Love Across the Miles

When I was 15 years old, I met my future husband at a Church summer camp in Alaska. We were both there for the same reason—to grow closer to God, spend time with other young people who shared our faith, and of course, to have fun! I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone special that year. But then there was this tall, kind, slightly shy guy who made me laugh and who genuinely listened when I talked.

There was only one problem. We lived over 1,000 miles from each other. 

By the time camp ended three and a half weeks later, we felt like best friends, but I didn’t know if much would come of it. After all, what were the chances that two teenagers could make a relationship work from opposite ends of the country? But one week later, a letter showed up in my mailbox. It was from him. That letter turned into many letters, then long phone calls, then planned visits during school breaks.

We ended up dating long-distance for five and a half years before we got married. I wish I could tell you that we did everything perfectly, but we didn’t. We stumbled through misunderstandings, had seasons of frustration and made some immature choices along the way. But we also learned a lot—lessons that shaped not only our relationship, but our walk with God.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship now—or you think you might be someday—I want to share something I wish I had understood from the beginning: relationships that honor God are built on strong communication. And I don’t just mean texting or calling each other every day. I mean what I like to call the “three C’s” of communication.

These are three conversations that should be happening all the time if you want to build a relationship that lasts:

1. Communication with God
2. Communication with each other
3. Communication with good counsel

1. Communication with God

If you want a relationship that honors God, He has to be at the center of it. That’s true whether you live next door to each other or halfway around the world. But long distance adds extra challenges—there’s more room for doubt, insecurity and assumptions. The only way to navigate that well is to be anchored in God’s Word and in prayer.

When my husband and I were dating, there were days when I felt lonely or unsure if the distance was worth it. On those days, prayer became my lifeline. I had to remind myself that my worth didn’t come from whether or not he called me that night or whether or not we could see each other soon—it came from being a child of God. I talked to God constantly about my hopes for this relationship, and also my fears and concerns about navigating that part of my life.

Philippians 4:6-7 says: 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (New International Version).

That verse doesn’t promise that God will give us everything we want in a relationship. It promises something better—a peace that guards our hearts and minds. And when you’re in a long-distance relationship, a guarded heart is essential.

Practically speaking, communication with God means spending time in prayer daily, reading His Word and asking Him to shape your character so that you can be the kind of person your future spouse needs. It also means being willing to listen if God redirects your relationship. A truly God-centered relationship is one where both people are willing to follow His lead, even if it’s not the path they expected.

2. Communication with Each Other

It might sound obvious that you need to communicate with the person you’re dating, but here’s the thing—long-distance communication takes more intentionality than you might think.

When you live close to someone, you can read their body language, hear their tone of voice, and see how they respond to situations. But when you’re far away, most of your connection happens through words—phone calls, messages and maybe video chats. That means you have to be extra clear, extra patient and extra honest.

One of the biggest lessons my husband and I learned during those years was the benefit of spending hours talking on the phone. This was before cell phones, texting and video chats, so conversation was all we had. Between visits, we relied on long-distance phone calls, handwritten cards and letters to stay connected. Those long talks and written words taught us how to truly communicate with each other, laying a strong foundation for our marriage.

Here are a few tips we found helpful:

• Set regular times to talk so you both have something to look forward to
• Be honest about your feelings—don’t expect the other person to guess
• Share the little things from your day, not just the big events
• Listen to understand, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak

Proverbs 25:11 says, 

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver” (King James Version). 

The way you speak to each other matters. Use your words to encourage, not to tear down. Use them to build trust, not to create suspicion.

And remember, if marriage is the goal, your conversations now are building the habits you’ll carry into marriage later. If you practice healthy, respectful communication while you’re apart, you’ll be better prepared for the days when you’re together every day.

3. Communication with Good Counsel

This might be the most overlooked “C” in long-distance relationships. When you’re far away from each other, it’s easy to create a little “bubble” where it feels like it’s just the two of you against the world. But God designed relationships to be lived out in community.

Proverbs 15:22 says, 

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (NIV). 

You need wise voices in your life—parents, pastors or mentors—who can help you navigate the unique challenges of long-distance dating.

For us, having older Christians we could talk to was huge. Sometimes they affirmed that we were handling things well. Other times, they gently pointed out areas where we needed to grow. It wasn’t always fun to hear, but it was always helpful.

Good counsel keeps you grounded. It helps you see blind spots, keeps you accountable to your values, and reminds you of the bigger picture—preparing for a marriage that honors God.

If you don’t have that kind of support yet, pray for it. Look for people in your congregation who model the kind of marriage you admire. Be humble enough to invite their input, and wise enough to listen when they speak.

The Bigger Picture

I won’t sugarcoat it—long-distance dating can be hard. There will be days when the miles feel impossible, when you wonder if it’s worth it, when you get tired of waiting. But if both of you are committed to the “three Cs”—communication with God, communication with each other and communication with good counsel—you’ll be building a relationship that has the right foundation.

When my husband and I finally closed the distance after five and a half years, we were beyond ready to start our life together. But looking back, I can honestly say the long-distance years weren’t wasted. They taught us patience. They taught us how to communicate well. And most importantly, they taught us to lean on God above all else.

If you’re walking this road now, be encouraged. God sees you. He knows your heart’s desires. And if marriage is a part of your future, the lessons you’re learning now will be a gift to you and your spouse.