Will Your Marriage Survive?

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Will Your Marriage Survive?

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A recent study of 691 couples indicated that the more partners argue, regardless of their style of quarreling, the more likely they will eventually divorce ("What's Fair in Love and Fights?," Richard Morin, Washington Post Weekly, June 7, 1993, p. 37). Conflicts beget distress, and eventually an argument can prove to be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Marriage researchers have found objective ways to measure the strength of the marital bond. One simple method is said to predict with 90 percent accuracy which couples will divorce and which will enjoy lasting marriages. In an experiment among newlyweds, the couples who would end up staying together made five or fewer critical comments (out of 100 comments) about each other. Newlyweds who later divorced had made 10 or more critical comments about each other.

Married couples are more sensitive to each other's nonverbal signals than many have supposed. Husbands and wives are often keenly aware of the implications of their spouses' presence and feelings. Even if couples are not consciously aware of certain signals, physiological changes (heart rate, blood pressure, etc.) provide confirmation that these signals are picked up by the opposite partner.

Several studies agree that the arousal of the husband's nervous system is an accurate indicator of unhappiness for both partners. Happily married couples should work at preserving their relationships by maintaining a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative incidents in their lives ("A Lens on Matrimony," Joanni Schrof, U.S. News & World Report, Feb. 21, 1994, p. 66-69).GN


  • KARS

    Well, I don't know if this will work for you. I took Mr. Petty's advice on one of his blog posts in this UCG forum and started reading Proverbs every morning (that's of course if I don't forget).
    Well, I started reading the Bible quietly at first. He asked me what I was reading. Then I told him what I was doing to study the Bible, my goals for the year and it wanted to be a part of it.
    I have now been reading in the morning to my family for about 3 years and even though times and situtations get tough; God our Father is there to see us through. It is not easy, for pride, stubborness (in other words, human nature)and so forth can get in the way. It's hard work. That is why Jesus gave us instructions on how to contact God our Father with respect and humility in Christ Jesus name.

  • Sabrina Peabody

    Hi irini_limaj,

    I have found a lot of good resources under Topics and Husbands and Wives: http://www.ucg.org/marriage-and-family/husbands-and-wives/

    The recommended links are outside links but provide a lot of practical advice. When it comes down to it, it is by your godly example that you can "win him over" and also through laboring in prayer every day. Make sure you have some good friends that can provide support and a positive attitude for when you get discouraged. Not to say that you share your marriage issues with them, but that you have people that help encourage you in your daily life.

  • irini_limaj

    ok, I agree that you have to communicate and try to cherish and love one another. now what should you do if the husband starts to change. stress and pressure cause him frustration and he starts becoming arrogant and distant. as time goes by he becomes distant to God too and is not open to discussions about faith with the wife anymore. What should the wife do? (in this case there are no other women in the picture, but a systematic change of the husband's behavior)

  • Caleb

    I like the strategy of striving to create more positive than negative instances in the life of a married couple. This can only happen if there is trust and communication in the marriage.

    In today's fast-paced, worldly distractive environment, this is a difficult task, as many husbands and wifes are both working in highly stressful careers, and there is little time left emotionally for family matters like discussions and time together.

    There are strategies that if used, can head off disaster, but both spouses need to see in advance what the "trigger" are that might cause conflict, and know how to deal with them.

    **Link removed to comply with comment policy**

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