The Bible teaches the clear principle that sexual intercourse is the supreme expression of love between a husband and wife: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4 Hebrews 13:4Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
American King James Version×, New International Version).
Thus, the Bible forbids all sexual relations outside of marriage (Exodus 20:14 Exodus 20:14You shall not commit adultery.
American King James Version×; 1 Corinthians 6:18 1 Corinthians 6:18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body.
American King James Version×). But the Scriptures don’t specifically address what is acceptable lovemaking within marriage, including the question of oral sex.
It is not up to the Church to determine exactly how a married couple should express conjugal love to each other. The book of Song of Solomon, for instance, describes a great variety of lovemaking between a husband and a wife. It is thus up to the couple to determine how to express their love. Following the biblical principles, a godly couple should not engage in what either spouse feels is a wrongful expression of that love. Marital intimacy is a time for a husband and wife to be fully considerate of each other.
All should be conscious of the fact that their judgment is influenced by their culture and their background, and that these influences aren’t always godly. Believers should allow scriptures such as those mentioned above to be their guiding influence. Christ inspired this summary of the matter: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor;
5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:
American King James Version×, NIV).
These thoughts can help you and your spouse decide how to express your love to each other.
For more information, please read our booklet Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension.