[Richard Kennebeck] I’m going to speak today on a subject that is really near and dear to my heart. It’s one of all the physical blessings that God gives to us – gives to me. It’s really the one I treasure the most. We, last week, celebrated fathers and we just heard a song about families. Well, unfortunately, this treasure that I hold dear to me is one that is being beaten, battered and destroyed in our world today.

Yesterday the Supreme Court handed down a ruling – July 27, 2015 – 5 to 4 ruling – that states could no longer ban same sex marriage. In doing so, they immediately and effectively did away with the God-given, biblical definition of marriage and replaced it with a man-made definition of marriage.

As I said, marriage is beaten, it’s battered – this institution – in our world today. And we hear the discouraging statistics. 50% of the people that married get divorced and many of the rest of them live in misery – at least, that’s what we hear – frustrated, unhappy lives. And we constantly hear the death toll being rung for marriage. And a lot of people question whether it’s really even useful – really even needed in our society.

But how does God look at the institution of marriage – this special union He created between one man, who was born as a man, and one woman, who was born as a woman? How does He look at that? Well, Paul tells us that marriage should be honored and treasured. In Hebrews 13 – we can turn there – Paul gives concluding remarks – moral and spiritual instruction – to the Hebrews. And in the midst of these remarks, he’s speaks about marriage. Hebrews 13, verse 1:

Hebrews 13:1 – Let brotherly love continue. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing, some have unwittingly entertained angels. Remember the prisoners, as if chained with them, those who are mistreated, since you yourselves are in the body also. Verse 4:

V-4 – Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Verse 5:

V-5 – Let your conduct be without covetousness. Be content with such things as you have, for He Himself has said, “I will never leave or forsake you.”

Here, among the midst of these exhortations – to have brotherly love, to remember the strangers, to remember those in prison, to be sexually pure, to not be covetous, to be content – we find an exhortation to hold marriage honorable to all people and to all things. We’re supposed to treat marriage as an honorable institution. And that word for honor here is really an interesting word, because its connection to marriage is commonly used in the New Testament to mean something precious – something precious. That Greek word is timios and it means valuable, costly, honored, esteemed, beloved, dear and most precious. I like the way the Amplified Version of the Bible translates verse 4. It says, “Let marriage be held in honor, esteemed worth, precious, of great price and especially dear in all things.” And that word honor is used in 2 Peter 1:4, where it refers to the exceedingly great and precious – that’s the word honor – promises of God, through which we can be partakers in the divine nature. And it’s also used in 1 Peter 1, verse 19, where it refers to the precious – honor – blood of Christ. That’s how precious marriage should be.

In Hebrews 13:4, when it talks about “let marriage be held in honor among you,” we should hear the ring of preciousness. We should think of it as a precious thing – as a treasure, like gold, and silver and a fine jewel – revered, especially dear, something we want to have and hold dear.

Is there really hope for marriage? As I said, the statistics say that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Can your marriage stand the test of time – especially in this world that we’re in? Can it stand the test of Satan? Can your marriage thrive? Can it excel? Can it be a precious and honorable union? God wants it to be. He desires that our marriages thrive. God has a purpose for marriage and that purpose goes far beyond, actually, the physical union between a man and a woman. And, regardless of how the Supreme Court will define marriage, God’s definition goes back before the Supreme Court was made, before the US Constitution was made and before the government of man was put into place.

Marriage is woven throughout scripture – throughout scripture, from Genesis – the first marriage – through the Song of Solomon – a love poem – through God’s marriage to ancient Israel, through the teachings of Jesus and of Paul, and finally through the culmination of the wedding supper at Jesus’ return.

And there are various reasons why some may not be marriage – may not choose to be married. Paul, a dynamic apostle of Christ, wasn’t married. But Peter was. We know that from Matthew 8:14. It talks about his mother-in-law and that Jesus came and healed her. An early tradition tells us that some of the apostles were married and some weren’t. So marriage isn’t a requirement to enter the Kingdom of God. But, you know, many of the lessons that we learn to be good Christians are lessons that we use in our marriages. And many of the lessons that we use in a good marriage are the lessons that we use to have good relationships among others to be a mature Christian.

So let’s take a look at the beginning of marriage. Please turn with me to Genesis 2. This wonderful gift to mankind began at the very beginning of man. We’ll start in verse 18, just to see where marriage came from. Genesis 2, verse 18:

Genesis 2:18 – And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.

I find it interesting that, when you go through Genesis 1, you read of God creating, or re-creating, things. And what does he say at the end of each one of those things? “I saw it was good! I saw it was good.” Here’s the first time God says something wasn’t good. It wasn’t good that man should be alone. And God reinforces that because he has Adam look at all the animals to show him that he doesn’t have a companion. In verse 19, we read:

V-19 – Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. Verse 20:
V-20 – So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was found a helper comparable to him.  Adam finds that there is nobody there for him – nobody who can be a companion for him. So God creates a companion. Verse 21:

V-21 – And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, He made into a woman. And He brought her to the man. Verse 23:

V-23 – And Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.”

You know, I’ve often looked at this scripture and thought how Adam said this. The way the King James Version brings it across, it’s very matter-of-factly. So I kind of wonder if Adam wasn’t kind of half-Vulcan – you know, kind of like Spock – Star Trek – and he says – no emotion, just a statement of logic – of fact – “Now this is bone of bones and flesh of my flesh. She’ll be called woman. Live long and prosper,” (holds up the Vulcan greeting sign) (laughter) and that was the end of it. But that isn’t what the Hebrew reads. That isn’t what it reads. The Hebrew word there for now is paam.  Paam is typically, and can be, rendered much more intensely, much more emotionally than the word just now. Paam means to impel. Adam was excited! Here he had this person that could be his companion. Several translations of the Bible actually end that part – now – with an exclamation point. Adam had looked around and had seen animals and none of them were like him. None of them could be his companion. That word paam actually literally means this, now, at last! – with an exclamation point.The ERV Version translates it, “And the man said, ‘Finally! One like me – with bones from my bones and a body from my body!’” Adam was excited about this new person that God had created as a companion for him – for a relationship for a lifetime with him. Marriage was created by God at the very beginning of mankind for a lifetime union.

But this isn’t the only time this scripture is actually used. We see that, actually, twice in the New Testament, this same scripture is referred back to. And each time, it gives us additional understanding of this union of two people and of the purpose of marriage. The first is in Matthew 19, verse 3. In Matthew 19, and in verse 3, we can read an additional purpose, or understanding about this. Jesus is talking to the Pharisees, who are trying to Him with arguments, but Jesus uses that trap to explain and teach lessons about marriage.

Matthew 19:3 – The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He, who made them at the beginning, made them male and female – verse 5 – and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh?’”

V-6 – “So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Now, I understand there are reasons for divorce, but Jesus is reiterating here the importance and permanence of marriage, and that God is the One who’s joined the two people together, and ultimately we are responsible to Him.

In the second place in the New Testament is in Ephesians 5. In Ephesians 5, Paul talks about marriage as a great mystery. And I’m sure we’d go, “Well, yah…it is!” (chuckles) It is a great mystery. “I mean, how do I get along with my wife?” and “What was she thinking?” and “What’s he thinking doing that?” and whatever. It is a great mystery. But this scripture brings a special unique understanding to that. And I’m actually going to read this in the New Living Translation – Ephesians 5, and I’m going to start with verse 20.

Ephesians 5:20 – And we – the church – are members of His – Christ’s – body. As the scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one.” Verse 32:

V-32 – This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

The great mystery is that marriage has a deep spiritual significance. At its most perfect level, marriage should picture the relationship between Christ and the church. And it should picture a relationship of one – the oneness of Jesus and the church. When we realize that marriage is more than just a physical relationship between two people – a man and a woman – but it’s an example of Christ and the church and that relationship – we need even honor marriage more and see it for the beauty and preciousness that it is.

Now, what is the purpose of marriage? What is the purpose of marriage? We’ve already seen two humans shouldn’t be lonely. Marriage brings partnership. It brings companionship. And, as we’ve just read, marriage illustrates a mystery of the relationship between Jesus and the church. But what are some of the other purposes of marriage?

Well, in 1 Corinthians 7:9, we read that marriage helps us to not sin, because it says:

1 Corinthians 7:9 – But, if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Malachi 2:15 tells us another purpose for marriage. Marriage is designed to produce godly children. In Malachi 2:15, it says:

Malachi 2:15 – But did He not make them one – talking of husband and wife – having a remnant of the spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore, take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

Marriage – another reason – marriage is the foundational unit of the family, which is used to build society. If you’d turn with me to Genesis 1:27 and 28, we’ll read about this. Starting in verse 27, it says:

Genesis 1:27-28 – God created man in His own image – in the image of God He created him. Male and female He created them. In verse 28, it says:

V-28 – And God blessed, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

It’s through that family unit that we build a society. And the marriage – a husband and a wife – is what is the foundation of that society. If you start attacking that, society begins to suffer.

Another reason for marriage is that marriage is a framework for a family, which is built to help pass on the knowledge of God to our children and to teach the ways of God. In Deuteronomy 11:18, it tells us about this. Moses is writing here about the time right after the second tablets – the Ten Commandments were delivered to the children of Israel. In verse 18 of Deuteronomy 11, it says:

Deuteronomy 11:18 – Therefore, you shall lay up these words of Mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign in your hand. And they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up – that’s, basically, everywhere, but a lot of this is being done in the home. Verse 20:

V-20 – And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house, and on your gates – 21 – that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land which the LORD swore to the fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth.

A successful marriage is not miraculously arranged in heaven. God made men and women able and capable to make marriages work though. But we are human. We constantly face pitfalls. Prince Charming and Cinderella don’t always live happily ever after. Neither do Shrek and Fiona – I’ve got grandkids and I’m starting to get back into these again – or Jasmine and Aladdin. Life often gets in the way of a happy marriage. Life has a way of chipping away at it. Children, lack of sleep, careers, jobs, travel, financial difficulties, stress, conflict, misunderstandings – you know, we’re all living life at the speed of light anymore and we often wake up, at some point, and say, “I hardly know this person anymore.”

But we can have a happy, wonderful marriage, where the honeymoon really doesn’t end. It’s just the beginning of an incredible journey of two people. And no two marriages are alike. No two people are alike. The way they blend themselves together – their likes, their dislikes, their personalities – they’re all different. And what works with one marriage may not work with another. But we still can make them work. It may be a unique challenge though.

Many of the guidelines for a happy marriage are the same exact guidelines to be a good Christian, when you really look at it. Being a good Christian will help you have a good marriage – to have a good strong relationship with your spouse, the same things help you have a good strong relationship with other people.

I’d like to turn to just a few of these guidelines – actually, I’m just going to go to one. There are many other ones, but let’s take a look at one and some these guidelines about being a mature Christian. Let’s turn to Colossians 3. In Colossians 3, Paul’s telling the Colossians that they need to put to death the carnal nature and replace it with something else – something better – attributes of a Christian. Colossians 3, beginning in verse 12, we read:

Colossians 3:12 – Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved…. Now, as we read these, let’s look at these not only as to a Christian – a fellow Christian – and how we act, but let’s look at it in the context of marriage – between the attitudes of a husband and a wife. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved – our spouse – husband, wife – we should look at them – if they’re working and trying to be a Christian – we should look at them as the elect of God, holy and beloved – somebody who should be treated with honor and respect. Continuing: …put on tender mercies – tender mercies – a compassionate heart. The NIV version of the Bible says, “Clothe ourselves with compassion.” Compassion is an inner emotion. It’s associated with the very heart and core of a person. Continuing: …kindness – this is one of the things we should put on. Out of compassion comes kindness. As we have compassion in our heart, we should show kindness to others. …put on humility and meekness – humility and meekness brings a desire to help others. It should bring a desire to help our spouse. It isn’t something that says, “I want my way.” It’s something that says, “I want your way. I want to help you.” And it’s also the foundation of forgiveness – both asking for forgiveness and extending forgiveness to someone else – to your spouse. Continuing on: …longsuffering – verse 13 – bearing with one another – there are going to be times in your marriage where you’re going to have to suffer long. You’re going to have to have patience, bear with the other one. Make sure you don’t have a short fuse. But we need to be patient with one another – patient with other Christians, patient with our spouse. Continuing: …and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another. Even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Sometimes, this is one of the hardest commandments, isn’t it – to forgive somebody else? And for reason, a lot of times, it’s harder to forgive your own spouse. But we need to look at what Christ did for us. You know, these words – forgive and forgiving – there are actually several words in the New Testament for forgive and forgiving. This word that used here is a really interesting use of it, or meaning of it. It talks about grant as a favor, graciously, in kindness, pardon or rescue, forgive freely. We need to be gracious as we forgive. Grant them the favor. Forgive them the debt. Don’t exact the payment, but graciously grant the favor of kindness. Continuing in verse 14:

V-14 – But above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection. This form of love here is the form agape – a love that has to do with affection and altruistic actions and deeds – a selfless love, which is the bond of perfection and completeness. Marriage is based on that – not selfishness, but selflessness – not asking and wanting what’s good for me, but what’s good for us. And in verse 15, it says:

V-15 – And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body, and be thankful. As we grow in these traits – both as a Christian and in a marriage – we will have the peace of God in our marriage. And that’s a wonderful thing. And then, finally, it says, “Be thankful.” Be thankful. That’s not a trait that we typically have in us a lot of times. But let’s be thankful for the small things in marriage and the big things. A word of thanks is really uplifting to someone else. It makes them feel appreciated.
These are all wonderful Christian qualities of two people in marriage – acknowledging and treating each other as the elect of God, as holy, as beloved, treating each other with compassion, with kindness, humble, meek, not overbearing, not proud, being patient and being thankful. They are all what we want to be as Christians. They’re all what we want to be as a husband and a wife.

This is the type marriage I strive for – the type of Christian I strive to be also – is what is spoken about here. And there’s little difference between that which is in marriage and that which is between Christians, as far as how we should treat each other.

A little over a year ago, I performed my first marriage. It was for a niece of mine. They had grown to love each other, care for each other and they wanted to make that bond with God. And, as part of their premarital counseling, I talked to them about some of the things my wife and I had learned over the years that we’ve been married. And I went through those with them, because I thought, “You know, there are a lot of things that I learned that I went through the hard knocks, and maybe, if I could them a little bit of help, it would help them.” And so I told them some of the principles of a good marriage, as my wife, Emmie, and I saw over the thirty-eight years that we’ve been married. I’m going to share some of those with you – share some of those that I went through with the two of them.

The first piece of advice I gave them was watch your expectations. Watch your expectations. We go into marriage often with great expectations of what marriage is going to be like, of what my spouse is going to be like, of what life is going to be like. We have rose-colored glasses, we’ve often heard, but reality often doesn’t match that.

I had two friends in college – I think it was my senior year in college – and they got engaged. And I was in statistics class one morning, and class hadn’t started yet, and he was telling all of us about what marriage was going to be like. Now he wasn’t married yet, but he said – and he told us – he said, “You know, I’m going to go to work, and I’m going to come home, and my wife’s going to meet me at the door with a beer in one hand, with the paper in the other hand, wearing a cute little dress. And she’s going to let me relax on the sofa while she just effortlessly went around finishing up supper, and let me relax from a hard day’s work. And then we’ll sit down to an intimate candlelit supper.” And by that time, I’d been married a couple of years, and I realized, “That probably wasn’t going to happen.” (Chuckles) I don’t remember if I told him that or not. Anyway, I asked him several years later, when I saw him, how that was going. He just chuckled.

Normally, life often doesn’t match up to our expectations. We have to be careful about our expectations. Marriage isn't a romantic novel where the knight rides up on his white horse, or where the Hollywood model wife is always fresh in this slinky little dress, or whatever. It just doesn’t happen that way. But marriage is even better than that.

Another name for expectations is selfishness. And we need to minimize that in marriage. And your wife, your husband, they can’t read your minds. So, if you do have certain expectations, please them know and let them understand those needs.

A second piece of advice I gave them is marriage is not 50/50. Marriage is not 50/50. It should be 100%/100%.

When my wife and I got married, it was in the 70s. And for those of you who remember the 70s, women’s rights were very big at that time and that was a thing you would often hear. “My marriage is going to be right. It’s going to be 50/50.” And my wife and I…we went into marriage, and we said, “You know, I don’t like that idea. It seems like I’m holding something back. It seems like I’m keeping count of what’s mine, what’s yours, what you’ve done, what I’ve done.” So she and I, immediately as we went into our marriage, said, “It’s going to be 100%/100% – not 50/50.

Marriage is about not mine, not yours, but about what’s ours. It’s about growing. It’s about maturing. It’s about becoming a couple – one – 100% one at its perfection. It isn’t talking about what you get out of marriage, but what you become in marriage. It’s about caring for the other one. It’s not about what I’ve given, but what we become and how I’ve helped you. And when God says that we’re supposed to become one, He isn’t talking about 50 and 50 totaling one. He’s talking about giving 100%.

A third piece of advice I gave was to fight fair – to fight fair. Yes, even great marriages have their difficult times, but you need to learn to fight fair – no low blows, no fighting at all costs, don’t cross the line to say things you just know will hurt the other, and don’t use intimacy or withholding of intimacy as a weapon, and don’t use the silent treatment just for punishment. Now there are times when you may not speak to each other, but it’s not out of punishment. Never, ever, ever hit your wife or your husband. And that goes either way. There is never a place for that – physical, emotional or verbal abuse.

Proverbs 12:18 says:

Proverbs 12:18 – Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 29:11 says:

Proverbs 29:11 – A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

In Ephesians 4:15, Paul challenges Christians to live a life of speaking the truth in love. Many of us do a very good job at the first half of that – speaking the truth. We don’t do very good at the second half – doing it in love. That’s the challenge – is to do it in love.

And believe it or not, it is okay to go to bed mad – not ideal, but okay. When my wife and I were first married, we thought the scripture from Ephesians 4:26, where it says, “Be angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down on your wrath,” we thought that meant that we had to struggle all through the night to fix whatever problem we had. And we realized over time that we were just getting tireder and meaner and uglier – and the other one was getting the same. We realized that we needed to take a break, especially when it was getting late and we were getting tired. We realized we had to take a break, because we reach a point of what I call diminishing returns. That’s something my family hears quite often in my household – the point of diminishing returns. When I’m working on a big project, and I’ve gotten so tired that I’m probably going to do more harm than help, I’ll say, “I’ve reached the point of diminishing returns. I need to stop and take a rest.” And that’s what Emmie and I realized we needed to do from time to time. You reach a point of diminishing returns. And at that point, resolve together to take up the problem tomorrow, and that you still love each other, and you still want to work it out. You’re still committed to each other, but you still want to work it out. You still want to work out whatever issue you have. Because that scripture – “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath” – means we should take care of our issues quickly and not let them fester.

A fourth piece of advice is freely forgive – freely forgive. Just as we’ve been forgiven of our sins, we need to be willing to forgive our spouses of the wrongs that they commit to us and that they have done to us. And we shouldn’t bring up mistakes of the past. If they are forgiven, they should be forgotten.

There’s an old saying that say, “The first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, the first to forget is the happiest.” In 1 Corinthians 13:5, it says in several translations:

1 Corinthians 13:5 – Love is not self-seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. When we forgive, we shouldn’t keep a record of it. We should wipe the record clean.

Roderick McFarlane wrote a piece called Never Listed His Faults in a December 1992 Readers’ Digest. It goes:

On her golden wedding anniversary, my grandmother revealed the secret to her long and happy marriage. “On my wedding day, I decided to choose ten of my husband’s faults, which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,” she explained. A guest asked her to name some of the faults. “To tell you the truth,” she replied, “I never did get around to making that list, but whenever my husband did something that made me hoppin’ mad, I would say to myself, ‘Lucky for him, that’s one on the list.’” She didn’t keep track of his faults and mistakes.

A fifth piece of advice is spend time with each other – spend time with each other. Make time for the two of you. Spend moments together sharing your life. Set aside special time on a weekly, monthly, yearly basis where you can get together and be just the two of you. It’s one of the things my wife and I have always done. We’ve gotten away, even if it was for a weekend, even when we had small children – just the two of us. It was during that time, we realized we really did like each other, even though there were the kids around us, constantly hounding us. And we were so busy all the time. But when we set aside the time, we realized that we really do like each other. And when the kids left the house, we still like each other. We knew that. For all those years, we knew that, when the kids left the house – and we love them very much – we knew we’d love each other and we still could have a happy marriage together.

So make sure you date. My wife and I, as I said, have been married 38 years. We’ve been dating for 40. Laugh and have fun. It’ll help you through the difficult times in life. Never become an old married couple. Your marriage can be young, even as you grow old together.

When my wife and I were newlyweds, we chose and aunt and an uncle to be our marriage mentors. They were living a marriage that we thought we wanted to be like. One of the things they showed us was that their marriage, even though they were older, was vibrant, and happy, and young. And we always taken it as an example to us – that our lives, no matter how old we are, can be happy, can be exciting, can be fun.

A sixth piece of advice is persevere. Hang in there. Be committed to each other until death. And I realize there are cases where this doesn’t happen. There are cases. And there are cases in which allows for that happen, but this is what we should strive for – to be committed to each other until death.

Emmie and I know that there are times when we’re in the middle of a fight – and her and I were trying to think, last night, how many we could really think of – and I know we have a lot more than we can think of now, but, again, we don’t keep score – we could think of three that have really been knock-down drag-outs, as such – and they really weren’t even that. But we realize that, if we made it through that, that it would be better on the other side – we were both committed because of that – to work through our problems, to hang in there, to stay there, to be strong in our marriage and be committed to it. That vow we made to each other was not only a vow to each other, but to God and to the community and our family. And there’s research – a lot of it – that shows that in most marriages – unless there’s abuse or various other things – that, if you hang in there together, in five years, you’ll be happier than the people who did not. In five years you’ll be happier than the people who did not.

Galatians 6:9 says:

Galatians 6:9 – And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

When times in marriage are difficult, don’t lose heart. Hang in there. Reap the benefits that will come if you work on enriching your marriage.

A seventh piece of advice is that your spouse is not your enemy. Your spouse is not your enemy. It seems like a simple piece of advice, but it’s amazing how often we can look at our spouse as our enemy.

There was a couple I was reading about, too, and they always had problems. Whenever one of them would bring up an idea, the other one always shot it down right away. And they decided, “You know what? Let’s go ahead and say this, ‘From now on, we will love each other’s idea for five seconds – at least five seconds – and then we will talk.’”

They are not the enemy – the spouse isn’t. They should be your friend.

Galatians 5:15 says – talking about the church:

Galatians 5:15 – If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out, for you will be destroyed by each other.
In Mark 3:25 Christ said:

Mark 3:25 – If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Learn to support each other. Be a cheerleader for the other. Be a source of strength and comfort and encouragement to the other. Respect them. Uplift them. Build them up. Love and cherish each other. Find strength in each other. Strive to be – this is something my wife and I said often – strive to be me and you against the world – me and you against the world – not me against you and you against me. You shouldn’t compete with each other. You should complete each other. And don’t talk bad about your spouse in front of others. Don’t talk negatively in public about your spouse. It’s so easy to that. So often, when your around people, you’ll hear them talking about their spouse and they’ll say bad things. Resist that urge. Always speak positively about them. Always show respect in front of others about your spouse. But again, even with that, sometimes there are issues that may come up in a marriage where you do have to talk to somebody to get help or advice. If you do that, choose wisely whom you select.

An eighth piece of advice is to do little things that show your love. Do little things that show your love.

Shortly before I was married, I read about every book I could about marriage. See, I grew up in a family all boys – six of us. I didn’t know much about women and it showed in a lot of ways. So I thought I had to learn about how to treat my wife. One of the books I read was Letters to Philip, by Dr. Charlie Shedd. It was written in the 60s or 70s. It’s about how to treat your wife. It’s a bit dated, but it had a tremendous impact on me. There’s also another book – its companion – called Letters to Karen. It’s written for wives. Both books discussed – and one of the key things it brought out – was that we need to show love and respect and care for our spouses and that the little things are important in life – doing the little things – putting your arm around your wife, holding her hand, the wife packing a little note, maybe, in with the lunch – little things like that that keep your life and your marriage alive and happy and exciting.

One of the keys there is, find out what your spouse enjoys, because you may be doing something that your spouse doesn’t even enjoy. I used to make supper for my wife every now and then. Found out that she didn’t enjoy that because I left the kitchen messy. So, I quickly learned that she’d rather have the kitchen cleaned than the food made. So we have to learn what they really enjoy.

Never let a day go by without saying a compliment to your spouse. There was a couple who were celebrating their diamond wedding anniversary. The reporter asked the old gentleman for the secret of happiness. The old man took him aside, pulled out his watch and engraved on the back side was a message: “Say something nice to Sarah.” He knew that was important – to always be there with a kind word.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says in the New Living Translation:

1 Thessalonians 5:11 – So encourage each other and build each other up.

Build each other and encourage each other. Find something to praise them about. Follow the example of God, who is going to say to us, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”

One of the things – little things – that Emmie does for me that I’ve always found amazing: she can be reading the last couple of pages of an exciting book, and if I walk over – it amazes me – she’ll put it down, dog-ear the page and she’ll talk to me. I’m not that way. I’ve got to forge forward. And it’s something that I’ve had to learn. But that’s a little thing she does for me that I really enjoy.

The last piece of advice I’ll give you is, make God an essential partner in your marriage. Make God an essential partner in your marriage. When God’s in your marriage, you have a special access to a source of strength, love, compassion, forgiveness, commitment that you won’t otherwise have.

John 10:10 says:

John 10:10 – God’s ways bring life and life abundantly. If we follow God’s ways and let God be in our marriage, our marriage should be abundant – filled with abundance.

Pray for each other. How often do we pray for our children and our grandchildren and forget to pray for our own spouse? Pray together during difficult times.

Is God really that important in a marriage? Is He really that important in a marriage? Well, in 2008, the Barna Group came out with a study – a survey – that shocked a lot of Christians. It shocked the Christian world. The essence of that was that Christians actually get divorced at exactly the same – or virtually the same – rate as non-Christians do. And, actually, if you’re an atheist or an agnostic, you had a better chance of staying together in marriage than a Christian did.

But what’s the real truth on that? Is having God as a partner in our marriage make any difference? Well, it’s interesting. There was a noted researcher, Shaunti Feldhahn, author of the book, The Good News About Marriage – Debunking Discouraging Myths about Marriage and Divorce, who wanted to take a deeper look into those statistics, so she actually partnered with the Barna Group, and asked them for the data, because what she wanted to say was, “Do practicing Christians have a different divorce rate than just people who call themselves Christian?” So when she partnered with the Barna Group, she reran their survey, and she included just one thing – one thing in their survey – one piece of information: “Were you in church last week?” That’s the only thing she added to that. When she did that, she found out that the divorce rate dropped 27%, compared to those who weren’t in church last week. She writes: What appears intuitive is true. Couples who regularly practice any combination of serious religious behaviors and attitudes, such as attend church nearly every week, read their Bibles and spiritual materials regularly, pray privately and together, generally take their faith seriously, living not as perfect disciples, but serious disciples enjoy significantly lower divorce rates than mere church members, the general public and unbelievers.

In another study done by W. Bradford Wilcox, a leading sociologist at the University of Virginia, found, from his own research, the same thing. And he writes: Whether young or old, male or female, low income or not, those who said that they were more religious reported higher average levels of commitment to their partners, higher levels of marital satisfaction, less thinking and talking about divorce, and lower levels of negative interaction. He continues in his report, saying, Research found that religious commitment was important to success in marriage than what would seem like more important variables, such as income, education, or age of first marriage.

Having God in our lives and having the fellowship of the friends and family that we have from God around us is very critical. It has a very positive impact on the quality of our marriages.

The Song of Solomon isn’t a book that we go to very often, but I’d like to take a look at two verses in the Song of Solomon – two verses that talk about love in a beautiful way. Song of Solomon, chapter 8, starting in verse 6 – it says:

Song of Solomon 8:6 – Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm, for love is as strong as death – its jealousy unyielding like the grave. It burns like blazing fire – like a mighty flame. Verse 7:

V-7 – Many waters cannot quench love. Rivers cannot wash it away. What a wonderful comment on what love is and what should be in a marriage between two people.

One of the happiest things I ever did as a child was to have a sleepover with my best friends. I feel very thankful that I have that as a lifelong thing now. I have a sleepover with my very best friend.

How important is it to invest in your marriage – to invest in that? Well, I’d like to read a little story from that book I mentioned, Letters to Philip, by Dr. Charlie Shedd. He says:

I used to hunt ducks with a man who had a thing about his guns – his rifles. He polished his guns with some special kind of oil that smelled like bananas. When we were sitting in the duck blinds and the ducks weren’t around, he would lecture me on my poor care of my gun. My gun had scratches on it. It had pitting in the barrel because he said I wasn’t cleaning it properly. I didn’t clean it right when I came home and that’s why it had that. I kept hunting with him because he had a great duck hunting spot, and he was having marriage problems, and I had hoped I could help him with that, but he ended up getting divorced anyway. When I would visit him afterwards, we would sit in his den with all the animal heads on the walls and the beautiful oiled, banana-smelling guns. He would take them out as we talked and, sometimes, handle them with tender loving care. Then he would remember how my gun looked and he would begin his critique on my poor care of my guns and my responsibility to them. I would go home determined to get out my gun and clean as I had never done before, because he said, “How could somebody who had invested so much in his guns not take care of them?” But you know what would happen? When I arrived home, my wife would be waiting for me at the door. So we would sit down on our rocking loveseat, hold hands, visit, and in less time than it takes to look into her eyes, I completely forgot about my gun.” The other day I was thinking back on all of this. A great idea occurred to me. Funny, isn’t it, how we so often get these brilliant ideas late. That banana oil brother always included in his lectures at least one reference like this: “I just can’t understand how a man can invest so much in a gun and then let it go to pot.” Isn’t it a foolish thing for a husband or a wife to invest so much in their marriage and let it go to pot?

Invest in your marriage and you will reap great rewards. Emmie and I have been blessed with a wonderful marriage. And, as I look around, I know many of you have that, too – fine and wonderful examples of Christian marriages. Keep it up. God is well-pleased that you honor and hold it precious. I know that much of who I am today is due to my wife. We grew up together – we were married at 19 – but much of what I am today has been with the help of her.

I’d like to turn to one last scripture – one last scripture – Revelation 19, beginning in verse 6. We began this sermon reading about the preciousness of marriage and about how God created marriage with Adam and Eve. In Revelation 19, we’ll read about one more ultimate wedding and marriage. This ultimate goal that we’ll be reaching for – if we hold strong, we’ll have – this special ceremony at Christ’s return.

Revelation 19:6 – And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty thundering, saying, “Hallelujah, for the Lord God Omnipotent reigns!” Verse 7:

V-7 – Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His wife – His people – those called and committed to God– the saints of God – has made herself ready. Verse 8:

V-8 – And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen – clean and bright – for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Verse 9:

V-9 – Then He said to me, “Write: Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And He said to me, “These are the true sayings of God.”

Brethren, let’s all be at that marriage supper, but until then, let’s keeping working on our marriages – those of us who are married. And those of us who aren’t, we can still learn the many lessons that marriage can teach us. Let’s keep on working and doing what’s right and be at that marriage supper.