3 Steps to More Active Fellowship

Definition of fellowship:

Noun: a community based on shared interest, activity, feeling, experience. So you could say the church is a fellowship because we have the same beliefs, we have the same worship practices [Sabbath, holy days, tithing etc.], we share the same holy spirit, we have gone through trials together.

Verb: the interaction that comes about through common cause... sharing, giving, for example the words we say to one another, the time we spend together, or material goods.

Today I want to concentrate on fellowship that is active... intentional... mindful... and pleasing to our Father Creator. I have three points: 1) presence 2) communication 3) hospitality. But first…

God Designed The Church

If we have a problem with the church we actually have a problem with God and the way He has set things up. We can try to wriggle around this dilemma by blaming the people. That way we can let God off the hook, or separate our interaction with Him from our interaction with the church:

For example: you might not like being thrown together with this motley crew, you might question how could God allow such a person or people in His church. Maybe you don't like the people in charge are doing things. We might want to walk away or distance ourselves… but our interaction with God cannot be separated from the church.

God designed His way of life... his truth... to function within the context of and assembly, an ecclesia, a church, a fellowship. At one time that meant an assembly of people called to be a nation [Israel]. In this present age it means an assembly, an ecclesia, a church,  composed of people called from all different backgrounds and ancestries.

A family of people who are not blood related... who share the same beliefs and ideals... who can offer help and encouragement to one another as we grow into the fullness of Christ.

God has designed the church to accommodate flaws. What He is interested in is how you deal with these problems… not that we all reach nirvana in the church.

The church is not your "destination" it is a road.  Fellowship is part of how you get on down the road!

1.Presence … the 1st step to success is showing up

Leviticus 23:3 the seventh day is a day to set aside your work and attend church [that is the sacred assembly referred to here].

Hebrews 10:19-25 your spiritual connection to God, your acceptance of Christ, cleansing of your conscience... are directly connected to your attendance, your assembling together, your presence among the people of God. If you are sick stay home, if you have an emergency [an ox in the ditch stay home], otherwise, make it a priority to be present on God's appointed day of assembly.

Notice especially verse 24... think about how we might encourage one another, inspire one another in good deeds in expressions of love etc. This brings us to point number 2:

Communication

Hebrews 13:15-18 I added verses 17-18 to show the context: church life. But lets back up and focus on verses 15-16. We offer to God sacrifice, which is a) praise, verbal testimony to His name and all it stands for b) to do good and share with others.

In the KJV it says communicate instead of share. That the KJV translates it this way proves nothing but it is interesting because communication is essential to active fellowshipping. The word being translated here is koinonia. This same word is the one we often see translated... "fellowship".

This is the connection I mentioned earlier between fellowship/sharing/communication.

Malachi 3:13-18 here is a judgment spoken in a time of rebellion and arrogance against God, at a time when people said "what's the point", "why fulfill all these silly requirements". Not unlike our own time.

Yet, something caused God to pay attention to a particular subset of people and set them apart so they would not be swept up in the punishment that was coming. It was the people who remained respectful of YHWH, who honored Him... and who talked with each other.

Communicating with one another is very important to the Creator. He has a lot to say about how we talk, what we talk about. You have heard messages about the content of our conversation. Today we are going to  look into the way we talk to one another. Can our conversation be more helpful, encouraging, and engaged.

James 1:19-21 God wants you to learn to be a better listener. One application  is that your listen to instruction from His word. The other is to listen to and communicate with one another.

Swift to hear, to comprehend, the understand. Active listening that involves more than just letting sound waves cause vibrations in your eardrum... but extending effort, desire, and even technique into your listening.

Psalm 10:17 active engaged listening is part of putting on the mind of Christ. Become a better listener so that you can respond appropriately... for encouragement, for assistance, or provide godly counsel. Active listening will be very important if you are to be seated with Christ at His return helping Him apply the rule of God on earth... to judge, to administer, to help.

There are time honored techniques for better listening... so that you can learn more, find out what is really being said and therefore being able to better respond. Here are three tidbits from what is called the Voss method [FBI hostage negotiator]:

Asking Calculated Questions

Asking questions can be a good way to express interest. But if you really want to engage, try to avoid asking questions that lend to a single word or phrase as an answer. Ask questions that provide an invitation for telling a story.

Did you have a good week? [yep] --> What did you accomplish this week? [the story of my week]

Be careful of "why" questions, "why did you do that", "why did you go there"... when you ask a person "why" questions it puts them on the defensive... as if you are calling them to explain themself... as if you are judging their actions, etc. Why questions will shut down openness.

If  you ask questions with these considerations in mind you are more likely to get the real story, get insight into what the other person is really thinking.

Question: why do you what the real story? Is it being nosy?

Answer: We are not talking about tricking people into disclosing tasty tidbits for gossip. We are talking about using conversational techniques to engage and connect with others. Consider this: Christ's ability to have compassion, to able to more effectively engage, help, encourage etc. is because He knows the real story. He knows what its like to be in the flesh. He can empathize. He can feel your pain etc. Hebrews 2:17

Labeling

This is more of a tactical technique. In response to what a person tells you you might respond with: "seems like that would be a very challenging situation", "appears you like the color blue"... then [here's the hard part] you pause, and wait for the other person to respond. Its a proven way to draw people out.

Learn to use/appreciate silence. Some of us feel awkward when there is silence. Some of us feel we need to fill up every empty space with words. But its important to give people time to think and respond [example of Bob Honeycutt].

Labeling It is a demonstration [or verbal cue] that you have heard what was said, you processed what you heard, and you understand, you get it.

Labeling establishes empathy, you care about what the person said. Note: empathy is different from sympathy. Sympathy means you agree, you feel the same way etc. Empathy means you understand... but you don't have to take ownership of or evaluate their behavior, or view point.

Rather than matters of right or wrong… most things that people disagree on are matters of taste, style, prioritization.

Mirroring

This is another tried and proven technique. After a person has opened up a bit and told you some stuff.... pause and repeat the last few words of what they said. For example:

Them: "etc. Etc. … and that’s the thing I find most interesting about biblical prophecy"...

You: ... "ah, you like biblical prophecy"

What does mirroring accomplish?

1. Get's you away from thinking your own thoughts. I think one of the hardest parts of conversation is learning to focus on what the other person has just said. Many of us are simply waiting for them to stop talking so we can say what we thought of while they were talking. Not doing that takes discipline. Mirroring is a technique that can help by providing a verbal cue to focus on what the person is saying.
2. Mirroring establishes rapport. People are drawn to their own words... repeat their own words back to them like this and it draws them to you. They are more likely to open up to you. You are more likely to get to hear, understand, and appreciate what the other person is really  thinking.

Note: give the other person time to respond! Use silence.

Luke 24:13-19 Jesus didn't need these guys in order to learn what had happened. He was using active listening to get them to talk. He established a connection with them before He started teaching them the real meaning of the events that had recently happened.

Think of how you could apply active listening. For example;  when visiting a new church area, greeting new visitors, getting to know folks who have moved to the area, going to youth camp, meeting new people at the feast, learning how to bear one another’s burdens in the local congregation, learning how to pray more effectively for one another.

If you practice active listening there is a wonderful side benefit. You will also become slow to wrath like we read earlier in James 1:19!

Exodus 34:6 slow to wrath is part of the mind of God… its a good thing!

Proverbs 18:13 a person is slow to wrath because they take the time to actively listen... to take the time to learn the whole story. With active listening you are developing an essential skill necessary for the practice of righteous judgment.

Hospitality

This point is similar to the first point: presence.

Acts 2:42 I like this reference because it closely links fellowship with eating together.

Find ways to break bread with your brothers and sisters in the Church. You can invite them to your home... you could invite them out after services... get together for lunch... go for coffee. But the main point is to make it happen. Don't just wait around for someone else to make a date. Make one yourself.

If people can't make it, ask them some other time. If someone wants to get together with you and you are reluctant "oh no what in the world would we talk about"? Then consider it an act of service pleasing to God. be generous, share yourself with others. Look at it as an opportunity to practice active listening.

2 Corinthians 8:4, 9:13 here the word koinōnia is translated sharing, but it the same word that in translated fellowship in other places.  One of the meanings of fellowship is generosity. The immediate context is Paul's collection for those suffering famine in Jerusalem. I ask you to consider the generosity and giving of yourself.

When you make a sacrifice of yourself [your time, your energy, your share of mind] for the sake of another person. This is pleasing to God.

1 John 1:3-7 our fellowship with one another brings us into fellowship with the Father and the Son.

Matthew 25:40