If You Feel Like an Outsider, You’re in the Right Place

Feeling accepted and finding your "tribe" are common themes today, and they have been for most of history. Humans have a powerful drive and desire to be social and fit in with a community. The opposite is also true. When we aren't included, feeling misunderstood and rejected can cause us intense pain.

Encouragingly, the Bible actually has a lot to say on the subject of feeling rejected. As it does in so many ways, the Bible shows how God can take something painful and messy and use it for good.

The story of Leah is one example. Leah is the sometimes overlooked counterpart to her sister Rachel. Leah's father Laban tricked Jacob into marrying her, even though he was already in love with and planning to marry Rachel (Genesis 29).

Although we don't get much dialogue from Leah in the Bible, we can tell a lot about her emotional pain and feelings of rejection by how she names her children:

"When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren. So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, ‘The Lord has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.'" (Genesis 29:31-32).

It seems Leah dealt with feeling unloved, undervalued and unwanted. Emotional distress like that can cause pain similar to physical injury. An article on psyche.com sheds more light on the subject:

"As the social psychologist Mark Leary explains, the ‘hurt feelings' of rejection arise when an event suggests to you that someone doesn't value their relationship with you as much as you want them to. If you've been through any of these rejection experiences and have suffered, you are far from alone. All of us suffer in these situations.

"In fact, humans are built to suffer when we experience rejection—when our fundamental need for belonging is denied. In conversations about rejection, a word you hear frequently is ‘pain'. Brain imaging research suggests that the pain of rejection and physical pain are actually processed in similar ways by our brain."¹

A book called The Women of the Bible Speak by Shannon Bream gives some helpful commentary and explanation about what we can learn from Leah and how she expressed and handled her feelings of rejection:

"Leah's lot was a difficult one, but notice what she says about it: the Lord saw her misery. These words are similar to those of Hagar, who, like Leah, was also rejected. Both of them cried out to a God who truly saw them, almost certainly in a way that no human eyes ever did. Hagar was ‘unseen' because of her slave status, and Leah felt ‘unseen' because she felt unloved, or at least less loved than Rachel. But the God who saw Leah knew of her distress and had mercy" (42).

Leah's story continues: "Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, ‘Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.' And she called his name Simeon" (Genesis 29:33). In Hebrew, Simeon means "he who hears." Leah felt heard by God and acknowledged in her pain. Although she likely felt rejected by her husband, she found, in God, someone who saw and heard and came to her aid.

We also have a God who knows and sees and hears us, and will come to our aid. He knows when we are suffering, and wants to help us. You can call on Him if you're feeling emotional pain and ask for comfort, love and mercy.

Even more, we have a God who can empathize with us, He knows the pain of rejection and the feeling of being an outsider. Jesus chose to go through rejection and isolation so that God's plan could be fulfilled. In her book, Shannon Bream goes on to say:

"Leah knew what it was to be rejected, a sorrow Jesus also knew. He was despised and mocked. He warned His disciples that He would ‘suffer many things and be rejected by this generation' (Luke 17:25). God Himself has inhabited the grief of rejection. That Jesus came to this work through Leah's offspring is a wonderful picture: God waits for us not only in the places of beauty and popularity, but also often in the places of brokenness and rejection, the darkest valleys and the ugliest messes." (The Women of the Bible Speak, 49).

So, in the times we feel rejected, trust that God is there to help. Know that Jesus walked the difficult path before you. He was rejected not because He did anything wrong, but because of the weaknesses and limitations of others around Him. Isaiah 53:4-5 says, "Yet it was our weaknesses He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down . . . But He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins . . ." (New Living Translation). Jesus was willing to take on the emotional pain of rejection and isolation so that our sins could be forgiven.

As Christians we're called to be like Christ and live in the way He lived. Sometimes we have to stand out awkwardly and uncomfortably from the crowd. There are times when standing up for the truth will put a spotlight on us. It may feel strange to stand up against the ways of this world, but it's important to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Getting outside our comfort zone is the only real way to grow. And remember that you always have someone who's got your back:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31, New International Version).

Leah dealt with the pain of rejection and, in spite of it all, continued to praise God for the blessings she did receive. And God saw her, heard her and included her as a key member of His plan. She was the mother of Judah, through which King David and eventually Christ were born.

God is known for taking what humans reject and using it for His glory. God is with you; He hears you and sees you; and He's preparing you for greater things to come.

1.  psyche.co/guides/how-to-handle-rejection-so-that-you-can-heal-
   and-move-on