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A Modest Example: What Your Clothes Say About You!

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A Modest Example

What Your Clothes Say About You!

by Amanda Stiver 13 comments Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
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A Modest Example: What Your Clothes Say About You! iStockphoto
A Modest Example: What Your Clothes Say About You!

"Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady."

This great quote is attributed to Edith Head, top costume designer for both Paramount and Universal movie studios during the 20th century. Hundreds of films benefited from her creativity. Her statement here describes a way of dressing that can be summarized as "classy" or "tasteful." And it illustrates the fact that modesty is not a uniform or a one-size-fits-all proposition.

Modesty, in terms of decent attire, involves following guidelines. These allow us to wear clothes that express our personal style and taste but that still properly cover us, are gender appropriate and are respectful of those who see us on a daily basis.

Let me pare this down into some effective exercises you and I can regularly use to achieve our own personal, modest style.

1. Ponder modesty

What are some of the elements of modesty? Modesty is a way of practicing outgoing love toward others. A woman who covers her body appropriately is showing regard for her male acquaintances by not tempting them to lust. Likewise, a man who wears clothes that fit well but are not too tight helps his female acquaintances avoid impurity of thought.

What is modest on one person may not be modest on another. A dress that falls below the knee for a short woman can for a taller woman be too short, and therefore immodest. Thus, modesty is also an ability to discern appropriateness of personal style.

Modesty can also depend on the situation. Stretchy exercise shorts and a sleeveless top, while appropriate for freedom of movement and temperature comfort in a fitness class, are inappropriate for church services. In the Bible the priests at the temple of God in Jerusalem had special clothes to wear as part of worship services. This and other factors have led to the conclusion that we should maintain a high standard of dress in worship services today. That typically means wearing the best semiformal clothes we have available.

We need to be mindful that how we dress and carry ourselves will be connected to the message we represent as members of the Church of God. If we dress immodestly but talk about purity, we are guilty of a double standard!

2. Dress like . . . a work of art?

The ultimate master artist of all time is the Eternal Creator God. Under the direction of God the Father, Jesus Christ, long before He became human, made the entire physical universe and the spirit realm.

God shared some of His creative ability with us. Regarding the artisan Bezalel, who would construct the tabernacle of God in the wilderness, God stated, "I have filled him with the Spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship, to design artistic works" (Exodus 31:3-4, emphasis added). While this was a special case, all of us have been given certain talents.

So how do we employ whatever measure of artistic gifts we have to the way we dress ourselves and to modesty?

If you sew, apply those skills to adapt clothes that need a bit more coverage here or there. If you don't, ask someone who does to help you. And try to learn more about how things are made. Buying well-made clothes that are not overly trendy is a wise investment.

3. A matter of inches, not feet: the mirror test

Finally, take a few minutes once you are dressed for the day to stand in front of the mirror. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging vanity! The mirror is your best tool to see what others will see when they look at you. Are you modest? Will you be disrespecting others and yourself if you go outside this way? Do you represent yourself, and your God, well?

Ladies, a few things to check:

• Is your chest area covered? Be cautious about cleavage. If needed, adapt a garment with a small swatch of fabric to make it modest.

• Are you showing midriff? Are your shorts too short? Is your skirt lingering far above the knee? If so, choose something longer. Likewise, if you have a nice skirt that is long enough while standing but rides up too high when you sit down, then carry a scarf or some other draping item with you to place over your legs while you are seated.

• Cover your shoulders or wear sleeveless tops with a wider strap as a means of showing respect at church services. Carry that scarf or a sweater with you for this purpose—besides, even on hot days overly air-conditioned buildings can be freezing!

• Check the fit of your sweaters, shirts, skirts, dresses and trousers—are they close fitting or skintight? Skintight clothes can be much too revealing. Stay in the middle range of fitted, semi-fitted and loose-fitted clothes.

• Do your clothes fit in general? If you have a bit of extra weight, don't try to squeeze into too small a size (see the point above). If you've lost weight, take the seams in so that you present yourself well.

For gentlemen:

• Men need to watch the fit of clothes also. Pants and shirts that are far too tight are not appropriate!

• Check for shorts that gape or are too short. And be sure to wear clothes appropriate to the setting.

• On the other end of the spectrum, are trousers too baggy and underwear visible? Does this present a proper image for a follower of Christ? Hitch them up!

For everyone:

• Do your clothes match? Are they clean? Torn? If so, take a few seconds to address the problem.

• Sit, stand, bend over, squat, turn, dance, walk and jump in front of the mirror. The coverage of clothes changes as you move. You may discover an angle that will gather the wrong kind of attention and needs to be fixed. Also, analyze how you walk and carry yourself. Are you smiling, standing up tall, and do you seem like someone who stands for God's way
of life?

These may seem tedious and nitpicky, but we say a lot by the way we dress. It is possible to remain stylish and yet modest, and it's usually just a matter of a few inches of fabric rather than yards of coverage. Modest attire is one of the easiest ways of showing love for fellow human beings by helping them to obey God's commandments and keep their thoughts pure.

Take a stand for good taste, style and God's way of life—set a modest example!

modesty clothing Peer Pressure Youth

Comments

  • Zahdah
    Zahdah
    @rayski, your comments sound very judgmental. What we wear does not determine our heart with God. Although this article has many helpful points, no one can say exactly what is modest. The bible is not specific, we can only go by what we are convicted in. I know many people, I grew up with them, that believe as you do, to always wear a long skirt or dress. But yet sins run rampant. By sins I mean ones that God made very clear. Modesty is something, like many other things in the bible, that helps us in our living for God. It does not, however, determine our hearts for God. We must be so careful to not make things be what determines our relationship with God. And also to not let satan separate us from our brothers and sisters because of matters such as these.
  • dhenry
    Deb Henry
    Thank you for the well written and timely article which made many valid points. I think many people forget that Christians are mere humans and we all have our own battles and adictions to fight. Being a Christian doesn't mean our lives are easy and without trouble. You make a very good point about not tempting others to lust. And from a woman's perspective it is awkward speaking with someone on show so to speak. Wishing you a lovely Sabbath. Deb
  • Deborah K
    Deborah K Bruning
    Dear Amanda, Your article was right on. Thank you for your insight.
  • KARS
    Kathy Shafer

    OH and lying about your age is being a christian women? How? By dying your hair and facelifts to boot. Just so you can rope in a young man to be your husband or boyfriend. Don't even go their women. I have lots to say. But I would rather stay calm and know that I will not follow the way of Eygptian makeup and the cat walk mentality.

    Women have pants made especially for them. I have seen women dressed up nicely for the corporate world. That's is the life they chose. I for one am a naturalist and intend to remain one.

  • rayski
    Reinaldo Ortiz

    kars,I guess you don't know what it means to be born again,you are probably attending the wrong church,you cannot serve two masters(THE DEVIL AND GOD ALMIGHTY)and there is not such thing of a part time christian,being a christian is 24/7,dress descent only to go church does not make you a christian,a real christian lady dresses descent wearing long skirt all the time not once or twice, god hates hiprocrites,when you repent from your sins and accept jesus christ in your life as your personal lord and savior that you mean it in your heart! you become a child of god and your life is change totally every day you must live holy not just one day saturday-sabbath(colossians 2:14-16).you cannot love the things of this world(1john 2:15-17).so remember this!! 2CORINTHIANS 5:17.

  • KARS
    Kathy Shafer

    Greetings Rayski,

    I save my beautiful long dresses & long skirts for serving God our Father. I use jeans to work in the dirt of my gardens. They protect my legs when I slip or fall when I lose my balance. I like to go swimming and would rather wear a one piece bathing suit with long shorts than have my skirt go above my waste in the water. I like camping and jeans or long shorts is the best way to get around during fun activities. And on the Sabbath I will not wear pants. To me it is disrespectful.

  • rayski
    Reinaldo Ortiz

    kars: if you know about me you are a born again christian,because what iam saying is the truth, a woman that wears shorts would not look like a woman, would look like man,a descent woman would not wear shorts she would wear woman cloths, like long skirts.A christian woman or young lady that loves and respect god would dress very descent, not to show legs.I think you need jesus in your live.

  • KARS
    Kathy Shafer

    I don't know about you; but there is no way that I am going to wear my one piece bathing suit without my shorts! Because the skirts attached are still to short for me. As long as one wears shorts that won't ride up and in good taste, your alright.

    Besides we campers need some flexibility to move around. Like going canoeing, hiking, sports, etc.

  • rayski
    Reinaldo Ortiz

    amanda you are right of many things that you said about how a christian person,especialy woman should dress,but you are wrong at one point that you stated!about wearing shorts are too short,christian women must not wear shorts any way shape or size at all a christian woman wearing shorts would not represent a woman of god,a woman or young lady must have their body covered and dress up very respectfull.a chirstian woman must give good example to other women around the world how women or young girls should dress.

  • KARS
    Kathy Shafer

    @ Msloerak: I understand where you are coming from. Long ago I remember the ministry telling the congregation to come in the best they had. Like you said for some of us it may be "hand me downs". Not everyone is wealthy. Otherwise the Bible wouldn't have told us that there are poor, widows and fatherless. Some of us can't keep up with the fashion merry-go-round. So my Mom taught my siblings and I (we were fatherless)to always have a black shirt (pants for my brother)white blouse/shirt, two pairs of shoes black/white. With the skirt you could make or buy a few blouse to enter change with the skirt/pants and shoes. Besides; orchestra players where black or black with white during their concerts so how can you go wrong coming before God dressed this formal and it does cost so much. At the thrift store one can make a nice descent outfit to wear too.

  • MSLOERAK
    MSLOERAK

    For much of life I wore what was available to wear & did not have much choice. I wore clothing which I did not like. Sometimes it was the least offensive of what was available. Then it was the least offensive of the least expensive. Then I could make my own at times. Some I liked.
    I did not have a big bust. People without a big bust, etc., may not realize how hard it is to find modest clothing which fits without it being either far too big or snug.

    Many women from simply growing, little money, pregnancy, or weight gain that comes after pregancy or menopause, cannot go buy a new wardrobe with these occasions. Again, it may be the least offensive to them of what is availabe.

    I remember wearing clothes to church when a kid. I wore them only because it meant I could go to church. There were two of those 'outfits'. Both made me look heavier than I was. They were not for someone my age. I wore clothing I hated at times.

    Maybe we should consider these possibilities before we condemn or smirk about someone else's clothing.

    Life is in the eye of the beholder.IMHO. Someday we will see clearly. We should not kill the messenger, here.. If we look at someone & judge them due to clothes, weight etc., we have done this due to how we are inside, how we view weight, clothes not how they actually are. Our perceptions are due to our morals, values, belief systems, prejudices etc., how we perceive, process information. Others may see them diffently. Most of us would agree that going to a topless beach and expecting to see people dressed as Amish is ridiculous. It is, to me, ridiculous to expect non Christians or people who not place emphasis on modesty or Christian appearances to dress or act as Christians. We can pray, give an example..

    If we can get beyond ourselves, our needs,prejudice, perceptions & see the person, what is going on with them, their needs,i.e., they are a person who may be without Christ then the eye of the beholder may become more pleasing to the Lord. Is that not what it is about?

    I don't like to go to church & see bellies & breasts hanging out. However, if the gospel is presented, the Lord deals with them, we treat them as neighbors. We can express Christian feelings toward them w.o expressing acceptance of clothing. I don't think menfolk should be alone with half nude F's
    trying to witness to them, excuse self, fast.

  • joejhon
    joejhon

    You make a lot of good points, Amanda. However, I take issue with this sentence:

    "A woman who covers her body appropriately is showing regard for her male acquaintances by not tempting them to lust."

    I would argue this is an oversimplification. It is important for women to dress in a way to show ourselves as ladies. Still, men are visual creatures, and even when a woman is dressed modestly (see: women in burkas in Muslim countries), she is will still insight lust in a man. Furthermore, it might be of more value to promote covering oneself properly as having more to do with personal decorum than "not tempting others to lust."

    There is this mantra in many forms of Christianity, not just ours, that we as males or females should dress modestly so the opposite sex doesn't get all hot and bothered. I think we should dress tastefully to show respect for OURSELVES as individuals, as well as for Jesus Christ.

    Also, as a whole I think we need to develop a different view of the human body. Part of the problem when it comes to policing modesty, is that people get carried away sometimes, regarding the body as a purely sexual object needing to be obscured to keep everyone from sinning. It's a very puritanical notion, which is naturally prevalent in our culture, as this country was started by Puritans. As someone who comes from a family of artists and designers, I see the body as something to be celebrated. Not in a sexual way, but in a way that accentuates its beautiful structure and God's design. If a man walks shirtless down the beach and I admire his body, does that mean I am lusting after him, or am I just in awe of how impressive and well-kept his body is? There is a difference! Bodies are beautiful!

    The body can be sexual, but it can also be a work of art. After all, God looked on it and said it was good! Personally, I enjoy seeing a nicely-fitted dress on a woman with an hourglass figure, I like how elegant and feminine she looks. I love the way the dress accentuates her gorgeous figure!

    While we must be wary of cleavage and inappropriate parts showing, I think we make the mistake of sexualizing the body when it doesn't need to be. It's up to us as Christians to rise above this!

  • Jen
    Jen

    Amanda is wise beyond her years. Refreshing in this day and age.

    I think that this topic is more important than girls realize.

    They don't really figure it out that sexually provocative clothing is seductive.
    They just think sexy is attractive.
    Therefore, they are part of a problem of their brother lusting, or having to turn their heads unnecessarily.
    That is unkind, even if unknowingly.

    They don't realize how much of a battle that men in this day and age have with pop ups all over the place.
    Seductive images haven't always been this pervasive in society.

    The women may not realize that they are causing their brother to break the commandment on adultery in the spirit of the law.

    Also some among the younger set may want their age group to look,but they don't want an weathered old man looking at them.
    They would think or say, UGH, how dare you!

    Some of the younger women see no need for a slip under the dresses either, and that can be too revealing.
    There are also pieces of cloths on the market, made especially for covering the cleavage area of clothing.

    We do live like in the time of Sodom and Gomorrah.
    We are to be in the world, but not part of the world.
    Whatever we do, should be to please the Lord.

    Sorry to say, when we older women, look in the mirror, our cleavage isn't showing.
    However when we sit or slump or bend over, we have to look at all that in the mirror too.

    Since I don't look at my behind in the mirror, when I had a housemate, she used to let me know when the seat of my pants didn't look modest. They looked good enough from the front side.

    I find this is an issue that it hard to bring up.
    Because society is influencing that you need to show it.

    I don't mind letting someone know that their zipper is unzipped, a button on a blouse is unbuttoned, or spinach on the teeth, slip showing, but the cleavage is an area, that is very awkward to say anything.
    That is a dicey subject.

    I want someone to tell me that I am showing too much.
    I don't feel comfortable to do the same for another.

    Good article, Amanda.

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