gary mahon Comments
%user:name Comments
Very good article Dan, for young people and all singles. A small number of much older never married singles tend to be left out in most churches . I'm in my 69th year, still single, and came form a very dysfunctional odd family and am the baby of it. None of my siblings are married either. I was so shy that i could not talk to girls for a long time. My parents fought a lot and dad had drinking problem and anger problem. I came to WCG at age 26, and at age 27, met another troubled single 21 year old lady. SHe had tried suicide several times she said. Troubled parents too. We wrote letters, but she ended up dying of a drug problem. After that, i dated some elderly widows and much older divorced ladies, and wanted to marry some of them, but they would not. I was very immature and just a laborer survvivor for many years, an low income jobs. I found there were very few single ladies in most all congregations i visited over the years, and since the church splits, extremely few, other than teens and elderly ladies. So, I am 68 yo and alone yet, isolated a lot. Cats have been my closest family. Not many of us old nevr married singles. Our issues not addressed much.
This has to be the toughest challenge for most of us. And, for some of us who have been abused and damaged severely for decades , by family of origin, we have a hard time even loving and respecting ourselves! We need to learn to be good and love ourselves, too, as some of us hated ourselves. Codependency is a problem for some of us who have been severely damaged by family, or others, too. Some of us have become slaves of enemies , and enablers. There can be a fine line between being good to abusers, and loving them. We are not to be enablers and codependent, losing our selves and identity to abusers. Loving them, may mean getting away from them, for our own safety and good, and loving ourselves, too. Some evil meaning people must be loved from a distance, for our good, and theirs. I am not in disagreement with the sermon at all, just qualifying about toxic codependency and enabling, by damaged people. Loving enemies, without letting them run our being and lives, and escaping toxic situations.
Very hard sometimes, but we all need to eat crow sometimes. However, as one from highly abusive, toxic family, sometimes,we do need to not be door mats, either!! Some of us are damaged severely, and very codependent, have bee PEOPLE PLEASERS ALL OUR LIVES, and some of us need to become assertive for the first times in our lives, too. Is it a sin, to ever stand up for ourselves? Sometimes, we MUST. And sometimes,we need to get away from abusive demon influenced family or others! If we can assert, and stand up for ourselves, when we are being emotionally, mentally, or physically abused, is it a sin? If it can be done in LOVE, IT IS NOT SOMETIMES, TOUGH LOVE, AND ASSERTING OURSELVES AND STANDING UP, IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. The challenge is to not be BITTER, AND VEANGEFUL, AND CONDEMNING THE PERSONS. Some of us have been DOORMATS AND YES PEOPLE ALL OUR LIVES. I am baby of the sick family, and have been a doormat most of the time. Now, i am trying to be more respectful of myself for a change too. Some of us have been people pleasers and doormats too long, and hate ourselves. A major challenge for us severely damaged ones.
James wrote to visit orphans and widows. In our modern day, there are others who could be mentioned. Old bachelors with few friends, and no family. i feel like i am a fatherless. as my human father never wanted kds, especially me, the last born. He resented me and tried to have an uncle adapt tme. I know I caused him much grief and pain, too. I was there for him the final six years of his life, and i think we made some peace the finals severl months. But, most of my life, i had a very negative relationship with my father, and felt fatherless. or worse. Yet, I have visited the widows, and helped other poor lonely men, and helped care of a quadriplegic man in the church in Seattle, 1990'S. gave him rides to services 6 yrs, and other appointments. I have always struggled all my life, though, feeling fatherless, and no mate either. Pets are my best friends now. So, I wish the chur4ch would realize that many alone men are lonely and forgotten, also. In James' day, there was no social programs like modern times. Today, many widows have better incomes, and homes, or apartments. Many adult men are like orphans, having had alcoholic, harsh dads, no dads. Orphans
There is much good news here. Glad to hear this. i do hope and pray, that the various church of God groups will someday be willing to put aside differences and work together more. I have been hoping the churches of God would use RADIO SHORT ADS. Radio is till the best media, i believe! As a 64 yr old bachelor, who never had a chance for marriage, and has dealt with very painful family of origin issues with parents and still dealing with siblings, I would hope the church will be a bit more attuned to older damaged singles, who are lonely, unprovided for with a mate, or dating life, and scattered. i know ministers need to be married folks, and old singles issues are far removed form them. When the church has historically talked of singles, it has always though only of young people. In my 37 years with the COG, i have known many older men who never had a chance for marriage, and a few older women, too. Our issues just are not addressed much ever. Some of us have died alone, and no one knew, even. We are singles, too. Anyway, good news about the people overseas! Sadly, in the western nations, the masses have an aversion to all Christianity. TKC!
Thank you Mr. Webber. I really needed this. I am going through the extremely painful loss of my9 month old cats, who has feline leukemia, and i am doing hospice with her now. I have seldom been so bonded to a kitten this way. SShe loved me so, and talked to me with very cute unusual meows, and loved jump up on my bed before i got there, purring and meowing. Snuggled nest to me. i am an old never married bachelor. My pets have been my closest friends, mu family they are.. I am crying many tears now, as my closest companion is fading away. Do you think God the Creator of the animals, will allow us to someday resurrect the dear animal friends we have lived with? If i were God, I would be very glad to have them back, in the next age. Since we will be able to transform, between spirit and physical, as the risen Jesus can, i would hope, that we, who had dear animal friends for housemates, will be able to raise our long gone animal friends so dear to us, back to life., and maybe they will be made into spirit cats, dogs, horses, birds, goats, or whatever animal pet they were. All things are possible for God Our Maker.
This is very much needed in todays "one click away" world. A horrendous scourge and pandemic, that affects most men in some way. Whatever tool is available, or 12 step groups, are all needed, in this war. Roy Masters also is helping with his observation, concenrtation meditation exercise, "Be still and know.". We are in a raging war for our minds. keep up the good work! This problem affects may believers, too.
Fine message. Just a note about Psalm 68:19, and other places in Psalms, where it says, "Selah". And places in the scriptures, where God says, "Be still and know..." According to a 90 yr old Jewish believer sage Roy Masters, ti means to still the mind and emotions, sitting quietly, and meditating for a while. I believe this is true. Maybe, before, halfway, and after sermons, the churches of God, could have like two minute "Selah" times of quiet meditation. I can see where it would be a good thing. And may aid healing, even.
I now , as a 63 yo never married bachelor, who has been in the churches for 36 yrs single, I feel like i have been a failure. My first lady friend in the church near my age died of a drug overdose, when i was 27. Never met anyone near my age to date, but did befriend and wanted to marry some single gals much older than me. I feel very sad at times, in a church of almost all married folks and families, always being the loner, with no relatives in the churches. I know few can relate, though. . . The breakup of in the churches also has made IT FAR worse for old singles. I know it is hard for a minister with longtime marriage, children and grandchildren , to relate with senior bachelors, being so very far removed from being single. When singles issues are addressed, it s usually aimed at YOUNG singles, not older ones. Some of us senior never marrieds feel like failures because we never had a chance to marry, be fruitful, and that love has passed us by, and we do not fit in well, and our issues are never addressed. Loneliness may be the biggest sorrow in the church. Broken hearts of the solitary.
Some of us lifetime older bachelors ARE REALLY suffering form this. In a church predominantly couples and families, then, the breakup of WCG, and more and more splits, some of us older single men know a GRIEF FEW CAN UNDERSTAND, and our ISSUES have almost NEVER been addressed. When the churches have historically addressed singles, it is aimed at teens, and young people. The solitude and loneliness of some of us old bachelors, with no supportive families or relatives is legendary. I know we are to be servant, and i served for many years, even living in with a church quadriplegiic, giving him rides to church and other places for 6 years, and served other lonesome older bachelors many years, even though i have suffered depression and bipolar all my life. I also moved 2000 miles to go and care for my elderly very difficult and hostile father the last six years of his life. He died at 95 and 4 months in 2016. Some of us old bachelors have broken hearts big time, for having never been granted a special someone, and being in church congregations where there have seldom been any single women near our ages, and if there were any, not a match. Fwe understand.
12 step support groups, like Adult Children Anonymous would be very good. Mr. Dennis Luker had them in the Seattle church back in the mid 1980's. He told me to go. They were so helpful for some of us from toxic families. Several loner older men really started to open up, after BEING SHUT DOWN ALL THEIR LONELY LIVES!! Joe Jr, put a stop to the 12 step groups, though after he was the pastor general. The church needs support groups, with people leading them who understand, or have been addicts, or abused, or other things, or homosexuals, crossdressers, or other abnormal things.
I do not believe the Bible says the entire church will go to the place of protection, though. Rev 12, last part of the chapter, says the dragon will go after the others who keep the commandments of God. Some of the church will have to go through the tribulation. None of us know who will be spared. For many, the grave is the place of safety, I just hope the people who went to differing church of God groups will put aside the differences, and be at peace then.
- Page 1
- ››
As a lifetime bachelor in my 70th yr, and been with coG since 1980, i have known many older singles, mostly men, who wanted to have women friends near their age range, and date, and maybe marry, but sadly, many of my single friends have died off alone. When the churches of God address single's issues, it is almost directed toward teen, and 20's people. I know older singles, who say they felt "invisible", or like a "fifth wheel", and our many of us have no family in the churches, or no families at all, and are all alone in the cold world. Most church members are married, and they are far removed form an old single's issues and plights. We are a small minority in any church, Sabbath or Sunday, and the "forgotten ones."