Need of facing loss
"A Friend in Grief" - Lack of concern itself - lack of fear of upsetting me further
It is not easy to comfort someone who is grieving,
When a person is born we celebrate
When someone is married we jubilate
When someone dies we act as if nothing has happened
We all will loose someone - it is the human experience
Luk 15:4 "What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?
Luk 15:5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
Luk 15:6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!'
Luk 15:8 "Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?
Luk 15:9 And when she has found it, she calls her friends and neighbors together, saying, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found the piece which I lost!'
Holmes Stress Scale - http://www.dartmouth.edu/~eap/library/lifechangestresstest.pdf
Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil.
Job 1:2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him.
Job 1:3 Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.
Job 1:13 Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house;
Job 1:14 and a messenger came to Job and said, "The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them,
Job 1:15 when the Sabeans raided them and took them away—indeed they have killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
Job 1:16 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, "The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
Job 1:17 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, "The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the camels and took them away, yes, and killed the servants with the edge of the sword; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
Job 1:18 While he was still speaking, another also came and said, "Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house,
Job 1:19 and suddenly a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people, and they are dead; and I alone have escaped to tell you!"
Job 1:20 Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped.
Job 1:21 And he said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:22 In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong.
Job 2:7 So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head.
Job 2:8 And he took for himself a potsherd with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes.
Rth 1:1 Now it came to pass, in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehem, Judah, went to dwell in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons.
Rth 1:2 The name of the man was Elimelech, the name of his wife was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion—Ephrathites of Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to the country of Moab and remained there.
Rth 1:3 Then Elimelech, Naomi's husband, died; and she was left, and her two sons.
Rth 1:4 Now they took wives of the women of Moab: the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth. And they dwelt there about ten years.
Rth 1:5 Then both Mahlon and Chilion also died; so the woman survived her two sons and her husband.
Rth 1:13 would you wait for them till they were grown? Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands? No, my daughters; for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the LORD has gone out against me!"
Rth 1:21 I went out full, and the LORD has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?"
Mat 5:1 And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him.
Mat 5:2 Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
Mat 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.
Three principles of comfort
God - 2Co 1:3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
2Co 1:4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Scriptures - Rom 15:1 We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
Rom 15:2 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.
Rom 15:3 For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "THE REPROACHES OF THOSE WHO REPROACHED YOU FELL ON ME."
Rom 15:4 For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.
2Co 7:4 Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great is my boasting on your behalf. I am filled with comfort. I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation.
2Co 7:5 For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.
2Co 7:6 Nevertheless God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus,
2Co 7:7 and not only by his coming, but also by the consolation with which he was comforted in you, when he told us of your earnest desire, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced even more.
2Co 7:13 Therefore we have been comforted in your comfort. And we rejoiced exceedingly more for the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all.
Do's and Don'ts
Job 2:11 Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him.
Job 2:12 And when they raised their eyes from afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices and wept; and each one tore his robe and sprinkled dust on his head toward heaven.
Job 2:13 So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.
Job 21:1 Then Job answered and said:
Job 21:2 "Listen carefully to my speech, And let this be your consolation.
Job 21:3 Bear with me that I may speak, And after I have spoken, keep mocking.
Job 21:34 How then can you comfort me with empty words, Since falsehood remains in your answers?"
Let them express their grief in their own way
Fail to acknowledge that they have lost someone
Listen to them, carefully
Forget them after the funeral
Expect them to get over it
Let them be alone if that is what they desire
Psychodynamics of the Grief Process
Fear and panic
Another question - "Where do I go from here?"
Job 42:10 And the LORD restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.
Job 42:11 Then all his brothers, all his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him and ate food with him in his house; and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity that the LORD had brought upon him. Each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold.
Even after his life has changed and gotten better, he is still consoled by his friends.
1Th 4:14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.
1Th 4:15 For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep.
1Th 4:16 For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first.
1Th 4:17 Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord.
1Th 4:18 Therefore comfort one another with these words.
We don't want to grieve as those who have no hope.
1Th 5:11 Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.
When wives die before their husbands, the men die shortly after that death. Does this happen because men were told they shouldn't cry?
Dave Schreiber grew up in Albert Lea, Minnesota. From there he moved to Pasadena, CA and obtained a bachelor’s degree from Ambassador College where he received a major in Theology and a minor in Business Administration. He went on to acquire his accounting education at California State University at Los Angeles and worked in public accounting for 33 years. Dave and his wife Jolinda have two children, a son who is married and working in Cincinnati and a daughter who is also married with two children of her own. Dave currently pastors three churches in the surrounding area.