Good morning.  Glad to be back here in Cincinnati.  We had a wonderful Feast in Gatlinburg this year.  The trees were beautiful; the people were friendly; it was a wonderful place to be. 

About ten years ago a group of my coworkers decided that they wanted to go out for lunch together.  We thought it is a beautiful day and we had a little bit of extra time, so lets go out to lunch together.  We went to a somewhat more upscale place than we normally went too.  It was a place that wasn't too far away from our office and it was a beautiful place.  It was on a reservoir.  This restaurant was also next to a marina.  You could watch the sailboats and it had a nice area interior.

The restaurant was almost empty at lunchtime and we told them we would like a table for eight. The hostess responded and she told us that for any group over six people they wouldn't be able to provide separate cheques for us and there will be an automatic 20% gratuity. Well, we've come in 4 or 5 different cars; we didn't all have cash; it was going to be pretty difficult to pay with one cheque so we didn't want to necessarily divide that cheque 8 ways so we said, okay, then just give us two tables of four and that will be fine.  The hostess then replied in a somewhat taunting voice to us and she said, well, we can seat you at two tables of four but we certainly are not going to make them near each other.  One table will be over here at the door and one table over here by the window - even though the restaurant was mostly empty at the time.

Several of us - we became somewhat upset by this pronouncement but we went ahead and we had lunch there anyway.  You know, as I said, we came in about 4 or 5 different cars and to try to coordinate to go somewhere else seemed like it was going to be somewhat difficult since we were already there.  But because of the way that that hostess acted towards us I decided that day that I was never going back to that restaurant if I was going to be paying for my meal because I was a little bit bitter about that.  I didn't like the attitude that that lady had towards our group and when I combined that with the overpriced menu that they had there, for what I was going to be getting - that restaurant, it remained a sore spot for me.

I didn't think highly of that restaurant after that day and whenever anybody proposed that we go and we eat there because it was so beautiful I would say, no, I am not going.  Now I did go back a couple of times for company dinners or group occasions when somebody else was going to be paying for the meal but it wasn't without just a little bit of anger at the way that I felt our group had been mistreated.  Now, I wouldn't describe myself as actually angry about the situation but I was bitter.  I held a grudge about it.  I held it for many years.  I would tell anybody that mentioned that restaurant – I would tell them my story.  I was making sure that the word got out.

Today I want to look at bitterness.  What is bitterness?  What are some of the wrong ways to cope with bitterness?  Who can we become bitter toward and what are some recommendations that can help us to root out bitterness from our lives? 

So what is bitterness? I was thinking there were some different kinds of foods that could be labeled as bitter.  Some of those might include artichokes, cabbages, Brussels sprouts, coffee, unsweetened cocoa, citrus peel and uncured olives.  Now think for a minute about tasting some of those things and if you have ever tasted that bitterness's of flavor you kind of know the way it feels on your tongue.  Imagine that same quality as an attitude that you have because bitterness is a mental attitude.  It is a hateful and spiteful sourness of the heart and if often creeps in when you have been, or you think you have been, maliciously wronged by somebody. 

I want to turn to Job 7:11 and we can see that Job had a reason to be bitter.

Job 7:11 "Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; (he was going to talk about it.  He says:) I will speak in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain (I will complain!) in the bitterness of my soul.

Job is saying that he couldn't hold back those bitter feelings that he had.  He said that his bitterness came from anguish and anguish is a severe pain or suffering.  The feeling of bitterness can often be a reaction to pain or suffering that we've experienced.  Bitterness is a feeling of negativity.  We also see that Job, he didn't just keep his bitterness locked inside.  He said that he would complain in his bitterness.  He was going to tell people about it; the bitterness of his soul.  He also said that he could not restrain his mouth.  He was going to let it all out.  He was going to explain the way that he felt. 

Paul wrote in Romans 3 that those who have turned away from God have mouths full of cursing and bitterness; full of cursing and bitterness.  While some people might be able to keep their bitter feelings to themselves, more often than not bitterness is going to come out. Bitterness, anger and resentment come out through our words, harsh words full of complaining or cursing or anger.  I would complain about that restaurant to anybody that brought it up.

To the Colossians Paul wrote:  Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter towards them.  So if the instruction that he was giving is for us to love and not to be bitter, well, that makes it clear that bitterness is an opposite of love.  That makes bitterness a form of hate and if we are to grow in the love of God we have to put away bitterness.  We have to put away hatred.  Having bitterness can lead to a wide range of other sins such as hatred, cruelty, antagonism, self-pity and also prideful arrogance and it can also make you unteachable and vindictive; somebody that seeks revenge for that wrong that has occurred. 

One of the biggest problems with bitterness is that it doesn't want to go away; it doesn't want to go away.  Resentment is a form of bitterness and the word resentment is really good because it is derived from the prefix re, meaning to do something again, and the Latin word sentir, which means to feel.  So resentment, it is something that we feel again. You know we feel those feelings of anger again and again and it applies to situations where we might have been wronged and we want to relive those feelings that we have.

Let's turn to Hebrews 12.  Here we are told about the discipline of God:

Hebrews 12:5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:  "My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;

V.6 – For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives.

Most of us don't like to be disciplined.  I don't like to be disciplined; I don't like to be chastened. Now let's drop down to:

V.11 – Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; never the less, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

V.12 – Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees,

V.13 – and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.

V.14 – Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord;

V.15 – looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;

This passage uses the phrase:  root of bitterness.  We go through many trials when we choose to follow God and we may endure a lot of chastening. There is a lot of hard things that we have to put up with in this life that can cause us to become bitter or resentful towards God or other people and the things that God has allowed to happen to us.  It is not an unusual reaction for us to get a little bit upset sometimes when things don't go our way.  That is why we are told not to allow any root of bitterness to spring up and to cause trouble for us. 

If we allow ourselves to hold a grudge, if you allow yourself to hold a grudge or become bitter about something that has happened to you, you might be able to hold it inside for a while but sooner or later it can spring up.  It can spring up from that root and take us by surprise. 

About the time that our youngest son was born my father-in-law gave us a small cutting of bamboo.  It is one that he came across while he was on one of his job sites in the Carolinas.  My wife's parents - they have a beautiful bamboo growth in their yard down in Georgia and I love the sound that the wind makes as it rustles all the little tiny leaves and blows through the bamboo there.  Well, the bamboo cutting that he gave us, it was a twig.  It was about a foot high and it was coming off of a little horizontal root, maybe about 6 inches long at the most.  We carried that plant home in a milk jug, back to our home in Indiana. I thought we are going to see if we can grow some bamboo here. 

Well, I planted the bamboo in the wettest part of the yard and I nourished it along through the rest of the summer.  It didn't really look like it was doing any thing but I kept watering it because you never know – something might happen and it might grow.  Well, by the next spring it had grown.  The root system had grown and we had a line, a straight line of about 5 or 6 flimsy little bamboo shoots that came up out of the soil, maybe a couple of feet high. Oh, isn't that wonderful!

Each year after that the quantity of bamboo shoots more than doubled.  More and more bamboo kept growing and the shoots, they got thicker and thicker.  You know they started out maybe the size of my little finger and they started getting pretty big around.  Each year they were bigger and bigger.  We reached the point finally where we had a noticeable stand of bamboo in our back yard.  It was much higher than I could even reach and it took up enough of the yard that I began to cut pathways through it so we could actually get to the other parts of the yard.  I brought some pictures and I can show you after services if you want to see how big this became.

It is amazing to think that that was all still one plant that was still connected to the same root system and we don't necessarily recommend to you that you do what I did, gardening wise, that you put bamboo in your own yard because it is a predatory plant.  It is a predatory plant.  That plant was working hard to take over our entire yard. 

Living in Indiana, the first few years that we had the plant there, it was a little cold for the bamboo to survive the winter, at least the part that was above the ground, and then each spring new shoots would pop up every where.  They popped up in my yard; they popped up in the neighbors yard; I never knew where I was going to find part of that plant next.  Well, eventually as it took over more and more of the yard I enjoyed not mowing as much but I decided I needed to take action before my back yard, before the entire neighborhood, became overrun with bamboo.

Now some helpful friends that I worked with, they suggested that maybe I should introduce a family of pandas to the back yard but I determined that maybe two non-negative species in the back yard was probably pushing it a little bit too far and worse problems might arise.  Finally I cut it all down and the neighbor behind us volunteered to burn it up for me in his fire pit and the yard looked so empty.  You couldn't tell that the bamboo had been there.  It was like a whole new yard.

But the root lived on.  You know the next year it returned everywhere; more bamboo and there was nothing I could do because cutting it didn't kill the plant because it was all one large mass.  I had to resort to using grass-killer on my lawn.  I had to use grass-killer on my yard wherever little shoots came up but by then the root system underground had become so large that it took a lot of repeated effort to kill off.  I had a lot of dead spots in my yard for a while. 

The lesson that I want to bring out in this example is that when I cut down all of that bamboo you couldn't see it anywhere.  It looked like I had eradicated it but I hadn't.  It was still there, this enormous network just under the surface that was waiting to emerge when the conditions were right.

Bitterness is the same way.  We might have become angry; we might have become upset at God or at someone who has offended us or maybe we have become angry at ourselves.  After that initial anger subsided and we have dealt with it in some way it might look like we have gotten over it but often we've left behind a root of bitterness that is just waiting, it is just waiting there under the surface to send out new shoots of anger when the conditions are right and as we saw in Hebrews 12:15, that bitterness is portrayed as a root.  It lies dormant; it lies dormant until the time that it springs up and it says that by that bitterness many become defiled; many become defiled.  So bitterness causes trouble that spread.  It spreads to other people just like that bamboo would produce a bigger crop every year and took over more and more of my yard and began showing up in my neighbors yard.  The results of bitterness aren't easily contained and they spread far beyond just ourselves. 

So even though our bitterness, like my bamboo roots, might not have been evident from the outside, bitterness is not that difficult to recognize within ourselves.  I want to look at Proverbs 14:10 because there is an interesting statement here. 

Proverbs 14:10 The heart knows its own bitterness,  (the heart knows its own bitterness) and a stranger does not share its joy. 

We know when we are bitter.  Bitterness – it is easy to self diagnose.  Typically, when we are bitter, we know it.  We can't hide it from ourselves.  We know that we are angry about something.  When I didn't want to go back to that restaurant I knew I was bitter.  I wasn't hiding it from myself.  We know it but it still felt kind of good to nurse that bitterness along.  It felt good every once in a while when somebody would mention that restaurant to bring up that topic and relive that feeling. 

Job knew that he was bitter.  We just read about him a little bit earlier.  Usually when we are bitter we recognize that we've become that way but we really don't know how to cope with it.  It is hard to know how to cope with those feelings, how to eradicate that root of bitterness, how to get that spiritual grass-killer and to get rid of those roots. In a way we are held hostage by bitterness.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, (don't be in a hurry to be mad about something) for anger rests in the bosom of fools.

Anger rests in the bosom of fools.  If we don't deal with our bitterness, if we don't deal with what has made us angry, it lodges inside of us.  It rests in our bosom.  That anger and that resentment begin to color the choices that we make because it is inside of us now.  That is why we need to identify and we need to eradicate any root of bitterness that we find in our hearts. We can't afford the luxury of holding on to bitterness and resentment against any one because it only becomes a root for other problems.  Bitterness is a displaced anger.  When we are overcome with bitterness we often find ourselves being angry about lots of other things. Things that are unrelated even to the source of that bitterness.  It is like it makes our minds predisposed to anger so that it is hard sometimes to have joy or to have positive thoughts in our lives because that bitterness can color the way we see everything. 

Let's turn to Acts 8 and see that bitterness is described as a poison.  Bitterness is a poison.  Let's look at the story of Simon the sorcerer.

Acts 8:18 And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles' hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,

V.19 – saying, "Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit."

V.20 – But Peter said to him, "Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!

V.21 - You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.

V.22 – Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.

V.23 – For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity."

Simon was bitter. He was angry because the apostles had this power to give the Holy Spirit, a power that Simon as a sorcerer didn't have.  He didn't have that magic in his arsenal.  Peter told him that his bitterness about not being able to do that had poisoned him.  It had poisoned him.  Bitterness is a poison and it is painful to carry that poison inside.  That is why people look for different ways to try to cope with that bitterness.  Well, the world has come up with several bad coping mechanisms.   There are several bad coping mechanisms that I thought of that people use to deal with that poison inside, that poison of bitterness, but they are ways that aren't really effective in removing it. 

The first way I thought of that people try to deal with bitterness is to try and get even.  They try to get even when they have been wronged.  They feel that by wronging someone else that it might make them feel better.  There are people who call evil good and good evil, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.  They think that doing wrong is then the right thing to do.  If someone has done something bad to you well, you can just strike back at them by doing something equally or doing something more bad to them.  That's the theory that two wrongs make a right.

The second way that I thought of that people cope with bitterness is to blame other people for all the problems that they have, whether or not that person is rightly to blame, because often it is easier to deal with a problem when you can find somebody to be a scapegoat; somebody that you can assign blame too in whatever situation you find yourself.  It is not my fault that I got fired.  Sure I always showed up late; I never got anything done but they fired me because the boss liked this other guy better than me and they had it in for me.  When you blame somebody else for your problems or for your attitude it can make you feel a little bit better about yourself for a time but the bitterness is still there because you haven't gotten rid of it.

The third common way that I thought of that people cope with bitterness is to find a way to mask the pain that comes from that poison they have inside.  The Bible describes this way to cope in Proverbs 31:6-7.  Sometimes this is done through legal or ill-legal drugs or alcohol and sometimes it is successful of getting the pain hidden or temporarily erased by covering over the issue with other things like overeating or over spending.  People look for something to get their mind off of that bitterness or keep them feeling that pain.  They find something that dulls the pain and bitterness and they feel that they can better cope with it.  Let's look at:

Proverbs 31:6 Give strong drink to him who is perishing, and wine to those who are bitter of heart.

V.7 – Let him drink and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

Well, alcohol, other drugs, they are good at stopping the pain for a brief while.  They can allow us to forget what made the heart bitter but it doesn't really solve the problem of removing that bitterness and often you can develop an addiction and that addiction will end up causing more pain and more heartache for you in the long run. 

So now that we understand a little bit more about bitterness and some wrong ways that people do try to cope with it, I want to look at three parties that we can become bitter towards and some strategies that we can use to overcome our bitterness.

We can become bitter toward God; we can become bitter towards ourselves and towards others. 

First we will look at bitterness towards God.  The Bible has several examples of people who had become bitter.  They had become bitter toward God.  We see people becoming bitter toward God especially when they've experienced grief, when there has been a death in their family or they have gone through a difficult trial.  Let's turn to the first chapter of Ruth and see the bitterness that Naomi was dealing with after the death of her husband and her two sons. 

Ruth 1:19 Now the two of them (Ruth and Naomi) went until they came to Bethlehem.  And it happened, when they had come to Bethlehem, that all the city was excited because of them; and the women said, "Is this Naomi?"

V.20 – But she said to them, "Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. 

V.21 – I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty.  Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has afflicted me?"

Naomi knew that she was bitter about what had happened.  She told the people of Bethlehem not even to call her by her name but to call her Mara.  Just call me the bitter old lady.  Why was she bitter?  She says that she was bitter because of the way that God had dealt with her.  Her husband died; her two sons died. Naomi was full of grief and anguish about what had happened to her family and she was bitter towards God. 

We can look at another example in Job 27 where we can see that Job also felt that God had made him bitter through all the things that he experienced.  He didn't want to speak evil of God but he felt that God had taken justice away from him.

Job 27:1 Moreover Job continued his discourse, and said:

V.2 – "As God lives, who has taken away my justice, and the Almighty, who has made my soul bitter,

V.3 – As long as my breath is in me, and the breath of God in my nostrils,

V.4 – My lips will not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit. 

He says that God has made his soul bitter.  He blames Him for the way that he felt.  If we go back a few chapters to Job 23 we see that Job felt that God was distant from him.  God wasn't listening; He wasn't there; He wouldn't hear him; He was unavailable.

Job 23:1 Then Job answered and said:

V.2 – "Even today my complaint is bitter; my hand is listless because of my groaning.

V.3 – Oh, that I knew where I might find Him that I might come to His seat!

V.4 – I would present my case before Him, and fill my mouth with arguments.

It is okay, it is natural, to grieve.  It is natural to grieve when we loose something or when we go through trials but what is not okay, is to blame God or to become bitter with God about what has happened to us.  When things turn out badly for us we can begin to feel like Job did, that there is a distance, that there is a distance between us and God.  But we need to be careful not to accuse Him of making those things happen or accuse Him of the bitterness that we feel.  We can't develop a root of bitterness against our Creator.  We do have to grieve; we have to work through those feelings, that anger that we sometimes have about the situation. 

You might remember that Jonah was also angry.  Jonah was angry with God because of the mercy that God showed towards the Ninevites. In the last chapter of Jonah, after God had relented from the punishment that He was threatening on Nineveh because of their repentance, it says that it displeased Jonah greatly.  Jonah was getting pretty mad and he became angry.  Jonah also became angry it says, because of the destruction of the plant that God had grown for him to provide shade. 

Well, we can become bitter towards God when we feel that He has been unfair.  Jonah thought that God was unfair to let those Ninevites have mercy.  Sometimes we think that God is unfair by blessing one person or maybe healing one person and not blessing another person or not healing another person.  You know we can become bitter towards Him when our prayers seem to go unanswered. 

Let's turn to Deuteronomy 29:18 – it shows another way that we can become bitter towards God:  when we choose to turn away from Him. God describes here those who turn their hearts away from God.

Deuteronomy 29:18 (We read that God made a covenant with Israel) so that there may not be among you man or woman or family or tribe, whose heart turns away today from the Lord our God, to go and serve the gods of these nations, and that there may not be among you a root bearing bitterness or wormwood;

People do become bitter when they turn away from God.  I have friends who have left the Church and gone to seek their own way; friends who were angry at God for the way that they were raised by their parents in the church and they want nothing else to do with Him at all.  When we reject God, when we turn our back to Him, it gives us what is described here as a root bearing bitterness. 

Jeremiah 2 – it reinforces this and explains that forsaking God is a bitter and an evil thing.

Jeremiah 2:19 (God says) Your own wickedness will correct you, and your backslidings will rebuke you.  Know therefore and see that it is an evil and bitter thing that you have forsaken the Lord your God, and the fear of Me is not in you." Says the Lord God of hosts.

It is a bitter thing to forsake God and to loose the proper fear that we should have for Him.  So we can become bitter towards God for many different reasons: when we turn away from Him; when we experience trials; when we experience grief; when we think He has been unfair towards us or unfair towards somebody else or maybe we think that He is not answering our prayers. 

So what are some things we can do?  What can we do to overcome the bitterness that we might have towards God? One thing, as I alluded to earlier in the case of Naomi when she felt that God had made her bitter through the grief that she had gone through - There are ways that we can work through and deal with our grief that won't make us bitter or resentful. 

The first suggestion that I have is to let others help.  In the example we read of Naomi, you know Ruth was also grieving but Ruth volunteered to follow her.  She volunteered to go back to Bethlehem with her and one thing we see from this example that it is okay, when we are grieving or suffering through something, it is okay to let other people help us.  It is so useful.  Ruth was also grieving for her husband but if the two of those ladies had separated it would have been much harder for them to work through the situation without being able to rely on each other.  Ruth wanted to help Naomi and Naomi allowed her to.  She could have pushed her away but she allowed her to be there as a support. When we go through difficult situations we need to allow others to help us and not push them away. 

The second suggestion I have on dealing with bitterness towards God is to realize that God knows best.  Realize that whatever situation you are going through, God does know best.  When we become bitter towards God, can it sometimes be because we've made God and fashioned Him according to our own image? You know we sometimes think that we might know best. You know we sometimes think that we might know best how God should act in our situation or how He should be fair or that we know how God should answer all of our prayers but sometimes we need to step back and we need to realize that, as Job finally did, that God really does know best.  He knows better than we do.   

Psalm 18:30 As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

We should not become bitter at the way that He allows events to play out in our lives because His way is perfect.  When we've become bitter with God we need to look for a lesson.  We need to look for a way to process what we are going through in a positive way.  We need to remember to be teachable and to look for those things that we do need to change and we need to realize that we don't have all the answers.  We don't know why we are angry or what exactly is going on but God does because His way is perfect.

The third suggestion for overcoming bitterness towards God is to restore your relationship.  Restore your relationship with God.  We can also combat our bitterness towards God by working on the relationship that we have with Him.  When we get angry with God we often allow ourselves to put up a wall, to become more and more separated with Him.  Sometimes you don't want to talk to Him when you are angry; we don't want to be close but if we will approach Him and remember to approach Him with thankfulness, with humility, with true repentance, that removes the distance that we put between Him and ourselves.  Our relationship with God can be restored.  It is hard to give true thanks to God and to be thankful and also to remain angry with Him.

James wrote in James 4:8 – some excellent advice on restoring our relationship with God.

James 4:8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

V.10 – Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

So we need to draw near towards God as a way to restore the relationship that we need to have with Him.

Well, not all the bitterness that we have might be towards God.  Many people - they become bitter, they become angry, toward themselves.  You might know that God can forgive you of your sins, your faults and the wrongs that you have done but maybe you are having a hard time forgiving yourself for what you have done. 

This bitterness brings on an attitude of self-pity where you might say, I deserve this; I deserve these bad things.  God is punishing me for what I've done; I shouldn't have done this or that and now I am just getting what I deserve.  I am not good enough that nice things should happen to me.  I am going to have to carry this load; I am going to have to deal with these problems by myself.  Many times we do become angry at ourselves, become bitter at the things that we've done.  We might feel rejected by some sin or some failure that we have made, something that if we would do it over again we wouldn't do it but we did do that wrong thing and we are having trouble forgiving ourselves or believing that God can forgive us.

Let's look at the third chapter of Job.  Job's bitterness and grief had a component that was self-directed.  He was bitter that he had been born. He was bitter that he had been born and he though it would have been better if he'd never been alive.

Job 3:1 After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.

V.2 – And Job spoke, and said: 

V.3 – "May the day perish on which I was born, and the night in which it was said, 'A male child is conceived.'

V.11 – "Why did I not die at birth?  Why did I not perish when I came from the womb?  

V.20 – "Why is light given to him who is in misery, and life to the bitter of soul,

V.21 – Who long for death, but it does not come, and search for it more than hidden treasures;

He searched for death more than hidden treasures – things have become so bad.  Sometimes those who do become bitter towards themselves, they do become suicidal.  Job longed for death.  He saw that as a solution to that bitterness, that poison, he was dealing with inside. Bitterness towards ourselves doesn't always have to be as drastic as suicide. It can also be milder; it can also be feelings of self-pity.  Sometimes when someone is bitter towards themselves, they might think or say, I am not good enough; I am no good, or suffer from depression. 

Well, if we do feel bitter towards ourselves here are some things that you can think about – some suggestions to help overcome that bitterness toward yourself.

The first suggestion is to confess your sins to God.

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

V.9 - If we confess our sins, (if we tell God what we've done wrong) He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

V.10 – If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. 

So we need to deal with our sins and God will forgive us.  We need to believe the promise that He will forgive.  If you don't want to deal with your sin and move on your sin will become a burden; your sin will become a poison to you that will cloud your joy and it will drain you spiritually because unresolved sin is depressing.

The second suggestion is to concern yourself with other people.  Don't just dwell on yourself.

In Job 42:10 it says that Job prayed for his friends.  Get your mind off of yourself.  Focusing on yourself and focusing on your shortcomings – we all have shortcomings but if you focus on those and you wallow in self-pity it doesn't do anything to remove that bitterness inside.  Spend time helping others, praying for others, being with other people.

A third suggestion is to dwell on God's word.  Read the scriptures.  If we study and we meditate on the word that God has revealed to us in the Bible then we will be reminded, it will remind us constantly, of His plan and the viewpoint that God has.  We will be aware of how He provides for His people - He does provide for us - and the work that He wants to accomplish on us.  If you focus on Christ, if you focus on becoming like Him, it takes the focus off your inward thoughts about yourself and your own shortcomings and your anger at yourself and it can replace it with outward thoughts.  Christ's way is an outward way of showing love towards other people.

When you live God's word and when you grow in love towards others and grow in love towards yourself, you'll begin to create a new environment for your mind and you can win victory over bitterness.

Some bitterness is directed against other people.  We are not always bitter at God or at ourselves but often we become bitter at those people around us.  You know maybe it is a child's bitterness towards his parents for the way that they punished them for something that he did or it could be a wife's bitterness for her husband and she is planning how she might get even with him for something he did.  It could even be a bitterness that people might carry against their Church or against a current or former minister; something they said or did or disagreed with. 

In the claims of my wife, I told her once – I am talking about a specific lady that she was angry with, - she said, if that lady showed up dying on my doorstep I wouldn't even give her a glass of water.  That is not an attitude that we want.  We see people around us every day.  A single word somebody could say could make us angry and we never know when that could happen.  It is easy to let some situation, some off-hand comment, make us angry and then start to hold that anger inside and to let that bitterness take root.

If you are bitter toward other people you might say, if I forgive them for what they did to me, that wouldn't be fair.  They don't deserve to be forgiven; they are not sorry; I am going to stay angry and let them see how they have wronged me.  Then somehow along the way, they will see what it has done to me and our relationship and maybe something bad will happen to them.  Well, if we feel bitterness, if we feel resentment towards other people, if we find ourselves bearing a grudge against somebody, here are some things to think about that can help us to overcome that bitterness. 

The first suggestion is to keep your anger temporary.  Keep your anger temporary.  It is okay to get angry but get over it.  The best way to deal with resentment is to resolve the problem and deal with it right away.  For instance:  when we visited that restaurant that I described in the introduction, if we would have right then said:  Well, that won't work for us and we've just turned around after the hostess was rude and decided we were going to go somewhere else for lunch that day, well, I probably would have forgotten about that incident and I wouldn't have become so bitter about it.  But instead we had the opportunity to sit there and eat for an hour in that environment and we complained about it.  We complained about that for an entire hour and we just allowed that bitterness to lodge, to take root.  We need to resolve our anger in some way so that we can move on.

Look at Ephesians 4:26 – Paul gives us an instruction about times when we become angry.

Ephesians 4:26  "Be angry (be angry), and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

V.27 – nor give place to the devil.

It doesn't say that you should never be angry and that you should always be happy with everybody, but it does say that if you are mad at somebody today you need to get it settled.  You need to deal with that before the sun goes down.  If you don't deal with it today it can simmer all night inside and keep you up.  There is a good chance that tomorrow you might be twice as angry at that person and twice as bitter as you are today. 

Well, to get rid of that anger you need to find a way to deal with it.  Some suggestions that I have heard is that maybe it is writing a letter to that person.  You know, really giving it to him, explaining exactly what was wrong and then after you write that letter, to burn that letter up, unsent.  Maybe it is just stating out loud how angry you feel to yourself or tell your spouse and best to pray it to God in prayer but then forget about it.  Maybe you found another method that works when you angry that helps you to deal with that anger that you have and just to get it out and to get rid of it. 

I want to share this story, titled  "Don't let it grow" that Marvin Williams wrote in 2008 for the book "Our daily bread". He writes:

"In June 1966, Rubin 'Hurricane' Carter, a celebrated boxer, along with an acquaintance were convicted of murder in a highly publicized and racially charged trial. The boxer maintained his innocence and became his own jailhouse lawyer. After serving 19 years, Carter was released when the verdict was overturned. As a free man, he reflected: 'Wouldn't anyone under those circumstances have a right to be bitter?'" This man had been in prison for 19 years and he says, allegedly, that he was innocent the entire time. "'I've learned that bitterness only consumes the vessel that contains it. And for me to permit bitterness to control or infect my life in any way whatsoever would be to allow those who imprisoned me to take even more than they've already taken.'"

So remaining angry with others only serves them to continue to have the power to hurt you but ultimately forgiving is the lasting way to get rid of anger.  Forgiving is the lasting way to get rid of anger.  When Jesus Christ was dying - He was given an unjust sentence. He didn't deserve to be crucified but He asked for forgiveness for those who were crucifying Him saying, Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do. 

Most people who offend us, most people who make us angry, they don't intend to do that but often that is the conclusion that we make.  They do not know what they do.  And then after you have dealt with that situation, after you have extended that forgiveness, don't keep thinking about it.  Don't keep dredging up those feelings and feeling them again.  Keep your anger temporary.

The second suggestion on overcoming anger towards others and bitterness is to trust God's wisdom.  Trust God's wisdom.  The earth and all that is in it belongs to God but that doesn't mean that everything that happens in this earth, in this world, is good.  You know there is sin in this world but you must believe that God allows things to happen that we might not like.  He allows things to happen that He might not like but in His wisdom, somewhere down the line, God will turn those situations around for the good of His children, for the good of us.

A good example of this is the story of Joseph.  Joseph went through some horrible situations.  He was sold by his own brothers as a slave; he was falsely accused by his master's wife; he was forgotten by the chief butler after interpreting his dream and he spent many years in prison.  Did Joseph become bitter towards his family, his brothers?  Did he become bitter towards his master and wife, the chief butler or even God for all these horrible events that occurred?  No, he didn't.  Instead he trusted God for deliverance and it turned out, as Joseph concluded, that this turn of events was for the good for Joseph's entire family.  Joseph even explained to his family how God had worked it out.  He said:  God sent me before you to preserve life.  It was not you who sent me here but God.  Joseph didn't become bitter.  Instead he trusted God's wisdom.  He trusted God to turn the situation around for good of those who believed in Him.

We have the same promise also.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

When we trust God's wisdom it seems a little counter intuitive if we can allow ourselves to be wronged. We don't have to get even. It is okay for us to be wronged for doing the right thing.  We don't have to have everything go our way in this life. 

1 Peter 2:19(Peter writes) For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully.

V.20 – For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently?  But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. 

It is commendable to be wronged for doing the right thing because God will work it out in the end. 

The third suggestion for overcoming bitterness towards other people is to pursue peace.  Let's turn to Romans 12 – Paul is explaining to the Romans how they should behave as Christians.

Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

V.17 – Repay no one evil for evil. (Getting even with other people - it just doesn't work.)  Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.

V.18 – If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

V.19 – Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.

When it says here to give place to wrath, that is not saying to make a place for you to put wrath, it is not saying to unleash your own wrath against that person, but it says to stand back and leave room for God punish them if that is His will.  We shouldn't get in the way of God's judgment.

V.20 – Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head."

V.21 – Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

When we truly do good, if we do something good to those people who hate us, do good to our enemies, it keeps us from developing that attitude of bitterness towards them. We are told,

1 Peter 3:11. …seek peace and pursue it.

Peace just doesn't show up one day and push itself into your life.  We have to chase peace.  We have to pursue it.  If you know somebody who is angry or bitter towards you because of something you may or may not have done towards them, you can take that positive first step towards reconciliation.  You can pursue that peace.  When someone has wronged you, you can take the first step and forgive them.  Don't dwell on the past.  Don't let the past dwell in you.  It is not always easy.  It is not easy to work through feelings and to forgive people depending on what it is they have done.  Forgiveness might require you to think through that matter, to revisit it over and over again in your mind until you can finally get that matter put to rest.  But those things that you have forgiven, once you have forgiven somebody, don't bring them up to that other person again.  Don't bring them up and reopen old wounds. In fact, if you can find some reason to even compliment or thank that person, if you can find some way to appreciate something about them, it will help you see beyond that conflict that you've had with them.

These are some ways that you can pursue peace and overcome bitterness towards others. So in conclusion: Bitterness doesn't just affect us.  It affects other people.  As we read earlier in:

Hebrews 12:14 … lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;

Many can become defiled.  We can defile other people through our bitterness.  When I had that bamboo that was growing in my backyard it didn't take long until those roots spread out and they started sending out plants in my neighbors yards.  I felt kind of bad about that. 

When we keep a root of bitterness it affects other people.  It causes trouble and many become defiled.  Once it starts growing it is hard to contain.  We need to stop it while it is still small.

In general, overcome resentment by focusing on its opposite, by focusing on love.  When a resentful thought comes into your mind deliberately put a loving thought in its place.  As the apostle Paul wrote in:

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Doing good and showing love is an excellent antidote for bitterness. Let's look at Ephesians 4 for a final scripture this morning.

Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice,

V.32 – And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

We are to put away our bitterness and we are to forgive as we have been forgiven. 

There is a story that I want to end with that is attributed to Confederate General Robert E. Lee.  It comes from page 136 of the book "Lee: The last years" by Charles Bracelen Flood. Now whether it is true or not, well, I can hardly say but he wrote that:

"After the Civil War was over, General Lee was taken to call on a lady who lived north of Lexington and she promptly showed him the remains of a tree in her yard - all that was left of this tree in her yard. All of its limbs had been shot off by federal artillary fire during Hunter's reign and its trunk had been torn by cannon balls.  The woman looked at General Lee expectantly as she showed him this memento of what she and what her property had endured.  Here was a man who could sympathize.  Lee finally spoke:  'Cut it down, my dear madam, and forget it.'"

Do you have some trees of bitterness that are shading your life?  Are they beginning to cast a long shadow in the lives of your family and your friends?  If so, cut them down and then don't forget to remove them, roots and all.  Forget the bitterness. Look forward.  I like to close by repeating this statement in:

Ephesians 4:31 (from the New International Version) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with any form of malice.

V.32 – Be kind, compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.