Teach Your Children Godly Morals and Modesty

Satan is waging a cultural and spiritual war to destroy our children through sexual sins. Parents must protect and prepare them well!

Children are a challenge, but a challenge to cherish! And having children brings never-ending joys (Psalms 127 and 128; Proverbs 23:24The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him.
See All...).

God "seeks godly offspring," so parents serve as God's stewards in preparing their children for membership in God's family (Malachi 2:15And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
See All...). By far the greatest heritage we can pass on to our children is God's truth, faith in God and godly character. Inspire your children to have the highest goals and aspirations for this life and the next.

But Satan the "destroyer" (RevelationThe disclosure of God's Word and plan to mankind. In the Bible this refers to making obscure things clear; bringing hidden matters to light; causing especially called individuals to see, hear, perceive, know and understand the things of God; the unveiling of biblical mysteries (Romans 16:25). 9:11And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon, but in the Greek tongue hath his name Apollyon.
See All...) is out to seduce our youth while their hormones are up and their defenses are down. Diligent parents must be the daily antidote to his poison. As parents, your own previous sins do not lessen your authority and obligation to teach what is right. It is unnecessary and often harmful to "confess" to children past sins for which you are ashamed. Hopefully your influence will result in your children not making similar mistakes.

First of all, pray for your children! As a parent, be as diligent as if it all depends on you, but pray as if it all depends on God!

More than ever, godly parenting is a full-time responsibility, especially in "this present evil age" (Galatians 1:4Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father:
See All...). But our children can survive and thrive if they have a parent or parents deeply devoted to "train up [each] child in the way he should go" (Proverbs 22:6Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
See All...).

"The way he should go" is revealed in the BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ.. Be diligent to have God's words "in your heart" (Deuteronomy 6:6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
See All...). Then "you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (verse 7).

Our Church highly recommends family prayer and BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ. study. When families do this on an almost daily basis, it can be a warm bonding time as well as a wonderful habit that can continue until the children leave home. 

But teaching must not be limited to once per day. Deuteronomy 6 tells us to take advantage of every teaching opportunity, and having numerous opportunities requires time and being together.

Much of the teaching is simply by "talk." Encourage conversation about anything and everything. Emphasize and reward honesty so your children will be open and honest with you about everything that happens in their lives. Be respectful of all questions and don't overreact to anything.

There are many excellent books and articles on parenting and Christian morality. "Let the wise listen and add to their learning" (Proverbs 1:5A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:
See All..., New International Version). And encourage your children to be avid readers of good books and magazines. For teens and young adults, we of course highly recommend Vertical Thought.

A Top Priority: Teaching Godly Morals!

Teach every godly virtue, with God's standards of sexual morality being a top priority. It's interesting that morality includes other virtues beginning with the letter m —maturity, manners, modesty, moderation, meekness and, for the boys, masculinity and manliness. Incidentally, it's disgusting that filthy entertainment is labeled "mature" or "adult."

For a large part of what needs to be taught, we strongly recommend parents read the three previous articles on sex in this United News series, beginning with the May issue.

This article does not address the subject of teaching young children about "the birds and the bees." This article focuses on teaching morality, especially to preadolescents and adolescents, but the job is much easier if your children have been having wholesome age-appropriate teachings about sex all along. Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James Dobson is an excellent book to read and then discuss with each child before he or she reaches puberty. Dr. Dobson has also written several other very helpful books on parenting.

Teach by Your Godly Example

Above all, be good role models. Attitudes are caught as well as taught. Children automatically tend to imitate their parents. Words mean little if you don't practice what you preach. Any inconsistency or compromise with godly standards will undermine your credibility and effectiveness.

Even silence sends a message. If parents are too embarrassed to talk about anything sexual, that sends a negative message that there is something shameful about our bodies and sexuality. Children will be reluctant to ask questions or discuss anything with their parents that they think might embarrass them.

It has often been said that the best thing a father can do for his child is to love his mother. A child is immensely blessed when he has two parents who clearly love each other, love their children and are affectionate. (With great diligence, God's help and hopefully support from extended family and friends, a single parent can also have great results.)

For example, a major factor that tempts teens toward promiscuity is their feeling starved for affection because they didn't receive it from both parents while growing up. Likewise, parents, usually fathers, who are absent or emotionally cold greatly increase the likelihood of children experiencing gender confusion (versus proper sexual identity) or same-sex attraction (homosexual tendencies). A valuable resource for understanding same-sex attraction and its solutions is Anchor, published online by United Church of God at www.anchorhelp.com .

True love has a firm side (rules and discipline) as well as soft side (affection and praise). A mature parent is fun and fun-loving, but is also clearly in charge, not a pal or buddy.

Flee Sexual Immorality!

The penalties for breaking God's laws concerning sex are many! They include being infected with one of the many terrible types of STDs, an unwanted pregnancy, damaged reputation, failure to achieve desired goals, financial loss, legal problems, grieving parents and broken hearts. Adultery breaks up marriages. Mental and emotional scars from fornication commonly hurt one's future marriage relationship.

According to the BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ., sexual immorality is the most self-damaging sin mentally and spiritually, and oftentimes physically (Proverbs 6:24-35 [24] To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
[25] Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
[26] For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
[27] Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
[28] Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?
[29] So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.
[30] Men do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry;
[31] But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house.
[32] But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
[33] A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
[34] For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
[35] He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts.

See All...). The apostle Paul paraphrased Proverbs 6 and said, "Flee sexual immorality!" (1 Corinthians 6:18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
See All...). Later he wrote to Timothy, "Flee also youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
See All...). Stay completely away from sexual temptations!

A teenager might complain to a parent, "You don't trust me!" A parent could reply by saying no human being can be completely trusted, and especially not when he is in a tempting environment! Jesus strongly emphasized that everyone should do whatever is needed to avoid tempting situations (Matthew 5:27-30 [27] Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
[28] But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
[29] And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
[30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

See All...).

Jesus also strongly warned against tempting someone else, such as by immodest dress or suggestive conduct (Matthew 18:6-10 [6] But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
[7] Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
[8] Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
[9] And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
[10] Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

See All...; Romans 14:13Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
See All..., 21).

We recommend you read a two-part online editorial by Dennis Prager titled "Why Young Women Are Exposing Themselves" at www.worldnetdai ly.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID =37160 (the URL of the second part ends in 37274).

Almost every book in the New TestamentThe 27 authoritative books of the apostolic writings: the four Gospels of Christ, Acts (a history), 21 apostolic letters and the book of Revelation. warns about the evil of sexual immorality, so the writers knew that Church members and their children would face strong sexual temptations—temptations to intentional acts and impulsive acts. Depending on the particular translation, the BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ. warns of adultery (extramarital sex), fornication (premarital sex), lasciviousness, lewdness, licentiousness, sins of the flesh, uncleanness, whoredom, sodomy and lust. All illicit sex adulterates (pollutes) one's marriage or future marriage.

In the Greek New TestamentThe 27 authoritative books of the apostolic writings: the four Gospels of Christ, Acts (a history), 21 apostolic letters and the book of Revelation., the main word for all forms of sexual immorality is porneia, from which we get the English word pornography. A recently published book, Porn Generation, by Ben Shapiro, accurately describes today's culture.

The easy availability of pornography on the Internet and elsewhere is vile and despicable, leading countless men and boys into a terrible addiction to pornography. And much of what is on TV and in movies is soft porn that often leads to hard porn. (Most businesses are willing to be a bad influence on kids if that's what it takes to make more money.)

If you have children living at home, please buy software to block porn sites, and if you have cable TV, please arrange for blocks on MTV and all other objectionable sites. Some parents even get rid of TV reception and merely have players and monitors for rented and purchased videos.

Things to Teach

The first nine chapters of Proverbs focus largely on morality versus immorality. At times, it is good to read Proverbs to your children, but it is more important that parents read it over and over again to learn what to teach and how to express it (using modern terminology).

Important strengths to impart to your child are confidence, courage and a willingness to be different —so "if sinners entice you, do not consent" (Proverbs 1:10My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.
See All...). Our kids need to be prepared to say no to many things, including smoking, alcohol, drugs, crime, dirty language and sex. Explain how alcohol or drugs contribute to lower inhibitions and reckless decisions. Boys and girls both need strong moral boundaries as they have to cope with sexually aggressive boys and girls.

Girls should be especially careful to avoid risky situations—not being alone in unsafe places, not riding with strangers, not being immodestly dressed, etc.

Instill in them a desire to please God more than any human being. Doing wrong to gain "popularity" often doesn't work at all, and when it does, it is short-lived. The BibleThe books (Greek, "biblia" ) that are acknowledged as canonical (authoritative) by the early Christian Church. It includes both the books of the ancient Hebrew prophets and those of the apostolic witnesses to Jesus Christ. emphasizes choosing your friends wisely, because we are strongly influenced by our companions, plus our reputation depends largely on our associations (1 Corinthians 15:33Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
See All...; Psalm 1:1Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
See All...; Proverbs 2:16To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words;
See All...; 5:3; 7:5; 9:13; 13:20; 14:7; 28:7). Peers with good character will exert good peer pressure!

There is "a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" (Ecclesiastes 3:5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
See All...). God's will is that passionate kissing and petting (intimate touching) are pleasures reserved only for married couples. God intended them as a natural prelude to intercourse—as part of a married couple's foreplay. When single people indulge in this, no wonder they are tempted to "go all the way!" That is the process that God designed for married couples!

Children must be taught vision to foresee long-range consequences—that they will reap what they sow, good or bad, even if the harvest comes many years later (Galatians 6:7-10 [7] Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
[8] For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
[9] And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
[10] As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

See All...). God's laws are absolute, which means lawbreaking will absolutely and automatically bring consequences (Proverbs 6:24-35 [24] To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
[25] Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
[26] For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.
[27] Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?
[28] Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?
[29] So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.
[30] Men do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry;
[31] But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house.
[32] But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
[33] A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
[34] For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
[35] He will not regard any ransom; neither will he rest content, though thou givest many gifts.

See All...; Jeremiah 2:19Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove thee: know therefore and see that it is an evil thing and bitter, that thou hast forsaken the LORD thy God, and that my fear is not in thee, saith the Lord GOD of hosts.
See All...; 4:18). How wonderful it is to wait till marriage to "know" a partner (Genesis 4:1And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare CainFirstborn son of Adam and Eve (Genesis 4:1), he was a farmer, or tiller of the ground. He committed the first recorded murder when he killed his younger brother, Abel (Genesis 4:8). After the murder of his brother, Cain settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden., and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.
See All...), and not suffer with any regrets.

At the same time, parents must emphasize how merciful God is, very willing to forgive any mistakes and sins when a person truly repents and conforms to God's ways.

Emphasize the Positive

Explain the terrible consequences for sin, but spend at least as much time explaining God's wonderful plan for being sexually pure before marriage and passionate in marriage. Help boys feel good about being male and help girls feel good about being female, each having awesome potential. Encourage plenty of wholesome activities to occupy their time. As a family, be very active in your local congregation and with church youth activities.

God told Adam and Eve that they could eat of every tree in the Garden of EdenThe land in which the Lord planted a garden for Adam to live in (Genesis 2:15). It was located at the branching of 4 rivers: the Euphrates, the Hiddekel (the Tigris), the Pishon, and the Gihon (Genesis 2:8-14). It was also the location of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and the tree of life (Genesis 2:16). except one. It may not always seem that way, but God says yes to many more things than He says no to. Don't lust for forbidden fruit. God knows what is best for us! When God says no to something, He is saying yes to something better!

When someone who is called by God is picking a mate to marry, the most important requirement is that the mate is also called by God. The apostle Paul wrote you can marry whom you wish, "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
See All...). Many other scriptures corroborate this. Therefore, all serious dating should be with people in God's Church. One benefit of this is that the people one is dating usually have high standards. But don't be overly trusting just because someone is supposedly "in the Church."

The rewards for remaining a virgin until marriage are well worth the wait! It's wonderful to see many groups emphasizing sexual abstinence until marriage, promoting "proud to be pure" and encouraging pledges to "Save Sex," "True Love Waits," etc.

For those who desire to be married, who faithfully put God first and wait patiently for God to be the Matchmaker, God will greatly reward them. Those rewards usually include marriage, but not always. Living a single life can have spiritual advantages, as Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 7. Whatever sacrifices we suffer in this life will be tiny compared to our glorious life in God's Kingdom (Romans 8:18For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
See All...; 2 Corinthians 4:17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
See All...)!

Teach your children this: "Trust in the LORD, and do good . . . and He shall give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:3-4 [3] Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
[4] Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

See All...).

Marriage is sacred. It is a type of "Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
See All...). And one's sexuality is sacred. Teach each child not to give away the most precious thing he or she has to offer to a future wife or husband—"not to awaken love until the time is right" (Song of Solomon 2:7I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.
See All..., NLT). UN

Recommended Books:

Secret Keeper—The Delicate Power of Modesty, by Dannah Gresh.

Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney.

Sex Is Not the Problem—Lust Is, by Joshua Harris.

Every Young Woman's Battle, by Shannon Ethridge.

Christian Modesty—The Public Undressing of America, by Jeff Pollard

Sexy Girls—How Hot Is Too Hot? by Hayley DiMarco.

True Sexual Morality—Recovering Biblical Standards, by Daniel Heimbach.