Becoming Better Parents

Well, since tomorrow is Father's Day, we've established that. I wanted to address a topic akin to fathers, and that relates directly to every one of us. That topic is parenting. Now, parenting can be defined in two ways. Actually, three, but I'm going to give you the first two. Parenting is the raising of a child by its parents, or as the act or process of becoming a parent. Now, there is a third definition, but I'm going to reserve that one for us to consider about until the end of the sermon, so it's going to be sort of a surprise. Now, over the years, I've noticed how sermons on parenting can receive mixed reactions. Some parents, mainly, have noticed, become a bit nervous when the minister explains how people should raise their children. A few will feel that the minister is meddling, stepping on their toes, while others want the minister to meddle even more and step down a little harder. Well, I can appreciate those feelings. But I want to assure you today, put away any apprehensions I may have already caused you. That is not quite the approach I'm going to take with us today. Though this sermon will broach the topic of child rearing, it more specifically addresses what parenting does or can do for those fathers, mothers, and others who act as parents. And so today, we will review what parents should teach, but we'll also consider how parenting helps us become better people—people with godly character. And so my aim today is to encourage each one of us—and I do mean that—each one of us to become better at parenting. We can all become better at parenting. To begin, we need to answer this vital question, though. What is foundational to good parenting? What is foundational to good parenting? God's answer is parents—parents who love God and who will teach their children to love God and to keep His Ten Commandments. God has consistently instructed parents to teach their children about Him and His ways. And let's begin back in Deuteronomy 6, verses 5-7. Deuteronomy 6, verses 5-7.

And here, I'm sure we all recall God's instruction to the children of Israel. In Deuteronomy 6, verse 5, we read, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. To add a little more clarity to verse 6, when we read this phrase, these words which I command you today, those words he's referring to are not only the great commandment of verse 5, where it says to love God with all one's heart, soul, and strength. But it seems to be clear he's also referring to God's 10 commandments, which are listed in our Bibles in the previous chapter. That's Deuteronomy 5, verses 6-21. By reading verse 5-6, we first notice that God's instruction begins with the expectation. He begins with an expectation that parents will love God entirely, and will themselves live by His laws, because He says they shall be in your heart, that you're in a most being heart and mind. In every aspect of their lives, parents were and are to live according to God's law and ways. Parents must set the right example, of course. We've heard a lot about examples. We're all examples all the time, one thing or the other. But parents must set the right example, because children learn primarily by example, and especially when they're very young. Their minds are sponges, and they watch and see everything, as we know. And then verse 7, it sucks parents to be diligent, or conscientious is another good word for diligent, to be diligent or conscientious of every opportunity to teach their children in the ways of God. When you sit in your house, walking by the way, when you're lying down, when you're going to bed at night, when you're getting up in the morning, seems to be the point. God expected instruction to occur naturally, I think, is something else we can see here. It was supposed to occur naturally as a family went about its daily activities. From the moment they got up to they went to bed at night, any opportunity to teach about God to set the right example was expected. And if you notice, think about it, I think you can see that teaching about God was not reserved for the Sabbath only. It wasn't only on the Sabbath. And if I might drop my own thought here, it certainly wasn't just for church service. It was supposed to be going on all the time. Teaching children about God was and is to be intricately, intricately, that's not right pronunciation, intricately, there. I'm always looking at Mr. Stewart over here, Jim, he's always going to catch me. When we teach other ways of God, everything we do is to be intricately, intricately, I'm going to give up. There's supposed to be tightly woven into everything we do in our lives. Good thing about an education of reading, you can come up with better synonyms.

So we should also note, let's also turn back in Genesis 18-19. My kids are going to be ribbing me about that. Genesis 18 verse 19. If we look back earlier, prior to the time of Moses, we'll see that God gave Abraham high praise. He gave Abraham high praise for teaching his children in household the ways of God. And so in Genesis 18 verse 19, the person speaking here, we learn in verse 17, is the Lord, the Eternal. And I'm going to read this actually, the King James version. I find the King James version, the wording a little more exact and clearer and it seems to be a little more true to the Hebrew. It reads, for I know him, the Lord said, speaking of Abraham, for I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment, that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. So God knew Abraham very well. He knew that he would be teaching his children in household, and that would be continuing on to the following generations. Then, if we turn to the New Testament, we find this in Ephesians 6, 4. The Apostle Paul also verified and verifies for us that parents should be teaching children about God. It's expected. It's an incredibly huge and important responsibility. Ephesians 6, 4. Paul writes, And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. We're going to talk about that a little bit later, but here's the part I want to focus on, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. It's consistent. Paul tells us to teach our children, and what we're going to talk about a little bit later, to teach them the training and admonition of the Lord, but also we're to be doing it with humility and with love. Very important. So then, even today, of course, we know we need to be not only know God's Ten Commandments, we need to be studying them. We need to know how Jesus Christ expanded their meaning, their greater significance and spiritual significance. And so we must be living them. We must repent when we break them, and obviously we must be teaching them. And it's very important that we not do that half-heartedly.

We've heard people calling the Ten Commandments the Ten Suggestions. That's ridiculous. And that's an affront to God and to the foundation of life, as we want to know it and yearn to live it. We must be half-hearted about our study and practice keeping of the Commandments. Let's look at Matthew 19, verses 16-22. And this is why we shouldn't be half-hearted about it, why it's so important that we teach our children the Commandments. Matthew 19, verses 16-22.

Jesus Christ himself was very clear in stating the need to keep God's commandments. Matthew 19, verses 16-22. Now behold, one came and said to him, Jesus Christ, good teacher, what good things shall I do that I may have eternal life? And so he said to him, now why do you call me good? There's no one is good but one, and that is God. Of course, maybe he kind of suggested to him that you're talking to the right person. Here I am. And he says, but if you want to enter into life, keep the Commandments. Other scriptures make it clear if you want to receive eternal life, keep the Commandments. And the man said 18, and he said to him, well, which ones? And Jesus said, well, you shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness. Honor your mother and father. And then he kind of summarizes it all there. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. And so again, just looking at these lines, these scriptures, I think we have evidence, a good reason why we shouldn't be half-hearted about studying and living according to the Commandments and teaching them. Our very lives depend upon them. Our eternal lives depend on them. Well, God expects parents then to be very conscientious in teaching their children to love him and to obey his laws. Teaching God's way of life will help our children cope with the challenges they're already facing in life and the other challenges they will be facing in life as they try to live as best they can, like us, in an ungodly world. But we should also do all we can to help our children know God and to be worthy of receiving salvation. That's all part of it. When parenting, then, we need to be cognizant, mindful of our own love for God and our own efforts to believe and obey him. Everything we do, try to do ourselves and share with our children and others, it's all foundational. It's all part of the same foundation. So even as we daily guide and direct our children in the ways of God, we must humbly remember that we ourselves are also children in God's eyes, trying to do the very same thing. It's an old adage of teaching. If you want to know how to do something, teach it. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that interesting? And so we ourselves are still learning. We are still perfecting how to walk in the way of God, even as we're trying to teach our children. The fact is, we're just a little bit farther down the road than they are. Okay, maybe over a hill or two, if I can say that. Maybe three. But my point is, we've got to be humble and we've got to be patient and loving in our parenting, remembering we are still learning ourselves. God gives us, in other words, an incredible opportunity, doesn't he? He gives us an incredible opportunity to shape the hearts and minds of our own children in such an incredible way. God has given to us the responsibility to instill within our children a love for God and for His law, Creator of the universe. We can influence them to look to God and to love God like nobody else can. We are the biggest influence in our kids' lives. You're going to hear a lot of stuff about iPhones and iPads and all this important stuff. It's part of our society.

But if you want to look up research, they'll tell you the same thing. Parents are the biggest influences in their children's lives. Parents sometimes abdicate that authority. They don't try as hard as they really need to. And, of course, when it comes to teaching, we know teaching our children to do what God says is a big challenge at times. It's a challenge for us to learn and practice. It's a challenge for us to teach it. But we, parents, have got to keep doing it. Even though we have our own carnal nature to struggle with, we have to teach. Parenting always requires relentless effort, steadiness under pressure, and great acts of selflessness. And all that must not stop. There's no quitting along the way. We're talking about our children. We must persevere in teaching and in living the ways of God, especially in our families. You know, perseverance is a critical component of godly teaching. Talk a little bit about perseverance. It's a critical component of godly parenting, and that means it's also good for us to remember what perseverance does. What does perseverance does? Let's look at Romans 5, verses 3-4.

Romans chapter 5, verses 3-4. What does perseverance do? Get some of the answer here in Romans 5, verses 3-4.

Speaking of our walk in faith, of our lifelong commitment we made to live our lives wholly dedicated to God, and part of that is the background. Paul writes, he says, and not only that, but we also glory in tribulations. Talking about the progress we must keep making in conversion. But we also glory in tribulations. That means trials and afflictions. Knowing that tribulations, trials and affliction produces perseverance and perseverance, character, and character hope. Simple little formula here. Perseverance directly produces character. Character. Some of you have heard that word before. The Greek word translated as character is dokame. It's d-o-k-i-m-e. D-o-k-i-m-e. Strong's G1382, dokame. Now the meaning of dokame is interesting.

And I'm going to read something here written many years ago by a scholar, Albert Barnes, talking about the meaning of the word dokame. He writes, dokame means trial, testing, or that thorough examination by which we ascertain the quality or nature of a thing. For example, as when we test a metal by fire. We want to see how strong this is. Or any other way to ascertain that it is genuine, it is strong or not. He continues then, the meaning is this, the meaning is that long afflictions born patiently show a Christian what he is made of. Perseverance shows us what we're made of. He writes, they test his conviction and prove that it is genuine. Afflictions are often sent for this purpose, and patience in the midst of them shows that the conviction which can sustain them is from God. We've talked about trials and suffering, how they can be good for us. This is why. It builds dokame. It proves us. It proves what we're made of. Proves what our conviction is made of to God. Let's also look in 2 Corinthians chapter 2 verse 9. The word dokame also appears here in 2 Corinthians chapter 2 verse 9.

2 Corinthians 2, 9. Paul is also writing here, For to this end I wrote, he says, that I may put you to the test, dokame, to see whether you are obedient in all things. So again, here we see an element in reference to an element of testing to prove their commitment to obey God. Are they obeying God? Are they going to do what Paul instructs them to do as well? And let's also finally look at Philippians chapter 2. In Philippians chapter 2 verses 19 through 22.

Again, dokame. In this case, Philippians 2, 19 through 22, Paul speaks highly of Timothy's proven character, his dokame. He says, That as a son with his father, he served with me in the gospel. So Timothy's proven character, his convictions, his trustworthiness, it was proven to Paul time and again, and it's interesting as well, spiritually speaking, Paul considered Timothy as his son in the gospel and their work together. It's very interesting there. And so what we learn is that God tests or proves everyone's commitment to him, and he's going to do that in all sorts of ways. Different trials, different afflictions, and parenting is just one of those venues. I didn't say parenting is one of those afflictions, although we may feel afflicted at times. The children, too. But parenting is just in their way, another venue by which God wants to learn of our commitment to him. He wants to prove our commitment. And so as parents, we don't, and we shouldn't stop fighting our human nature. That is true. And if anything, the struggle against the self seems worse than times when we're parents. It's because, as we've all experienced, if you parented, even if you're a cat parent or a dog parent, we have some out there, okay, you learn that sometimes it's really hard when you're trying to have someone follow your directions, your instructions, to do the right thing, and they don't. It's very hard to stick to your good sense of love and compassion. And so our dedication to God, our commitment to his ways, is continually being tried, continuing to be proven in parenting. And so, for example, just an example, I'm going to use lots of examples today. It's not necessarily they're all from me. This one's not from me, but you get the idea. For example, I mean, it's from me, but it's not my personal one. It's things I've heard from others. And so, for example, our commitment to God may be tried or proven when we know as a good parent we need to sacrifice ourselves for our children. And so we may have opportunities to be tried. For example, when we realize we need to give up our hunting trip, because you know I don't go hunting, but you know when as a dad you need to give up your hunting trip so you can go to your daughter's ballet recital. Wow, what a dad that is, right? That's the sort of thing our commitment to our children, a commitment to loving our children, as God tells us, can be about. And so we should do something like that willingly. And as a parent, as a dad, you shouldn't be angry or sit with your arms crossed all through the recital and looking at your watch. That wouldn't be the right way, would it?

Being true to God's way of love builds character is the bottom line. Being true to our commitment to love God, to teach our kids, to love our kids his way, that builds character. That also makes us much more mature spiritually. That's growing. That's growing in the ways of God. So parenting God's way, the bottom line, it helps us become better people. And of course, I especially mean more mature spiritually, adults. And when we stick with God through these parenting years, especially through the parenting years with our children, God will help us to build more of his righteous character in ways we thought unimaginable before we actually had children. The things we do as parents, we never imagined ourselves doing when we were teenagers. It's quite a trip. But parenting while striving to teach and live the ways of God is fraught with challenges. It's always going to be a challenge. It's hard. But yielding ourselves to God allows us many opportunities and the means to build godly character, the means to become much more like our own Heavenly Father. So now I want to take a little time with you and just to illustrate for you some of the things that we can develop as parents and parenting. I'd like for us then to consider some examples of how parenting helps us to build righteous character. Parenting does do that. You know, perhaps the first character trait we develop when parenting is selflessness or love. That's another good word for love, agape, selflessness or love. When it comes to parenting, whoever it is that we parent, we learn to become better at getting rid of the self. In fact, selfishness never is going to go all the way. We're human. There's always going to be that bit of selfishness in us. We've got to keep batting back and putting back down. But becoming more selfless will be easier with God's help. Parenting gives us some tools, some opportunities to become more selfless instead of selfish. Having children teaches us—we hear this at camp a lot—having children teaches us it's not all about me. That's one of the things we try to teach our campers at camp. It's not about you. It's not all about me. Parenting is part of that. Babies want their bottle now.

They want their bottle right now and not during the next commercial break. Tried that. It doesn't always work out. The 3 a.m. feedings—I've got some gray heads here. Do you remember those? I do. It would be my turn to help the babies. I remember that. 3 a.m. feedings, the changing diapers. I was so scared of changing diapers. I did it. Bath time, cleaning up after the herb. I don't know a better word to say. I don't know what else you'd call it. That's what we call it. You're not just one several times, right? All that is so inconvenient. You've got to drop what you're doing and go help those babies. But doing that's okay. It's good. It's good because when we do that, we learn to put ourselves aside to get rid of the self, which is what we're supposed to be doing, and start loving someone who is comfortless and needs the help, like a baby. It's pretty cool how God set that up. And of course, it may not. It doesn't. It can. But it doesn't always get better as the children get older. The requirements seem to come somewhat a little more complicated at times. There's the trips to and from school, then. Finding the lost homework, the basketball practices, another school bake sale, how many they need in one year, I don't know. Parent-teacher conferences. Bedtime stories are great, but sometimes they're not always convenient, too. You have to make time for them as parents. If that was unnecessary glasses of water, we have to keep getting them. And then finally, they're off to bed. And again, you know, children can be so demanding. Don't they get it? I want to be left alone.

Don't I get it? I'm not supposed to be left alone. My kids really need me.

But again, that's okay. It's our calling from God to help our children, to love them. And again, it's really good for us to be second or third, instead of first all the time, as we might want to be. There's another trait we learn, I think, as parents.

No children can bring us such a joy to life. They bring us a certain joy to our lives, and they do it primarily through their sense of wonder, their playfulness. They just want to have fun. Of course, dads love this part of it, especially. And I find when I think about it, that's something we as parents also need to be developing as part of our character. We need to be developing that sort of joy and sense of wonder, even the sense of humor that life also needs to be about.

It's not all supposed to be drab and burdensome. You ever noticed how children love the outdoors? There comes a time when they don't want to be outdoors, because it's muggy, it's hot, there's bugs, there's whatever. But there's a time the kids just got to be outside all the time. They love being out in nature. They love being dirty. I love seeing them get dirty. It doesn't bother me. Climbing and jumping, they're throwing rocks, they're picking flowers. They're actually weeds, but they look like flowers. They're just out there having fun, and they have so much pure enjoyment out there.

I just love that. I love seeing them out there in God's creation. Obviously, God created children to be giant sponges, giant sponges who crave to discover, know all sorts of things that we grown-ups think, well, we already know that. But frankly, part of what they discover is what we have somewhat forgotten in our old and wizened age.

My own kids taught me, or actually they helped me to relearn to be amazed at rainbows. I'd forgotten that little surprise of joy. It's in the sky suddenly. Yeah, it's a rainbow. No, Dad, it's a rainbow. God says no. I'm talking about no one. God put the rainbow, and I'm going, oh yeah, thanks for reminding me of what I should be doing here talking to you about God along the way. Right? Yeah. And did you know that you can see the same colors of the rainbow in the petals of a white daisy?

Yeah, you can. I have to get a magnifying glass. I need to get a new tongue. But kids, they get right up your close, and they can see, and I've seen it, I've studied it, if you look closer to daisy, you will find rainbow colors on the petals. To my eye, it's white. To kids, they see something wonderful there.

They see something wonderful. They look at life up close, and so intimately. That's something I need to remember as a parent. And again, children make our lives fun again. And frankly, I know that keeps us all younger. It keeps us younger in heart. And it's still fun to have tickle fights. It's still fun. We don't do it as much. It was always fun to read books with them. I just pulled off the books of the library that I read when I was a child. It was fun. I've been introducing all the music I grew up with.

The good stuff. There's a little. It's all part of the fun. It's sharing. It's building those bonds with our kids. Of course, there's wrestling contests, the burping contest, and all this stuff. And it's more fun for dad, maybe. But I'm biased here, in my opinion. This is mainly my memories. But I've also learned parenting can help us build patience. Patience and a necessary degree of toughness, especially in the face of the unexpected. You know, some of the unexpected, as I'll do the funny one first year example.

You know, I had to kind of brace myself. One of those first times I went with my daughter to the toy aisle for girls at Walmart. It was so pink. Everywhere. It was just nothing but pink. I don't mind pink, but there's just... well, maybe I do a little bit, but it's just too much. I like pink. It's a good, godly color. Or I may not have liked as much the week-long campout again with Boy Scouts. So you remember, I became a Boy Scout when I turned 50.

Guess what? It was good for me. I built some really good memories and some good character from that, I think. But you know, there's also a true long suffering. Some true toughness we also have to build sometimes as parents. And those are times that happen when we're faced with crushing disappointment. As parents, terrible disappointment. Bad things happen to our kids, and it's really hard. And we need to learn long suffering from that. You know, such a thing happened to my nephew. Two months after my own son was born, his son was born with tumors, peppered throughout his brain, all inside his brain. But Elijah, that's his name, Elijah lived. He survived. He survived all those terrible seizures. And to this day, though he can't speak and do much more than a two-year-old, he is his dad's pride and joy. For most of his life, his dad was a single parent.

Must have been in his 20s, rearing him with the help of his mother, my sister, and grandma, and the whole family. Talk about needing toughness. Isn't that something? And he did it.

Like I said, he's a big loving kid. And it's hard for anyone not to love Elijah. He's just this big old bony kid. And to this day, you're sitting there in your chair, and you don't crawl up in your lap like he's still just the two-year-old because he wants a hug and a snuggle. And you give it to him. He's a great kid. Myself, I have absolutely no doubt that Elijah made his dad a much better man. He made his dad a man. He really did. And so even tragedy can work to make us better people. And parenting can be tough at times, as we see. And it can even be more so for some than others. But a great challenge in parenting is that we parents actually need to do what we teach. That's the harder part. We need to do what we teach, what we're trying to teach our children. And if we don't, we can be assured that our children are going to catch us in a hypocritical stance. Well, at first, it might just be with our feet on the coffee table. Mom says that's a no-no. Okay. Later, they may understand we're gossiping about someone. That's also a no-no.

And so we find that our kids are very much aware of what we do and what we don't do. In our pitiful attempts to justify our wrong behavior, well, that only makes things worse. To justify bad behavior, well, what we're doing then is we're just teaching our children to follow a really bad example, a wrong example, of how to live life, God's way. Parenting means that we must strive to build and to live with integrity. That's what we can be learning, that character trait, from parenting. It's integrity. That means we must live uprightly at all the time, not just when it's convenient or when the children are not watching. Striving to live always with integrity or goodness? Well, that's what Paul's talking about. Let's look at Romans 2. God expects this integrity from us all the time. Romans 2, verses 21-24. Romans 2, 21-24. This is one of the sections of Scripture that can kind of be an ouch for us at times. He says, You therefore who teach another... teach your children... do you not teach yourself? You who preach that a man should not steal, do you steal? You who say, do not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who have poor idols, do you rob temples? You who make your boast in the law, do you dishonor God through breaking the law? Do you break the commandments?

For the name of God, Paul says, is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you, as it is written. So, yes, our God in heaven, Father God, He expects us to be living with integrity, too, all the time. And so our own parenting means we need to be setting a right example all the time. When we're wrong, we need to repent. We need to apologize. We need to try better. That's the example we're just set for our children. And as we know, example is incredibly important. There's a short poem I want to read to you in regard to example. I remember hearing this when I was a little kid. I think my grandmother may have had this up in the kitchen. It comes best I could find out. It was written back at least in 1936. It's called, The Little Fellow Follows Me. Chances are you've heard of it, but it's cute. I have it up in the wall of my office, actually. A little fellow follows me. It starts like this. A careful man I want to be, a little fellow follows me. I do not dare to go astray, for fear he'll go the self same way. I cannot once escape his eyes. Whatever he sees me do, he tries. Like me, he says he's going to be the little chap who follows me. He thinks that I am good and fine. Please end every word of mine. The base in me he must not see, that little chap who follows me. I must remember as I go through summer sun and winter snow, I'm building for the years to be that little chap who follows me. Do our kids ever stop following us in one way or the other? Not really. We must always be mindful of our example. Parenting team can also do wonders in teaching us to develop trust, to have greater faith.

And we do develop more of those character traits because parenting, like life itself, is a great adventure. We never know quite what to expect as parents. From the moment the baby's born, the cord is cut, toes and fingers are counted, and our fears about its health are pushed back by our laughter and tears, the baby I'm remembering. But it wasn't long, I remember, too, that fears and worries come right back. And then we have to keep trusting in God because we're not always sure what day-to-day life is going to bring for our children. Both trust and wisdom from others and trust in God, lots of prayer, we discover that we can't hold the baby without crushing it. Dad's always worried about that. We learn that we can change the diaper, even when we're half asleep. We can bathe without dropping, no bouncing babies. And you might even discover that you can survive – I'm speaking to dads here – you might even discover that you can survive the doctor's waiting room without your wife, but just the baby and you alone. You even learn to laugh at yourself when the nurse calls out your wife's name and you stand up with your baby, the only guy in the whole room. That happened to me once. I wasn't embarrassed. It was kind of like an honor. Wow. But I survived that. I hadn't done that before. You have to be brave as a dad or as a mom, parent. Life with children always brings about those adventurous unknowns, like the first babysitter. Remember the first time you left your children to someone? The first tooth, the first self-haircut, the first day of school, the first bully, quickly followed by the first fight, the first gym class, the first date, the first driver's license, the first to leave home. These are all adventures we're fearful about, but somehow, deep down as parents, we have to dig deep and have some faith. We have to have faith in God. We have to learn to have trust in our children. To degree, we have to have trust in our instruction and what we've been doing with our kids, and that we have to dig deep for. Through all these firsts, God works lovingly with us to help us find wise counselors and friends along the way. I don't know if it takes a village to raise a child, but it certainly itself will have a great big congregation to help us. Most importantly, we learn to trust God. Parenting is bigger than anyone or two parents can accomplish. That's why God helps us, and He keeps proving to us that we can place complete faith in Him, no matter what happens, no matter good or bad what happens in our families. He's there for us, and we can get through it, and we do get through it somehow.

Perhaps the one character trait fathers may especially need to build is self-control.

Sometimes as dads, instead of being examples of godly love and patience, we can be just a little bit too harsh at times. We can be a little too firm.

Sometimes we might even act a little bit more like a bully to our children, and it's something we need to be careful about. You see, that sort of behavior of being harsh and angry, I mean losing your temper angry, bullying, that really is not helpful when we're trying to teach children to be loving and kind and be like God. We're at cross purposes there when we do that. In fact, Paul tells us not to do that. Let's go back and look at it. Well, I've read to you Ephesians 6.4. I'll just read it to you again. But let's be turning to Colossians 3.21 because we get something similar, but an important difference of wording there, too. So be turning to Colossians 3.21. But as we read earlier in Ephesians 6.4, Paul specifically admonishes the fathers not to provoke your children to wrath, not to poke them, to exasperate them, to make them angry, but to be bringing them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Paul set up a contrast. Don't make them angry. You're supposed to be making them loving. What are you doing? You're doing it backwards. And here in Colossians 3.12, Paul gives something similar. And again, he's writing to believers. He's writing to people who are striving to live according to God's law, His commandments. He says, fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. The idea here is lest they lose heart, lest they feel like they're worthless, they have no value. Kids love their parents very much, and they can take our correction, especially if it's too harsh, too deeply. So sometimes we well-meaning godly fathers, and I would say well-meaning and godly mothers as well, we who deeply love our children can push instruction and maybe discipline a little too hard and cause them to feel terribly discouraged and that worthlessness. We don't want that. And we do that. It's understandable. We get impatient. We have our own stresses and challenges. We get frustrated. We understand and expect children to be immature. We expect children to act like children. But even for the best of us, their immature behavior can get under, well, it gets under the thickest of our parental skin at times. We've had enough. We can't help it, it seems. But those are also times when we need to learn to have the character to be humble and to control ourselves and repent. Those are the times our kids need to hear us apologize to them and when we need to seek their forgiveness. It's okay for our children to know that we make mistakes, too. I think that's a very brave and heroic thing for parents to do, to let their children know that they're learning, too.

It's okay for our children to know that we make mistakes, that we know also, though, how to make things right, how to make things right with other people like them or with God. Some of us never grew up in a home where dad or mom ever said, sorry, I didn't hear that a whole lot when I was a kid. And for me, it was a real challenge to be able to do that, really, to anybody at first. It's funny what you learn when God's helping you out. It's not funny, it's a good funny, isn't it? And so we need to be able to say sorry. That sort of humility and recognition is part of the self-control we need to be developing as parents, as dads. That's a character God wants to see us model in front of our kids, making honest mistakes, making an honest apology, and seeking their love and forgiveness in return. That's how they're supposed to live. We have to live it for them, too.

And so those are just a few of, I'm sure, many traits of character. God's righteous character, that God will and does help us to develop in parenting as we strive to live according to his way. But there's more to learn here. I hope we can see that parenting is about rearing children to love and obey God, to love people, to build a lifelong relationship with God. But I hope we can see that parenting is also about creating better parents. That's my point. Better men and women who have greater depths of God's own righteous character. There's a family therapist and author. His name is Frank Pittman. And he wrote something that struck me as being rather interesting about fathers, and it ties in with what I'm saying here. He says, Fathering is not something perfect men do. You know, sometimes we're afraid to become dads. Sometimes you're afraid to become moms because it's like, oh, I can never be a good father. And we think we have to wait to become perfect before we do become a father. This kind of takes that statement back. It says, Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. Fathering is something that perfects the man. I think the same can be said about parents. Parenting is not something perfect parents do, but something that perfects the parents. You get the idea. And then Pittman also makes this statement. He says, the end product of child raising is not the child, but the parent. I find that thought provoking. The end product of child raising is not the child, but the parent. Now let me come back to another point in the sermon.

My purpose was to encourage us to all become better at parenting, remember?

I want us all to become better at parenting because I think that's what God wants of us. Now I know some of you are looking at me right now, young ones and older ones, thinking, I don't have parent, excuse me, I don't have children, I'm not a parent. How can I be parenting? I don't have any!

Well, there is that third definition of parenting I was going to tell you about. Merriam Webster says this, the third meaning of parenting can apply to anyone. Parenting is also the taking care of someone in the manner of a parent. Parenting is the taking care of someone in the manner of a parent.

So as Christians, followers of Jesus Christ, trying to be more like our Heavenly Father, there's something we need to be doing.

That may seem odd that we're going to be parents and we don't have our own children, but let's consider the example of the Apostle Paul in that regard. If you remember, Paul was a confirmed bachelor. He had no children. In fact, he said, if you could live and enjoy life the way I do, don't get married. Be a bachelor. Stay a bachelor if that's something you can handle, if that's something you choose. So Paul was a confirmed bachelor. He had no children of his own. And yet Paul often called fellow believers what? He called them his children. He called them his sons. He called Titus his son. He called Onesimus his son. That's in Philemon 1, verse 10, just so you know. And multiple times he called Timothy his son. In fact, let's read 1 Corinthians 4, verse 14. 1 Corinthians 4, 14. I want to hit this point because I don't want some of you sitting today that have learned a lot about parenting and to think that parenting, the sermon, has nothing to do with you. That's not true. Let's read 1 Corinthians 4, verses 14 through 17.

Paul knows what Paul says of being a father spiritually to many, and that includes Timothy. Verse 14, Paul says, I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children, I warn you. For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers. For in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel, through his teaching of the gospel. Therefore, I urge you imitate me, suggesting that teaching example that parents and dads are supposed to be doing. Imitate me, Paul tells his spiritual children. For this reason I have sent Timothy to you, who is my beloved and faithful son in the Lord, who will remind you of my ways in Christ, and I teach everywhere in every church.

Timothy was not Paul's son biologically. Timothy's father was a Greek, and his mother was a Jewish woman who was a believer. But Paul did consider Timothy as his son spiritually and as a faithful follower, believer in Jesus Christ. But taking care of someone in the manner of parent, like Paul did, should remind us of our individual and collective responsibility to love our neighbor, and especially our brethren. At times we will find ourselves in the manner of a parent, if and when we practice pure and undefiled religion. Let's look at James 3, verse 27.

James 3, verse 27. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this. To visit orphans can mean also care for. To visit orphans, other translations might say fatherless. I gave you the wrong scripture, didn't I?

How did I do that?

James 1.

These stubby fingers. James 1, 27. I apologize. James 1, 27. Okay. I could hear the pages rattling. I knew I had done something. Thank you for helping me there, helping us. James 1, 27. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this. To visit also can mean to care for orphans and widows in their trouble and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. James 1, 27. Another word for orphans here is fatherless. The derivation of the word can also mean those who are comfortless. They're in dire need. If you could think of a baby without a parent, sometimes we can look at our brethren in their need and see perhaps a similar situation where they need someone like a parent to come by and help them, comfort them. And then when we think of the fuller spiritual aspect of parenting, we should also bear in mind the words of Jesus Christ, Matthew 25. Back in Matthew 25.

I hope I have this Scripture right. Now I'm nervous. Yeah, Matthew 25, verse 34 through 40.

In Matthew 25, verse 34 through 40, Jesus said this. He says, Then the king will say to those on his right hand, Come, you blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was thirsty and you gave me drink. I was a stranger and you took me in. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me. I was in prison and you came to me. So he's thanking them, praising them for what they did. Verse 37, You did it to me.

It's about parenting.

Love is love. Whether you're using it in parenting children or helping a person in need who is comfortless and has a dire need, as we all will be one day or the other, I'm sure. Parenting. To step outside of ourselves, our comfort zones, in order to help someone in need. That stranger, the brother, sister in Christ, maybe a baby, maybe an infant, in the faith, someone new to the faith. Stepping out of our comfort zone to help others is a way to practice parenting spiritually. We can practice parenting spiritually, all of us.

Just as parents build godly character and selflessly loving their children, so do we all build God's righteous character when we humble ourselves to help others in their need. So we don't need children of our own to build the sort of godly character I've been talking about with parents and loving their own kids, their children, rearing them. God will help you, me, all of us, to develop his righteous character through just about anything we experience in life. But he will especially help us to build that sort of character when we love and serve others in the manner of a parent, when we practice parenting.

So what we commonly call parenting, I hope I've been able to give you a deeper appreciation of that. It's something I've been wanting to talk about. What we commonly call parenting, it really is a beautiful manifestation of the good that human beings are capable of doing. There's a lot of good parents out there, as good as that goes, rearing children and having pretty good families. Some of us came from families like that before we learned of God. But when you couple parenting with God's calling and with humble and fervent willingness to obey God, to study his word, and then you allow God to give you his Holy Spirit because you want to live like your Father in Heaven, your brother, Jesus Christ, then what we call parenting can help us grow and develop more of that character we so desperately need. And we can develop more of that fruit of his Spirit, of his Holy Spirit, that we need and we need to keep sharing with others. You know, all of us have the potential of being really great moms and dads, even if you think that's no longer possible for you spiritually. Absolutely, absolutely it is. We have great opportunity to help our children, our children's children. Some of you have great grandchildren. You still have an incredible important part in their lives. We can help the widow and the widower. We can help the comfortless. We can help anyone that needs encouragement. Parenting, in its fullest sense, is a gift from our Heavenly Father to help us develop his righteous character. Why? It's so that we'll be worthy of receiving eternal life and of being his children, his own divine children in the eternal family in the kingdom of God.