Should you save sex for marriage?
Many teens and young adults are torn between strong arguments for it and against it.
Some years ago, as I formed and solidified my own beliefs and convictions about this subject, I stumbled upon a book titled Sex, Love, or Infatuation: How Can I Really Know? by Dr. Ray E. Short, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of Wisconsin in Platteville. Dr. Short was a speaker who was popular to college students and school assemblies. Although it was originally published in the 1960s, I think you would still find this book encouraging and enlightening.
He titled chapter 10: “To Be or Not to Be—A Virgin.” According to Dr. Short, science had established 11 facts—backed up by solid research—regarding the probable effect of premarital sex on your future marriage:
FACT 1: Premarital sex tends to break up couples.
FACT 2: Many men and women do not want to marry a person who has had intercourse with someone else.
FACT 3: Those who have premarital sex tend to have less happy marriages.
FACT 4: Those who have premarital sex are more likely to have their marriage end in divorce.
FACT 5: Persons and couples who have had premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well.
FACT 6: Having premarital sex may fool you into marrying a person who is not right for you.
FACT 7: Persons and couples with premarital sex experience tend to achieve sexual satisfaction sooner after they are married. However…
FACT 8: They are likely to be less satisfied overall with their sex life during marriage.
FACT 9: Poor premarital sexual habits can be carried over to spoil sex in marriage.
FACT 10: Guilt may push a couple into a bad marriage.
FACT 11: Premarital sex robs a couple of “sexual cement.”
Facts are still facts. My point is simply this: Premarital sex just isn’t smart. There are more disadvantages to premarital sex than what society leads us to believe . Dr. Short doesn’t preach or moralize, but his conclusions clearly confirm the teachings of the One who invented sex in the first place—it was God’s idea. In the Bible, He inspired the writing of these three powerful verses [among many]:
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled , for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4 Hebrews 13:4Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
American King James Version×, English Standard Version, emphasis added throughout).
“He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself . He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32-33 Proverbs 6:32-33 32 But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding: he that does it destroys his own soul.
33 A wound and dishonor shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
American King James Version×, ESV).
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his [or her] own body ” (1 Corinthians 6:18 1 Corinthians 6:18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body.
American King James Version×, ESV).
Aside from the obvious risks of STDs (including AIDS) and unwanted pregnancies, there are those not-so-obvious elements of suffering, betrayal, heartache, remorse, shame and guilt. How often do they show those things in most portrayals of premarital (and extramarital) sex on TV and in movies today? Those few moments of pleasure are just not worth a lifetime of grief and regret.
After getting all the facts, I made the decision some years ago to save sex for my future marriage—a tough and unpopular decision, especially for a guy. But I am convinced I will not regret it.
If you think vertically and go God’s way, it will be true happiness and pure joy. And you will never regret it!
You’ll find helpful information on saving sex and preparing for a wonderful marriage in the free booklet Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension .