We all know it is coming, but we often are uncomfortable talking about it. Our children might occasionally ask, but we brush them off, telling them "not to worry." So what is the result? In a medical crisis, people hunt frantically for financial and legal documents vital to their parents' care. The hospital asks about the existence of a living will, brothers and sisters ask about the existence of any will, just in case.

At a time of emotional crisis there are dozens of important questions to be answered: What kind of funeral arrangements are we going to have? Where is the money coming from to pay for everything? Who gets what money and what items from the estate? Arguments and disagreements are often the result. Bitter feelings that divide families can last for years.

Planning for our own death is often uncomfortable, but it is also essential. Having a proper "Grief Helpers Plan" is an expression of love and concern for those we will leave behind. It is especially important for husbands, but we men usually put off thinking of the time when we will not be here. After all, we plan to live a very long time, right?

Consider this: According to Alfred Allan Lewis and Barrie Berns, authors of the book Three Out of Four Wives: Widowhood in America, three out of four married women will become widows and the median age of women at the beginning of their widowhood is 52 (1975 edition, p. 9).

Life expectancy has increased since this book was published, so the average age of widowhood today is a few years later. But how many men of 55 have a completely planned estate? About 30 percent. How many wives are fully informed of the family finances so that they can take over quickly and comfortably should they have to? In my experience, not many. In too many cases, widows struggle for years trying to sort things out financially and physically.

Lewis and Berns make some perceptive statements: "A woman must start preparing for the death of her mate the minute she gets married. Widowhood is the one condition in life for which a woman is totally unprepared…Any attempt at discussion of what will happen should she outlive him creates tension and difficulties. Many wives decide that it is better to trust him to do the right thing and leave the matter unspoken. THEY ARE WRONG!" (p. 7).

The Scriptures agree with these warnings. Inheritances are important to God, so much so that the word inheritance is mentioned 264 times in the Bible. The Proverbs tell us: "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children" (Proverbs 13:22). "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself" (Proverbs 22:3).

A God-fearing righteous man should make preparations for his family to be taken care of after he is not able to. Have you? Once you have decided not to put it off any longer, here is a list of key items that should be discussed and documented with your spouse, children, estate executor (if other than a spouse or child) and others who might shoulder the burden:

1. Adequate life insurance. This must be at the top of the list. We have probably all known widows who lived in near poverty for years as a result of their husbands not carrying life insurance. Any husband who does not provide enough life insurance to take care of his widow is not showing love for his wife.

Do not rely on your employer. Employer-provided insurance is not enough in most cases and often ceases when employment changes. The best time to purchase protection for your family is when you are young, healthy and can qualify for less expensive rates.

Financial planners advise carrying term life insurance sufficient to cover the financial needs of those who depend on your income. This might be 10 times your annual gross earnings when you are younger, though usually the coverage amount you need decreases as you get older because children have left home, the mortgage is paid off—not to mention the fact that the premiums charged by the insurance company go up.

2. Complete list of all things financial: real estate, retirement accounts, insurance, valuables, everything! Not just the amounts, but where everything is located and can be found—there should be a file, safe deposit box or other place where she knows all these records are.

We husbands sometimes invest money or put it places without telling our wives; in fact, some widows are completely in the dark about their husband's financial dealings. "The man who has never told his wife exactly how much he is worth has never told her that he loves her" (Lewis and Berns, p. 8).

3. Have a properly prepared will or estate plan. No matter how little a family has, every married person should have a will for the protection of the spouse. If you die without a will—"intestate"—then the government (the state in which you live in the United States ) has a default will that will apply. Some of these default wills can cause tremendous family problems.

In Washington, the state I live in, the default will states that "half of the deceased person's possessions shall be given to the surviving spouse, half to the children who are of majority age." Is this what you want? This provision has caused houses to be sold with half the proceeds given to children who are sometimes still teenagers. Surviving spouses can be forced to sell the place they live in and then can be left with not enough income to live comfortably. Dying without a will can be a curse to your wife and children. If you want them to say nice things about you when you are gone, make preparations now.

4. Get professional legal advice. Lawyers are expensive, but they charge much less to prepare an estate ahead of time than to sort out an unplanned one for months or years afterward. A good estate plan can save probate and legal expenses for the family and, in many cases, estate taxes.

Even though you might not realize it, many people discover too late that the value of their estate is over the IRS threshold and that there will be brutal taxes to pay. Many states also have estate taxes.

Remember, your entire estate value is used in figuring this amount. Considering the value of real estate, life insurance, retirement accounts, bank accounts and possessions, an increasing portion of Americans leave estates that are over the current IRS estate tax threshold.

(A law passed in 2001 phases out the estate tax by 2010, but the law expires in 2011 unless Congress acts again. Currently the threshold is $2 million for those who die in 2008, $3.5 million in 2009, no threshold in 2010, then back to $1 million in 2011—though Congress will probably change this. This highlights the importance of getting professional legal advice.)

5. Prepare for disability, not just death. A living will is simple to prepare and states what medical treatment and life-sustaining measures you may or may not desire. The Internet has many sites that can assist with this (just make sure the one you use is valid in your state).

If you are growing older and might become incapacitated, consider giving legal authority to others to manage your affairs if the need arises. This can be accomplished through a "Durable Power of Attorney" given to someone you trust to handle your financial matters. Consider also having a "Health Care Agent Directive," which allows someone you trust to make medical decisions for you if you are not able.

Keep in mind that one third of Americans die quickly. Two thirds die a slower, often medically expensive death. Be prepared for a long hospital or nursing home stay in whatever way your can.

6. Make a complete list of any possessions you want to be given to individuals. Family heirlooms, jewelry and art objects often fall into this category. This does not have to be a part of your will, just a list for the executor of the estate. Leaving family members to decide for themselves who gets what is a sure way to cause arguments. There is an old saying among estate planners, "If you want to get back at your children for all the trouble they caused you, leave them a piece of property that they all own jointly."

7. Finally, and this is very important: Write your life story for your family. Leave a history for your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I constantly prod my aging parents to write up their biographies for us. My mother played in the U.S. Army band in WWII for four years. She played on hospital ships for wounded soldiers and for USO shows.

My father flew B-17s and B-26s during the war, and later flew B-47 jet bombers during the Cold War, eventually reaching the rank of lieutenant colonel. Dad was the first person from his town to graduate from college, and his roommate was an Army colonel named Alexander Haig. Dad was the youngest of eight children who grew up in abject poverty during the Great Depression, but all persevered to accomplish much as adults.

Their lives contain valuable lessons that need to be passed on. I want to be able to tell my grandchildren the stories of their lives, and your children want to tell their grandchildren about you.

Planning for the future when you are no longer around is not easy for most people. As Christians who seek first the Kingdom of God , our thoughts of the hereafter often center around the resurrection and the return of Jesus Christ to rule the earth.

Let's not forget, though, if we are responsible Christians, we will not neglect planning in a physical way for those we leave behind. Proper planning demonstrates love for your spouse and children. It is the right thing to do. UN