Our Children and Sabbath Services

We want our children to love and look forward to the Sabbath. We also want them to not distract other people too much at services. What are some tips in working toward these goals? What's the balance? How can others in the congregation help in what can be a very trying time for parents of small children?

by Doug Horchak

It's 2:45 on a Sabbath afternoon. Services began 15 minutes ago and the sermonette just started. I'm rocking our Little Sally to sleep, while our son, Timmy, gets settled by Dad on the floor with some Legos. Then it happens! The toddler two rows down begins to cry. The crying and screaming continues and gets louder while the mother tries to "reason" with her child to quiet down. Then my little one awakens in tearful moans due to the noise and distraction. The cycle of crying toddlers and infants waking begins to unfold once again! Ugh.

Does this sound familiar? Have you ever struggled with your own children during a Sabbath service or been distracted by others? There is a "way of escape"! Or, better put, there are some strategies that can make services better for you and your children. Sabbath services do not have to be the laborious experience that it can be for parents, children and the congregation.

The Sabbath Is Special

We all know that the Sabbath day is a unique and special day. It's a day that our families (including our children) are to observe and enjoy (Exodus 20:10). One element of observing the Sabbath day is worshipping together with God's people. And it is usually when bringing a small infant or toddler to services that many parents start the "work and struggle" of trying to have their children content and settled during that two-hour period.

However, whether we have children or not, it is important for all of God's people to remember that this convocation is unique and special. We come together to worship God and learn His truth and way of life. We also sing praises to God in a unified voice showing our appreciation for His many blessings.

What Is Expected?

Since the convocation of Sabbath services is very special, all of us should know what is expected. This would include our dress and our behavior—for young and old alike. Small children are no different. They, too, benefit from knowing what is expected of them at services with their mommy and daddy.

We know that Sabbath services are the one occasion when we collectively come before God as His people. Unlike the ancient Israelites, we come to worship Him in various locations "in spirit and truth" (John 4:24). God established the Sabbath and sanctified it (Genesis 2:3). Our Sabbath services are a convocation when we come before God, and they should be viewed as such by us all.

In fact, the Sabbath itself is a day that should be unlike any other day of the week—even to a child. Parents should strive to teach their children that the Sabbath should look and feel different to them. Children can begin to learn at a fairly early age that their activities and the family's activities are notably different on that special day.

Training and Discipline

Since the very nature of Sabbath services is different from being at a day-care center or a playgroup that might happen during the week, it will take some diligence on the parents' part in training and instruction to help their children learn how to behave so that they can show respect for God and others at the service, and get more from the Sabbath service themselves, as well.

Children learn what we teach them and what they see and experience. They are also creatures of habit (as we all are!). So we should help our children by striving for age-appropriate teaching goals for the Sabbath and services:

• Teach them the uniqueness and special nature of the Sabbath and services.
• Teach them that their behavior and "playing" while at services should differ (quieter and controlled) than other days of the week.
• Teach them that Mommy and Daddy are at Church services to learn, to sing hymns and to let God know how much we appreciate and love Him!
• Teach them that Church is for them too—that God wants them to pray, to sing, to learn and worship Him on that day, as well.

By having well-defined goals for our children's experience of Sabbath services, we can then consider some teaching and discipline strategies to assist us in training our children in a loving and meaningful way.

One of the biggest frustrations for young parents is striving to teach their children to act and behave in a manner that is so very different from their routine the other six days of the week!

This can be a confusing challenge for the parent—and even more so, for the child.

Here are a couple of important considerations that can help young parents as they train their children to appreciate Sabbath services:

• Work toward consistent sleep times for very small children. This can take some work, since baby's nap schedules can change as they get older. Still, it helps to strive for a routine that will match church services.
• Plan some controlled or structured quiet playtime during the daytime throughout the week for toddlers.

Sometimes very small children don't want to go to sleep at 2 p.m. if their normal nap time is 12 noon or so. What is helpful for some parents is striving to have a child's "nap" or "quiet" time very similar to the time that your local Sabbath service begins. This way, the change in nap time is minimal, and more consistent for the child (not to mention easier on Mom or Dad!).

Some children spend the week in an environment of little or no limits—all-day, every-day, nonstop "run and gun" playtime. While any of us as parents know that a growing toddler is the epitome of exploration and inquiry, teaching a child some measure of self-control and relatively structured quiet time during the week is a good parenting practice.

Not only does it help prepare them for the Sabbath day and the unique environment that exists at Church services, but it gives them a sense of order in their lives and a healthier environment for learning and preparing for schooling.

Mothers' Rooms

In many congregations, mothers' rooms (parents' rooms) are provided to help those with small children. While the locations vary, it is important to keep in mind the general purpose of mothers' rooms.

In most cases, the mothers' room is intended to be a quiet room set up for changing diapers, feeding infants or comforting and/or putting a young child to sleep. This room should be used for the minimum amount of time needed. Mothers should return to the meeting room when finished with the care and comforting of their child.

Parents should be considerate of others using the room by refraining from talking or visiting, and from bringing noise-making toys. If older children accompany a mother and infant into the room, parents should make sure the toddler sits quietly and does not disturb others. Again, this expectation for the toddler is most effectively taught at home, during the week.

Sick children should not be brought into a mothers' room (and should not be at services, for that matter). If there is a need to chastise or punish a child, this should also not be done in the mothers' room.

It is understood the father will occasionally be tending to a young child, or even feel the need to walk with a fussy toddler. But even those occasions should have the goal of settling the child in order to return to services.

Work...Gives You Rest on the Sabbath!

Many years ago, I heard a wise grandfather who was also a pastor in God's Church give this advice to all of the young parents in the congregation: Work with your children six days and they will give you rest on the Sabbath.

A catchy phrase, isn't it? Yet, there is great truth and wisdom in that simple statement. If we, as parents, strive to give some focused attention to working with our children during the week, the dividends will pay off for both us and our children. The goal of enjoying and appreciating Sabbath services with God's people, rather than dreading the two hours of torture that it ends up being for some can be reached by:

• Helping our children to value structured "quiet" time occasionally during the week.
• Encouraging them to enjoy life as they learn and play—but doing so with self-control and a sense of responsibility.
• Making the Sabbath unique and special at home, so that when our children go to Sabbath services, they do so with great anticipation and joy!

After a service that might last two hours, some children are anxious to burn some energy. If the parents have struggled with a child, they are often ready to "let the calf out of the stall" themselves!

However, we should resist the temptation to allow our children to begin running circles around the brethren and scooting cars and trucks in the aisles of the meeting hall. While it is normal and appropriate for children to want to play and visit with friends, parents should take care that this isn't a danger to others. Their children should only play and visit in areas of your Church hall that are not deemed off limits.

Balance Is the Key

There is no question that "children will be children." They are small, immature and dependent little tikes that are generally looking for fun, learning and a good time! As parents, our expectations should be realistic and age-appropriate.

However, just "going with the flow" and letting your children's life just happen is not the way to help model the behavior that will make the Sabbath and services special. Reasonable expectations and training of our children for six days can bring us the well-deserved "rest" that God promises the Sabbath day should be! UN

If You're Not a Parent: How the Congregation Can Help

Many years ago, the phrase "We Are Family" was touted within the Church. The fact is, we are family. As such, we should greatly value the blessing that little children are—to the entire congregation.

All of us as brethren in a local congregation need to be loving and patient with each other. This includes patience with the parents who are teaching and training their precious little children. Rather than criticizing or judging, offering to help a single mother or parents who have small children while at church can be a real service and example of love.