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How Likable Are We to God?

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How Likable Are We to God?

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How Likable Are We to God?

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Biblical support is found for the recommended character traits defined in, "13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People," by Travis Bradberry.

Sermon Notes

Yesterday in Topeka, Kansas, was the funeral of a beloved man.  Several of us here from Northwest Arkansas got to know Paul Urbom when we attended the Feast of Tabernacles with him and his wife just two months ago in Estonia, Eastern Europe.  

Paul was always gracious and kind throughout the Feast.  During one of our Feast meals his wife mentioned that Paul was the nicest man she has ever known. They raised five children – three girls and two boys.  

But two weeks ago Paul fell ill and went to the hospital – thinking that he was stricken with pneumonia.  Unfortunately, Paul was suffering from an aggressive form of cancer that would take his life within days.  

On Thursday evening the receiving line for the final viewing at the funeral home extended outside of the building.  There was standing room only at the funeral on Friday morning.  

Paul was a high school teacher. His superintendent wrote a glowing commentary on his obituary page.  The superintendent of this huge public school district exclaimed that Paul was everything a Christian could hope to be.       

The funeral service on Friday was standing room only. I counted 160 people inside the main hall of the funeral home. Others were standing along the walls and in the foyer.  During the funeral service several of Paul’s children spoke fondly and at length about their father.  Paul’s brother and sister re-iterated how nice of a man he was.  Paul’s school principal spoke of his outstanding qualities. One of his students from 40 years ago spoke of Paul’s patience and gentle nature.   

As we walked away from the funeral service a number of us wondered how we could ever measure up to the Christian example set by Paul Urbom.  We all felt as though we have so much more to do to be considered such an exceptional, likeable person.  

I happened upon a article in Forbes magazine that explored the reasons why some people are particularly likeable.   

13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People, By Travis Bradberry 

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likeable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likeable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

In a study conducted at UCLA, subjects rated over 500 adjectives based on their perceived significance to likeability. The top-rated adjectives had nothing to do with being gregarious, intelligent, or attractive (innate characteristics). Instead, the top adjectives were sincerity, transparency, and capacity for understanding (another person).

These adjectives, and others like them, describe people who are skilled in the social side of emotional intelligence. TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likeable, they outperform those who don’t by a large margin.

We did some digging to uncover the key behaviors that emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable. Here are 13 of the best: 

13. They Ask Questions

The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.

A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows that not only are you listening, you also care about what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions. 

Luke 11:9-10 9 “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
10  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8 7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
8  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

Proverbs 8:17  I love those who love me, And those who seek me diligently will find me.

Jeremiah 29:13  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

12. They Put Away Their Phones

Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When you commit to a conversation, focus all of your energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them. 

Psalm 119:69  The proud have forged a lie against me, But I will keep Your precepts with my whole heart.

Psalm 119:145  I cry out with my whole heart; Hear me, O Lord! I will keep Your statutes.

Mark 12:28-34 28 Then one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, [i]perceiving that He had answered them well, asked Him, “Which is the [j]first commandment of all?”
29 Jesus answered him, “The [k]first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ [l]This is the first commandment. 31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
32 So the scribe said to Him, “Well said, Teacher. You have spoken the truth, for there is one God, and there is no other but He. 33 And to love Him with all the heart, with all the understanding, [m]with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”
34 Now when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, He said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.”

But after that no one dared question Him.

11. They Are Genuine

Being genuine and honest is essential to being likeable. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

Likeable people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than if you attempt to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.  

Psalm 34:12-14 12 Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good? 13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit [KJV – guile]. 14 Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.

Psalm 32:2 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not [b]impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit [KJV – guile]. .  

Revelation 14:1-5 1 Then I looked, and behold, [a]a Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, [b]having His Father’s name written on their foreheads. 2 And I heard a voice from heaven, like the voice of many waters, and like the voice of loud thunder. And I heard the sound of harpists playing their harps. 3 They sang as it were a new song before the throne, before the four living creatures, and the elders; and no one could learn that song except the hundred and forty-four thousand who were redeemed from the earth. 4 These are the ones who were not defiled with women, for they are virgins. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These were [c]redeemed from among men, being firstfruits to God and to the Lamb. 5 And in their mouth was found no [d]deceit [KJV – guile], for they are without fault [e]before the throne of God.

10. They Don’t Pass Judgment (Not quick to condemn)

If you want to be likeable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.

Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace where approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require you believe what they believe or condone their behavior, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.  

Proverbs 14:29 He who is slow to wrath has great understanding,
But he who is [a]impulsive exalts folly. 

Proverbs 15:1-2 
A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.

James 1:19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

Proverbs 18:13 He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him. 

9. They Don’t Seek Attention

People are averse to those who are desperate for attention. You don’t need to develop a big, extroverted personality to be likeable. Simply being friendly and considerate is all you need to win people over. When you speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attentive and persuadable than if you try to show them you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what—or how many people—you know.

When you’re being given attention, such as when you’re being recognized for an accomplishment, shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help you get there. This may sound cliché, but if it’s genuine, the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you’re appreciative and humble—two adjectives that are closely tied to likeability.  

Matthew 6:1 “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven.

James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Proverbs 27:2 Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth;
A stranger, and not your own lips.

8. They Are Consistent

Few things make you more unlikeable than when you’re all over the place. When people approach you, they like to know whom they’re dealing with and what sort of response they can expect. To be consistent you must be reliable, and you must ensure that even when your mood goes up and down it doesn’t affect how you treat other people.   

Psalm 33:11 The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
The plans of His heart to all generations.

Hebrews 13:8-9 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 9 Do not be carried [b]about with various and strange doctrines… 

Ephesians 4:14 that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting,

7. They Use Positive Body Language 

Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation.  It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Ephesians 6:14 Stand [firm] therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness,

6. They Leave a Strong First Impression

Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability. First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Strong posture, a firm handshake, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.  

Ephesians 5:15-16 15 See then that you walk [e]circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

1 Thessalonians 5:22 Modern English Version (MEV)
Abstain from all appearances of evil.

5. They Greet People by Name

Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. Likeable people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet him. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name during a conversation.

If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep her name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see her.  

Learn names by Thanksgiving/Spring Break – “He is not kidding.”

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Common English Bible (CEB)
So continue encouraging each other and building each other up, just like you are doing already.

4. They Smile

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.  

Proverbs 15:30 New English Translation (NET Bible)
A bright look[a] brings joy to the heart,
and good news gives health to the body.[b]

Proverbs 17:22 Good News Translation (GNT)
Being cheerful keeps you healthy. It is slow death to be gloomy all the time.

Proverbs 16:20 He who heeds the word wisely will find good, And whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.

3. They Know When To Open Up

Be careful to avoid sharing personal problems and confessions too quickly, as this will get you labeled a complainer. Likeable people let the other person guide when it’s the right time for them to open up. 

Tell it like it is… no filter

You are dumb and ugly – and your mother dresses you funny. 

James 5:16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Zig Ziglar -- Sharing Go up goals (with supporters) v. Go down goals (with everyone) 

Proverbs 11:13 Common English Bible (CEB)
A slanderer walks around revealing secrets, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

2. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them)

When you touch someone during a conversation, you release oxytocin in their brain, a neurotransmitter that makes their brain associate you with trust and a slew of other positive feelings. A simple touch on the shoulder, a hug, or a friendly handshake is all it takes to release oxytocin. Of course, you have to touch the right person in the right way to release oxytocin, as unwanted or inappropriate touching has the opposite effect. Just remember, relationships are built not just from words, but also from general feelings about each other. Touching someone appropriately is a great way to show you care. 

Matthew 8:1-3 1 When He had come down from the mountain, great multitudes followed Him. 2 And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.”
3 Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, “I am willing; be cleansed.” Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.

Matthew 8:14-15 14 Now when Jesus had come into Peter’s house, He saw his wife’s mother lying sick with a fever. 15 So He touched her hand, and the fever left her. And she arose and served [a]them.

Matthew 19:13-15  Blessing of the Little Children

1. They Balance Passion and Fun

People gravitate toward those who are passionate. That said, it’s easy for passionate people to come across as too serious or uninterested because they tend to get absorbed in their work. Likeable people balance their passion with the ability to have fun. At work they are serious, yet friendly. They still get things done because they are socially effective in short amounts of time and they capitalize on valuable social moments. They minimize small talk and gossip and instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their coworkers. They remember what you said to them yesterday or last week, which shows that you’re just as important to them as their work.

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Summary:

13 Habits of Extremely Likeable People 

13. They Ask Questions (Curious and willing to learn)
12. They Put Away Their Phones (Focus – paying attention to others)
11. They Are Genuine  (Without guile or deception)
10. They Don’t Pass Judgment (Not quick to condemn)
09. They Don’t Seek Attention  (Demonstrate humility)
08. They Are Consistent (
07. They Use Positive Body Language (Position ourselves for success)
06. They Leave a Strong First Impression  (Suit up and show up)
05. They Greet People by Name    (Personalize your relationships) 
04. They Smile  (Let everyone know you are a happy person)
03. They Know When To Open Up  (Being careful with your relationships) 
02. They Know Who To Touch (and They Touch Them)
01. They Balance Passion and Fun (Joy in our lives) 

Each of us daily must prepare for that time when we must appear before the throne of God and give account for our lives.  Let us ask the question every day:  How likeable are we to God?