Five Paths to Happiness That Ultimately Lead to Unhappiness

The desire for happiness has long been a universal desire of humankind, and a driving force in most people’s lives. To be happy generally means to experience joy, contentment and satisfaction with our lives. We should want to be happy. 

Our happiness is actually very important to God. In Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 (NIV), Solomon declared that “I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy . . . This is the gift of God.” That’s not to say we have to continually be plastering forced smiles on our faces, or always utter a resounding “I’m doing great!” when others ask us how we’re doing. Rather, God wants us to live meaningful and fulfilled lives, to not be continually “down in the dumps,” and to cultivate a peaceful, positive and hopeful mindset—despite what might be happening in our personal lives or in the world around us. 

But while happiness is commendable desire, it’s very often not reality. A 2024 Gallup poll revealed that less than half (47 percent) of Americans say they are very satisfied with their lives. Of course, we don’t have to look to surveys to confirm there are a lot of unhappy people in this world. Just turn on the news, visit social media websites, or engage in conversations with those around you. You’ll probably note plenty of confessions of despair and sadness. 

So why do we not see more happiness? 

The simple answer is it’s because most people are looking for happiness in all the wrong places. This is in big part due to Satan the devil, who has deceived the majority of mankind into going down his wrong, harmful paths, to try to find satisfaction in life. The Bible warns us that Satan is “the god of this age” (2 Corinthians 4:4), the “prince of the power of the air” (Ephesians 2:2), and the “ruler of this world” (John 12:31). Satan is very active, doing whatever he can to harm humanity (1 Peter 5:8). He knows how to sway people and make his destructive ways look appealing or even good (John 8:44). 

Typically, the false paths to happiness that so many people pursue provide only a temporary gratification, while hiding a long-term cost. Our decisions to pursue this fleeting or worldly happiness may satisfy our desires for the moment, but inevitably lead to pain and sadness down the road.  

There’s no end to the false paths to happiness in our world today, but what follows are five of the most common ones. It’s vital that we recognize them and understand their pitfalls, so that we know to steer clear of them.

1. Chasing material wealth 

Materialism is all around us in our culture. Commercials bombard us constantly, telling us that having more is the key to happiness. We might focus our time and energy on attaining wealth and material possessions, often racking up credit card debt so we can buy the latest technological gadgets and designer clothes. 

The trouble is, a focus on accumulating wealth can take away precious time for pursuits in life that really do lead to happiness: building and maintaining our connection with God, along with our relationships with family members and friends. Furthermore, an obsession with obtaining wealth can lead to discontentment. Ecclesiastes 5:10 (NIV) says, “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.” Those who seek riches as their main goal in life tend to never be happy or truly satisfied. When we finally get what we think we desire, we start seeing other things we want. 

Proverbs 23:4-5 (NLT) advises, “Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit. In the blink of an eye wealth disappears, for it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle.” The material world around can only offer so much. Sure, some of what it offers may be pleasurable, but it is still transitory in nature. Our wealth and possessions can easily be destroyed by the decay of rust and the actions of thieves (Matthew 6:19-20), or by mismanagement on our part. If financial abundance is what we live for, we will become very unhappy when it’s gone.

2. Seeking validation from others

It’s a natural human desire to want to be liked by other people. God created us to want companionship, and being likable is part of making friends. But at the extreme, we can start to think that being accepted by others is the key to our happiness. 

Young and older people alike may succumb to peer pressure and do things they know they shouldn’t do, in an attempt to gain favor with the “in crowd.” We may feel excluded by who we perceive to be “popular,” “affluent” or “important” people in our community and think that if they would start to include us, everything would be great. So we might do things we know we shouldn’t do in order to be accepted by them. 

The danger is that we make the approval of others more important than doing the “right thing.” Galatians 1:10 warns us about seeking the approval of men, stating that if we do this, we are not being a servant of God. When we seek first and foremost to please other human beings, it places our self-worth in their hands, making us dependent on their opinions and values. This can cause us to not be true to our personal convictions, and ultimately, to go against biblical teachings. 

Remember, Satan wants us to be unhappy. He will use peer pressure from other people to try to get us to disobey God. (Of course, peer pressure can be good if we’re referring to good influences from fellow believers, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.) Living in any way that contradicts God’s laws will only lead to unhappiness.  

3. Pursuing pleasure as the end goal

We might see “enjoying ourselves” as the same thing as being happy. So, in our quest for a fulfilling life, we often make leisure activities a high priority for our time. That might mean taking lots of vacations, participating in recreational activities, pursuing hobbies, visiting amusement parks, attending sporting events or going to concerts or plays. Now, we may not always do these things with the expressed intention, “so we can be happy,” but we might deceive ourselves into thinking that the more we do these things, the happier we’re going to be. 

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying these kinds of activities or having fun; these pursuits can elevate our mood. Ecclesiastes 2:24 (ESV) even states that “there is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil,” and adds, this is “from the hand of God.” It could be argued that God likes to see us enjoying ourselves. That said, the pursuit of pleasure should not be the focus of our existence.

“Having fun” is short-lived. It’s dependent on whatever situation we’re in. So, as soon as the event or activity is over, we can end up feeling emptiness and dissatisfaction because we are no longer getting the pleasurable experiences we desire. We will not have achieved lasting happiness.

True happiness, on the other hand, is not dependent on outside stimuli or enjoying unlimited pleasures. It does not come and go depending on what we’re doing. It is a matter of being content and joyful, and having a sense of purpose that goes beyond simply satisfying our senses. And when we are truly happy, then leisure activities can enhance our lives. But for those who are unhappy, pleasurable activities are only a temporary diversion from their despair.  

4. Suppressing negative emotions

Another false path we might take is to refuse to acknowledge anything unpleasant that is happening in our lives. This is the classic stick-your-head-in-the-sand approach: We deny reality, fantasizing that things are better than they are, hoping this will make us feel happy. We might tell ourselves we just need to “think happy thoughts” and “erase negative perceptions.” 

Admittedly, this approach may offer some temporary relief. However, it does not solve or address any root problems. When we ignore or suppress the negatives of life, they don’t disappear; they simply go underground, where they can cause stress, anxiety, depression or even physical illness. Relatively little problems can become much bigger and even unmanageable.

Moreover, by suppressing negative emotions, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from them. Our emotions are messengers; they signal when something needs our attention. Instead of suppressing negative emotions, we should acknowledge them. By listening to them and addressing their underlying causes, we can grow and make necessary changes in our lives. This is part of examining ourselves and “considering our ways”—something God clearly wants us to regularly do (Lamentations 3:40, 1 Corinthians 11:28, Psalm 119:59).

This doesn’t mean dwelling on what’s unpleasant or letting these thoughts control us, but simply recognizing them as part of our human experience. We need to see the negatives about ourselves and the circumstances we find ourselves in, so we can learn the lessons God wants us to learn. As we do, we’ll experience more true joy and satisfaction in our lives.

5. Doing what feels good

A lot of people espouse the mindset that “if it feels right, do it.” To many, this is the way to personal fulfillment and happiness. So we might blow off steam and tell someone off (rather than control our emotions), tell lies or “half-truths” (rather than fess up to something we did, because that would make us feel uncomfortable), renege on time commitments (because we feel tired and want to rest), make our own desires our top priority (at the expense of what others might need), disobey man’s or God’s laws (because we’d rather do things our way), etc. The trouble is, what “feels right” very often isn’t the morally right thing to do, and could lead to the festering of bigger problems.

A lot of times, we need to take certain actions, even if it causes us discomfort and doesn’t feel good, because it is the correct thing to do. Furthermore, humanity needs rules and boundaries. That starts with us obeying God’s laws. Always remember the verse, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Proverbs 14:12). Doing what’s right in our own eyes—caving in to our feelings and coming up with our “own standards” for how to live—might make us feel happy temporarily, but ultimately will result in unhappiness—for ourselves as well as for others we interact with.

The true path to happiness

The way to true happiness has already been alluded to in this article: We should strive to make the Bible the starting point for everything we think and do. Granted, none of us will do this perfectly, but to the degree that we live by biblical precepts, we will experience increased happiness. 

Solomon’s conclusion to Ecclesiastes tells us: “Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all” (Ecclesiastes 12:13). God’s commandments are designed to bring safety, order and purpose to our existence, and show us how to love God and how to love other people, further enriching our lives. This is why the Bible tells us: “Happy is he who keeps the law” (Proverbs 29:18). 

True happiness is a matter of being joyful and at peace because we know God’s way works—in good and bad times. It is not dependent on whether or not life is “going great” for us. We can have and should try to cultivate a contented, joyful mindset even when we are facing difficult or challenging situations. The happiness comes from the lessons God is helping us see, the character He is building in us, and experiencing first-hand the positive results that come from following biblical instruction.  

It goes without saying that living God’s way of life necessitates we seek a close relationship with Him, so we can have His guidance and direction in our lives. James 4:8 says to “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” This entails making prayer, Bible study and meditation our top priorities for our time each day. Doing so will help us build our trust in God’s power, direction and care for us. In turn, that helps us develop contentment, joy and a truly meaningful purpose for our life—which is the essence of true, biblical happiness.