10 Lessons From 10 Years of Marriage

My wife and I just celebrated our 10-year anniversary. It’s been a fantastic adventure. Yes, we’ve had ups and downs, but the ups have been the majority and a blessing to share together. I’d like to share some of the things we’ve learned along our journey.

10. You can’t be everything to each other

Husbands aren’t the same as girlfriends, and guys need a night out with the guys. Life is good together with the one you love, but you can’t fill every role that we need as social beings. Go out with your friends occasionally. It takes the pressure off of your spouse when you understand this concept.

9. Choose to trust

Trust is absolutely necessary. Learn to not be suspicious of your spouse. Be vulnerable in the amount of trust you give. It’s liberating. Always being on guard is not healthy for your relationship.

8. Give each other the benefit of the doubt

Mistakes happen. We're human. Love your spouse despite their growth areas. If you need to make changes, do it. Don’t take advantage of your spouse's patience.

7. Learn to enjoy your time with each other’s friends  

You should learn to love each other’s friends. Relationships are hard if you can’t stand each other’s social circles. Your social life is part of you and you need to learn to be a part of your mate’s social circles.

6. Have fun

Life is too short to spend it working all the time and taking yourself too seriously. Go out on dates. Enjoy life together.

5. Pray together during the hard times

If you are struggling, pray together. Don’t pray and talk to God about only the things you think your spouse is okay hearing. Be vulnerable in your prayers, openly talking to God when you pray together.

4. Observe couples who have been married longer than you

If they’re still together and happy, there is a lot you can learn from them. You are not an expert yet. Take notes from those wiser than you.

3. People feel loved in different ways

If you haven’t read Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, you should. It will open up a world of understanding in knowing how your wife or husband feels love the most.

2. Yield to each other's needs so you both are fulfilled

When marriages work the best, each person is putting the other person first. If you both do that you will be fulfilled. You will feel loved and satisfied in what you are each receiving in the relationship.

1. Remember, your promise to each other was also a promise with God

You make two promises to God in your lifetime. One is when you are baptized. The other is your marriage promise. Your promise is not just to your spouse, it is also to God. Covenant is not a word we use today, but it’s what marriage is. It’s a promise between you, your spouse and God. When you remember that you will have a foundation for a happy marriage that will last.