrorism. She said, "Honey, no, don't bring anything…it's summertime…bring something a little bit more inspirational than something"…because of, as you know, the terrorist activities that have been going on over in London , England . Anyway, I want to bring this particular message to you.
First of all, I want to start off by saying, Matthew 24, Jesus Christ made this statement about the end-time that we need to be aware of. Matthew 24 and notice in verse 12, He said:
Matthew 24:12
Vs. 12 – And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold .
In our world, today, it becomes increasingly more difficult to find someone who is a true friend. Among church members, that ought to be a lot easier. However, I remember several years ago, in taking classes in California, it was said if you could count your best friends on one hand you would be very blessed. I thought, "I've got friends all over the place!" But as time went on, with all the troubles that we had within the church, I find that maybe I do only have a handful of true friends; but, the object isn't about our friends, it's about us. So let's take a look and understand, are we true friends, and how you can be a true friend to others?
Here, you see "Friends" is very popular, a sit-com that has been on television, was on television for a long time, and now it's been syndicated and it's out there. I don't subscribe to all the things they do in that program but I thought it was a catchy title and it did catch on for a long time. Very popular program: "Friends."
Here, we see friends from ABC and, again, friends enjoy being together. Friends enjoy just spending time with one another. Sharing with one another. Giving themselves to and for one another.
Here, we see two friends. These two young ladies were, believe it or not, campers in 1986 in Big Sandy, Texas. LeAnn Hime, at that time, and Sharon Boltaz, there, they're both married now but…they got together at an Ambassador reunion, and I say friends share with one another .
In John 15:15, it talks about the love of sharing.
John 15:15
Vs. 15 – Jesus Christ said, I have not called you servants, but I have called you friends because I have made known to you what My Father wants you to know .
Here, we find friends helping one another. And again, friends learn to pitch in. They kind of see when one has a need and they pitch in.
Here, you see two of the Ambassador student pitching in at a Humana Heart Walk that they helped do. This was last year's class.
Galatians 6:2 - It talks about bearing one another's burdens . Friends help each other.
Friends also play with one another. They have fun together. They learn to share fun times as well as difficult times, so you see them outside shooting some baskets during the ABC program.
Friends also visit us when one is not well.
In Job 2:11 it says when his friends , Job's friends, heard about Job's difficulties, they came to him right away. When friends are hurting, you go to them right away . They need you. Job 2:11.
The movie, Ice Castles, was a very popular movie several decades ago when I was still in California ; but there is a pun to this. Friends do lift each other up . Iron sharpens iron. You may not recall or remember the story where she became infirmed. I don't know if you have ever seen it. I'm not going to tell you the whole story, but he was there to help her and guide her through. Friends lift each other up. Iron sharpens iron is the proverb in Proverbs 27:17 .
This is beautiful. Friends pray for each other. God would not bless Job until Job learned to pray for his friends, even though his friends had accused him. He said, I will not bless you until you learn to pray for your friends, and it says when Job prayed for his friends then God said, I will bless you. Friends pray for each other.
It's amazing how precious friendship is. Precious Moments Dolls has quite a collection in association with friendship. You'll notice the one to your left, which says (this is called The Sea of Friendship dolls), Water I Do Without You? And here, you have a little mermaid on a dolphin and on the other side it says, I'm Filled With Love For You. I'm Filled With Love For You: A little mermaid with a little fish, all about friendship.
Here are two friends. What's amazing about these two friends is because the friend to the right, Sarah Jo, when she came, when she called in before school ever started a year ago, she wanted somewhere to stay and I said, well, Elesha has an apartment and she's looking for somebody to stay with her. Oh, she wouldn't stay with Elesha, she'd stay somewhere else. And then, as the year went on, she wished she had stayed with Elesha because she found out she and Elesha had so much in common and they grew to love each other and care, and friends do love each other .
Jesus Christ loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus. That's what it says in John 11, verses 5 and 11. And, remember, in John 19:26? Jesus Christ committed His mother to John, the disciple whom He loved . So, Jesus Christ loved friends and friends do love each other , which is a feeling, as well as an outgoing concern.
Two are better than one , and I'll read this from Ecclesiastes, Ecclesiastes 4, verses 9 and 10.
Here, you see this person out on the beach, all lonely, by himself, two are better than one , and here's what it says in Ecclesiastes 4.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Vs. 9 – Old King James, verse 9, Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor .
Vs. 10 – For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow, but woe to the fellow (it could be also translated "friend"), but woe to him that is alone when he falls, for he has not another to help him up . Friends help each other. Friends are there. Two are better than one .
No, you don't have to be lonely if you have friends. Isn't that sad? You don't have to be lonely, if you have friends.
And animals can be best friends. These are, by the way, my two grandnieces, my brother's daughters and their dog. But, animals can be best friends and I know I remember Mr. Pinelli telling me about his dog in Canada . He would go for walks with him and he was able to talk over all of his frustrations with his dog. His dog heard everything and, of course, the dog couldn't spill the beans to anybody about how he was feeling, so he was safe! But, he said he'd go for a walk and he'd tell his dog all of his frustrations. Dogs can be best friends. Animals can. So can horses…but how sad if we only have animals as our best friends.
Long-time friends are great. My daughter and Sonja Salomaa, they've known each other for well over 30 years, and long-time friends are great.
In Proverbs 27, verse 10, it tells us:
Proverbs 27:10
Vs. 10 – Do not forsake your own friend . There's a lot of good instruction in the scriptures on friendship. He says, your own friend or your father's friend do not forsake, neither go to your brother's house in the day of calamity; for better is a neighbor that is near than a brother far off .
Better to have a friend, somebody who is close to you, better to have a friend than to have a brother who is afar off, because that friend will be like a brother.
Friends help life seem more worthwhile. Look at this. I'm so glad we are friends. Now, I want you to stop for a moment and I want you to just think in your mind of a friend and you think of how you feel tonight when you see that friend or that friend walks into the room, when you encounter that friend, when that friend comes to visit or whatever it might be, think how you feel about that friend. It brings a glow to you, doesn't it? It brings almost a smile to your face when you think about your friend, because friends do help life seem more worthwhile.
Some friendships may even blossom into a relationship. These two came to Ambassador Bible Center and they ended up getting married so, sometimes, friendships may blossom into a relationship.
Now, here's a definition of friendship. A friend is a person whom one knows well and is fond of, a close acquaintance or an ally. So, that's what we're talking about. We're talking about a friend : a person one knows well, is fond of, that is a close acquaintance or ally .
And, it's interesting, I did a survey in the Old Testament and the word rea -- let's see if I can find it here real quickly for you, yes, I have it here -- and in the New Testament, the word in the Old Testament is used over 30 times, it's used as friend and the way it's pronounced is ray'-ah , ray'-ah, and it means a brother, companion, fellow, friend, husband, lover, neighbor. It carries the connotation of friend and it's used over 30 times and translated as friend .
Now, in the New Testament, the major word in the New Testament is philos. The word for rea is r-e-a , or, r-e-y-a . In the New Testament, it's philos and it's translated friend 29 times in the New Testament, but it has to do with someone that you feel close to, someone you have love for, someone you care about.
What's your definition? What definition would you write down? You might want to think about it afterwards when you look over the sermon sometime in the future, maybe today, you might want to say, what's my definition of a friend, what do I look for in a friend ?
Well, there are four types of friends that I would like to share with you; four types of friends that we may all encounter in our lives and I'd like to take a look at this with you, the types of friends that we have.
One type of a friend that we have is a Fair Weather Friend. Fair weather friends are those who are around you when it's good for their image. When it's good for their image, they'll be around you. You know, when all is well. When it's good in your area of the universe, they will be there. When the weather's good, they'll all be around you. When the weather's not good, they won't be around you. Fair weather friends when times are good, they're with you, have any difficulties, they're not going to be with you.
Fickle Friends. Fickle friends are those who are flighty. They're not consistent. They're here one day and gone another. You can't count on them. Sometimes they are friendly; sometimes they act like they don't even know you. Fickle friends.
There are also User Friends. We've all known those. When they need something, oh, you're my buddy. I need a ride. You give me a ride. You're my buddy. Or, you're my buddy, you're an auto mechanic, my car is broken down, hey friend! But, you never hear from them otherwise. They're user friends. They use their friends to fulfill their needs; in other words, they are selfish .
And, True Friends. True friends are those who will stand by you through thick or thin. That means whether you are heavy or light, uh, a dollar short, they are true friends. They will stick by you no matter what and they will level with you . They'll tell you straight how they're feeling and what's on their mind.
Now, what kind of friends are we? What kind of a friend are you? Are you a User Friend? You're only nice to people when you need them? Are you a Fickle Friend? Sometimes you're friendly; sometimes you're not. Are you a Fair Weather Friend? When someone can do you good, you're there. When they can't do you any good, you're not there. What kind of a friend are we?
How many of you have had charms like this? Don't raise your hand, you'll have to…this is a very well known charm, where it's broken in half, it's a heart, but I would only ask you to think about it yourself. How many of those people that you gave half of the heart to are still your good friend? As we grew up, we have given many of those away, I'm sure, as young people. I didn't, but girls have, typically, and how many of them still have that person as a friend?
Here are a couple more Precious Moments dolls. Note the one to the left, it says: Best Friends Share The Same Heart, which is another way of saying they both feel for each other. And, on the right side, you see it says, Friends Always Deserve Special Treatment. Special friends deserve to be treated special. If you don't treat them as special, as time goes on, they will no longer be your friends. They will be an acquaintance. They might even be strangers, but they will no longer be friends. Friends need to be treated special .
And, I love this one about being best friends. Look what it says. Everyone Hears What You Say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say because best friends feel for you. They hear what you don't say, and we all need best friends in the world.
So, why should we have friends ? What good are friends? Well, we can share with them. We need friends to support and encourage, both ways. Why have friends?
To give to and to receive love from. It's really nice, it's really important.
To laugh with. Boy, having a good laugh with a friend is awesome and wonderful and very memorable.
To cry with when you're having difficulties, to have a friend just come and sit and cry with you helps you.
To give advice to and receive advice from because you know they care. And, you know it's going to be good advice, because they care for you.
To hang out with , common term, "let's just hang out," spend time with, to be with, to share with, to be companions with, to talk to, to listen to.
You might have other reasons you might have; you might want to add more that you could add. I asked several people about this and these were some of the conclusions that we came to.
Why do you have a friend ? What qualities are desired in friends ? And this came from a list of characteristics that I asked several of my classes at Imperial Schools, several years ago, and others more recently here at ABC, some of the qualities that are desired in friends.
Trustworthy, loyal. Most people want somebody who is loyal, in fact, one of the number one reasons why friendships break up is because of disloyalty to one another.
Sensitive. They want someone who can sense what's going on. They don't have to have everything spelled out to them as to what's going on and how…what the situation is. They're sensitive.
They are encouraging. Qualities desired in friends, someone who is encouraging.
Someone who loves unconditionally. Again, loves you if you're doing right, loves you if you've wrong, doesn't agree with you doing wrong, but still loves you.
Compassionate. They feel, they have a sense of mercy, they have a sense of care.
Empathetic. Empathetic. They can put themselves in your shoes. They can understand from where you are coming.
Fun loving. You want friends that you can laugh with, too, because it kind of relieves a lot of the tension that we all build up and stress throughout everyday.
Open and honest. You want somebody who is open with you and someone who is honest. Not someone who beats around the bush. Not someone that goes around the mulberry bush. Not someone who's a spin doctor. You want someone who is open and honest.
You want someone who is morally upright because, if you're going to share time with a friend, you want to go the same direction and you want to be honorable and moral.
You want someone who respects you. Who respects you for who you are, not because you're not like them, but respects you. Respectful is very important.
Understanding. Someone who understands you and you know the word "understanding," I always think about…because we used to have a service station, we had a lube boom and we'd put these cars on the hoist and have to get the air to lift this car up in the air and we'd get underneath it and we'd look at it. A car looks a lot different underneath, doesn't it, those who are auto mechanics, it looks a lot different underneath than it does on top. Understanding: it means you're looking at it from all angles. A friend who is understanding looks at your circumstance and situation from all angles and is willing to look at, not just one particular mode of direction.
Forgiving. Friends forgive each other. They are willing to forgive because you know we all make mistakes and we all slip and stumble, but friends forgive.
Another quality: consistency. You like a friend who is consistent, not one who is friendly one day, another day not friendly, one day cares about you, like, makes you feel like you're the best in all the world, next time doesn't even know you. You want friends who are consistent .
You want friends who are positive. That doesn't mean they are Pollyanna, although Pollyanna is a very good movie, by the way. I cry almost every time, there's a section in there, it's a beautiful movie about being positive in life. You want friends that are upbeat. You don't want friends that when you come in contact with them, you just met a buzz saw. You don't want that. You don't want friends who have thorns on their skin instead of just a little hair growing on it here and there. You want friends who are going to be positive, not those who bring you down.
You want friends who are hospitable, who care, who share.
Friends who are good listeners, who bring out the best in you, to help you be the best that you can, and they're not jealous of you but actually try to help you be the best you can be. Isn't that a nice friend?
Friends who are not hypocritical: you don't want friends to pretend to be something to you that they aren't.
You want friends who are outgoing, which means they think about you, too, and who give sound advice.
I thought this was interesting. I pulled this off the internet. It says, "We used to be such good friends." Losing a friend hurts so-o-o badly and takes people a long time to get over it. And, in fact, you'll see in my quotes at the end, you never quite ever get over losing a friend, because you'll never find a double. No one will ever quite be like that friend that you lost. You'll never replace them.
Some turn-offs in friendships . What causes turn-offs in friendships?
Disloyalty. And this comes from Psychology Today and some input from classmates. Disloyalty. When a person has been disloyal to them, one of the great turn-offs in relationships. Fickleness. When a person…you can't count on them, they're up one day and down another. They're friendly one time, but not friendly another. They're not consistent.
Tactless. When friends brutalize each other, they will not stay friends.
Judgmental. You never feel comfortable around them because everything you do, you feel subject to judgment because it isn't done their way.
Pushy. Trying to push you to do something. Trying to push you into something instead of letting you decide. These are turn-offs in friendships.
Close mindedness. They're not open to discussion. Not open to hearing your side, but already have their minds made up.
Selfish "get" attitude. They want everything you can do for them. It's amazing at Ambassador it was known when… Ambassador College …people had cars on campus, they were very popular. They had lots of friends! But, when their car went on the blocks, they weren't friends, they didn't have as many friends when their car was not working because everybody…again, selfish "get" attitude.
Conceited. Friends do not get along with someone who is conceited. Thinks he's better than others.
Not sharing. If a friend doesn't share, is not willing to, you know…you take out something, there's a friend beside you, what do you think of doing automatically? Sharing with them, whatever you have, but if friends don't share, people don't share, they're not going to stay friends for long.
If they're obnoxious, just hard to get along with, just absolutely difficult to get along with, you will not stay as a friend.
Jealousy. What are you doing with them? You shouldn't be with them! You should be with me ! Why are you with them? Why are you with them, what are you doing with them? Because, in other words, are they only your exclusive friend or can they have two friends? Can they have two best friends? Or, do you get jealous? It drives people apart.
Controlling. Oh, you'll be my friend if I can take you here, you'll be my friend if you do what I want you to do. Controlling. If you're a controller, you turn off friendships.
Neglectful. Just forgetting them. Oh, oh, yeah, that's right, your anniversary was last week. Oh. Oh well, you're my best friend, you forgot my anniversary, thanks. Oh, I just forgot it. Well, thanks. Well, I mean, I was too busy. Well, that's not good either because you neglected. You see, when you neglect, you send a very strong message to the other person. You do not matter . You do not matter when you send that message. Neglectful.
Hypocritical. I talked about that before, when you're not true.
So, what turn-offs have you seen or felt?
Okay, here are why friendships cool .
Distance. When people move away, when they are apart, a distance apart; either physical distance, geographical distance, or emotional distance, when they move away, that friendship will cool. The chances of maintaining a close friendship are not good unless people really put themselves out. So, distance, out of sight, out of mind.
Betrayal. Again, one of the major reasons why friendships cool when a person feels like his friend or her friend stabbed him or her in the back.
Change in values and interests. This person is beginning to go a little goofy, maybe too liberal, maybe ultraconservative, whatever. They begin to go goofy and you're their good friend. Pretty soon you don't share those things. Maybe they're taking up drink, maybe they're doing this, maybe they've got some new doctrinal bend and promoting it to you and trying to convince you of it and you begin to draw away. A change in values. A change in interests.
There's a change in status, many times, when people go from single status to married. You don't have time for the single life anymore and it's true. So, you have a good buddy, now you're married and they're not. Changes the dynamics. Or, married couples, and then you have children. The married couples with children and the married without children…because what do married couples with children talk about? Children! What do married couples with babies talk about? Babies. What do married couples who have no children talk about? So, many times that causes a change in the relationship, in the friendship.
Also, hanging around undesirable others. When your friend begins to hang around people that are not on the same wavelength as you are, that cools the relationship. You don't appreciate what they're doing. You don't appreciate them moving in that direction and, therefore, that friendship cools.
Gossip, also, causes friendships to cool. Norman Rockwell…look at all these people…you don't even need to have me tell you what they're doing. Look at all the gossiping going on! Different people talking and telling all.
And, I like this one. It says, "Joan told Sue that Emily heard from Jill that Ann saw Nancy and Marie and they told her that Stacy was gossiping about us! Can you believe they have nothing better to do with their time?"
Gossip separates friends. And, of course, you know the scriptures on that. Gossip separates friends.
Continuing. Why friendships cool . When you borrow money and don't pay it back . Borrowing money from a friend and not paying it back will cause a relationship to cool.
When you quit sharing. When you quit sharing with them, when one person does all the sharing and the other does none . Pretty soon you say, duh, am I getting a message here? I think I'm getting a message.
Communication shut down. When you don't communicate anymore. You just don't get in touch. You don't spend any time talking. You don't call. You don't write. You don't stop by. Whatever. Because they are all communication shut downs, with friends. And, when there is no time for the friendship, I don't have any time for you. You know what? We always have time for that which is important and I guarantee you, if you were given a $200 seat to a concert, musical concert, or a show, right in the front row, that you wanted to go see, you would find time for that.
And, I have to tell you, during the Feast of Tabernacles in Escondido, my nephew had tickets to the Lakers, on the floor. Do you know how much each ticket cost: $1,732, each . He offered them to my sons-in-law and me, and him. (He isn't in the church.) Guess when they were? On the night before the last holy day. We turned them down.
But, if somebody had offered you that, you'd go! If it was a normal time…oh, oh, I'm not going to go there! You'd make time, even though I'd have to go, be out late and get back late, man, it's a great experience! So, when you say I have no time for friendship, where are you putting your friendship? Low priority.
What has been your experience in this area? You may want to write some thoughts down on that.
Okay, let's bring it down; this will be my last section regarding scriptures.
How to nourish your friendship?
First of all, if you want to nourish your friendship, if you want to build friendships, you find someone that you care about, you have mutual interests you share with, you must stay in touch . Malachi 3 and verse 16 is the scriptural principle in this regard.
Malachi 3:16
Vs. 16 – Then they that feared the Lord spoke often one to another, and the Lord listened and heard it .
Now, if you want to maintain a friendship, if you want to nourish a friendship, you must stay in touch, whether it's by talking, whether it's by letter, whether it's by cell phone, regular phone, email, you must stay in touch . And you must stay in touch often .
Second , you want to nourish your relationship? You must keep the communication lines open . Here's where the Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthian church, and you know he had a lot of problems with the Corinthians church.
In II Corinthians 6 and verse 11, he says:
II Corinthians 6:11-13
Vs. 11 – Oh you Corinthians! Our mouth is open to you, our heart is enlarged . In other words, we make room in our heart for you.
However, he says in verse 12:
Vs. 12 – You are not straitened in us, we have room for you . You're not constricted in us, there's plenty of room, but you are constricted in your own bowels, in your own feelings, you've constricted them.
And in verse 13 he says:
Vs. 13 – Now for a recompense in the same (I speak also to my children) be you also enlarged . You see, any constriction, any restriction, in our friendship is not coming from me, Paul said. My heart is enlarged, it has room for you, but you're the ones that do not have room for me. So, you must keep the communication lines open.
Next , you must be sensitive to each other's feelings . I Thessalonians, chapter 2, verses 7 and 8, we read this from the Apostle Paul. And you know, the Apostle Paul did a lot of…he stood up to a lot of people, he was pretty diligent in all of his walks, all of his travels, he was able to take a lot but, you know, the Apostle Paul had a soft side to him. He said:
I Thessalonians 2:7-8
Vs. 7 – But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherishes her children , or some put it, even as a nursing mother cherishes her children . How do you cherish a child who is still nursing? Very carefully. How do you hold a child that's still nursing? Very carefully. You don't drag them around. You don't shake them around because their little heads and their little necks could easily be snapped and hurt. The brains could be hurt. You don't snap them around. You take care of them very gently.
The Apostle Paul said I cared for you guys very gently. Verse 8 he said:
Vs. 8 – So, being affectionately desirous of you , and, again, sensitivity, we were willing to have imparted to you not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because you were dear to us . You came right into our hearts. We were sensitive to you. Friends are sensitive to each other.
And the, you make time for your friends . You want to nourish your relationship? You make time for friends.
One of the saddest moments in my counseling times was when I had a young lady come to me and she was very sad because she and a fellow friend at college, she had a best friend, they were, like, inseparable, where one was, there was the other one. I mean if one were here, you knew the other was there. If the other wasn't there, she was bringing her tray to sit beside her. They were always together. They were at class together. They were at dance class together, extra-curricular class, everything, until one of them had a boyfriend.
And once the one who had a boyfriend started spending more time with the boyfriend, she spent less time with her friend. And the one who didn't have a boyfriend really missed it. So, instead of communicating and saying, hey, you know what, now that I have this boyfriend I won't be able to spend as much time with you, but I want you to know that I love you and I care about you. You're my best friend in all the world and, look, I won't be able to spend as much time as I did before because, you know, I'm trying to get to know him better but let's make a date. Let's make a time when we can get together. We'll have lunch once a week at lunchtime, once a week at dinnertime, so we don't lose contact . Instead, she just went pell mell after the boy, forgot this other person, and that girl almost left the church over…in fact, she may have because she lost her best friend.
Make time for your friends .
In Proverbs 18 and verse 24 we read this.
Proverbs 18:24
Vs. 24 – A man that has friends must show himself friendly . How do you show yourself friendly if you're not around? Oh, I'm showing myself friendly. I'm a very friendly person, of course, I'm just not around you for you to see it. A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother .
Friends: you must make time for them in order to nourish a relationship.
And listening. We need to listen more than we give advice. Listen more than we give advice. You want to nourish a friendship? Be there to listen.
In James 1, verse 19, we read this.
James 1:19
Vs. 19 – Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath . Be swift to hear , be all ears. You know, one man said God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. Two ears, one mouth, listen twice as much and, as a friend, it's important to listen to each other.
Be a giver and a good receiver. Be a giver and a good receiver. Friendship takes both. So, your friend does something for you, ah, why did you do that? You shouldn't have done that! No, don't do it. What have you done? You've made the person who gave you that feel very bad for doing something good. So, you want to be gracious, oh, thank you for being so thoughtful, I really appreciate it. But, if it's all incoming toward us and never outgoing toward them, that's not a good thing. If you want to nourish your relationship, you have to be a good giver and you have to be a good receiver, both.
Acts 20, verse 35, the statement of Jesus Christ.
Acts 20:35
Vs. 35 – It is more blessed to give than to receive . But, He didn't say, you must give and not receive. He said it's more blessed to give than to receive . And you know what? I deny you a blessing, if I refuse to receive what you give. I have denied you a blessing. Did you ever think of it that way? And when you kind of make that person feel bad for giving, haven't you put them down for doing something that Jesus Christ said is good? Acts 20:35: it's more blessed to give than to receive . But, He still didn't say give and never receive . He didn't say that. He just said it is more blessed to give than to receive . And that's a maxim of Jesus Christ that works every time.
Be forgiving. You want to nourish your relationship? You must be forgiving. Matthew 6 and verse 12. You've got to be willing to forgive. In Matthew 6 and verse 12, we read in this Lord's Prayer, He says:
Matthew 6:12
Vs. 12 – And forgive us our debts, as we forgive others . If you want a friendship to be nourished, you need to forgive your friends and your friends need to forgive you. You need to be forgiving. Forgiving when they make a mistake, not, oh, you made a dumb mistake. I'll never forgive you. And friends do that because they know each other so well. They can also get in each other's hair and because they can get in each other's hair, they don't forgive. They're not converted.
Next, be concerned for the other's well being. Think about them. Think about their situation. Think about their circumstances. II Corinthians, chapter 11 and verse 28, Paul wrote…and after he was talking about that he was speaking as a fool, telling all the things that he's gone through, but he said in verse 28:
II Corinthians 11:28
Vs. 28 – Besides those things that are without, that which comes upon me daily: the care of all the churches . He says all these things I've gone through and, besides that, I have the responsibility of the care of all the churches. We need to be concerned about each other, like Paul was concerned about congregations that he pastored and cared for, and be loving.
Proverbs 17:17. You probably know this scripture and you know it well.
Proverbs 17:17
Vs. 17 – A friend loves at all times . Friends should feel the love of a friend. Now, there are people that we get along with, there are acquaintances, we like them, we spend time with them and hear about them, but the friendship goes deeper than that. Friendship is someone you can relax with. Friendship is someone you could let your hair down with. Friendship is someone you can share with. Friendship is someone that you look to. Friends are people that can help you and you can help them. But, friends love at all times and you should expect love from your friends. You should. If you're not getting it, something is wrong. You should expect them to love you and you should love them .
Encouraging . Be encouraging. You want to nourish your relationship? Be encouraging to each other. Hey, you can do it! Wow, you've got that exam to take for a promotion on the job? Hey, you can do it! Give them a call. Let them know, hey, I'll be thinking about you tonight, thinking about you tomorrow. What time is that again, oh, 11:00? I'll be thinking about you. I'll be there. I'll be rooting for you. Hey! How you doing? Okay? Can I do something for you? Can I rub your back? You've been studying a lot. Whatever. Friends are encouraging.
Hebrews 3:13. Let's read it. Friends are encouraging. You don't get that from everybody because they don't know. You see, friends, because they are close allies, they know what's going on with each other because they share and, because they share, they can be encouraging. We don't share with everybody, but the friends we have we share with and we can be encouraging to them because we know.
Hebrews 3:13
Vs. 13 – But exhort or encourage or uplift or give help to one another daily, while it is called ‘Day," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. But, he says, encourage one another, exhort one another, prod one another, uplift one another, daily; that's what friends do.
Okay, I'm going to conclude with some friendship quotes for you.
Dale Carnegie said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you." Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one . Being interested in others is the way you become a friend.
I like this one by Franklin Jones. "Friendship is like Rome. It is not built in one day." True friendship takes time to develop.
This is an Arabic proverb I am especially partial to it, based on my ethnic background, but I like it a lot. "A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." Isn't that beautiful? Friends will listen to you. They'll listen to your gripes and your frustrations. They'll take the frustrations and puff, blow them away, but they'll take the good, too, in there and they'll carefully handle it. That's what friends are.
Another one from Theophratus, I never knew him, by the way, sorry. "True friends visit us (and I love this one) in prosperity only when invited, but in adversity they come without invitation." In good times, they wait for an invitation. In times of trouble, they'll be at your doorstep to help.
Samuel Johnson said this: "A man, sir, must keep his friendships in constant repair." You must attend to your friendships . You can't just make…okay, now he's my friend, now he'll be my friend forever, no matter what I do, how I do, whether I do, they'll always be there. They won't. Friendships must be maintained, like all relationships.
I like this one from "Pastor's Story File," June 1988, A Friend That is Called Parsley People. " A friend is one who gives attention to another . They go around offering hope and help, wherever, whenever there's a need. One person has called these parsley people. They're always adorning that which is around them, making their friend look better by their very presence." I think it's a beautiful quote. Isn't that nice to make your friends look good? Like parsley people, like the parsley on your steak, you've many times just pushed it aside. It made the steak look good, made the plate look good, many times people push it aside, parsley is good for you too, by the way, even though I don't eat enough of it.
This is a wonderful quote. Jonathan and David were very close friends, as you know, in the scriptures, I Samuel 20, verse 17.
I Samuel 20:17
Vs. 17 – And Jonathan caused David to swear again, because he loved him; for he loved him as he loved his own soul. A true friend. There's a deep abiding concern, one for the other.
This is a quote I had mentioned before by Schuller. He says, "We can never replace a friend." When a man is fortunate to have several, he finds that they are all different. No one has a double in friendship. When you lose a friend, you've lost something, a resource that you will never replace.
I'd like to read to you this quote, a little poem, entitled "Only God Gives a Friend." "I think that God will never send, a gift so precious as a friend. A friend, who always understands and fills each need as it demands. Whose loyalty will stand the test when skies are bright or overcast. Who sees the faults that merit blame, but keeps on loving just the same. Who does far more than creeds could do, to make us good to make us true. Earth's gifts a sweet contentment lend, but only God can give a friend."
So, if you have friends, treasure them, for they are true blessings. And remember, we all have a friend in God and Jesus Christ, and if that friendship is strong, all of our others may be also.
And you think about Isaiah 41:8 where He called Abraham His friend, and John 15:14 where Jesus Christ said, you are My friends. You imagine that Jesus Christ in heaven looks down at each one of us and says, that's My friend!
How many friends do we have? How do we treat our friends? I hope we'll be nourishing our friendships. I hope we'll be building them and strengthening them in a time, in a world, when the love of many is waxing cold. I hope that our friendships and our bonds, between one another and among one another, will be strong.
And may God grant us all to have wonderful close friendships that we all desire and need in life.