Broken Home: Unbroken Faith

I’ll never forget the first Bible study I ever did on my own.  

I was in fourth or fifth grade, and my parents had been divorced since I was 4 years old. During one of our weekly Wednesday night visits, my dad sat me down and began to say some not-so-nice things about my church.

“Your church is a cult,” he said, and proceeded to toss a book about cults into my elementary-school lap, which included a section about the Worldwide Church of God.  
I timidly shrugged and replied, “I just believe what the Bible says.” I had no idea how to talk to my unbelieving father about what I believed, nor did I ever think I would have to defend my faith to my own dad. But there I was, doing just that.

I was sweating, my stomach churned and I was on the verge of tears. I went home, pulled out my Bible and found every reference I could on divorce. I remember reading Malachi 2:16 and connecting deeply with it: “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence.” The truth of that scripture resounded in my heart—this was violence. What once was whole was now in pieces.

The painful separation of my family made me wonder:  
How was I supposed to be happy? How could I ever be successful? Would I ever be able to rear a family of my own some day?  

Life with an unbelieving parent

I’m what some call a fourth-generation Christian. God started weaving His truth into my family’s story all the way back in the days of my great-grandmother, when she began to listen to Herbert W. Armstrong on the radio.

My mother met my father in high school, and they were married just before her first son was born. She was called and baptized into God’s Church, while my father, who was raised Catholic, never really practiced any religion of his own.  My mother raised my two brothers and I in the faith, but because my father never shared my mother’s faith, there was a natural disconnect between them.

I have very little memory of the years my parents were together. Because they split when I was so young, the separation and divorce feel like my first memory of them both—I don’t really remember any part of my childhood when both my parents were in the home together.

Unfortunately, my parents’ divorce was not very amicable and that put my brothers and me in uncomfortable positions far too often. Many times, we were forced to choose which parent we wanted to spend time with, and how often. I can remember the intense inner turmoil and the extreme guilt I felt if I wanted to go with my dad, because then that meant I was leaving my mom alone. The hurt she felt was always plain on her face and in her tears. There was no right choice, but a choice had to be made nonetheless.  

Sometimes my dad would take us over a weekend. When this happened, we would have to make personal choices about the Sabbath and how to keep it holy, even when we were encouraged to play video games or go to the mall or a waterpark. As respectfully and quietly as possible, we navigated those waters.  

I don’t believe that my parents put me in these positions maliciously. I never believed their divorce was my fault, but that didn’t make life any easier, and I had to grow up quickly. Even if my parents had chosen to remain together, there would always have been some degree of strain or separation between them, because they didn’t agree about God’s truth.

God’s family design

These are issues God never wanted children (or adults) to face, and I share my story with the goal of offering hope and encouragement to you if you’re going through a similar situation. Instead, the Eternal designed marriage to be a lifelong covenant between a husband and wife, and He established the family unit to depict the spiritual family He is in the process of building! Although Scripture recognizes limited circumstances in which separation or divorce may become necessary or permissible, those exceptions do not change God’s original design for marriage

From the beginning, God created us in His image and said, “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:27-28).He engineered marriage to stand as a sacred covenant, where two become one (Genesis 2:24). The marital relationship between a husband and his wife is intended to represent the loving relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). Children from this union—when viewed how God views them—are considered a blessing, a “heritage from the Lord. . . a reward” (Psalm 127:3)!

Matthew 19:6 says, 

“What God has joined together, let not man separate,” and in verse 8, Jesus makes clear that He had only permitted divorce as a concession for “the hardness of [their] hearts.”  

Although God’s intended family design wasn’t what I experienced growing up, that didn’t mean He was going to abandon me, and, similarly, He won’t desert you. In Hebrews 13:5 we are reminded that the Almighty will not leave or forsake us; He will not abandon those He is calling. He can provide care, guidance and meaningful spiritual family relationships through His Church. It’s as if He extends His hand to us as a loving Father does, and says, I’ll show you the way. Follow me, child. For me, this way led directly to His Church.

I lived with my mother and had once-a-week visits at my dad’s house after school. I saw my school and Church friends more than I saw my own father, which is odd to think about.

When I would read my Bible or hear sermons at services about God being a Father and wanting to build a family, I paid attention. I needed a family. My brothers needed a family. And we not only found that in God, but in the Church that He gave us.

We found fathers and mothers in our local congregation—men and women with families of their own who took the time to build relationships with us and fulfilled aspects of family for us that we never had. Fathers would take my brothers out hunting or teach them new skills. Mothers would check in to see how I was doing and would take me under their wing. It is truly a treasured gift that God gives to us through the assembly that He calls. To this day, the Church is my family. When members of the Church seek opportunities to practice Galatians 6:10, doing “good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith,” beautiful things happen for a child like me, who found a healthy family life at Church.

When things felt especially hard through the years, Scripture reminded me that difficult times aren’t without purpose. In fact, trials and challenges produce wonderful things!

“That the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7).

For me and many others, too, that refinement process began at a young age. And even though it’s a painful thing to recollect or reflect on, that pain produced something greater in me: “. . . tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4).

Everything I needed for a good life was found in God’s Word and His guidance. I owe my life and success all to God.

A higher calling

Mankind’s track record shows us that earthly families will have problems. Every person makes mistakes (Romans 3:23), and some are worse than others. However, when we learn to forgive at a young age, it can provide us with an incredibly liberating and peace-giving experience. Even when someone has not asked for forgiveness, we can choose to release bitterness, refuse to seek revenge and maintain a heart that is ready to forgive. Reconciliation and the restoration of trust, however, require genuine repentance and demonstrated change. In Colossians 3:13, Paul speaks plainly to the Church of God, reminding them that Christ’s disciples are responsible for “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

In my Christian walk, I’ve come to learn that I love God’s law. Many will claim that it’s a burden that keeps us from doing fun things like going out with friends on the Sabbath or playing sports or participating in tournaments during the Sabbath. But, trust me when I say, those things do not matter as much as you might think they do—they’re so fleeting! And they’re nothing in comparison to the peace and the joy that obeying God brings to you.  

Once you’ve chosen to release bitterness and maintain a forgiving heart—not just saying the words because it’s what you’re supposed to do, but deeply and inwardly letting go of the hurt—there’s no greater relief! A very real weight is lifted from your shoulders. You can begin to heal even when reconciliation or restored trust is not yet possible.  

I deeply love both my father and mother. I love my stepmother. And my children love them, too. They are my family. I’ve grown up in God’s way and chose to commit my life fully to that way in 2011 when I was baptized. I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for almost 16 years, and we share the same faith. As is discussed in Amos 3:3 and 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, I am enjoying the wonderful fruits of being “equally yoked” with my husband. We are blessed to have two beautiful children learning this way, too. I learned how a family should operate through God’s Word, and I follow His lead.

Every family is different; every divorce is different. For my parents, the divorce wasn’t amicable, though for some it may be. Some families endure much greater turmoil than I. However, one thing is constant, unchanging, timeless—it’s God’s love, faithfulness and commitment toward us (Joshua 1:9; Hebrews 13:8). We can rely on Him, depend on Him, trust in Him.

So, regardless of your circumstances or the challenges in your family situation, remember to lean on the One who is our Creator, who formed us in the womb, knows us completely and loves us deeply (Psalm 139:13-16). Whether you live under one roof or two, you are always at home with God.  

Amber Duran lives in Loveland, OH, with her two boys and husband, Andy, who pastors the Cincinnati East and North congregations. She also works as an associate editor for Beyond Today magazine.