Biblical Modesty: More Than Just Clothing Choices

What comes to mind when you hear the word modesty? Probably most people see this concept in terms of appropriate clothing choices—that it is a matter of not wearing attire that shows too much skin or is overly tight-fitting.

And that certainly is a major aspect of modesty. But it’s not the only one.

The general definition of modesty is that it is “conduct, manner, speech or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency.” In its basic sense, modesty means being moderate or temperate. It involves exercising restraint and self-control in our actions, speech and the way we present ourselves to others. If we are modest, we will avoid doing or wearing anything that might cause other people to stumble or lead them to sin. This is where not wearing skimpy clothes is part of being modest. We will also have a realistic assessment of ourselves, one that is neither too critical nor arrogant, accepting our limitations and imperfections with humility and grace.

Modesty is a character trait God wants to see in us, something that is addressed throughout the Bible. The passage that might immediately come to mind is 1 Timothy 2:9, which instructs women to “adorn themselves in modest apparel.” This verse applies to men as well. The clothing we wear out in public should not be sexually enticing or cause people to gawk at us.

Very often, when the Bible addresses the topic of modesty, it uses other terminology. This is where we learn about the components of modesty that do not relate specifically to our appearance. We’re told to be sober-minded and self-controlled in 1 Peter 4:7, Titus 2:2, and 2 Timothy 4:5. We should practice rational thinking and sound judgment. Passages such as James 4:6 and Luke 14:11 extol humility, which can be defined as having a moderate view of our abilities, avoiding prideful and arrogant attitudes, and seeing ourselves as we really are. Romans 12:3 adds that we should not think too highly of ourselves. These are all aspects of modesty.

So how should all this play out in our everyday lives? What does modesty mean in real life terms? As has already been noted, the obvious way to be modest that most people are already aware of is to avoid sexually-provocative attire. In addition to that, here are seven other defining attributes of truly modest people, according to the Bible:

1. They aren’t attention-seekers.

People who dress or groom themselves in ways that make them stand out from the crowd want to be noticed. This might be a matter of having eccentric hairstyles (e.g., Mohawks and unnatural hair color) or wearing excessive makeup or “alternative” clothing styles (e.g., goth, emo and heavy metal). It’s as if they’re sending the message to those around them, “Hey, everyone, look at me!” Ultimately, such thinking is a reflection of a lack of modesty. People might also seek attention by being loud or saying outlandish things when they’re around other people, or continually dominating conversations.

In contrast, modest individuals don’t seek this kind of attention or dominance. Instead of being flamboyant or showy, they tend to be humble, down-to-earth and unassuming. They try to dress nicely, but conservatively. Rather than seek the spotlight, modest people are content to listen to those around them and talk less about themselves. They’re not self-absorbed. Their joy comes from giving attention to others, rather than everyone focusing on them.

This totally aligns with what we read in the Bible. In Philippians 2:3, the apostle Paul instructs us to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” It’s certainly not wrong to get attention from other people or to talk about ourselves now and then, but we shouldn’t insist on it when we’re in social settings—and we won’t if we are truly modest.

2. They don’t brag or boast.

I once had an acquaintance who regularly found opportunities to tell me how he was a “high-IQ individual.” I’ve also known more than my share of name-droppers—individuals who often tried to impress me by telling me about the “important” or famous people they know. And then there are the kinds of people we probably all know, who continually parade their accomplishments and wealthy lifestyles via social media. All this is the exact opposite of modesty. It’s also in direct contradiction with the Bible.

Proverbs 27:2 says “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” Jeremiah 9:23 adds, “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches” (English Standard Version).

Modest people don’t see themselves as superior to others, and don’t feel the need to brag to promote their self-worth. If they accomplish something impressive or have a lot of money, they don’t announce it to everyone they encounter. When they do open up about their endeavors, they do so to build connections with others, not as a way to try to garner praise or admiration, or to try to elevate their status or self-esteem. Moreover, they may be aware of others who are better at certain skills than they are, and that doesn’t trouble them. They’re content, knowing they are doing their personal best or are making improvements in their own skill sets.

3. They’re happy to share the spotlight.

When modest people succeed at something, while they don’t discount their own hard work and effort, they do acknowledge the role of mentors, family members, friends and others who helped and encouraged them along the way. So, if they’re promoted at work or receive an award, they might express sentiments along the lines of “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for the support of my family.” They don’t feel the need to take all the glory for themselves, acknowledging that success is rarely achieved alone. They realize everyone has something to offer in the way of talents, and we can all benefit by being open to others’ assistance. This is clearly what’s indicated in 1 Corinthians 12:15-26.

Most importantly, modest people recognize what God has done to help them succeed, and are quick to give Him the glory for His guidance and intervention. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-7, the apostle Paul described God’s involvement this way: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” Biblically modest people know that they would just be “spinning their wheels” and getting nowhere if it wasn’t for God’s participation in their lives.

4. They build up others.

Modest people focus on the needs and desires of others and help them shine, instead of being wrapped up in themselves. They live by Romans 12:10, which says “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.”

They might seek to uplift others in many different ways, such as: When people they know are facing difficulties or challenges, they help in any way they can. They’re quick to extend sincere compliments to those who might be discouraged. They’re good listeners and show interest in learning about other people’s lives, experiences, and perspectives—which helps them be more effective at showing their support.

Not only do they use their words to encourage those they’re talking with, they also don’t make disparaging remarks about other people, as a way to try to make themselves look superior in comparison. They don’t get any pleasure in tearing down or belittling others.

5. They celebrate the wins of others.

Suppose someone you know just got what you so desperately want, but don’t have. Perhaps your best chum since childhood has just announced her engagement while you remain single, your colleague at work was given the promotion you were hoping for, or your neighbor is having a new pool addition in his backyard—one that you’ve always dreamed of. The first part of Romans 12:15 might come to mind, which says “Rejoice with those who rejoice.”

We might know we should be happy for that blessed individual—but we just can’t bring ourselves to congratulate him or her. We might feel envious or resentful that someone else got what we have worked hard or waited long for. Maybe we feel self-pity and have adopted a woe-is-me mindset. These are hardly biblical reactions, and not how a modest person would respond to someone else’s good news.

Remember that modesty entails not thinking ourselves as better than or “more deserving” than other people. Rather than become jealous when others succeed, modest people are genuinely happy for them—even for those who might be considered opponents. They don’t have to be “top dog,” and aren’t threatened by the achievements or good fortune of others, erroneously believing that someone else’s accomplishments somehow undermine them.

6. They’re in control of their thoughts, words and behavior.

I’ve witnessed numerous “public scenes” in recent years: people who tell others off in grocery stores, parking lots, restaurants, etc., over things like poor service, disputes over parking spaces, or when a fellow shopper accidentally bumps into them with their shopping carts. A lot of times they’ll use crass, foul language, which everybody in earshot can hear. I’ve also witnessed instances of “road rage” when the driver of one vehicle becomes visibly agitated by how another person is driving.

Modest people seek to avoid these kinds of public displays. They practice self-control in what they say and do, following biblical admonitions like Ephesians 4:29 which says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,” and Proverbs 10:19 which states that “the prudent hold their tongues” (New International Version). They are discreet in the way they communicate with others, and do not use crude speech or profanity, nor do they allow themselves to become physically aggressive or excessively loud in public. They remain calm, composed and collected, even when they’re upset about something or are being mistreated, because they don’t want to escalate the situation and also because they do not want “all eyes” on them.

7. They focus on inner beauty rather than outward appearance.

Men and women alike often become quite proud of their bodies, particularly if they work out a lot to “bulk up” and “build curves” in all the right places. So they might wear skimpy or revealing clothing, to show off their shapely physiques. In contrast, truly modest people don’t do this. Now they may certainly take care of their bodies and try to look their best. That’s a good thing. But they won’t “flaunt their stuff” or constantly talk about or draw attention to their looks, figure or body parts.

Truly modest individuals understand that true beauty comes from within. They focus more on cultivating virtues like wisdom, compassion, graciousness, kindness and other godly character traits, rather than obsessing over their physical looks.

This, too, aligns with the Bible. In 1 Peter 3:3-4, the apostle Paul tells us, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” Modest people understand that outward attractiveness diminishes over time, whereas inner beauty is long-lasting, and may actually improve with age.

Final thoughts

To sum up, what we wear is just one way we can practice modesty (or immodesty). However, as has been noted, there is much more to modesty than that. It’s helpful to reflect on all the different ways we can exhibit this godly character trait, such as the seven facets of modesty listed here, and why modesty is important.

For starters, being modest protects us from destructive mindsets like pride and arrogance. It fosters healthy relationships; we’ll have more harmonious and constructive interactions with others when they realize we’re not trying to overshadow them and instead have their best interests. Living modestly points others to God, as others will be able to see the “good fruits” of following biblical precepts. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Being modest with words, actions and appearance is an important way to fulfill this command, and be a living testimony of God’s way of life.