Reconciliation and Forgiveness

Two weeks ago, I had a neat opportunity to be a chaperone on a field trip. One of those perks of being a parent or a grandparent for some of you who've been able to go with your children or your grandchildren on the trip. This one was to the Holocaust Memorial Center in Farmington Hills. For those who have not been to that Holocaust Memorial or to another one, I highly encourage each of us to consider and to find opportunities to do that.

For those with children, I do advise that you be cautious. I want to also plug that because it is a very sober and serious-minded place to visit. I know for me, as a student learning about World War II, you can easily get caught up in all the different things that happened during that war, from the beginning of how it started to the different sides to the invasions of different nations to the attack on Pearl Harbor. All kinds of things that can draw our attention away. The battle in the Pacific with Japan. And at times, you can almost breeze over what happened in Germany and in Poland.

And the fact that over 6.5 million Jews were murdered for nothing other than their race and their ethnic background and their religion. I know as a student, I knew those facts, I heard those numbers, but when you're reminded as an adult, you're reminded of the soberness of it. And then when you see those types of memorials, it really, it's humbling.

It just brings you down to a level where you just realize what mankind, what you and I, and hopefully not you and I, but what mankind has done to one another. At the end of the tour, though, I took a private moment with the tour guide. He was of Jewish background. He had lost family members in the Holocaust. This goes back a few generations, of course.

But he had lost family members, and so he was one who volunteered his time to take groups around. And as the students went on and kind of left the two of us there, I took a private moment and I asked him a question. First, I set it up with the whole acknowledging the horrific things that we had just witnessed through the memorial. The somber things, the events, the children, 1.5 million children were murdered through the Holocaust. And I set it up and told him, this is horrible to see.

It's sobering to see. But I asked him a question. I said, how have you as a Jew or other Jews, how have you found the ability to forgive the things that have occurred here? And I, to preface it and to be fair, I said, or is there even an opportunity to forgive? Do you feel there's an ability to forgive? He paused and took a moment and said to me, he says, I personally lost family members due to the Holocaust.

And he looked down and he paused. And he said, for me, the emotion is not forgiveness. The emotion is anger. I left it at that because I wasn't trying to draw anything out in particular. I was just trying to maybe with the sermon that I was preparing in the event of seeing that memorial, I thought it was taken opportunity to see. And something as horrific as that, can others forgive in a time of something like that when it personally has happened to them?

There's been books and stories written on those who have forgiven others who went through the Holocaust. The personal events that happened to them that some have been able to forgive others. But we know forgiveness is something that has to originate from within someone. And offering forgiveness is a decision that has to be made on a personal basis. It's a decision that some choose never to make out of anger, frustration, or the hurt that will remain with them for the rest of their lives. Each year as we approach the Passover, we are each given an opportunity to consider the life that was sacrificed for each of us personally.

During this time, we consider the cost of transgressing the commandments of God. The cost for our transgression was the life of the Son of God. Through this sacrifice, each of us can at any time go before God and repent of our sins, and God will offer his forgiveness to those sins committed against him. But what about the hurts that happen between each of us as humans and as family? As mankind, some people never ask for forgiveness to those that they have hurt.

They don't express or show remorse. They may not even seem like they care that we're hurt. And in a very sad way, some can even make fun or demean or belittle others for being hurt, for having emotions and having those emotions hurt. Somebody will even make fun of people for that. I've seen close friends belittle one another or one belittle the other because they had their feelings hurt.

And for those hurt, some wonder if they should even forgive the person who has hurt them, like the Jewish man at the Holocaust Memorial. There's a question we should ask ourselves as part of our evaluation process, this and every year before Passover. The question is this.

Have I worked towards establishing peace and offered forgiveness with those who have offended me, and have I asked forgiveness of those whom I've offended? So with today's sermon, let's look at the importance of working through the process of reconciliation and seeking peaceful relationships with one another.

A question some have asked from time to time is, must I forgive everyone?

Each of us have been hurt at different times in our lives. I won't ask for a show of hand because I think everybody's hand would go up. Anybody not been hurt? Anybody not been hurt by someone else? From a little child who pushes another little child down? I've seen that before. One just comes up and blindsides the other one and shoves them down, and that shocked look of the hurt on that child's face that got pushed down. Or what about maybe some of our senior members who know just those buttons to press on another friend or another senior member to create or stir an emotion of hurt? I won't ask for a show of hands of who's done that, but I'm sure that happens from time to time. Personally, I remember middle school and high school being especially rough. Things said or done that hurt me tremendously. Others of you may think about work this past week, something that happened just this past week at work that brought hurt to you. As I referenced, even we here have been hurt by others in our spiritual family. Just this week, the Barna Research Group is a private research foundation that conducts and analyzes research, understanding the cultural trends related to values, beliefs, attitudes, often religious in nature. Just this week, they released a study that was titled The Mercy Journey. In this study, in interviewing and asking questions of other, they say, practicing Christians, and they define practicing Christians, are self-identified Christians who say their faith is very important in their lives, and they have attended a worship service within the past month. So these are practicing Christians, and these are ones who believe in Christ. This is the description that they have here, some stats that came out from it. I'm going to slow down a little bit here, because think about these numbers for a moment. 38%, so almost 40%, have not received unconditional forgiveness. So we're pushing almost 50%. Half of Christians have not received unconditional forgiveness. 38%. 27%, so a little over a quarter, identify someone who they don't want to forgive.

So 27%, identify someone who they don't want to forgive. 23%, almost 25%, again, identify someone who they can't forgive. They acknowledge that they cannot forgive someone. Of this group, of this 23%, 28% admit they wish they could, though.

And then 15% have not offered ever unconditional forgiveness. So 15 out of 100 practicing Christians identified in this study have not offered unconditional forgiveness ever in their life. Forgiveness is not normally a process that occurs as a single action, or that is completed in a short amount of time. You don't wake up most of the time one day and say, you know what, all the hurt that I've encountered from this person, all the anger, all the frustration, maybe the bitterness, it's done. It's going in this box. I'm going to leave it there. It doesn't normally work that way. I know for me, I had an issue one time with a neighbor. It could seem trivial looking back on it now, but some of the things that this neighbor had done stirred up quite a bit of emotion with our family. And I took it to God. I prayed for God's healing to come into my heart. And after several days of praying and not seeing this neighbor drive by or anything, I started to feel pretty good. I'm moving on. And then I'd be out in the garage working, and they would drive by, and all of a sudden, all that emotion comes right back up to the top. And then I realized that forgiveness isn't there yet. And it took time, and it took effort, and it took going over and over and over, and asking God not only to forgive my reactions involved with it, but also to bring that healing that I needed. Oftentimes, forgiveness is a journey which takes time, takes progress as we move towards the end goal of being at peace with another person. Again, have you and I taken the time this year to consider those we have hurt, or those who may be harboring hurts, that we may be harboring hurts from. Before diving too far into personal relationships with one another, though, I want to take a step back and look at a bigger picture, a bigger issue at hand for each and every one of us. Pastor Gary Petty, a pastor down in Nashville, Tennessee, has written a book called The Mercy Effect. It's subtitled A Spiritual Guide for Managing Conflict. It's available on Amazon. It's a very good and thorough... It's brief as far as pages, but it's one that you could study and try to apply and put deeper into your heart day after day. It's available on Amazon. You can just go to Amazon and search for Gary Petty, and it brings up his book.

But in this book, Mr. Petty wrote this about our nature, my and your nature. He said, Each of us possesses a fundamental nature that is a mixture of good and evil. We may be created in the image of God, but all of us have become a terribly flawed image. All destructive conflicts between people are a direct result of the dysfunctional conflict each of us have with our Creator. At the core of every human being, even the best of us is a natural hostility towards God and a rejection of His instructions on how to live. We can solve nothing in life until we first deal with our personal conflict with God. That was a very profound paragraph that he shared in his book. The Apostle Paul references this inward struggle that you and I each face in Romans 8 and 7. Let's open our Bibles this afternoon to Romans 8 and 7. It's important that we start here when we talk about reconciliation or forgiveness, going back that you and I have a personal relationship with our Creator, with the Father of the Universe, our Father God of the Universe. And that you and I fall short of living to the standard that He has created. Romans 8 and verse 6. Here the Apostle Paul references this inward struggle by saying, For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Nothing too profound for you and I here. But going on to verse 7, Because the carnal mind is enmity against God, for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be, that inward nature that you and I have doesn't just blend nicely with God's nature. And it says, Nor indeed can it be. So then those who are in the flesh, those who want to live with our nature, our human nature being the forefront, the one controlling us, so then those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

We must understand and embrace the truth that Paul describes to realize how bad each and every one of us needs to be reconciled to God. So often it's easy for us to be hurt and to hold someone responsible for this hurt. And granted, we may have a right to feel hurt, but realizing that we ourselves have hurt others at times, and in fact, we have at times been enemies with God. Well, this should set the stage for us to view ourselves for really who we truly are. Paul speaks about this in Ephesians chapter 2. Let's turn next to Ephesians 2.

We each realize that we once beat to the rhythm of our own drums. We let our lives the way that we wanted to lead our lives. Paul references this in Ephesians 2 verse 1, but then he says, but we go a different direction. He said here in Ephesians 2 verse 1, He says, Verse 2, he says, The Spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, which we know is Satan the devil, we once walked, because you and I are to go a new direction in Christ. We're to go a new direction because of our calling. He says, Just as the others. Because of Satan's influence on you and me, we walked a different walk than we should have. Not because we had a Savior who gave his life for us, not because we had a Creator who made us in his own image, but because of Satan's influences on each of us. We walked, as it says here, according to the lust of our flesh, wanting to fulfill our own desires, wanting to do things our way, but because of that, it says, We were by nature children of wrath. That's a scary statement here. Children of wrath. Some translations state, We were subject to God's anger. Now, I've seen some angry people before, and I may have been angry once or twice. It took me a while to see if it was two times. I remember once. I think we all have had challenges with anger at different times, but would you want to face God's anger, directed towards you, towards me? But that's what it says, We were by nature children of wrath. We were deserving, and we could have been subject to God's anger. But God, in his righteousness, decided that while we were deserving of his wrath, he would in turn extend to us his mercy.

Romans 5 and verse 6 speaks to this.

Romans 5 and verse 6.

Here again, the Apostle Paul shares this. He says, For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love toward us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more than having now been justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if when we were enemies, that's a hard word to read, isn't it?

At times, consider, put yourself in there. Put your own name in there. I have to do the same. Mike Phelps was an enemy of God. For if when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more having been reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. Again, Mr. Petty says in his book, When you obsess over an offense, you become driven by hurt, anger, and bitterness.

When you allow anger and bitterness to control your life, you erect a barrier between you and God. This means that the first step in dealing with someone who has sinned against you is to recognize your poverty before God. This is difficult and can take much prayer time both in asking God for healing and in dealing with the offender. The first step, as he said, is realizing who we are, realizing our place in the universe, realizing our faults and our flaws. The times that we transgress God's law, which makes us sinners before Him, why we can go and repent, why we need that forgiveness, why we need that reconciliation back to God through these passages that we just read through in Romans and Ephesians, we can see ourselves for who we truly were.

I hope we don't have to see who we truly are. We fall and we fall short sometimes, but the way that we are described here is hopefully how we truly used to be, but we are still human beings with faults and flaws, deserving of God's wrath. Yet instead of receiving that wrath, we receive His mercy.

This all must be understood and completely clear in our minds because before we can be reconciled to one another, before we can try to mend fence and to be in unity again, we must realize our need to be reconciled to God. This is why before we can dive into our own personal relationships with one another, we must realize where our own individual natures have brought us to before God.

Because if we see ourselves through this lens, if we see ourselves through the lens that God sees us when we fall short, then we can have the humility and attitude it takes to either offer forgiveness to another person or ask forgiveness of one we have hurt. If we can truly see ourselves as ones who have at times fallen short, then maybe we can extend mercy and forgiveness to others when they fall short before us.

But again, the question, must I forgive everyone? Often in life, we do get hurt by the things people say or do to us. It could be intentional words or it could be accidental words where not a lot of thought went into them. I'm guilty for that.

Words that slip out, words that you think just kind of flow before the mind catches up and next thing you know, the horse is out of the barn and you've got a mess on your hands. But still the same, whether they were intentional or whether they were accidental, these things hurt and are sometimes very difficult to move on from.

What do we process the hurt? What is it that you and I are expected to do? In Matthew 6, we have recorded the model prayer given to us by Jesus Christ. Matthew 6. As we consider the forgiveness that we each need, we are also admonished to give forgiveness to others. Matthew 6 and verse 9. Jesus Christ Himself gave us this model prayer. He says in verse 9, Matthew 6 and verse 9, Christ says, In this manner therefore pray, Our Father in heaven, howowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread, those things that we need for life. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen. If we simply break this passage down into the five verses that they are recorded for us here in, that aspect of asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness, that's 20% of this model prayer. That's quite a large amount of time devoted towards asking for forgiveness for our sins, but also asking that we can forgive others, that God would help us to forgive others. It was enough for Christ just to put this, just to reference this and to place it into the model prayer, but then the second two verses right after goes a step further.

Notice this. As soon as he finishes with the model prayer, he then adds these further instructions. Verse 14, he says, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. That's great! That's exactly what I want, right? I want to be forgiven my trespasses. I want to forgive men of theirs.

That's a good...that feels good. Let's do this. But the hard part is where the rubber meets the road. He says, But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. We should take pause and consider these two verses from our Savior's mouth.

If you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. When we pray asking that God will forgive our sins, our desire is to have our relationship again restored to our Creator. That God will no longer see our sins, that He won't even recognize them, but that He will remove them and cast them as far as the East is from the West. I love that analogy. We've talked about it before. Unmeasurable is what we ask that God will separate our sins from us.

Therefore, if we approach God with this goal in mind for me, we have to be willing to do the same with those who offend or hurt us. Again, from Mr. Petty's book, he says, Forgiveness doesn't mean ignoring the offense or erasing God's standards of right and wrong. Rather, forgiveness means giving up the preoccupation to make the other person meet our expectations or suffer punishment. It involves deciding not to obsess over the offense or to gossip about it to others, and it means letting go of the animosity and the distress that can lead to emotional dysfunction. Among disciples of Jesus Christ, forgiveness begins with a desiring to restore our relationship as spiritual brothers and sisters and being willing to work towards reconciliation. So what are we to do, then, if we are hurt by another person and we want to forgive them? In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul gives us some encouragement on what to do when this is on our mind. Ephesians 4 and verse 17.

Earlier in Ephesians 4, as we referenced in the sermonette, there's this attitude that we are to walk worthy of the calling that you and I have been given. Early in Ephesians 4, it talks about the oneness that you and I have, this oneness of body, this oneness of spirit, this oneness of the truth, one faith, all this oneness that you and I have. The Apostle Paul in verse 17 goes on to say this. He says, He's saying all these things that the Gentiles, the way that they carry themselves, he goes on to verse 19 and says, He says, But then he flips the coin here. Verse 20 says, Then taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus, then he goes through this, That you put off concerning your former conduct the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. This is how we find forgiveness for others, by putting on Jesus Christ, renewing our mind. And that you put on the new man which was created according to God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. So this verb, speaking of truth with our neighbor, verse 26, he says, This doesn't talk about God's wrath that we should be under, but because of Christ's sacrifice and the forgiveness of our sins, we're no longer under that wrath, but we have our own wrath that we put people under, don't we? And it says, That last sentence is critical. Nor give place to Satan. We have to remember, when conflict arises, when strife comes between you and I, Satan wants us to remain divided and angry with one another. He wants us to dislike and to be annoyed with one another. That's what Satan wants for you and me. He wants his strife to remain between us. Hence, as the apostle Paul admonishes us, we must give no place to the devil. But I have reason to be angry with this person, and let me tell you why.

Maybe that's a statement you've thought, maybe even said before. What they did just wasn't right.

It might be the case. We may even go as far as to think, what they did was wrong, and as a brother or sister in Christ, they need to know that what they did was wrong, and I'm going to help them see this so that they can be aware of their sins. So they can change. So they... I'm actually helping them by being angry or having this bitterness. I'm going to let them know what they did was wrong, and this will be okay before God.

If any of these thoughts or phrases never come to your mind, please, please, please pause and seriously consider what you're saying or what you're thinking. Please take a step back and prayerfully consider before God this attitude and these words, these thoughts, these feelings. Seriously, take a pause. Because you need to take a pause. I need to take a pause because in verse 29, which we're about to read, some people have used this as the reason why they should go, and let's set their brother straight.

Verse 29, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers? Some will use this passage to say, by me telling them how they've sinned against me or have they done me wrong, this is necessary edification. But we must remember, let's look at a couple passages. With this thought in mind that we're going to now set the record straight, we're going to fix and we're going to help somebody, let's first turn to Jeremiah 17, verse 9. Just one quick scripture, but it's an important one that we see with our eyes. Jeremiah 17, verse 9.

Because as we, these thoughts, develop in our minds, as these attitudes start to go forth, as we start to think, when am I going to make this statement to this person? When am I going to say this to someone? Keep this in mind as one of those reasons why you take serious pause. Jeremiah 17, verse 9.

The word deceitful here could also mean insidious, slippery, or crooked.

Desperately wicked can also mean mortally sick, incurable, or sick unto death. You could read this passage as, The heart is insidious, slippery, and crooked, above all things, and sick unto death.

That this heart that you and I have, the human nature heart, can lead us down this path. Clark Commentary says that our human nature is lying ever at the catch, striving to avail itself in every favorable circumstance, to gratify its propensities to pride, ambition, evil desire, and corruption of all kinds. That's the truth of the heart, our human nature heart that you and I have.

We looked at our heart right now. What about our tongue? Still keeping this idea in our head that we're going to set the record straight with necessary edification. We paused and considered our heart. Let's look at James chapter 3 and verse 1 and consider our tongue.

How is our tongue described here? James 3 and verse 1. James 3 and verse 1 says, My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he's a perfect man and able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, and I love the imagery in these next two verses, indeed we put bits and horses' mouths that they may obey us and we turn their whole body. How big is a horse's bit? I could ask Brooklyn. Brooklyn knows. How big is a horse's bit? A few inches wide. Not that big a round diameter. How big is a horse? The weight, the sheer magnitude of a horse. People have been killed by horses. Yet this little bit can guide and can steer a horse where we want it to go. James talks about another analogy in verse 4. Look also at those ships. Although they are so large and driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. I like machinery. It's fun for me to look at the vastness of some of these, the scale of some of these machines that are out there, like aircraft carriers, cruise ships, the magnitude is simply overwhelming. I saw recently an aircraft carrier, one of our modern ones, in dry dock where you could see underneath. It was on the internet, but you could see underneath. You could see just how much of it you don't see above water. Yet at the back of these ships are two rudders, not very big in comparison to these huge aircraft carriers. Small rudders, when you look at the grand scheme of what the ship is made of, yet those two small rudders move that ship wherever it needs to go. The magnitude doesn't matter. It's those little rudders. The imagery is amazing because we get right into verse 5 where he speaks and talks about our tongues. Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature. And it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird of reptiles and creatures of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison. Literally, that means death-bringing poison. These little members that we have in our mouths can bring forth death-bringing poison. How many of us would go out to a zoo or go to Africa and we would find a wild tiger? We would subdue it, we'd capture it. Maybe some of our stronger guys could maybe do this right. Capture a tiger and then subdue it and then bring it home. Would we do that and bring it home and say, here, kitty-kitty, come play with my children. You look so cute. This is a wild animal we're talking about. We would never trust that. Yet, our tongues are described in a similar way.

It can't be tamed, at least, not on our own power. Therefore, we must work to keep this thought at the forefront of our mind about our tongues. He goes on to say, he's not done. Verse 9, With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God, made in the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth precedes blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus, no spring yields both salt water and fresh.

At first glance, we may think that what we are saying to someone is necessary edification. This is going to help draw them closer to God. But what is edification? Edification, which is a Greek word that means building up or the act of building up. The Greek word is ocadome. Building up or the act of building up, strengthening, so you're going to make someone stronger, can also mean the act of one who promotes another's growth in Christian wisdom, happiness, and holiness. It can mean helping someone draw closer to God, helping set someone on the right path. But let's also remember, and you can put in your notes, Colossians 4 and verse 6, where the Apostle Paul says, Let your speech always be with grace.

We want God's grace. We want it daily. He's saying, Let your speech always be with grace, gentleness, kindness, favor, to help encourage one another. We want all these things from God. We want His grace. Let our speech always be with grace. He says, and continues in Colossians 4 and verse 6, Seasoned with salt. Let our speech be palatable. Let it be flavorful to us, satisfying, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

I'll repeat Ephesians 4 verse 29. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification that may impart grace to the hearers. Remember, pause. Take stock of your thoughts and of your feelings. Evaluate your heart. Evaluate the words before you and I do anything else.

We've turned away from Ephesians 4, but let's go back to Ephesians 4 because I don't want to stop there, because the Apostle Paul doesn't end the thought, which is saying, if it's good for necessary edification, then it's fine. Go ahead. He doesn't finish there. He's in Ephesians 4 and verse 30.

He finishes the passage and the thought by saying this, Ephesians 4 verse 30. He's saying, Does this not describe a situation where somebody has hurt you and these feelings have come forth? He's saying, Wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And on the flip side, verse 32, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. It's come full circle again, hasn't it? Forgiving a fellow brother or sister starts realizing that you and I were forgiven by God through Christ. We must remember that it starts there. Now, what if through this season of the year that we're in right now, we realize it was us who offended or hurt someone else with our words or our actions? Again, from Mr. Petty's book, he says this, he says, When we are reconciled to God, there is little wiggle room for self-justification. Self-justification. I won't ask for a show of hands, but who's ever justified one of their words or actions? I'll raise mine.

So easy to justify what we're thinking and what we want to do, isn't it? We can rationalize all day long. We can come up even Scripture supporting why we can do this or think this or say this. But Mr. Petty says, when we are reconciled to God, there is little wiggle room for self-justification. God sets the standards, and we must take responsibility for our actions. We must take responsibility and not justify what we've done. We've heard someone, we said something that wasn't polite or wasn't kind, and we must take responsibility for our actions. Matthew 18, Christ says this about those who have offended others. Let's turn there. Matthew 18 and verse 6.

Matthew 18 and verse 6. Jesus says, Whoever causes one of these little ones who believes in me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone was hung around his neck and if he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

If you or I have ever caused someone to sin, now we could say, well, they have a responsibility not to sin. Well, it's true, but can we kind of push them to the edge? Can we create something that, their own human nature, it's too much and we know it's too much? It's a scary place to be if we've done that. He's saying, if we've done that, if we've caused others to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone was hung around his neck and if he were drowned in the depth of the sea. And he says, woe to the world because of offenses. For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes.

What if it's just not the hurt or the offense that we cause? What if it's not just a little bit of a sensitivity that we stirred? What if something that you or I have done has actually created anger in the other person that now they have to go and repent to God over? What if something you or I have done has not been able to withstand allowing bitterness to develop in their hearts? And they fall short of the standard that God has set them to live their lives by. And all because of our unwillingness to accept responsibility for our actions. Through the process of realizing that we are the offender, we must then realize that we haven't just hurt another person, but we've actually sinned before God. Therefore, because of our sin, we have a responsibility before God to then work towards reconciliation with our fellow man.

Let's look again at the Sermon in the Mount, this time in Matthew 5 and verse 23. I probably should have just encouraged you to put a marker here. You may still want to. I think we'll be back one more time to the Sermon here on the Mount. Matthew 5 and verse 23.

Another responsibility that we are given, that if we have a problem with a fellow brother, the order in which we are to resolve that. Matthew 5 and verse 23. Christ again says, Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Speaking of our relationship with God, the worship in which you and I serve our guy, and if you're wanting to come to church, or if you're wanting to do other things in the name of Jesus Christ, and you realize that you have an issue with a brother, go and fix that. Bar notes on this passage says, He that comes to worship his Maker filled with malice and hatred and envy, and at war with his brethren, is a hypocritical worshipper and must meet with God's displeasure. God is not deceived, and he will not be mocked. Again, that's from Barn's notes. The Barna study that I referenced at the beginning shared this paragraph in their research. They said, It says, Forgiveness is central to Christianity. It's what distinguishes it from any other religious faith. We are reconciled to God through Jesus' sacrifices, and in response, we should be agents of reconciliation in every aspect of our lives. If Christians struggle to extend or receive forgiveness, not only do their relationships suffer, the Church's witness is marred. Imagine that. Have you ever seen an attitude or knew? There are stories, I won't share names, of someone who would go to church, but then you saw them out in public, and then they saw a different side of them than you ever saw at church because they didn't realize you were there. That's happened in different times, different circles within the church. What does that leave you? What does that put in your mind? Or you see a horrible attitude in somebody at the checkout line, and then later find out that they proclaim to be a Christian.

We all have our shortcomings, we all make mistakes, but it's easy that we're reminded that this attitude of harboring ill will towards another person within our family or anywhere, what that means to our Christian beliefs or calling that you and I have, is this easy for us to do, to go to our brother, ask for forgiveness, to acknowledge our wrong? It's extremely difficult because our human nature wants us to hang on to our pride and not to give it up. But we know this attitude is not of God, but rather the deceiver and accuser of the brethren, Satan himself. This is his attitude of having pride. Put in your notes Proverbs 13 and verse 10. It says, When we hang on, as we heard in the sermon at, the opposite is the humility, bearing with one another, taking up the cross and in a humble way. That's the right way, but we know with pride comes nothing but strife. When we dig our heels in and avoid the internal pain and of admitting our sins to one that we've hurt, we really end up in the end only hurting ourselves. Our heart becomes hardened to our own sin and does not allow God's word or spirit to penetrate our hearts as effectively as it could before. People could even bring up to Scripture to you. People could bring Scripture and say, Well, God's word says how we're supposed to handle this disagreement. And some, because of the hardness, because of pride, some could say, I'm not going to hear it. No, I don't want to hear it. So it ends up hurting us in the end. So what does one to do with these feelings of pride that are made visible to our conscience? Again, from Mr. Petty's book, he says, the opposite of pride is humility. Humility begins with a heartfelt recognition of your own spiritual poverty before God. Again, remember, it starts with God. It starts with our recognition that we fall short before God. He goes on to say, Followed by admitting your natural hostility towards Him, confessing your disobedience to His law and wanting a change in your nature. It is only through Christ's crossing, the impassable chasm, that we can be reconciled to God. He did this while you and I were His enemies. This understanding of God's love motivates us to accept the ugliness of our sins, to seek God's forgiveness, and then to seek the forgiveness of those we have sinned against.

Let's turn back to the book of James 4 and verse 1. James 4 and verse 1.

Keeping this mindset of humility, the need that we must have to be humble. James says this in James 4 and verse 1. Sounds very much like hurt feelings and animosity between one another. He says, You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and you war, yet you do not have because you do not ask. You do not ask and do not receive because you ask amiss that you may spend it on your pleasures. Isn't this so much what we want when we're upset with someone else? We want our will be done. We want our emotions softened and petted.

So many times, this is where these wars and these fights come from because we want what we want. But in verse 6, he says, Do not speak evil of another one, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one lawgiver who is able to save and destroy. Who are you to judge another? He goes back to realizing where we stand between us and God at times. That we've fallen short. That we're worthy of God's wrath. We deserve that. But yet, through Christ's sacrifice, we can have that reconciliation with the Father. Therefore, he's saying, why are you judging one another without humility than any attempt at reconciliation will be in vain? It will be a wasted effort. We will walk away still with the sense that we, in some way, were right to have caused offense.

That's a tough one. When you want it, you go and you apologize, but in the back of your mind, you're still thinking, but I know I'm right.

We walk away still with the sense that we, in some way, were right to have caused offense. We will not be able to see the error in our ways. There's another stat from the BARNA research study entitled The Mercy Journey. It says, the majority of practicing Christians, 81%, believe that offering undeserved mercy to someone else is an action that God blesses. I think we could probably have a 100% agreement here. That offering undeserved mercy to someone else is an action that God blesses. The majority of practicing Christians agree with that. So if you truly want to reconcile with someone you have hurt, first, you must go to God and view yourself again from His wins. See yourself as God sees you, a flawed human being desperately needing God's mercy and grace. And at that point, you should have the humility then to go to your brother or sister and begin working in the process of restoring that relationship. Again, whether you are the one that was offended or hurt, or you were the one that hurt another, both approaches towards reconciliation first start with us and God. So only after we recognize our role and our shortcomings as being part of the problem, then we can invite God into the situation to help us resolve our conflict with another. It's just amazing how when you realize where the internal conflict stirs from, it stirs from our inability to just follow God's word as He has outlined. So many times, it's the root of our conflict with others. I've already read this from Mr. Petty's book, but it's worth repeating. He says, As we begin to wrap up, I would be amiss, though, if I didn't mention this sermon, even the best of us, it is a natural hostility towards God and a rejection of His instructions on how we live. We can solve nothing in life until we first deal with our personal conflict with God.

As we begin to wrap up, I would be amiss, though, if I didn't mention this sermon just scratches the surface on reconciliation and forgiveness. There are so many directions you can go in God's word about it. It's a topic you could study for the rest of your life and still always learn and grow in it. These are powerful principles that we review today for the most common hurts that we have in our lives when somebody says something mean to you, somebody does something that is upsetting to you and they should have known better, but they did it anyway. These principles apply to those types of hurts, but there are hurts that occur that we need to realize go much deeper or are of a much more chronic nature. Hurts that are not just a, you said something mean to me and that was insensitive. Some of us have suffered hurts, severe enough, we would benefit with professional help along with using these principles and other principles from God's word. Yes, God's word applies and would still be that help and that support and should be the basis of any professional help you seek, but professional help is also an important thing to consider. It takes inner strength to seek professional help when you have this type of a hurt that has been there for a long time or of such a large nature, but God can supply that strength when we open our lives to God and say, God, help me with this. I don't want to continue living with this hurt. I don't want to continue living in this direction and you realize the need to forgive and find reconciliation and find that peace and that God can bring to you. Sometimes we do need to seek professional help in these areas and so I want to make sure that this isn't just a one-shoe fits all. There are those situations in life where we do have to also seek other sources for help, allowing, again, God's word still to be the basis of why we do these things, but keep that in mind as well. Again, the real question of the day, must I forgive everyone?

Yep. We all must forgive everyone. It's an astounding yes. As with so much in life, we can't control the words or actions of others around us, but each of us get to choose how we will respond to life when it happens to us. Again, from Christ's Sermon on the Mount, this is in Matthew 2 and verse 1. This time, Matthew 5 and verse 2. Notice how each of these statements we're about to read can apply to each of us personally. You could insert your name, even in this passage, at multiple points. And seeing the multitudes, this is Matthew 5 verse 1, and seeing the multitudes, he went up on a mountain, and when he had seated, his disciples came to him. And this is how he started this sermon, the very first words. It says, Then he opened his mouth and taught them, saying, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. I can only answer for myself. I'd love my name to be inserted in this passage.

Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are put in your name. All the way down to blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the put in your name, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are the put your name right here, for they shall be called sons of God.

These things are not easy to do, what we read through and what we share today. Again, from that Barna Research study, I'm going to go through those stats again. With the mindset that we've now brought this sermon to a close, 38% have not received unconditional forgiveness. 38%. 27% identify someone they don't want to forgive. A little over a quarter of practicing Christians identify someone they don't want to forgive. 23%, almost 25% again, identify someone they can't forgive. Even though 28% of that group admit they wish they could do so. And 15% have never offered unconditional forgiveness. These are humbling stats when you consider the importance of forgiveness. Humble stats when we think through and realize that we have fallen short before God and we have begged for His mercy at times. We've repented multiple times. We've asked for forgiveness more times than we can count. And yet, we realize to be forgiven, we have to also be willing to forgive others. So as we wrap up and as we consider this topic today, must I forgive everyone? Yep. You and I, we have the tough road ahead of us. As Christians, as people created in the image of God with the truth and the knowledge that we have, yeah, we've got to put our big boy pants on, as some say. We've got to go down this path and we've got to because it's part of our Christian calling. God will help us. His Spirit will be with us as we open our lives to His motivation and His guidance in our lives. And with that, you and I can not only forgive those who've hurt us, but we can also forgive others.