Finding Solitude in Our Crazy-Busy, Overscheduled World

God designed us to depend on and enjoy the company of other people. We’re told in Genesis 2:18 that “it is not good that man should be alone.” In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Solomon observes that two are better than one so we can have that counsel and support when we need it. Most of us want to share our lives with other people. We’re generally social creatures. For me personally, my interactions with friends, family and oftentimes even with strangers make me feel energized and happy.

That said, we also need regular time for solitude. This might not be a word we use a lot in our daily vernacular, but simply put, solitude is the intentional, but temporary, withdrawal from the distractions and noise in our lives so that we can be alone.

Solitude should not be confused with loneliness. When we’re lonely, we’re isolated or disconnected from others not by choice, and we feel sad or empty because of it. Solitude, on the other hand, is a positive experience, providing us with the physical and mental rejuvenation that we need.

For Christians in particular, solitude is usually understood as the practice of being alone so that we can have time to pray, meditate, study the Bible and seek God’s clarity and direction for our lives. This leads to spiritual rejuvenation.

The Bible certainly supports the practice of solitude. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” To be still basically means to stop our regular activities, rest and fixate our minds on God so that we can be at peace. Basically, this verse is telling us to make time for solitude.

We can read about numerous Bible figures who did this. That includes Moses, who traveled up to Mount Sinai to be alone with God, where he received the Ten Commandments (Exodus 34:28). David wrote in Psalm 42:1-2 that his soul “pants” and “thirsts” for God, and asked where he could go to meet with Him, suggesting that David felt a deep longing for God and sought solitude to find Him. Elijah experienced solitude in the wilderness, where God provided for him and spoke to him in a whispering voice (1 Kings 19:4-12). Daniel went to his private room at least three times a day to pray (Daniel 6:10-13). The ultimate example is Jesus Christ, who frequently withdrew to solitary locations where He could seek His Father’s guidance (Matthew 14:13; Mark 1:35; Luke 5:16, 6:12-13).

Of course, in our hectic and hurried modern world, alone time isn’t always easy to come by. Our schedules are chaotic. We’re crazy-busy—all the time. We’ve got career ladders to climb, businesses to keep afloat, children to raise, classes to attend, appointments to keep, meetings to go to, errands to run, housework to do, and on and on. We might have so many demands on our time that we’ve convinced ourselves there’s no way to ever get off the treadmill of life and be alone and “do nothing.”

Very often, even if we do find ourselves with some downtime, we immediately fill it by engaging with our digital devices. So if we’re waiting in the airport to board a flight or we’re on our lunch break at work, we reach for our smartphones to keep us occupied. Most people are rarely without various forms of stimuli filling the empty spaces in their lives.

But none of this negates the fact that having a certain amount of quiet or “alone time” is vital to our physical, mental and spiritual well-being. So, while God created us to need companionship, and staying active is certainly good for us, we also need some solitude.

The benefits of solitude

Here are five big reasons why we should incorporate “solitude time” into our daily schedules:

1. It can facilitate a deeper relationship with God.

Two of the primary uses of our solitude time are to pray and do our Bible study. When we pray, we are talking to God, and when we read the Bible, God is communicating to us. We need that two-way communication to build a relationship with God. Just as is true with our relationships with other people, we won’t have a close connection with God if we don’t regularly communicate with Him and have one-on-one time with Him. The Bible assures us that God will reciprocate when we seek Him. James 4:8 says to “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” In other words, we will have a close connection.

2. It can foster a deeper understanding of Scripture and strengthen our reliance on God.

Another important use of our “alone time” is to be able to meditate on God’s Word. To meditate entails thinking deeply and carefully about Scripture, trying to better understand God’s underlying intentions for His commands, why these precepts are important and how to apply them to our lives. It can also involve reflecting on God’s awesome glory and strength, His promises and blessings, and the ways He’s intervened in our lives, all of which provides us with real peace of mind and deepens our dependence on Him. Biblical meditation is vital to our spiritual health and necessary if we are going to have an in-depth understanding of Scripture.

3. It can help us learn more about ourselves.

Alone time can also be used for periodically examining ourselves. Lamentations 3:40 encourages this practice: “Let us search out and examine our ways, and turn back to the LORD.” In 2 Corinthians 13:5, the Apostle Paul admonishes believers to “Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” To examine ourselves means to reflect on our spiritual condition, to help determine if we need to realign our lifestyles and priorities. It includes assessing our relationship with God and identifying character flaws that we should be working on.

4. It can provide clarity to our problems.

Some of our solitude time might not be used for directly “spiritual” reasons but it is still very beneficial. We might just want to give ourselves a few minutes to rest and mull over a particular situation we’re facing. This allows us to process our emotions and proactively figure out a solution to whatever is causing us angst.

Maybe we’re struggling with a “people problem” or work challenge. Perhaps we just feel unsettled or irritable and don’t really know why. If I find myself in any of these mental states, I’ll allow myself some quiet time, even for just 10-15 minutes, where I can be alone and think. Doing so helps me see what the root problem might be, and what needs to happen to turn the situation around.

Not many people seem to do this today. We’re often in a rush and pressed for time, so we react to potentially tense situations, rather than take the time to think in advance about what we should say or do. The problem is, when we respond “off the cuff,” our words or actions are often destructive and only escalate the tension. But if we take some time to plan ahead how we might handle an encounter with a foe, we can often prevent scuffles from happening.

And if what’s bothering us isn’t a people problem, but just a mental challenge, solitude can help with that too. A friend of mine who is a business owner says when she’s unsure about handling a predicament of some kind, she will withdraw to her office and shut the door, and very often the answer comes to her.

5. It can improve our relationships with other people.

While it may seem counter-intuitive, alone time can actually strengthen our connections with family and friends. None of us have unlimited levels of strength and vigor. Our daily struggles and challenges can drain us of our energy and make us short-tempered. That’s when we need some downtime—even if all we do is sit quietly in a chair, relax and rest our minds. Research studies have found that solitude puts us in a “low-arousal” state, which helps calm us down and puts us in a more peaceful state of mind. When we feel rejuvenated and refreshed, it makes us easier to get along with.

Making solitude happen

Ironically, it’s when life gets hurried and we need solitude the most, that it can seem impossible to incorporate it into our lifestyles. Still, we must make time for it. What follows are six ways to carve out more time for solitude:

1. Set aside a daily time slot for prayer and Bible study.

Because most people tend to be very busy, we probably won’t stumble into solitude just by accident. We need to take the initiative to make it happen. For me, prayer and Bible study time tend to be most fruitful early in the morning when I feel most rested, before I get busy with the activities of the day. A lot of my “night owl” friends, on the other hand, prefer the late-night slot, after other family members have gone to sleep. The point is to find a time that works for you and get it into your daily planner. The more you stick to this schedule, the more likely it becomes a habit. Of course, if no time slots seem to work, you probably need to reevaluate your time commitments so that you can find a slot to focus on God.

This isn’t to say that the only time we should pray or read the Bible is at one designated time each day. There might be additional times during the day, too, when at least a short prayer is warranted. But we should plan for at least a certain amount of prayer time to happen at a regular time each day.

2. Designate a physical space where you can retreat for solitude.

Matthew 6:6 (NASB) says “When you pray, go into your inner room, close your door, and pray to your Father who is in secret.” Choose a quiet, secluded place in your home where you can pray, read the Bible or ponder whatever is on your mind. This might be a corner in your den or bedroom, or even a walk-in closet. Having a dedicated and private space to retreat can make us more intentional about solitude.

3. Eliminate distractions.

Silence phone notifications and put away your digital devices when you’re in “solitude mode.” Most of us jump up and check our phones as soon as we hear it ding. However, if we’re praying or studying Scripture, we need to give God our full attention. And even if we’re just reflecting on the events of the day, we won’t accomplish nearly as much if we’re continually sidetracked with our smartphones.

4. For variation, move some of your solitude breaks outdoors when the weather is warm and pleasant.

Sit on your porch or deck and listen to the birds or watch the wildlife. Or, if you live near a park, woods or nature trail, take a stroll there. I live by a lake and enjoy sitting on our swinging bench and taking in the water views while I mull over whatever’s on my mind or do some Bible study. Observing the created world around us, even just for a few minutes, can help remind us that we have our Creator to lean on. The Psalmists often did this, contrasting the wonder of God’s creation with the smallness of mankind (Psalms 8:3-5; Psalms 19:1; Psalms 104:1-35).

5. Give yourself “permission” to take other, non-scheduled “solitude breaks.”

Don’t feel guilty about giving yourself some “alone time” when you need it, even during a busy day and particularly if you need to sort through your thoughts during a stressful situation. If you’re at work, you might shut your office door or go out to your car and sit down with your eyes closed and rest for a few minutes. That may be just the physical and mental rejuvenation you need to get you through the rest of the day, and you may find yourself feeling a little more productive afterward.

6. Don’t take solitude to an unhealthy extreme.

Sometimes people misuse solitude as an excuse to avoid dealing with people altogether or patching up misunderstandings. This is not in alignment with biblical principles. As was noted in the introduction, we need the company of others—that includes extroverts, like myself, who really crave “people time,” but introverts, too, need companionship.

Solitude is constructive when it directs our thoughts toward God, and helps us see how we can improve ourselves and any difficult circumstances we may be facing. Solitude serves a vital purpose, but shouldn’t be the norm for how we live. Our alone time needs to be properly managed. It should not be used to escape the realities of life. Balance is the key.