Learning from and for Family

Learning from and for Family

Introduction – I will begin by thanking all of you who responded to my request for help with this sermon, especially since I didn’t tell you what my sermon was about or why I wanted your input.

• The reason I didn’t tell you is that I didn’t want to influence what you wrote.
• Before I share that input, I will now tell you the point of this sermon.

NKJ Ephesians 3:14-15  I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named.

• Who comprises the family on earth?

BBE Ephesians 2:19 So then you are no longer as those who have no part or place in the kingdom of God, but you are numbered among the saints, and of the family of God….

NLT Ephesians 2:19 You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family.

NKJ Mark 10:29-30 So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, 30 "who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time -- houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions—and in the age to come, eternal life.

NLT 1 Timothy 5:1-2 Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father. Talk to younger men as you would to your own brothers. 2 Treat older women as you would your mother, and treat younger women with all purity as you would your own sisters.

• Paul’s instruction to Timothy offers the precedent for treating fellow members of the family of God as we should treat members of our family and relatives.

SPS –The point of this sermon is that what we can learn from family members and relatives who have had a positive influence on us, we can apply to members of our spiritual family that will have a positive influence on them.

• This is sort of a corollary of the Golden Rule.

NLT Matthew 7:12 "Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

• “Without some kind of reciprocity, society would no longer be able to exist” (Wikipedia).
• The same is true for the Church of God.
• So I will ask you to consider the impact that favorite relatives have had on your life in order to motivate you to treat fellow-members of God’s family in a way that will have a positive impact on them.

Here “in no particular order” are quotes from some of you (with names and other personal info. removed):

“My great grandma and great grandpa took over the role of grandma and grandpa because my true Grandpa was an alcoholic.  We grew up with this drunk man showing up occasionally but never knew him as grandpa. My great grandma and grandpa were such beautiful people…. I thank God every day for the beauty that they brought in our lives. They didn't have to do what they did, but I know my life and my children's lives are better for it.  My true grandpa lost his wife when my dad was born. His dad, my true grandpa use to kick my dad down the stairs at a very young age because he looked like her.   My great grandparents stepped in and took him away from that abuse.  I did not find out that the drunk grandpa was my grandpa until I was in my late 20s and he became sober for my stepsister when she was about eight.  I love the grandma and grandpa I knew as my grandma and grandpa.”

• What a dramatic example of the powerful effect—for better or for worse—that family members can have on us.
• This person’s alcoholic father continued what is referred to as “the cycle of abuse.”
• Thank God for the surrogate great grandparents rescued this member and acted the role that grandparents should despite the fact that they were apparently not blood relatives.

 

“I didn't care for my grandfathers.  I guess my mother's father was around, but never made himself known to me.  I have no memory of him.  My Dad's father was a merciless tease that seems to delight in making me feel uncomfortable! [reminds me of my aunt Jean]….

My grandmothers didn't leave much of an impression except that my Mother's mother prepared lots of wonderful food and hugged us and cried when we left.

• This illustrates the positive effect of affectionate physical contact, aka “skin hunger.”
• “We normally associate hunger with food, of course—but we don’t feel hunger simply because we want food. We feel hunger because we need food, just as we feel thirsty because we need water, and tired because we need sleep. Our bodies know what they require to function properly, and research suggests that affection belongs on that list, right behind food, water, and rest” (Psychology Today website).
• This is why athletes do so many high-fives (ex. NBA, Olympics beach volleyball).
• So I would suggest that this person’s maternal grandmother did leave a major impression on you—not only because of the above-mentioned study but also because you still remember this about her.

My Dad's mother made me and my younger sister pajamas one time.  I loved the pajamas and thought that was nice of her!

NLT 1 John 3:18 Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

• The point here is that love must be genuine, not just empty words, like “Have a nice day.”
• It by no means implies that saying, “I love you” is not important.
• This is illustrated by the next example from one of you:

My daddy's baby sister lived two states away but was the only one of my own family and known relatives that were full to bubbling over with genuine love and care.  We might see her only once a year, but she would RUN to meet us with the biggest, warmest hugs I ever knew.  She was the only one able to set aside the old Victorian and German stiffness, and really demonstrate the love of God that shone brightly in her life.  She was the only one I ever heard "I love you" from until I was grown.

My favorite relative was my dad's only sister, aunt [name removed]!  She was a lady!  She always wore a dress and nylons.  She was a member of a garden club in her!  Apparently, they were quite wealthy.  They owned 7 oil wells!  She was kind and loving and didn't put on airs!

CJB Romans 12:3 For I am telling every single one of you, through the grace that has been given to me, not to have exaggerated ideas about your own importance. Instead, develop a sober estimate of yourself based on the standard which God has given to each of you.

• A spiritually mature and emotionally healthy person will not feel the need to impress others.
• The best any of us have to offer is to be ourselves (“what you see is what you get”).
• The alternative is hypocrisy, which is counterproductive (ex. religious leaders that Christ condemned as hypocrites).

My favorite relative was my Aunt [name removed] because ever since I can remember she paid attention to me and always made me feel important! She was observant of what was going on in the lives of others. She listened to me without being distracted. She cared about me on a one-to-one level. My relationship with her was always unconditional.

My Grandpa was a great listener; he was easy to talk to without judging or "I told you so..." response. I could talk to grandpa about anything everything, and he always stopped what he was doing at the moment and sat down to listened with very few words regarding whatever I talked about. Grandpa had no favorite among us grandkids but he sure was my favorite!

NLT James 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

My daughter and son-in-law let me [live on their property]. They don’t treat me like I’m eighty years old and put me on the shelf. Whenever I need anything they pleasantly oblige. They have made my life very comfortable here.

• The Bible teaches respect for the elderly (ex. Paul’s instructions to Timothy).

NLT Leviticus 19:32 Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show respect for the aged.

• Standing up when an elderly person enters the room is a gesture of respect that is seldom seen today.
• The most prevalent example is in court when the judge enters the room, the bailiff instructs those in the courtroom, “All rise.”

NLT Proverbs 16:31 Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.

• That means we can learn from our surrogate grandparents in the family of God.

NLT Titus 2:3-5 Teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. 4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.

My Step Granddad who treated us kids as if we were his own. Nothing really outstanding. He was just there and would listen to us and never make us feel like we were in the way. But as I got older I realize we were somewhat of a nuisance. But coming from him you would never know it.

NRS Colossians 3:12 As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 13 Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

NLT Ephesians 4:1-2 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.

All the family on my dad’s side was fairly cold.  My Mom’s side was different.  Her aunt and her mother were both warm and inviting.  I always enjoyed spending time with them but especially my grandmother.  She always took the time to tell us wonderful stories that she would makeup and there never seemed a limit to her imagination.  When I was very young she would tell us stories about how my brother and I would explore the Milky Way Galaxy and I just loved her for taking the time that she did to entertain us.  No one had ever done that before.  Later mom told us that she had a drinking problem … but her heart was still good and I have many fond memories of those times.

• Everyone enjoys stories—especially children.
• Story-telling is a talent that not everyone has; if you have that talent, use it to entertain the children in God’s family here.

My granny married my grandfather by the arrangement of her parents when she was eighteen.  She had seven children five girls and two boys but adopted two of her sister’s children when she died of TB.  She reared the two adopted lads as if her own and left them an equal reward of her estate.  My granny was a strong-minded woman with a big heart and didn’t put up with any nonsense.  All her children grew to be respectable citizens and hard-working people.

My mother followed in the footsteps of her mother.  Hard working, kind and giving.  The one thing that always struck me about her was the way she treated people.  Although her family owned all the property around the area we were never allowed to think we were any better than anyone else.  She didn’t tolerate gossip and she would not put up with snobbery or laziness. She had rules and regulations that were godly in my opinion.  I thank God for my mother and my granny.

NLT Philippians 2:1-5 Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 

• Nor should we tolerate gossip—but deal with it based on scriptural principles.

I would have to say one of the people that influenced me in my life was my grandfather. I can remember from a very young age when people would talk about him it was always with respect. They would comment on his honesty and what I would call a reliable steadfast character. I never remember him getting overly worked up over anything, and I know very few people who worked as hard. I guess to sum it up I know that I would be a better person and closer to God if more frequently I asked: "what would Grandpa do."

• Importance of being a role model to younger members

My parents started the beginning of my moral education, (Biblical foundation), which when I looked further into the scriptures brought me to a deeper knowledge, and a different church.

• Our heavenly Father is the one who “started the beginning of our moral education, (Biblical foundation), which when we looked further into the scriptures brought us to a deeper knowledge, and a different church.

An older brother was instrumental in pointing me to Gods church.

• How many of you have an older brother that was instrumental in pointing you to God’s church?
• I never had an older brother, but Denny Luker served in that capacity to point me toward Jesus Christ.
• And speaking of Jesus Christ…

NLT Hebrews 2:11 So now Jesus and the ones he makes holy have the same Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters.

• So we all have an older brother in the family of God.
• But we are all brothers and sisters in the family of God for the same reason—We all have the same Father.

Another an older brother whose hospitality and scriptural understanding (Mainstream Christian) has also opened up the occasional opportunity for some limited scripturally-based fellowship.

• You can be a conversation starter for scripturally-based conversation at church.
• We all should want that because it is a fundamental purpose for the Church of God as I emphasized in a recent sermon.

I have fond memories of my Grandpa from when I spent the Summer of 1980 helping him work on the homestead. Every day he would get up and put on his work clothes and we would go to work right after breakfast. On some days we went waterskiing, fishing, or golfing. He was a hard worker who balanced it out by taking time for recreation.

• Working together and playing together form strong bonds within the family of God as well.
• This person is very active in both work projects and church recreational activities.
• Give Grandpa a lot of credit for that!

I have a lot of admiration for my parents. They have always set the example of serving.

• That’s what it is all about, isn’t it?

NLT Luke 22:24-27 Then they began to argue among themselves about who would be the greatest among them. 25 Jesus told them, "In this world, the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called 'friends of the people.' 26 But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. 27 Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.

Another favorite person is my sister-in-law (my husband's sister) - I would have been lost without her when I first came to America. She drove me to my English classes either night time or daytime; she made me feel welcome to the family, as she was the only girl; took me out for lunches with her friends and proudly introduced me to them. She was a great sister-in-law!

• We all need to feel loved and accepted, so we all need to show love for each other by how we treat them as fellow members of God’s family.
• This is critically important for new attendees or members who move into the area because they are unfamiliar and uncomfortable in the presence of people they don’t know.

My favorite is my youngest brother - his sense of humor; his big smile; his jokes; his honesty; the way he respects me and looks up to me as his big sister makes me feel like I still have the power as a big sister J….

TNK Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart makes for good health.

• …not only for the health of the person who has a joyful heart, but to other family members who benefit from that person’s joyful heart.

A relative that I admire is my mother-in-law. She has always been very appreciative of my role as a wife to her son and the mother of her grandkids. She has been supportive, encouraging and always singing my praise to others.

• We have probably all heard mother-in-law jokes and comedy routines.
• The negative image of a mother-in-law is based on the tendency of some to meddle in the lives of their sons and daughters by trying to change the way their spouses treat her sons and/or daughters.
• Here is an example of how a mother-in-law (or father-in-law) should treat his/her sons-in-law and daughters-in-law.

NLT Proverbs 16:24 Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

• …and also healthy for the body of Christ, aka the family of God

• “in-law” = a relative by marriage and especially the mother or father of a person's husband or wife.
• The Church is the bride of Christ, so how does this family relationship apply to God’s family?

NLT 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 And you know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. 12 We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory.

NLT 2 Corinthians 1:24 But that does not mean we want to dominate you by telling you how to put your faith into practice. We want to work together with you so you will be full of joy, for it is by your own faith that you stand firm.

• A pastor should not be like a meddlesome mother-in-law (or father-in-law) that meddles in your life, but a source of encouragement and positive support.

Other lessons from these examples:

1. You don’t need to be genetically related to have an influence on others.

• Surrogate parents can be just as influential as biological parents.
• Ex. Olympic athlete Chaunte Lowe [QUOTE]
• That is true of other family categories as well.
• Ex. surrogate grandparents of Tonia & Laurie when we moved away from their biological grandparents.
• Some in-laws are more loving than blood relatives.
• A whole book of the Bible is about and named after a daughter-in-law (Ruth).
• “Blood is thicker than water,” but God’s Holy Spirit is the source of His love, which not only surpasses human love but is not limited to biological relatives.

1. Age is not a limiting factor.

• The majority of examples you shared are for the influence of grandparents.

1. I learned more about those of you who contributed from the input that sent me.

• I can better understand how the effect of your relatives helped you to become the kind of person that you are—both from heredity and environment.
• That’s not a bad thing because the better we understand each other, the more we can help each other.

Conclusion – So I urge you all to reflect on your favorite relatives and how you can “pay it forward” by seeking to help your fellow members of God’s family feel the love that you experienced from your favorite relatives.

NLT 1 Thessalonians 5:11 So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.