What can you do to help someone who has a drinking problem?
The barrier of denial
Unfortunately, a major roadblock stands in the way of help for most sufferers. It is called denial. Difficulty of admitting our problems is intrinsic to human nature (Proverbs 16:2 Proverbs 16:2All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weighs the spirits.
American King James Version×; Proverbs 21:2 Proverbs 21:2Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD ponders the hearts.
American King James Version×). The stigma connected with out-of-control drinking stands in the way for many. No one wants to admit to what he or she is ashamed of.
The dynamics of chemical addiction drive denial far beyond the normal degree of human nature. The desperate craving for alcohol leads the deceitful mind (Jeremiah 17:9 Jeremiah 17:9The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
American King James Version×) to employ a wide range of “defense mechanisms” such as rationalization, justification, minimization, and blame-shifting in order to continue drinking. What results is saying guilt trips, provoking incidents of anger to justify drinking, lying and many other forms of improper behavior. An alcoholic eventually develops a world of illusion that becomes a dangerous mirage of reality.
Somehow this nightmarish world of denial must be invaded and destroyed.
Don’t be an enabler
The difficulty is compounded by the fact that family members, especially the husband or wife of the alcoholic, often find themselves hooked into the bizarre world of denial. Making excuses for missed work becomes commonplace, spawned by the fear of loss of job, desire to avoid rejection of friends and family, and misguided concern for the drinking family member. A mate can prolong an alcoholic’s drinking behavior by becoming an “enabler.”
The alcoholic must be allowed to face the consequences of his inappropriate behavior. This may involve suffering and sacrifice by other family members. But as long as someone shields his drinking behavior, the problem will continue and may intensify.
Do not make the calls to an alcoholic’s employer. Let him make the call himself. If he staggers home, vomits and passes out on the living room floor or front lawn, the natural tendency would be to clean him up, put him to bed and then let him have the full force of your anger and resentment in the morning when his head is pounding with a hangover and he is already ashamed of his behavior the evening before—unless he was in a blackout, in which case he will remember nothing.
Allowing him to wake up in the residue of the night before can provide a powerful dose of reality. Especially if he wakes up in full sight of his neighbors as they begin their day. An alcoholic needs this kind of tough love to help him face the consequences of his drinking problem. The morning after may also be the time to calmly and lovingly encourage him to consider getting help.
Motivation for seeking treatment
But what if the alcoholic still refuses to acknowledge the need for help? For many years the belief persisted that an alcoholic has to “hit bottom” before seeking treatment. Sooner or later some crisis will force the alcoholic to face up to reality or suffer tragic consequences: loss of family, financial ruin, imprisonment, even death.
Must family members sit by helplessly and wait for tragedy to strike? What if you or someone else in the family is at the end of the rope emotionally and feel you cannot take any more? What if you feel you cannot ride out this dizzying spiral to oblivion? Is a better alternative available?
Dynamics of intervention
Thankfully, yes. It’s called intervention. Intervention is a carefully planned, frank but loving confrontation session by as many family and other meaningful persons as are willing and able to participate. Former U.S. President Gerald Ford’s wife Betty is a well-known example of successful intervention.
Each participant clearly states facts and feelings about how the drinking pattern has affected their life. This information is conveyed after sincerely affirming love and concern to the problem drinker. A combination of support and confrontation is important to let the person know that the others in the room love him or her but cannot and will not continue to tolerate the drinking problem. Alternatives and consequences should be spelled out. Everyone must be prepared to follow through on whatever actions they spell out. No bluffing, no threats. These only hurt credibility and prolong suffering of all concerned.
This course of action must be supported by professional help. It is advisable to have a trained facilitator lead and monitor the discussion.
The object of intervention is to secure the alcoholic’s agreement to enter treatment at the conclusion of the session. A plan of action should already be in place so treatment may begin immediately. Treatment should be considered with the same sense of urgency and gravity as a medical emergency such as appendicitis or a heart attack.
Where to find help
Where can you find help? What type of treatment is available? Of course this should be investigated long before the intervention is scheduled so you are ready to proceed quickly with your preconceived plan of action.
An Internet search or the yellow pages of your phone book are good places to begin. Look under “Alcoholism Information and Treatment” to find a list of treatment centers in your area. Some are privately operated. Some are non-profit, usually supported by government funds. If insurance coverage is available, private centers may be a better option. If not, treatment at a public facility is available on a “sliding scale” basis, which means the cost is adjusted according to the family income. Doctors and governmental agencies can also provide referral information.
What happens in treatment? First an assessment interview is set up with the patient to determine the nature and duration of treatment. Detoxification is usually the next procedure, to help remove alcohol from the system and to treat side effects such as withdrawal symptoms. The patient then enters a period of inpatient or outpatient treatment.
Treatment modalities have been standardized in recent years by government regulations and insurance company requirements. Most programs consist of group therapy, individual counseling, lectures and nutritional support.
Family involvement is also critically important, since alcoholism affects the entire family. Participation in treatment also reinforces their love for the alcoholic. Special family group sessions are planned to help families communicate facts and feelings openly and honestly with support from other patients and their families. People help people, and learn about themselves in the process.
Then for long-term success at maintaining sobriety, a recovering alcoholic needs to participate regularly—at least weekly—in an alcoholics’ support group. The largest no-cost support group in the world is Alcoholics Anonymous.
What is Alcoholics Anonymous?
AA is a widely respected international fellowship of recovering alcoholics who meet together to help each other maintain sobriety. The only requirement for joining or attending AA is a desire to stop drinking. There is no cost other than optional contributions for refreshments and cost of meeting facilities.
AA is not a religion. It is simply a support group devoted to helping people maintain their abstinence from drinking. Similar support groups exist for many other causes, such as eating disorders.
AA’s primary approach is its 12-step program, which teaches that it is essential to look to “a Higher Power” for help in maintaining sobriety. “God as you understand Him” is another term used in AA to accommodate people of all religious faiths. “Higher Power” as a generic term for God is used especially to help agnostic and atheist alcoholics get started in the direction of seeking help beyond their own efforts. This terminology should present no problem to people with biblical understanding. On the contrary, they can appreciate the twelve step program more than others because of their understanding of God.
Of course, when any person sincerely turns to God, determines to obey His commandments, repents of his sins and seeks God’s forgiveness, and perseveres in praying earnestly, God will begin to answer his prayers and help him (Matthew 21:22 Matthew 21:22And all things, whatever you shall ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive.
American King James Version×; Mark 11:22-26 Mark 11:22-26 22 And Jesus answering said to them, Have faith in God. 23 For truly I say to you, That whoever shall say to this mountain, Be you removed, and be you cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he said shall come to pass; he shall have whatever he said. 24 Therefore I say to you, What things soever you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them. 25 And when you stand praying, forgive, if you have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
American King James Version×; 1 John 5:14-15 1 John 5:14-15 14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he hears us: 15 And if we know that he hear us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.
American King James Version×). It’s great if you can steer an alcoholic in that direction.
Two common objections to AA meetings are the potential foul language and profuse smoking. Neither of these problems are insurmountable. The key is finding the right AA group. The local AA office can steer you to a non-smoking AA group. An AA group meeting in a church is not as likely to smoke or use foul language, simply because of the location.
AA meetings are chaired by member volunteers on a rotating basis. They lead informal discussions geared toward maintaining sobriety. Discussions sometimes center on a theme, such as one of the 12 steps and how it applies.
Meetings end with reciting “the Lord’s Prayer.” Some people feel uncomfortable about this, thinking of these prayers as “vain repetitions” (Matthew 6:7-8 Matthew 6:7-8 7 But when you pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.
8 Be not you therefore like to them: for your Father knows what things you have need of, before you ask him.
American King James Version×). But the Bible does not prohibit reciting this or any other part of scripture. Vain repetition is repetition that serves no worthwhile purpose. Repetition for emphasis and other valid reasons is supported by scripture. Even though Jesus taught the words of the “Lord’s Prayer” as an outline, praying the exact words of Jesus Christ with heartfelt meaning can certainly be a profitable experience.
AA has many booklets for little or no cost to help explain the organization in much greater detail than is possible within the scope of this article.
The Twelve Step program
The twelve step program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is central to the recovery philosophy of treatment. It was developed years ago by recovering alcoholics who analyzed what they did to attain sobriety.
This program has a longstanding track record of success. So much so that adapted versions are used for many other types of addictive behavior. The success rate can be attributed to the fact that all twelve steps are in harmony with biblical principles, a fact that is explained in another article on UCG.org—A.A.’s Twelve Steps in Scripture. The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, available from AA, expounds the value of the step program to recovering alcoholics.
Remember that treatment centers cannot promise to “cure” alcoholism. They offer treatment and programs to follow to obtain and maintain sobriety. Gaining and maintaining sobriety is the personal responsibility of each patient. An ongoing “maintenance program” is generally discussed with the patient prior to discharge from inpatient treatment. The maintenance program usually involves periodic follow-up group therapy sessions and a strong recommendation to become involved in a support group such as AA.
Breaking Free is part of United Church of God’s commitment to helping families suffering from alcoholism and other addictions. We appreciate your prayers for our efforts and the efforts of all those who are trying to bring hope, help and healing to those in need.