Almighty God designed mankind with the potential of becoming members of His family and co-heirs of all that He possesses (Romans 8:17). In order for humans to grow toward that awesome objective, God planned a physical life for them. That life was intended to teach the great lessons of His way and for people to learn to love all that God represents. This is the reason God gave His laws and offers saving grace through the sacrifice of His son Jesus Christ, and in this design He planned for human relationships on this earth. He also knew that humans were vulnerable to the evils of Satan. The impact of Satan has a great deal to do with the difficulty mankind has in identifying and following God’s way of life.

Mankind has failed miserably, and the consequences of these failures are seen in damaged and ruined lives. God works within this framework so that all might be saved. Since God’s work continues in an imperfect world and with imperfect people, He has selected a small number to be His obedient followers, to teach and exemplify God’s ways to others and to prepare the way for Christ’s return. To these chosen few, He has given a glimpse into the great secrets of life. One of these great secrets, the concept of marriage and family, reveals a clear insight into His work and plan. People all around the world marry, but few understand the deep meaning of the union that is so natural.

Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:29-33 that husbands ought to love their wives as Christ loves, nourishes, and cherishes the church. “For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones,” Paul states. He goes on to say that this is a great mystery. We understand that the church becomes the bride of Christ with the final goal of being composed of spirit, just as God is a spirit being. 1 Corinthians 15:38, 44, 49 reveals that God gives a completely new body to His resurrected children. We will become like Him.

The marriage of the Church to Christ will be a complete union resulting in total oneness. This is what Jesus prayed about in John 17:21 when He asked that humans may be one with Him as He is one with the Father. There is no closer union that can be conceived of than this. This goal and message of tremendous importance is reflected in the design God gave men and women that gives them the potential for a complementary and harmonious relationship.

Marriage is to be a union of man and woman, which teaches the many lessons God means for mankind to realize. Our flaws, faults, phobias, and many other human weaknesses cause us great distress in this life, and marriage often reflects that distress. But God intends that we learn the needed lessons and strive to live within His guidance. When humans love God and keep His commandments, they are strengthened and thus able to overcome the areas of life that are contrary to God. Living within the marriage covenant is a vital part of this understanding. I hasten to add that being married is not a requirement for salvation, and it is clear that not all people can marry.

Genesis 1:26-28 tells us that God made both man and woman in His image. He created them both with the same potential: to become His children. In Galatians 3:28, Paul points out that there is no male or female in the ultimate oneness with God. Marriage in human terms is temporary and ends at the death of one of the partners (1 Corinthians 7:39). However, the lessons learned are for an eternity.

As One

When God created Eve, He took a rib from Adam’s side (Genesis 2:21-23). One lesson we can draw from that is that in marriage, man and woman are to be so close to each other as to be one. Since the possibility for eternal life did exist (the tree of life), God gave Adam and Eve some instructions. Adam and Eve were to appreciate that ultimately mankind can have eternal life with God. In verse 24, the offer of oneness was intended for all future married couples. In the future, all marriages were to reflect the closest relationship two humans could have. They were to be as though they were one flesh—just as ultimately we will have bodies composed of spirit, as Jesus possesses now.

God started the first marriage and the first couple by creating Eve out of the flesh of Adam. They truly were one flesh. Since that time, the lesson is not quite as dramatic, but is just as meaningful. In marriage, the body of the man and body of the woman do become one, especially with the procreation of a child born out of the union. The act of procreation is part of this learning process and of the oneness between man and woman.

God’s plan is that humans learn the greater spiritual lessons of life. We learn them with His help. We may falter and fall from time to time, but our objective is to constantly grow in overcoming all that is within us that is contrary to what God plans. When man and woman become husband and wife, they enter into a godly union that can bring great joy, contentment, and happiness, and at the same time allows for the development of Godly qualities and character as we act out the future that God designed. There is pain, discomfort, and stress associated with human relationships and marriage is not devoid of problems.

It is in the determination to accept the decrees of God and to work on the oneness that God intended that we humans begin to climb the ladder of oneness with God and with Jesus Christ. Marriage is a union that is to last a lifetime. Children grow up and leave the home, but the parents—the husband and wife—remain in that union as long as they live. They are to be true to one another and cleave to one another. The permanency of the institution reflects the permanency of the marriage of Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5:22-29 outlines the best way for husbands and wives to live in harmony. Men and women have differences that God created. God demands respect and decency in the relationship. He strongly cushions the relationship with instructions about behavior. Jesus Chris (husband) is the leader and protector. The church (wife) is to willingly subject herself to her husband without being forced. Thus we can see that the relationship is loving and caring and not the kind of bullying and oppression that some associate with marriage. Husbands are to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Obviously, there is no thought of abuse or tyranny in these words. No person is perfect, so it is obvious that forgiveness and growing together will be needed. The determination to act in a loving manner and respect one another forgives a multitude of flaws and allows humans to experience the lessons God has planned for them. It is the responsibility of the church to teach, instruct, and guide people to become more Christlike. As this ability grows in a couple, their marriage will grow ever more toward the oneness that is possible. It is important to remember that human marriage is only temporary and is a little window that peeks out to the greater marriage that will last for eternity.

Christians are to do all that is in their power to ensure the success of the marriage. There are usually times of great hardship and stress. We may have to use all the power and strength we have to do the right things. That, too, is a positive experience. We live in an age where the thrust of society seems to be to avoid pain and suffering of any kind. Basically, we are told that if you are not happy in a relationship, get out. The emphasis is on “me” and “my happiness.” In actual life, most people who try to run from complications, trials, and difficulties just manage to exchange one set of troubles for another set.

We are to tackle our problems with all of our might and brain power through the power of the Holy Spirit, in prayer, looking to Jesus Christ for His strength. We are to assess, discuss, and strive to understand, and then move toward solutions to our problems of life—without abandoning the marriage. It is a most horrendous thought that a mother or father would destroy the family in order to remove stress from themselves. It is much better for us, in every way to learn to put “our happiness” in places other than the very front of our agendas in life. It is character building for us to consider the happiness of others. Mates and children should come first.

God always blesses those who strive to follow His ways. Making a determined effort to enhance and continue to improve a marriage will build better character in us, be a blessing to all around us and, in the end, be a blessing to ourselves. You cannot “outgive” God. He says it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35). When we give of ourselves to our mates and families in complete love, we will usually receive that back again and more from our families. If not while living in this life, then God will reward us in the life to come.

I cannot close without acknowledging that we all have flaws. Nobody has a mate that is flawless, and if anyone should think they have such a mate, or are such a mate, they are deceiving themselves. It is OK to have flaws—welcome to the human race. It is not OK to expect others to suffer because of our flaws. We need to examine ourselves and see what we can give or add to the marriage to make it better. How can we please our husband or wife? On the other hand, there are some flaws that are so demeaning and damaging to a mate that the only way to survive is to flee. I do not countenance abuse—physical, emotional, or other serious dangers—as something that anyone should be “forced” to live with. Sometimes it is simply not possible.

Sometimes people who have huge flaws refuse to change. There may be no solution except to move away and not live with that person. 1 Corinthians 7:11 allows for a way out in an extreme case. It is not the intent of God though, and I’ve tried to focus on that in this article. God wants us to work on our flaws so that both partners can become fully mature Christians and much better people. Marriage is a gift from God to help us reach a higher potential. God gives us good gifts—we are the ones who may not recognize the gift. We might make the tragic mistake of allowing the sway of society to alter our thinking or to resist the correction and help God gives. It boils down to our choice and our ability to choose.

Along the road to oneness with God, we are to run with endurance and resist sin even to the loss of our lives (Hebrews 12:1-4, Matthew 10:38-39). There are great spiritual lessons in living as God instructs. We have the choice to accept those lessons and live full, productive, and happy lives, or we can succumb to the weaknesses we have and fail in this quest. Success is the result of understanding and believing, then doing the right thing in God’s sight.

For more information on marriage and the deep meaning it holds for Christians, order the free booklet Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension.