While talking with one of my driver’s education students the other day, the student, whom I will call Anthony, mentioned that he was raised by his aunt and uncle. Anthony shared that he has a strained relationship with them. At age 23, he now lives with his brother. Further along in the conversation, Anthony explained that his birth mom was going to let him live with her, but he’d rather live on his own. His dad, whom he refers to as Pops, is someone that Anthony has tried to have a relationship with, but his dad only reaches out when he wants money. In a previous driving session, Anthony mentioned how after getting into some trouble when he was younger, he recently has started going back to church. He added that he wants to have a relationship with God.

In hearing Anthony’s story, I felt compassion and empathy. I identified right away with Anthony because I had experienced similar parental figures in my life. I was raised by both my parents, but it was a highly dysfunctional home. Anthony felt as if he didn’t have a dad because his father had never earned that title. I shared with Anthony that his dad appeared to be self-serving, and that he likely didn’t know how to deal with his own feelings or face his own mistakes. Because of this, Anthony could not expect his Pops to be what Anthony needed. I reminded him of our previous conversation in which he mentioned that he wanted to go back to church and try a relationship with God. I told him that was the relationship he needed to cultivate. 

Our Heavenly Father

Humans are social creatures. We crave social interaction. God designed us that way because He is social. The first interactions we have are the relationships with those that raise us. But do we ever think about God as our Father? Or is He just a supernatural being that seems far away? God calls Himself our Father, and God made us to want direct interaction, conversation and quality time with Him. We often idealize what that should look like, and how it might transpire. We often base our expectations on our human reactions with our own earthly father figures. Therefore, learning to have a relationship with God as our Father can be difficult for many, especially if you grew up in a dysfunctional home. A functioning relationship may seem unattainable. 

Like us, God wants good relationships with interaction, conversation and quality time. It’s easy to go to Him in prayer when things aren’t going well and we need something, but is that all God is to us? Someone to turn to in times of distress? 

If God is just a distant supernatural being not involved in our life, we are missing a big part of our relationship with Him. He gives us the opportunity to know Him by His word. He wants us to speak to Him. He wants us to see Him as the loving Father that He is. He is the source of knowledge and wisdom. He is the source of love. His plan includes us—and it’s greater than any plan we could ever design for ourselves (see Jeremiah 29:11). These  are just some of the reasons we need God in our lives and why it’s important to develop a relationship with Him. Jesus Christ was  the express image of the Father (Hebrews 1:3) and actually carries the title “Everlasting Father” (Isaiah 9:6). Knowing Christ gives us a huge step forward in knowing the Father.

How do we interact with God?

God may seem distant at times, but is it because He is distant? Or is it because we distance ourselves from Him? For example, it can be easy as a teen to focus on your own life and take your parents for granted. Maybe you find yourself pushing your parents away by staying in your room, being on social media and talking to friends. You may not realize you could be excluding the people who gave you life and sacrificed so much of their own lives to provide for you. But in the end, you still know that when something is needed, your parents are usually there to help. 

Is that what we do with God? We can create space and distance in the relationship. With that distance comes life’s problems as we live the lives we think we want. Yet when we rely on our own thoughts and devices, we get trapped by Satan. It’s then that we run to God to save us or, equally bad, we blame Him for the things that happen to us. 

Consider this: Who is the first person you think of when something goes well and you want to share it? What about when something goes wrong—who is the person you want to tell? When you get out of school, or off work, who do you call or text? Who is the one person you want to talk to when you wake up or before you go to bed? While we of course share good news or bad news with our best friends or parents, ultimately, we should turn to God in every situation. When we are going through a tough time, we should immediately talk to Him about it. And when things are going well, He is who we should thank.  

Cultivate a Relationship with God

In reflecting on that conversation with my student, I was reminded of Daniel and the example he set by seeking a conversation with God three times a day. Daniel 6:10 reads, “. . . And in his upper room, with his windows open toward Jerusalem, he knelt down on his knees three times that day, and prayed and gave thanks before God, as was his custom since early days.” Notice that it was his custom since he was young to pray to God three times a day. I was also reminded of David as a man after God’s own heart. Acts 13:22 says, “And when He [God] had removed him, He [God] raised up for them David as a king, to whom also He [God] gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all my will.’” To be after God’s heart means he sought God’s heart, and God chose David to be king because of it. 

God is our Father, and He wants a relationship with His children. But because as humans, it can be difficult to feel that connection with God the way we would with a physical person, some of us can find it hard to see God as He is.  We see a distant being, instead of Him as our Father. Make no mistake, we cannot and must not equate the character of God with a human parent. God is love and full of grace and mercy. He is just, faithful and perfect. Get to know Him as your Father and cultivate that relationship—a relationship that is functional, rather than dysfunctional. Let’s do our part and seek Him as Daniel and David did.

A Proper Perspective

Referring back to the conversation I had with Anthony, I made sure he knew that I was not recommending that he give up on his relationship with Pops. Instead, I recommended that Anthony have real expectations given Pop’s limitations, and that Anthony set boundaries and honor Pops as God expects us to. Taking these steps can help him begin to break the chains of family dysfunction. Moreover, I added, it was time to build a relationship with his heavenly Father. In James 4:8, we are told to “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” God gives us free will and He will not force a relationship with us, but He does deeply desire to have a relationship with each of us. Let’s cultivate a father-child relationship with a parent like no other: God the Father! When we do, our relationship with Him will transform our physical relationships, too. CC