Overcoming Selfishness to Build Godly Relationships

Thank you, everybody, for coming. My name is Rod Foster from San Antonio in Corpus Christi, Texas. Today's topic is improving relationships, but improving relationships specifically by recognizing something within ourselves, recognizing it and then overcoming it. The title today is Improving Relationships by Recognizing and Then Overcoming Personal Selfishness. Let's start with a concept King David gave us many, many years ago, Psalm 37, verse 21. King David was called a man after God's own heart. He was a shepherd, he was a warrior, he was a fugitive on the run, and he was a king, which meant he had to judge in Israel every day between cases where people would bring before him, someone was accused of murder, David would have to make that decision. Tough, tough decisions. Through all of this that he went through in his life, David became a man with an incredible heart. What is the heart? The heart, from an Old Testament point of view, is your inner self, that secret self that you usually don't tell other people, your motives, your feelings. You rarely ever share that with other people. It's inside you, it's your heart. That's what it's talking about. The seat of your emotion and your motivation. David's heart was like God, and he described that heart. In Psalms 37, verse 21, he gives us a glimpse of God's heart. Oddly enough, with an analogy of money, of all things.

Psalm 37, verse 21, the wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously. Now, I want to point out something here. This is a complete opposite. This is actually Hebrew poetry. It's a rhyme, a rhyme of opposite meanings.

And it's not that the righteous person borrows and then repays. No. Not even that the righteous loans expecting to be paid back, but rather giving generously with no expectation of repayment.

That is the heart of God. One of the main aspects of God's love is that he is a giver, and that is what we are to become. But selfishness is inherent in all of us, every one of us, myself included.

We are born that way. When a baby is born, it cries. Every time it needs food, it's diaper changed, it has a tummy ache, it can't sleep. What does that baby do? That baby cries. It takes care of its own needs. And believe it or not, when we grow up, we really don't change that much from that. That is our nature. We complain and we cry when we don't get what we need. And essentially, we don't grow out of that. We all have selfishness. And it's that selfishness within us, and we fall very short on that issue. Romans chapter 3 and verse 23. The Apostle Paul explains that none of us can escape this selfish nature that we have. We all have it. Romans chapter 3 and verse 23. All have sin and fall short of the glory of God. Every one of us has something inside of us that is corrupt. That is a hard thing to accept sometimes.

That's a really hard thing to face because it's really easy to see faults in other people. And it's really easy for us to justify ourselves. Well, yeah, I did that, but this is why, and it's okay. And we can just justify doing wrong in ourselves. But if somebody else did the same thing to us, we would be livid, offended, never talk to them again, so on and so forth. It's very difficult to see that selfishness within us. But Paul says, hey, none of us escaped this one. All of us have sinned. All of us fall short of the glory of God. There's something wrong. And it's that selfishness within us that causes so much conflict with each other. So much of, I don't like that girl. I don't like that guy. So much of that comes from within ourselves, believe it or not. And there's a way to fix it. There really is. It's not easy, but there is a way. But this selfishness is in all of us. It causes conflict all around the world. James, Chapter 4, and Verse 1. James, Chapter 4, and Verse 1. James is the little brother of Jesus Christ. And James says, in Verse 1. Now, he writes this letter. This letter is, who was this written to? Who is the book of James written to? It was written to the scattered tribes of ancient Israel. Apparently, back in ancient times, even during the Apostle times, they knew where they were. The tribes of Manasseh, Benjamin, well, Benjamin was with Judah, but Reuben, Gad, they still knew where they were, likely somewhere up in Europe. This letter was written to them. And James says, in Chapter 4, Verse 1. Where do wars and fights come from among you? Now, he was literally talking about wars. They were warriors. They were killing each other. There's always been conflict between people. Where do they come from? He asked them the question. Do they not come from our desires for pleasure that war within our members? Yes, they come from our selfishness. Me get it in my way, and that's where we fight all the time. It's where husbands and wives fight. It's where brothers and sisters fight. It's where all human beings fight, because they didn't get what they thought they deserved.

We need to recognize that our nature, inherently, is selfish. There is a way to have less conflict. There is a way to have more friends, less worry, and more peace of mind. Jesus Christ describes some basic principles of what to do to overcome selfishness in the Sermon on the Mount, a very famous sermon that he gave. In this lesson, he does not instruct us how to overcome selfishness, but rather he gives us the basics of what to do, and that's where we need to start. We'll touch on how to do what he said at the end. I need to get it. No, I've got it there, so we don't run off on time.

In this lesson in the Sermon on the Mount, most of us are familiar with the New King James Version. Let me just read through the Scriptures through the New King James Version, but then I'm going to switch to a different translation. So I want you to get what's familiar to you first in the New King James Version, and we're going to switch to the New Living Translation. It's more of a conversational type text. It's not necessarily the most accurate when you're trying to discover doctrine or prove something, but it is a very, very useful translation when you're trying to understand what is the guy trying to say. So let's read through New King James first in Matthew 5, starting in verse 1. Matthew 5, when we'll read through verse 11. 1-11.

Let's stop in verse 9. We won't have time to get through in the Bible study verses 10 and 11 anyway. Even though they are very relevant, the first nine verses cover selfishness. And what to do about it. But let's now go to... that's what you're used to hearing. Let's go to the New Living Translation and take an interpretation of what he's saying, and gain a further understanding of what it means to us and how we can have better relationships with people. Matthew 5 and verse 1. New Living Translation. On one day, he saw crowds gathering. Jesus went up on the mountainside and he sat down. And I just want to stop there. I've lived in the Middle East. What they call a mountain, we do not call a mountain. This was not a foreboding hike that he went up, traveled for hours, and then made it to the top of this mountainous peak and spoke down into the valley of the crowd. They call anything about a two-story building or higher a mountain. Essentially what he did so that everybody could hear him, he went up on a hill and he sat down. Why is that important? Because he wasn't scolding them. This was not a stern correction. These were his friends. He loved them dearly and he was going to talk to them. He was very relaxed. There were many times in Jesus' life when he did not sit down when he spoke. He spoke very sternly. Not this time. That's not what he was doing here. He loved them and he wanted to help them. That's the tone that is set on the Sermon on the Mount. He goes up on a hill so everybody can see him. I imagine they went up the hill just down a little bit below him, sort of like a theater-style seating. They all sat down and they relaxed and listened to their master. And he began to teach them, verse 2. Verse 3. He says, God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him. That's what it means. For the kingdom of heaven is theirs. The starting point in overcoming selfishness is realizing that you have something wrong inside. That you are poor. Something is missing. Like when your bank account is really low and you just can't buy that thing you want to buy. That new Kindle or that new dress or that new pair of shoes because you're poor. And that's what this analogy is. Poor in what? You're missing something in your heart. The starting point is to recognize that something is missing and God holds the key to that something. The Apostle Paul. Paul was a brilliant man. He was one of those, you know, what we would call intellectual, nerdy geeks. And his passion was the Word of God, the Bible. He went to the finest college in Israel and studied at the feet of the finest professor, Gamalian. And he was the top student. Paul, of all people, should not have thought he was poor. Yeah? No. Even Paul recognized this point that Jesus was making. Romans, chapter 7.

This is the letter to the Romans. And in chapter 7, verse 21, Paul says, I find then a law that evil is present within me. That no one that, excuse me, the one who wills to do good. Now he's saying, I want to do good. I want to do right. I want to get along with other people. That there's something evil inside me. Verse 22, Romans 7.

So the first thing that Jesus tells us in the Sermon on the Mount is to recognize that we are poor. That we are missing something. That our spiritual account is low.

And then, verse 4, let's go back to Matthew, chapter 5. Pick up the next thing in verse 4. After we recognize that we're poor, Jesus says, God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Why is he talking about sadness when we want to overcome selfishness? What is there to be sad about? What is there to mourn? Jesus, remember, he's sitting down on a hill. He's not chewing these guys out. He's being very loving to them. And he's saying, blessed are you who mourn. What is he talking about? It's a gentle reminder that we're imperfect, and we need to be sorry that we are. We actually need to stop justifying every time we say that bad thing to people, every time we gossip about other people. We actually need to be sad that we do that. We actually need to mourn that there's something wrong with us. It's not enough just to recognize that we're poor. We actually have to repent of that. And Jesus is saying, blessed are those who mourn. Remember, we are being taught, and we need to pass this along to other people eventually in the kingdom. This is our mission. Our mission is to learn this now so that we can teach it in the millennium when Jesus Christ returns. But we can't teach it if we can't get along with each other. So we have to go through these basics of overcoming something that is inside every one of us. So the first two things that we need to do is to overcome selfishness. To overcome selfishness is to recognize that there's something missing that we're poor, and to be sorry that it's missing.

In other words, we need to make a change. Matthew 5, verse 5.

Is that locked, Jonathan? Is it locked? Can we prop it open?

This is a Bible study, not a sermon. So if you need to get a glass of water, go to the bathroom, whatever, go for it. You can actually bring the water back in. This is a Bible study, not a sermon. So let's move on in the Sermon on the Mount. Overcoming selfishness, this is what to do, not how to do it. What to do.

Number three, God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the earth. Humility, you know, that's the big key in overcoming selfishness. When we think so highly of ourselves that we can't be taught, we can't change, and we can't grow, we also cannot get along with other people. We cannot have the friendships that we desire.

We may be in a crowd, but we will be very, very lonely. Unless we have some humility to us, our relationships start to greatly improve when we start to think less of ourselves and more of other people. The key to that is humility. Philippians 2, verse 1.

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from His love? Any fellowship together in His spirit? Fellowship, friendship, relationship? This is the topic. Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.

This is New Living Translation now. Don't be selfish. Don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others better than yourself. Don't look out only for your interest, but take an interest of others too. Notice that He didn't say, your interests don't matter, only other people matter. He didn't say that your dreams don't matter, they do.

Your and my dreams do matter. God wants us to be happy and fulfilled, and He wants all of our right desires to be fulfilled. But He wants us to learn to become like Him over all of that. To become like Him, we have to be humble and put other people above ourselves. Step number three in this process of what to do is be humble. Number six, I'm sorry, it's number four, but it's verse six of Matthew 5.

Matthew 5 and verse 6. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice. In the New King James, it says, righteousness, and that is a better translation. Like I said, the New Living Translation is not what we base doctrine on most of the time. It is conversational, but sometimes it doesn't get it right.

Really, the word is righteousness, or right actions, obeying God. You know, sin comes from selfishness. There's a process. It starts with coveting something. We see something. We covet it, which means a wrong desire. It's not wrong to have desires. It is wrong to desire something that doesn't belong to you or me. And that's where sin usually starts. We have this selfish covet. Oh, they have a position I don't have.

They have a tension I don't have. You know, they have a better job than I have. They have better clothes than I have. They have better friends than I have. And instead of working together and putting other people first, we don't do that by nature. We tend to get jealous. We tend to get selfish. And we covet what somebody else has. And then what do we do? We go take it. We sin. All right? Good relationships. Step number four. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.

That means that we try to put covenants out and start behaving ourselves, not taking away what doesn't belong to us. That's an easy thing to say. All of these, actually. You know, if we've ever gone to Sabbath school, or if you grew up outside the church, and you went to Sunday school, you've heard the Sermon on the Mount. But if it doesn't apply to me, if I don't get this, and I can't put this into my life, it's just words. But when Jesus Christ walked upon that hill, and He was talking to His friends, they weren't just words. He was trying to save their life.

And then those words were written down for you and me. They were recorded so that we would hear them too, because He's trying to save our life too. If they're just words that we hear in church, they're useless. But if they mean something to you or me personally, then they're good for something. And that's something. It's salvation and good relationships. So, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, Matthew 5, verse 7. This is, again, what to do to overcome selfishness, not how to do it.

Matthew 5, verse 7. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Being kind and forgiving when you're hurt is so critical to relationships. It isn't just a benefit to relationships. It is vital. It's a must. If you are going to get along with anybody, you are eventually going to have to forgive them. Not for what was a misunderstanding. But you are going to have to forgive them for actually doing something wrong against you that they now owe you for. They have cheated you. They have robbed you. They have humiliated you. It's going to happen to every single one of us.

And we're going to do it to them, too. Realize that. It's part of humility. But eventually, they're going to do something where they owe you. Mercy is letting it go even when they don't deserve it. If we don't get that, we will not have long-lasting, deep, strong relationships with each other. That's why Jesus Christ said this in the Sermon on the Mount. He's going through a process of what you need to do in your life to overcome selfishness and have good relationships. Proverbs 17, verse 9. Proverbs 17, verse 9.

Love, in other words, relationships, prospers when fault is forgiven. But dwelling on it separates close friends. If we can't let it go, we're going to be alone. That's what Jesus Christ and Solomon are saying here.

If we can't let it go, we are going to be alone. And now, a lot of times, the other person that we're with can't let it go.

And we end up alone anyway. But we won't be alone. We will just be without them. Because we will still have each other in the Church. A group of people who are trying to learn to have that heart that God put into King David. Trying to learn to become a giver. And a critical part of that is being merciful. Letting it go. You know, that's tough, isn't it? You know, we hear the Sermon on the Mount all the time. But when we actually think about what Jesus Christ is saying that we need to do to have a happy life, it's kind of heavy. Very difficult thing to do. We oftentimes meet people for the first time. We'll make a snap judgment. That's such a critical mistake. For us, we won't have friends. But we all do it. I do it, you do it, we all do it. And we all need to overcome it. We forget that people have bad days. You don't really get to know a person on the first meeting. You just don't. They're not going to share who they really are with you when you first meet them. It really takes time. Be merciful. If they say something stupid, if they're just annoying, bossy, pushy, you know, some people just say appropriate things or ask you for inappropriate information the first time they meet you. They're just very offensive. Let it go. Give them another chance. Second chances, build relationships. Holding grudges makes you alone. It takes time to get to know people. Be merciful. Don't make snap judgments on your first meeting. Sometimes, people aren't just having a bad day. Sometimes, people actually just make mistakes. They embarrass you. They hurt your feelings. It's a process. It's not instantaneous. You have to let it go. How do you know you've let it go? Here's the test of how you know you've let it go. When you can look at that person and you can say, you don't owe me anything. If you can say that, you have let it go. If you can't, you're still working on it. That's how you know you've let it go. If you can look them right in the eye and smile and in your heart, feel and think. Both of those things are required. You can feel and think. You don't owe me a thing. You have let it go. Okay, back to Matthew. We're back on the hill. Jesus Christ, verse number 8 says, God blesses those who are pure, for they will see God. I love this word pure, and I love this word pure because it's a merciful word. Do you know that this word for pure does not mean without fault?

It means washed and without fault. This word for pure, that Jesus used, means you were not always without fault. And I love that. It's merciful even in what he said. None of us are perfect. Jesus Christ isn't saying, blessed are those of you who are perfect.

And the rest of you, you're dirty, filthy, rotten scoundrels, and I don't want to deal with you. No! He's saying all of us were at one time dirty, rotten scoundrels, and he's going to clean us. Blessed are those who have been cleaned. That's what it means. All of us have some dirt on us. All of us have made mistakes. Blessed are those who have been cleaned and stayed clean. And that's the point. Those who have been cleaned and stayed clean. Psalm 51, verse 6. Psalm 51. What is Psalm 51? It is David's repentance to God after a very great sin.

He committed adultery, tried to cover it up, couldn't cover it up, so he had the man who was her husband killed in battle. So adultery, lying, and murder, and he repented. He had dirt on him too, but he was a man after God's own heart.

And this is what pure is talking about. This is what Jesus Christ meant when he said, blessed are those who are pure. Psalm 51, verse 6. Behold, you desire truth in your inward parts, David says to God. And in the hidden part, you will make me to no wisdom. In other words, in his heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones you have broken may rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart. Blessed are those who are pure.

You weren't always pure. God cleans you, and then you are pure. Verse 10. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. King David gives us the key to how we start to have a pure heart. We have to ask God for it. We cannot clean our own heart.

Having a pure heart shows itself by how we love other people. Just like the indicator for how you have forgiven someone is you say that they don't owe you anything, how you know you have a pure heart is indicated by how you take care of others. Overcoming selfishness. 1 Peter 1, verse 22. Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the spirit, in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart. That's 1 Peter 1, verse 22. Loving one another with a heart that has been cleaned. That means that you are obeying God's laws, and you're using them as a guide to look out for the interest of your friends and of others. Bless are those who have a pure heart. Okay, back to Matthew, chapter 5. This will be the last one we do. Matthew, chapter 5, verse 9, because we're just about out of time.

God blesses those who work for peace. They will be called the children of God, and that's what we're doing here today, and at the Feast of Tabernacles, we are celebrating a time when we will be the children of God.

But we won't be there if we are not peacemakers. Let's not be quick to argue our own point. That's basically what this is talking about. Let's not always be the one who has to be right. It always has to be our way, or we just won't get along.

By nature, we think that our point of view is correct. We want to go where we want to go. Eat what we want to eat. We want to shop where we want to shop, and we want to buy what we want to buy. And if we don't get those things, we're generally unhappy. We tend to be upset with others who prevent us from getting those things from fulfilling our desires. God wants us to do something completely different than the way we normally are. He wants us to be completely different than the way we normally are. He wants us to have our desires fulfilled if they're right, but He also wants us to learn to share. Not just in action, but in heart. He wants us to want to share. A peacemaker does not get upset when other people get their way. A peacemaker understands everybody deserves a turn. A peacemaker allows others to get their desires first. If only politicians understood what you understand. If they only got what you are learning, and you're growing in, we would have world peace. And that is the point of the Feast of Tabernacles. World peace. Let other people go first. Peacemakers don't always have to be right. They don't always have to go first. And peacemakers, this is very important, very, very important. Peacemakers don't always have to have the attention or the spotlight on them. They're very happy if somebody else gets credit or gets praise. They're happy for them. In the Millennium, there will be an emphasis on a giving society. And it's your and my mission to teach that. Our mission now is to learn that godly heart, to become that godly person from inside. To learn how to get along with other people. To have strong friendships with people we wouldn't normally get along with. People that put us off at first. We will let it go. We will be humble. We will put them first. We won't be selfish. And we will actually have very strong friendships. Let's learn to overcome selfishness. It improves our interpersonal relationships. And eventually we will teach the world. But Jesus Christ went further than just the Sermon on the Mount. But he didn't do it early in his ministry. In fact, he told us how to overcome selfishness at the last dinner that he ever ate on this planet. And that was the Passover dinner that he ate with his disciples just before he was beaten and crucified for our sins. So let's read what he said, some scriptures. We'll bounce through a few of them. On how to overcome selfishness. Let's start in Matthew 16, verse 24. This isn't the Passover yet, but it's important. So we'll start in Matthew 16, verse 24. Then Jesus said to his disciples, Now that's what we're used to reading. But a lot of times, that's Old King James kind of translated into New English, and it doesn't make a lot of sense. The New Living Translation reads it like this.

Take up your cross and follow me. If you want to be a follower of the King of Kings, selfishness is out. At the end of his ministry, then he said how to overcome selfishness. John 14, verse 16 gives us the clue as to how to do it. John 14, verse 16. Jesus said, And I will pray the Father, and he will give you another Helper, that he may abide with you forever. And then in verse 26, he said, But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things, and bring to remembrance all things that I said to you. And then a little later that evening, John 16, verse 7, Nevertheless, I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away. For if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I depart, I will send him to you, or send it to you. It could be read, translated either way, appropriately.

And no, the Holy Spirit is not a person. It's just the presence of God. So it's actually, if you understood the Greek language, you would understand why they can translate it him, and it'd not be a problem. Because him is talking about the Father. Okay? What does this Helper do? We can't overcome what Jesus said to overcome if he didn't die and leave us and send the Holy Spirit to us. There is no way possible, with our own strength, that we can go from baby to elderly person to grave, and in that time period, overcome the poor nature that we have inside our head, in our heart. But in Philippians, the Apostle Paul gives us the clue to what God actually does for us with his Holy Spirit. Philippians chapter 2 will read verse 13. Philippians chapter 2 and verse 13.

God works in you both to will and to do his good pleasure. God's Spirit works in you to give you the willpower to overcome personal selfishness and become a giving person, to become like God. The process starts with repentance and baptism, which many of us have probably gone through. It doesn't follow us, but it starts there. But believe it or not, the process doesn't end there. It's actually a very difficult and lifelong process to overcome our selfish human nature. But you know what? Having friends, having relationships with other people, actually helps us become better people, because we have to practice on them and they have to practice on us. Overcoming selfishness is a process. It takes a lifetime to accomplish. But let's remember what King David, a man after God's own heart, said in Psalm 37. The wicked borrow and they do not repay. That's every one of us, that's every single one of us in our natural state. We're takers. But the righteous give generously. Let's learn to become, and let's pray for God's help to overcome our selfishness and become a giver.