Giving thanks in all things has never been truer for my family and me than this year. This year, only eight months apart, we went through two miscarriages. This is our story of pain and faith and how important it is to live, ”giving thanks always for all things” (Ephesians 5:20).
Hopes and expectations
My husband and I have been married almost 18 years. God has blessed us with an amazing little boy. He is nine now and has been begging for years for a brother or a sister. We finally decided to start trying again. We talked about it as a family. We told our son we were ready to ask God for a baby. He was so excited! After talking to him we all got on our knees and, as a family, we prayed to God and we all asked God, if it was His will, would He please let us have another baby.
Almost a year of trying went by when finally it seemed our prayers were answered. I was pregnant! We were all so happy. Our son was super excited at the thought of having a brother or sister. Sadly, at our first ultrasound, they could not find a baby. There was a sac, but a baby was not growing inside. I chose not to have the surgery to remove any tissue. I could not stand the thought of it; what if they were wrong? I chose to let my body decide when it was over.
It was a long week of waiting, to see what would happen before the next doctor visit. On Sunday, March 22, 2012, it ended. My husband and son had just walked into the house when the miscarriage started. The pain was terrible as I lay on the floor. I lost so much blood I started passing out. I would wake to find my husband over me telling me to keep breathing. My son was over me crying and praying, asking God to not let his mommy die. In and out of consciousness, I was begging God, “Please don't let me die. My family needs me.”
I was rushed to the emergency room. My family and friends were there and our local elder came to anoint me. It was a scary time for us all. But our God brought us through it, and when I came to, I had to give thanks: thanks to God for not letting me die; thanks to God for the family and friends who were there. In that time of sadness we were truly blessed.
A few months went by and, after my body healed, we began to try for another baby. We were so excited to find out, around the first of November, we were expecting again! We thanked God again and prayed that our baby would grow and be healthy.
Again our son was so happy at the thought of a brother or sister. We were all excited.
Thankfulness despite repeated difficulties
Thanksgiving time came. We had family in from out of state and lots of fun things planned for the weekend. We were excited to plan and talk about baby news with the family. On November 22, 2012, Thanksgiving morning, I woke up to find I was bleeding. We were losing another baby. This was exactly eight months since our first miscarriage. I laid in the bed crying and praying, asking God to please not let us lose this baby as well. But in my heart, I knew it was over. I had lost too much blood and I just felt empty inside. But again, in all things we gave thanks. We thanked God that it wasn't as bad as my first miscarriage. This time I was able to stay home and not go to the hospital. We thanked God we had family here to help with our son.
I laid in bed a few hours and cried and tried to rest a little. Then I made myself get up and start cooking. This was Thanksgiving after all! We had plans with family and friends and I needed them. I needed to laugh and to smile and spend the day being thankful.
After the weekend when our family had gone back home, the house was quiet and sad again. My husband and I made the dreaded trip to the doctor to confirm what we already knew. After leaving the doctor, we sat in the parking lot and cried. We came home and thought about what we had just been through and we gave thanks. Even though we are going through a sad time, when we sit back and look at all God has given us and all God does for us every day, we have so many reasons to give thanks.
I don't know the reasons God has for not allowing our babies to grow. We do know He has perfect timing and we trust Him and His plans.
If He chooses, maybe one day we will have another baby. But until then, we know, in all things, give thanks!
If you’re struggling to understand the tougher parts of life, read the free Bible study aid Why Does God Allow Suffering?