Courtesy: Small Acts, Priceless Results

Good afternoon, brethren. Happy Sabbath to all of you. I hope you're doing well today. I want to say hello to all those who are on the webcast today. I hope you're doing as well as possible, and we're glad that you're able to join us. And we think about you and pray for you as well. Many of you, we know, are not feeling well, and we hope you'll be doing much better soon. Our thanks to the Cincinnati Adult Choir for that very meaningful and enjoyable service today.

It was great. Thank you for your joyful service. We appreciate that and glad I could get that in there. I'd like to mention that I have a handout today. It's related to part of the sermon, and it's available for parents and guardians who have children at home still. If you'd like to pick one of those up afterwards, you're welcome to do that. Also, considering this is a very pleasant weekend with Mother's Day, as it's been mentioned, celebrated tomorrow, I'd like to offer my warmest regards and esteem for all the mothers here.

My mother is no longer living, but we think of her quite often, and I have good, wonderful memories with her and my father for many years. So, it's great to be with you on this day, on this special occasion. And because it is Mother's Day weekend, I'd like to start my message with a story involving a mom and her small child. The young mother boarded a municipal bus with her little daughter and her stroller.

After they were seated, she noticed a young man dressed in all-in-black who seemed to be very tense and kept glancing across the aisle toward her. This made her feel uncomfortable and a little bit threatened. When the bus rolled to a stop at her destination and the doors opened, she picked up her daughter and strolled her to leave. And as she did, the young man jumped up from his seat and began exiting just before her.

But to her great surprise, he turned around, stretched his hands out to help her and her daughter off the bus. And he exited. I mean, he jumped back on the bus right after that.

As the door began closing, she turned around and she said to him with a gesture, thank you, thank you for that. And a quick smile she gave to him. And seeing how courteous he was, she quickly realized how terribly she had misjudged this young man. That little story prompts a question, a key question for all of us. This man was very courteous, but what is courtesy? What is courtesy and why does it matter in all human relationships? Well, the terms courtesy and courteous originate from 12th century France. It's called Old French. And it referred to the manners and refined behavior prevailing in the court of nobles and kings at that time. It included, for instance, saying please and thank you, the general things that we keep doing today.

It also talked about not avoiding crude language. Things like that, that were involved in this thought, this word courtesy, the French word. Well, courtesy certainly includes such demeanor. Its definition goes much deeper than that, of course, since it encompasses thoughtful, gracious, and respectful conduct. Such behavior acknowledges the intrinsic value of every human being. While courteous behavior often comes through minor acts, it can have invaluable outcomes.

Let's examine this subject today of courtesy. The sermon's title today is, courtesy, small acts, priceless results. To begin, let's examine a significant question. Has courtesy become a marginal value in our society today? Has respectful conduct diminished, as we hear, for example, of fights aboard passenger aircraft, road rage, bullying, verbal and physical threats, and actions occurring between individuals and groups? You see, just turn on the TV and you often see that today.

Is common courtesy not really all that common anymore? Well, despite its significance, courtesy is on the decline. A 2023 civic literacy survey found that 85% of Americans believe that civility in society has worsened in the past decade. Turn with me, if you would, to 2 Timothy 3, verse 1. 2 Timothy 3, verse 1. Since many people feel that overall respect has lessened significantly, what is happening in society that is prompting this particular reaction?

Could it be found in the scripture here, written by the Apostle Paul? 2 Timothy 3, verse 1 says this, But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure, rather than lovers of God. That's a mouthful there. There are 18 of these detrimental behaviors that are listed in this statement. Of course, it starts out with the word, the phrase, lovers of themselves.

Is there any wonder why our culture is trending toward discourteous and graceless conduct if this is what's happening? When many people focus exclusively on their own wants and their desires, when selfishness defines a person's existence, it should be no mystery. It should be no mystery that little space is left in their lives to be concerned about the needs and feelings of others. Furthermore, television and movies and social media and the internet feature acts of violence continually. We know that. Obscene language is there. Hardly hard to even turn on a television program and not to hear something like that anymore. And then there's corrupt and lewd and pertinent behavior and the ridiculing and slandering and denigration of individuals and groups. So that's common anymore, it seems. Also referring to the time just shortly before his Second Coming, Jesus Christ described what society would be like, which mirrors what we read in the previous passage. In Matthew 24, verse 12, it says this, because lawlessness will abound. The love of many will grow cold. Society will be like that. And that can affect the church as well, as you know. Again, when people focus on their own desires and they seek after what they want to the exclusion of others while disregarding laws and rules that help secure a decent society, when there's a darth of genuine love and respect for others, we're in trouble. We see that. Well, considering this, what should this clearly signify to us as disciples of Jesus Christ? It means that we need to continue, we're going down the right road, continue in that direction that God has placed us in, as examples to people of thoughtfulness and concern and courtesy to all people. In this regard, it's important to understand that courtesy is much more, as we know here, than just manners and etiquette. A marriage and family life expert, Gary Chapman, maybe you've heard of him, he wrote on page 87 of his 2009 book titled, Love as a Way of Life. He described courtesy this way. I like this. It's the act of treating everyone as a personal friend.

That truly is a remarkable statement. You think about it defining what courteous conduct really is. Let's go to Philippians chapter 2 verse 3, if you would. Philippians chapter 2 verse 3. You know, the Bible actually advances Gary Chapman's concept to a higher level, as recorded in this scripture we'll be reading here, penned by the Apostle Paul. Philippians 2 verse 3, and it begins here, it says, let nothing, let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself. That raises the bar, doesn't it? It really does. Treating all people with respect and courtesy illustrates what genuine, what real Christian conduct is really all about. Treating all people with respect and courtesy illustrates that to us, and it should. The precise reason every person has great worth is, and he deserves esteem, is that he or she bears the very image of the eternal God. As stated in Genesis 1.27, I'll just read it for you, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created them. Male and female, he created them.

Plus, an awesome opportunity is available to all people, which is to become literal sons and daughters in God's spiritual kingdom. Think about that. Every person has that opportunity, and we'll be given that opportunity. 1 Corinthians 1549, I'll just read it, says this, As we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly man. That says a lot right there, doesn't it? Of course, we know that all human beings commit sin, and God cannot condone iniquity in anyone. Nonetheless, since Christ suffered and died for all sinners, and upon their repentance and obedience, they can have that awesome prospect of obtaining salvation and eternal life in God's very family. All people have that opportunity. Therefore, because of this marvelous possibility, every person should be treated with courtesy. The English Standard Version of Titus 3, verse 2, the apostle Paul authored, he said, it says here, we should speak evil of no one. To avoid quarreling, we must be gentle and show perfect courtesy to all people. He didn't exclude anybody there, did he? All people. Galatians 5, verse 22, if you turn there, Galatians 5, verse 22.

The Greek word for courtesy is priatus, I won't spell it for you, which is translated makeness, or more often gentleness, which is one of the fruits of God's spirit. Galatians 5, verse 22 says this, that the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. It's right there. Another scripture employing the word also refers to another scripture who talks about this courteous conduct. Philippians 4, verse 5 says this, let your gentleness be known to all, all men.

Let's go to 1 Peter 3, verse 8 now, if you would. 1 Peter 3, verse 8.

In this instance, the Greek word for gentleness is epikeia, which means graciousness, moderation, and courtesy. The following passage directly employs the word courtesy, which is linked inseparably to the notion of gentleness and compassion and empathy for other people. 1 Peter 3, verse 8 says this, finally, all of you, be of one mind, having compassion for one another. Love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous. So here, the Greek term philiron, it's translated courtesy, which is the only time it's found in scripture. There's one passage here. The word actually is derived from two Greek words, phylos, meaning friend, and phyron, which means discernment or perception. These words specify the concept of understanding a friend, understanding a friend, and they're combined together to evoke the concept of being sincerely courteous. So courteous is well within the scriptures, all throughout. In other words, it means that we have to have an attitude of personal affection towards other people. Matthew 11, verse 29 now, Matthew 11, verse 29, if you turn there. In further examining this topic, let's consider an important question. Who is the ultimate example of genuine Christian courtesy? You're way ahead of me, I'm sure, with none other than Jesus Christ, who said the following about himself. He said here in Matthew 11, verse 29, take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. In this passage, the word gentle is drawn from the Greek term prados, which is similar to the Greek term referenced earlier. In today's society, some people think in terms of gentleness that it indicates somebody's weak, or they're timid or fragile, but this is not correct. According to, for example, Strong's Concordance, it says that this word implies, and I quote, a strong hand with a soft touch. I like that. And that's exactly how Jesus Christ functioned during his earthly ministry, as the model of genuine courtesy. And could we say he was the perfect gentleman? We use that term, gentleman. Jesus Christ probably was the perfect gentleman. Indeed, he offered courteous words and comfort to those who were sick, who were needy and oppressed.

Plus, he took comforting actions, gave words, but actions as well to help people, such as through miraculous healings and the casting out of demons, and even raising people's loved ones from the dead. Actually, Christ's approach in showing deep concern for people who were poor and disadvantaged and neglected was beyond extraordinary for that time, for that culture he lived in. An article entitled, Poverty in the First Century Galilee, by author Sakari Hakkinen of the University of Pretoria in South Africa wrote the following on HTS Theological Studies, Volume 72, page 4. He said this, interestingly, according to estimations, nine out of ten persons in the first century lived close to the systems level or below it. Rome maintained its domination through legislation concerning property ownership and labor control and through the use of brittle force. We've heard that, of course. The whole system was based heavily on the inequality of people, the inequality of people, which was thought to be either natural or at least inevitable in order to secure the peace and stability of society. So that's how they looked upon that, upon people that way. But Jesus's approach was entirely different, obviously, by showing genuine courtesy through his words and deeds. He stood in stark contrast to the indifference and the callousness of society. Of course, that was perpetuated by the rulers and the teachers whose chief concern was for themselves, for their power, for their wealth and influence. When Christ walked among the multitudes of those oppressed and hurting and hopeless people with all their illnesses and distresses and worries and needs, he was deeply moved with compassion. There's many scriptures that talk about that. For example, Matthew 14.14. You don't need to turn there, but interesting, though, he was equally courteous to the rich and the poor, to the faithful and the faithless, and the well-mannered and the impolite. Equally courteous.

Indeed, his courteous words and actions generated priceless results in the minds and hearts of not only his followers, but all those people who he helped.

Expressing how godly courtesy is an outward act springing from the inner being of a person, one's heart and mind, motivated again by the power of the Holy Spirit. And that's what you and I can have in our lives. It's a very application of Christ's words of John 13, verse 35, 34. I'll just read it. A new commandment I give to you that you love one another as I have loved you. There's no exclusion there of anybody. He's talking to his disciples, but they were to show that love to people that were going to go into the world and preach the gospel to, who didn't know anything about that. They were to love those people. You know, actually, Jesus even took this statement to a higher level by saying in Matthew 5, verse 44, I'll just read it for you, but I say to you, love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. That's a talk about a higher level. There you see it right there. Such an announcement. Such a statement was unheard of in his day.

Let's notice what the Apostle Paul expressed in Philippians 2, verse 3. Philippians 2, verse 3, if you turn there. He expressed Christ's instructions to the brethren. What Paul wrote here has much to do with Gary Chapman's earlier quote about courtesy being an act of treating everyone as a personal friend. Think about that. Paul wrote this. Philippians 2, verse 3, Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in the lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Again, Jesus Christ was a perfect gentleman. You might say, as Jesus Christ's disciples today, we should be shining lights to all people living in this confused and dark world. I mean, that's what our job really is. How do we do that? By emulating Christ's example in our words and our actions. Now, the world is in a competition, in a race to the bottom. You just look around the world. It's crazy out there, is it not? It's totally full of self-centeredness and an incivility and discourtesy, but we should be the complete opposite of that. We have to be very mindful of that on a regular basis when we deal with so many people in our in our context each day. We have a lot of good, nice people out there, too, but you're going to always run into somebody that may be not so nice. We'll talk about that in a few minutes, but we can't be like those people. We must be different. We must be following the example of Jesus Christ. Being an excellent example of courtesy, courteous behavior, it's not only crucial to people we meet in society, but it's also very important to those in our own physical families. This is especially true pertaining to our young children. Noted educator Dr. Maria Montessori, she lived from 1870 to 1952, wrote the following in her book, The Secret of Childhood, and I quote, A child is an eager observer and particularly attracted by the actions of adults and wants to imitate them. In this regard, an adult can have a kind of mission. He can be a part of the mission. He can be an inspiration for the child's actions, a kind of open book wherein a child can learn how to direct his own movements.

Although children are born with a number of inherent abilities, conducting themselves in a courteous manner is not really one of them. If you have children, you know how they tend to fight. You got my toy, and you know this kind of thing. Courtesy is not inherent in a child.

Consequently, parents and guardians have the vital responsibility to diligently teach their offspring how to behave responsibly in society. Concerning this, it's important to start very early in a child's life so that courteous behavior becomes something that he or she does nearly automatically, both at home and away. Parents have a clear, God-given obligation to carefully model what they want their children to do. The Montessori School website states this, and I quote, Your child was born with an amazing ability to absorb information. For better or worse, she is soaking up everything she sees, feels, and hears. So teaching your child good behavior really comes down to what you, the parent or guardian, are modeling with your own behavior.

So it's essential that parents continually demonstrate or model proper conduct until their children routinely repeat these skills when interacting with others. It's not an easy task, but it has to be done. Like anything new for any person of any age, it takes time, practice, and repetition to develop the capabilities needed to be successful. Moreover, it's clear that children often act out what they see at home. And an example of this from a sadly negative side, early childhood educator P. Donahue Shortridge wrote about an experience she had. I quote, A few weeks ago I arrived at a hotel to check in, only to find that my room would not be ready for quite some time. There had been a pop concert nearby the night before, attended mostly by moms and their teenage daughters. Apparently, the moms spent their afternoon, their after-event time, at the bar. Whether teens proceeded to trash their hotel rooms, blast loud music, and run wild in the hallways until 3 a.m. The next morning, housekeepers were overwhelmed by a tsunami of debris, lipstick on mirrors, teepied beds, and wet trash everywhere. As I sat in the lobby, contemplating this uncivilized behavior, I asked myself, how does this happen?

Now, would such respectful behavior have taken place if the parents had modeled and taught their children thoughtful, gracious, and courteous conduct at home? I think we know the answer there. Professor Shortridge continued, she stated this, so if there's anything you want your child to know how to do, or a way you want him or her to behave, you should first model it and then show him or her how to do it and offer lots and lots of opportunities for practice. So lessons about courtesy for children would certainly include manners and etiquette at mealtimes. Disregarded, just like to give you a brief example from my youth, I grew up in a large family. We had four brothers, four sisters and three brothers, and at dinner time every evening all ten of us sat down around the dining room table, each with our assigned seats, and my father at the head of the table, my mother sat beside him. My parents served the portions of the plates and everyone waited to begin eating until after everyone had served and after my father gave a short prayer, and we also participated in that prayer as well. No loud talking was permitted during the meal, and neither was getting up from our seats without permission. There were these rules, and I still remember them. I remember sitting at the table and it was actually very good in so many ways because we got to be with our brothers and sisters and my parents for that period of time. Otherwise, we'd be scattered all over the place. You remember maybe not to see each other, but those are the rules that we had. We also, if we wanted more of a particular food item, or the salt and pepper shaker for something, we would address the person nearest that item by name and say, please pass the particular item. If my dad didn't hear us say that, we'd have to redo it. He was like, all ears for that. But after the main portion of the meal was complete, the two children whose assignment it was that specific week would help my mother clear the table for dessert. Believe it or not, we had dessert every night. It might be just something really small, but we did. That was my mom's tradition. Anyway, it was really nice. Again, we were all served the dessert, and all of us had to wait until everybody was served before we could eat ours. The courteous conduct was enforced in our home. At the conclusion of the meal, we were not permitted to leave the table unless we asked permission by saying, may I please be excused? Additional dinner rules included everybody needed to wash their hands before sitting down, no books or other reading material were allowed, the television was not on, and the phone, if it did ring, there were no cell phones in those days, it was answered, but we were asked the person to call back in, you know, my 30 minutes or so. So the etiquette and the courtesy, I'm just showing this as an example, and I mean others had to do it differently, but what we were instructed brought peace and order to our lives, and it gave us a good foundation on which to build in our own families in the future. Let's go to Deuteronomy 6 verse 6, if you would. Deuteronomy 6 verse 6, you know, beyond teaching table manners and courteous behavior, children also need to be instructed in proper decorum, in terms of modesty and dress, in hygiene, and the use of language. I mean, we would never say anything bad in our home, we just wouldn't do it. My parents enforced that rule. No swearing, that type of thing. We knew it.

We also need children to be brought up with good morals and ethics, be taught citizenship, and above all, honor and love toward our Heavenly Father. When parents diligently instruct their children in these important civilities and responsibilities, they give their child a distinct advantage in society. It will help them be well-liked and successful and respected.

Deuteronomy 6 verse 6 says this, and these words I command you today shall be in your heart not just your mind, but in your heart deep down inside of you. You shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them when they sit in their house, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up. That's talking about the commandments, but there's other things, as I mentioned, that go along with that as well. Certainly, this passage offers critical instructions for parents for the benefit of their children, so as how they should function in society. Plus, all of us can benefit by exercising true courtesy with everyone we encounter every day. Colossians 3 verse 2 says this, therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, look how we're described here, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering. That's a big job, isn't it? That we have to be that way. That's what God wants us to do.

Besides this, it's important to address another vital concern. How can we best deal with someone who acts discourteously towards us? Perhaps we could consider in examining this the reasons why that person may be acting that particular way. For example, could a discourteous person simply be having a bad day and allowing a particular situation to get the better of him or her? Well, it's easy to assume the worst about an ill-mannered person. It's far better to respond with patience and empathy and respect.

If rudeness is shown in return, it only lowers a person to their level and actually encourages further impolite behavior. That's not easy to do these things, but that's what we should strive to be doing in our lives. As 1 Corinthians 13, verse 3 says, Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil.

Another high bar for all of us, is it not? Actually, when courtesy is shown to a disrespectful individual, it could potentially open the door to an amenable outcome. Galatians 4, verse 5 and 6, this is from God's word translation. I'll just read it for you. It says, Be wise in the way you act toward those who are outside, outside the Christian faith.

Make the most of your opportunities. Everything you say should be kind and well thought out, so that you know how to answer everyone. Of course, we cannot control other people's conduct. We know that. But we can carefully and wisely manage our own behavior in order to achieve desirable outcomes.

Is it ever as you're always going to be perfect? No, but we can put these practices into operation and see what the result will be while you're praying about it, too. I know a lot of people do that.

We just instantly, you're in a situation, you ask God for help, and we can certainly do that, too. We should. I'd like to give you an example here of what we're talking about. In a 2015 article on executivesecretary.com, titled, Gracefully Dealing with Disrespect, author Sandy Gareau described an incident that took place in her reaction to it.

She wrote this, and I'll quote, I was once disrespected while presiding over a board meeting. A board member disagreed with my plans to fix a situation, actually making disrespectful faces and gestures and causing extreme discomfort for the rest of the board. Not wanting to cause any more disruption than necessary by engaging this person at that time, I reiterated my plan and moved on rather than defending myself.

She goes on, she says this, after the meeting, I began second-guessing my decision not to say anything, thinking I must have handled the situation badly. As I wondered, if I actually deserved to be a leader at all, another board member approached me and said, that particular person may have taken condensation to a new low, but you too took integrity to a new high. Her comment, she goes on, her comment showed me that people recognized who was badly, who was behaving badly, and who wasn't, and let me know that the board was grateful that I handled it gracefully and moved on.

That comment has stayed with me for years, helping me remember that it is not necessary to defend myself from every criticism or comment made, either in public or in private. Sometimes when others disagree with you, it may feel disrespectful, but if you keep your composure and assertively state your position, the matter usually passes without further incident and can respectfully and all can respectfully agree to disagree.

Well, I think Ms. Doreau's story and her excellent advice is a powerful message for all of us when we face discourteous situations, and they're going to happen sometime in life. You just run into these things. What better test of true courtesy than by responding to rudeness with politeness and respect? In this regard, the apostle Peter wrote about the example of our Savior, Jesus Christ, when he dealt with those who were highly discourteous to him.

1 Peter 2, verse 23. This is from the Berean Study Bible. When they heaped abuse on him, he did not retaliate. When he suffered, he made no threats, but entrusted himself to him who judges justly. Indeed, Christ did his part. Yes, he did his part, but he also placed that troublesome situation in his father's hands. Right there. You see the example that he left for us.

Isn't that the model that we should follow when we encounter difficult circumstances with other people from time to time? Finally, in summing up the passages that we examine today, let's consider Jesus's words of Luke 6, verse 31, where he said, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Also, let's remember that while courteous acts may be small, they have priceless results.