Would Jesus Christ Pick Us for a Mate?

For over 20 years I have been studying all about courtship and marriage. I have read about how people go about picking their mates. I have compared mate selection among different cultures. And I have compared what I learned from my own experience regarding dating, courtship, and marriage.

Years ago I was working as a substitute high-school teacher while I was attending graduate school. One day I was teaching a class of at-risk students in what is called an “alternative learning environment.” This “alternative learning environment” or “ALE” for short is a separate small high school that specializes in small classes of students who are dealing with academic or social problems.

On this particular day the students were divided by gender – in the morning all the guys were brought into an auditorium and frank presentations were given about touchy or sensitive subjects. In the afternoon the high school girls were brought into the auditorium and those same subjects were covered by the same hired professional presenters.

One of the presenters was a psychologist was coming from Tulsa, Oklahoma, over two hours away. A big storm with tornadoes was passing through the area between Tulsa and Arkansas. The guest speaker was caught in the storm. She called and said she was unable to come to Arkansas for the presentation. Suddenly the school administrators had a problem – they had allotted one hour in the forenoon for the boys and one hour in the afternoon for the girls to hear this Tulsa expert’s presentation.

I could see that the school administrators were floundering -- desperate to figure out how to replace the Tulsa speaker with only an hour notice. So, I stepped up and said that I could give a slide-show presentation about mate selection. After all, the ALE students were more interested in the social aspects of coming to school rather than the intense desire for an academic education.

The administrators knew I was a university graduate student – and I had worked at that special needs ALE school many times. Frankly, I didn’t expect the school administrators to accept my offer. But to my surprise, the administrators said “Yes!” – and I had one hour to prepare a one hour PowerPoint slide show presentation.

During the presentation to students, I went over how people traditionally engaged in the haphazard mate selection process. The usually noisy students were silent and attentive. Then I covered a number of topics that would help the students to be a better mate for someone.

Today I am adapting the topic of mate selection for a church audience. The title of today’s message is “Would Jesus Christ Pick Us for a Mate?”

In a number of places in the Bible, marriage is likened to the Kingdom of God.

Matthew 22:2 “The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who arranged a marriage for his son,

Ephesians 5:22-33 v31 “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[e] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

As we study the Bible we come to understand that God has a plan of salvation for mankind lest mankind destroy himself as a result of man’s self-destructive tendencies that are fueled by Satanic rebellion against God.

Matthew 24:13 But he who endures to the end shall be saved.

v22 And unless those days were shortened, no flesh would be saved; but for the elect’s sake those days will be shortened.

The plan of God revealed in Scripture is that mankind has an opportunity to join the God-family in the coming Kingdom of God.

Galatians 3:29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

But, God doesn’t want just anybody in His kingdom. God wants those who desire to follow God’s ways of love and care for each other.

God uses a number of analogies to help us understand His plan. One analogy He uses is that of a new person being born into the family of God. A resurrected Jesus Christ is called the firstborn of many brethren.

Romans 8:29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Another analogy God uses is to liken the kingdom of God to a marriage. This marriage analogy is described as a marriage of the lamb – meaning a marriage of Jesus Christ to the church. We earlier referenced Matthew 22:2 and Ephesians 5:31.

It is this analogy of marriage that I want to examine today. For a marriage to occur, the groom must select a willing bride. Therefore, both the bride and the groom must meet each other’s expectations.

The church is pictured in the Bible as being the bride of Christ. Therefore, each of us is in the place of being a potential bride. Today I am only going to focus on the groom’s expectations by asking the question, “Would Jesus Christ Pick Us for a Mate?”

Matthew 25 The Parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins

25v1 “Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Now five of them were wise, and five were foolish. 3 Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, 4 but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. 5 But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept.

6 “And at midnight a cry was heard: ‘Behold, the bridegroom is coming;[a] go out to meet him!’ 7 Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. 8 And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps, are going out.’ 9 But the wise answered, saying, ‘No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.’ 10 And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut.

11 “Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open to us!’ 12 But he answered and said, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.’

13 “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour[b] in which the Son of Man is coming.

To make it easier to understand what a husband looks for in a wife, we must first understand the emotional needs of a man. The top emotional needs of men were researched and written in a book entitled, His Needs/Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley. This book has long been widely recommended within the church and is used by pastors in premarital counseling.

Dr. Harley found that of the ten top emotional needs of men and women, husbands commonly have the same top five emotional needs. Of course, individuals vary and so do their emotional needs. But today we are going to look at the top five most common needs of husbands, and we are going to see how we, as prospective brides of Christ, can fulfill those expectations as we model those expectations to the bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

Five needs of husbands

1. Intimacy

Personal closeness is critical for husbands. They want to be needed and they need to be wanted. When a couple gets married they start out in what we refer to as ‘wedded bliss” as they enjoy each other’s intimacy and closeness. As time passes some couples drift apart. They stop greeting each other at the door. They eat meals separately. And as they drift apart they have different sleeping schedules and intimacy fades into a distant memory. The husband feels frozen out of the relationship.

Let’s ask ourselves, how close are we to God?

I am sure we all know people who claim to be Christians, but they only attend church services a few times per year. I grew up in a Protestant community where many people were referred to as “C & E” Christians – those folks only attended church on Christmas and Easter. In contrast, we follow the Biblical seventh-day Sabbaths and annual holy days.

Dr. Harley’s research finds that Intimacy is a husband’s highest need – that he wants to be close to his wife. If we are to have a close, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, are we only close on Passover in the spring and the Day of Atonement in the fall? Of course, by the Biblical design of the annual holy day seasons, we are to focus on getting closer to God on those days. But what about the rest of the days? Can we imagine a romantic couple who appear to be happily married but in reality only become intimate a couple of times per year?

There is a difference in acting like we are close to God as compared to actually being emotionally close to God. The Pharisees proclaimed their righteousness by pointing out that they fasted twice per week, tithed precisely, and make regular offerings. Yet, what did Christ say about them? He called them hypocrites – because their hearts were not close to God.

Matthew 23:1 Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, 2 saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. 3 Therefore whatever they tell you to observe,[a] that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. 4 For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. 5 But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. 6 They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, 7 greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, ‘Rabbi, Rabbi.’ 8 But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ,[b] and you are all brethren. 9 Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. 10 And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. 11 But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

13 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in. 14 Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation.[c]

15 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.

16 “Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘Whoever swears by the temple, it is nothing; but whoever swears by the gold of the temple, he is obliged to perform it.’ 17 Fools and blind! For which is greater, the gold or the temple that sanctifies[d] the gold? 18 And, ‘Whoever swears by the altar, it is nothing; but whoever swears by the gift that is on it, he is obliged to perform it.’ 19 Fools and blind! For which is greater, the gift or the altar that sanctifies the gift? 20 Therefore he who swears by the altar, swears by it and by all things on it. 21 He who swears by the temple, swears by it and by Him who dwells[e] in it. 22 And he who swears by heaven, swears by the throne of God and by Him who sits on it.

23 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. 24 Blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!

25 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence.[f] 26 Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.

27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. 28 Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

29 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous, 30 and say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.’

31 “Therefore you are witnesses against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. 32 Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers’ guilt. 33 Serpents, brood of vipers! How can you escape the condemnation of hell? 34 Therefore, indeed, I send you prophets, wise men, and scribes: some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will scourge in your synagogues and persecute from city to city, 35 that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah, son of Berechiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36 Assuredly, I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation.

2. Recreational companionship

There is an interesting survey in the appendix of the His Needs/Her Needs book. The survey lists dozens of possible recreational interests that a couple might share. ¬A couple looking to get married goes through the list of recreational activities to identify areas of mutual interest. How excited would a groom be to get married if he discovers that the potential bride has no particular interest in what is really important to him?

What about us? How interested are we in the creative plan of God? Do we take God with us in all of our activities? Do we do what God wants us to do? Do we take our relationship with God to the feast days?

3. Attractiveness.

A groom wants to be pleased to show off his bride. He is proud of who he selected. He is proud of who she is. In response, the bride makes herself ready for the wedding. She puts herself forward to be the best she can be on her wedding day. ¬¬¬ Everything has to be just so. Her hair is done up. She is wearing a wedding gown. Great care is taken with details in order to have not just a memorable wedding, but a loving marriage.

Jesus Christ also wants his bride to be attractive. When someone walks in the door, are we an attractive congregation such that visitors would want to be with us? Do we have loving characteristics that others find welcoming?

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

How will Christ know if we are properly dressed for the wedding?

John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this, all will know that you are My disciples if you have love for one another.”

4. Domestic support

It is no surprise to many that husbands look for domestic support. They relish the peace, quiet, and comfort of a loving home. Home is a safe destination because there is a lack of strife. Husbands and wives work out a fair division of household chores. They each assume responsibilities that are not the other spouse’s preference.

As a potential mate for Jesus Christ, do we participate in fulfilling the mission that God has for us?

Preach the gospel

Matthew 24:14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations, and then the end will come.

Prepare the people

Matthew 28:18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go therefore[c] and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.[d]

Do we do our part? Are we engaged in the work that Jesus Christ set out for us to do? Are our hearts and bodies engaged in preaching the gospel of the Kingdom of God and the preparation of those whom God has called to His family?

5. Admiration

Another emotional need that physical husband’s need is admiration. This builds up the husband’s confidence.

Do we appreciate and admire what Jesus Christ has done for us?

John 3:14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so, must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in Him should not perish but[b] have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

We don’t need to admire what Christ has done for us because Jesus Christ needs our admiration. Instead, we need to admire the sacrifice of Jesus Christ because it helps us to appreciate our calling – our calling to enter the kingdom of God – to become a part of the very family of God.

Without the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to redeem us from our sins, we would simply perish for all time. No hope of a resurrection. No hope of eternal life. No hope of ultimate happiness. Just the temporary pleasures and pains of this life.

1 Corinthians 15:19

If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.

_____________

Five Top Expectations of Husbands:

• Intimacy
• Recreational companionship
• Attractiveness
• Domestic support
• Admiration

_____________

When we as potential brides of Christ strive to fulfill the expectations of Christ, our efforts result in building our faithfulness to God. We strengthen the bonds of our calling.

There are two other characteristics that a groom looks for in a wife – and I posit that Jesus Christ expects in us if we are to be His bride:

1. Faithfulness

Marriage ceremony – setting aside all others.

A husband is not too attracted to a wife who is unfaithful. And we know that unfaithfulness is a common mistake of mankind. A shocking statistic I came across reveals that 25% of children whose DNA was tested turned out to not have the same biological father who was listed on their birth certificates.

Not only is it important to be faithful to one’s spouse, but also for an unmarried person to be faithful to his or her future spouse.

Some men remember the women they could not attract. Focus on rejection.

Some women remember the men they could have had. Focus on comparative disrespect.

First commandment – We read in Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5: You shall have no other gods before me.

Just as husbands focus only on their wives, so should Christians maintain their focus on their calling to be the faithful bride of Christ.

Faithfulness means Commitment

Pastor Ozzie Engelbart told my wife and me during our pre-marital counseling that “Commitment will get you through times of less love more than love will get you through times of less commitment.”

How committed are we to our relationship with Jesus Christ?

Faithfulness means submission to God – not practicing independent behavior

Do things our own way…without consulting God…

Jude 1:11 Woe to them! For they have gone in the way of Cain, have run greedily in the error of Balaam for profit, and perished in the rebellion of Korah.

Each of these men claimed to worship God. Each of them took it upon themselves to avoid submission to God while convincing themselves that they were still doing a good thing. Each of them tried to justify doing something wrong by claiming that their own independent behavior was somehow Godly when it was not.

______________

2) Vocabulary

The Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation through its Human Engineering Laboratory in Boston, Massachusetts, has been testing English vocabulary levels since 1922. They have discovered that people separate into different social groups that have different vocabulary levels.

All English words can be placed in order from easiest to hardest. By the age of three, we already know 50% of the words that we commonly use in life. By the age of ten, we know 90% of the words we use in life.

As a high school teacher, I note that students separate into social groups based upon their vocabulary levels. They don’t realize this phenomenon, but as their teacher, I can see that the high vocabulary students hang out together and the lower vocabulary students hang out together.

The higher vocabulary students tend to do well and stay out of trouble. In contrast, the lower vocabulary students tend to have lower academic performance and they more often break school rules.

Another interesting discovery is that people with the lowest vocabulary spend more time in jail. 70% of inmates cannot read and write well enough to fill out a job application. Those with stronger vocabularies generally are regularly employable and as a result, have more financial stability.

The Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation also discovered an interesting phenomenon:

A leading indicator of divorce is when couples have a different vocabulary level. If couples are talking to one another but not understanding each other, friction is bound to develop.

Vocabulary is not an inherited trait. We can always improve our vocabulary.

Similarly, we can improve our knowledge of God’s word. We are gathered here together on the Sabbath to worship God because we have a common use of God’s Word. We have examined the Bible as the Word of God – and we have that common understanding of the truths of God.

However, we must ask ourselves, “How is our biblical literacy?” Do we study the word of God so we can speak with knowledge and understanding? Would we be able to carry on an intelligent conversation with Jesus Christ? Are we striving to improve our understanding of the Bible so that we can be prepared to be the bride of Christ?

II Timothy 2v15 Study to show yourself approved to God, (KJV)

2 Timothy 2:15 NKJV Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Today we have looked at the Five Top Needs of Husbands:

• Intimacy
• Recreational companionship
• Attractiveness
• Domestic support
• Admiration

We have examined how meeting those expectations leads us to faithfulness to both physical husbands and to prepare us to be faithful to Jesus Christ.

And finally, we have looked at vocabulary – the development of our use of the Bible – the increase of our understanding of God’s word as we prepare to become the bride of Christ.

Every day let us prepare to be the bride of Christ so that we can answer positively the following question, “Would Jesus Christ Pick Us for a Mate?"