Can You Pass the Marshmallow Test?

The little boy had an interesting choice. He'd been given a marshmallow, a sweet treat he really enjoyed. Then he was told that he could eat it right away or, if he would refrain from eating it, he would be given an extra one to eat. To receive a second marshmallow, all he had to do was wait a few minutes. What choice would he make? What choice would you make?

As preposterous as it may sound, some aspects of life are like marshmallow tests. The longer we wait, the better our reward. While delaying personal gratification can be beneficial in many ways, let me illustrate two areas that have special significance for young people.

One of the first real-life marshmallow tests comes when we start maturing and notice the opposite sex. As we enter puberty, the time when our bodies become capable of reproducing, it seems as though a traffic light that used to be red has suddenly turned green. The opposite sex, whom we used to consider irrelevant, now suddenly becomes immensely attractive.

The hormones activated by the onslaught of puberty hit our brains full force. Some of us are described as suddenly becoming boy-crazy or girl-crazy. It is a time of great excitement as we discover that we are sexual beings with a natural attraction to the opposite sex. Along with the excitement, we encounter raging emotions over our attractiveness or lack thereof. Some of us lose much valuable time worrying whether he or she "loves me or loves me not."

It is a wondrous time. As Agur said, "There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the midst of the sea, and the way of a man with a virgin" (Proverbs 30:18-19).

Marshmallows and sex

So, "Where is the marshmallow test?" you ask. The test comes in delaying sexual intercourse until marriage. You see, sex is good. God Himself made us sexual beings with a natural attraction to the opposite sex. After creating us male and female, God described His entire creation as being "very good" (Genesis 1:27, 31). He says that sex between a husband and wife is "honorable" (Hebrews 13:4). But God also says that we shouldn't commit fornication—that is, have sex prior to marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Avoiding fornication is a clear case of delayed gratification. Even though sex is good, God expects us to wait until we are married to experience this joy. It is simply a matter of timing. As King Solomon wrote, "To everything there is a season... a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5).

Unfortunately, many young people today enjoy sexual relations prior to marriage—they eat their marshmallow now instead of waiting. Given the not-so-subtle messages from modern media and entertainment, some young people don't realize there is a better choice. Those who practice fornication unfortunately choose the pleasure of the moment over the better rewards that could have been theirs later, if they had only waited.

Rewards for avoiding fornication

And what are the rewards of waiting to have sex until you are married? There are at least three. First, you will be obeying God—a course of action that is always the best choice because God rewards such behavior (Proverbs 13:13). God knows everything that we do and as Job acknowledged, God "repays man according to his work, and makes man to find a reward according to his way" (Job 34:11). Of course, if we sin, we can repent (stop sinning) and God respects this, too (Luke 15:7; James 4:8-10).

The next two rewards for avoiding fornication are physical rewards documented by research. Sociologists report that those who wait to have sex until they are married are more likely to have marriages that last. God intended sexual relations to be a special bond between a husband and wife, and when two people save themselves as virgins for each other, they have demonstrated character and respect for their future mate and for the institution of marriage that will add to the stability of their marriage.

In addition to the likelihood of a long-lasting marriage, those who maintain their virginity until married avoid the more than 20 sexually transmitted infections (STIs) plaguing our modern societies. According to the World Health Organization, "Global HIV, viral hepatitis epidemics and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) continue to pose significant public health challenges, causing 2.5 million deaths each year."

To get an idea of the scope of this problem, the CDC estimates that one in five Americans has a sexually transmitted disease. Waiting to have sex until we are married is definitely a marshmallow test. Those who wait reap a reward.

Marshmallows and money

Delayed gratification is also an important factor in money management. Understanding how the marshmallow test applies in the financial world is pretty easy once we learn how interest works. Let's assume that you are in your first year in college and you've received your first credit card (since many lenders target credit cards to young people once they are enrolled in college). You decide that you want to buy a new iPhone which costs about $800. As for money, you don't have any right now, but you plan on getting a part-time job next month to earn some spending money.

Now you must make a decision. Will you buy the phone with your credit card with an interest rate of 20 percent per year or will you wait until you have saved up your money? If you are willing to wait until you have the cash in hand, you'll be further ahead financially. Here's the difference: if you put the phone on your credit card and only make minimal payments (something that will likely happen, especially if you don't get the job you are hoping to land), you'll pay for the phone plus interest that could amount to an additional $160 or more, depending on how long you take to pay. In other words, if you waited until you had the same amount of cash in hand, you could buy the phone plus a set of airpods.

The same principle of receiving greater reward for delayed gratification holds true for cars, appliances, food, etc.—anything we buy on credit. Waiting until we can afford to pay cash means we are further ahead financially. While the example of purchasing a phone only amounts to the difference of a few accessories, over the course of a lifetime, all these small amounts paid as interest can make a sizable impact on your financial standing.

Again, those who wait are rewarded for doing so. For more information on money management, read our free study aid, Managing Your Finances.

Now about that marshmallow test

The marshmallow test described at the beginning of this article was an actual research study conducted on 4-year-olds by Walter Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s. The results of those tests on 4-year-olds showed that those who were able to wait for the second marshmallow, were in later life "more socially competent: personally effective, self-assertive, and better able to cope with the frustrations of life . . . And, more than a decade later, they were still able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals" (Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, pp. 81-82).

Those who didn't wait for the second marshmallow were by adolescence more likely "to be stubborn and indecisive; to be easily upset by frustrations . . . immobilized by stress . . . prone to jealousy and envy; to overreact to irritations with a sharp temper, so provoking arguments and fights. And, after all those years, they still were unable to put off gratification" (ibid., p. 82).

Having the character to resist a desire on the basis of principle or for greater reward is something we can develop at any age, and it always pays. It is true with God and it is true with life. Will you pass the marshmallow test? If you'd like to learn more about how to live in order to receive God's greatest blessings, read our free study aid, Making Life Work.