Ephesians Part 33

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Here Paul turns to address the duties of husbands, and in doing so, he elevates the role to a spiritual calling of the highest order. In the Greco-Roman world, it was well understood that wives owed duties to their husbands, yet the idea that husbands bore equal responsibility toward their wives was virtually unknown. Into this cultural setting, God’s Word was revolutionary. It did not merely regulate marriage; it redeemed it. It established a foundation rooted not in dominance or hierarchy, but in self-sacrificing love. 

The Expositor’s Bible Commentary observes that one word sums up the wife’s calling— “submit”—and one word sums up the husband’s—“love.” The term Paul chooses, agapao, is not the love of passion (eros) or even familial affection (philia). It is the highest form of love, agape, the kind that reflects God’s own character. This kind of love is intentional, self-giving and unconditional. It does not demand; it serves. It does not manipulate; it blesses. It is the kind of love that originates in heaven and flows into the human heart by the Spirit of God. 

In Colossians 3:19, Paul elaborates, saying, 

“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (English Standard Version). 

In a society where harshness was often expected and excused, this command was radical. Paul draws once again upon the comparison between marriage and Christ’s relationship with the Church. Just as Christ loved His bride, the Church, to the point of death, so too is the husband called to love his wife with the same kind of devotion and sacrifice. On the cross, our Lord gave Himself up for His bride. His love was not abstract; it was proven through suffering and surrender. 

This love is transformative. Christ loved the Church “that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word” (Ephesians 5:26). The imagery recalls both the mikveh—a ceremonial washing associated with purity and preparation for marriage—and the act of baptism, in which believers are washed clean and set apart for God. It also echoes the moment when Christ washed the feet of His disciples in John 13:14, teaching by example that true leadership expresses itself through humility and service. 

The husband’s love should have the same purifying effect. His leadership should help his wife grow into her God-given potential. It should create safety, not fear; honor, not humiliation; dignity, not oppression. The love God has in mind for the husband is to sacrifice and serve with the view to enable his wife to become what God has intended her to be. This is the essence of agape. It seeks the other’s good before its own. 

Paul continues, 

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). 

In this metaphor, Paul moves from the lofty standard of divine love to a truth every person can understand. Just as we instinctively care for our own bodies—feeding, protecting and nurturing them—so a husband should naturally care for his wife. The two are no longer separate entities but one flesh. Her joy, her peace and her wellbeing are his own. A husband who loves his wife well is, in effect, loving himself. 

This truth also reminds us that harmony within marriage is a shared responsibility. Common sayings such as “Happy wife, happy life” or “Happy spouse, happy house” point to the reality that peace within the home depends on the health of the relationship. Women are often the barometer of that relational climate. When she feels cherished, secure and valued, the home flourishes. When she is neglected or dishonored, the atmosphere of the entire household suffers. 

Paul goes on, 

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church” (Ephesians 5:29).

Christ nourishes His people; He tends to their needs, provides for their growth and strengthens them with His Word. The husband’s care for his wife is meant to reflect that same attentiveness. Love is not passive; it requires awareness, tenderness and consistent nurture. 

“For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones” (Ephesians 5:30). 

These words take us back to the language of Genesis, where Adam, upon seeing Eve for the first time, declared, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). Marriage is a divine union, a joining of two lives into one. It is both physical and spiritual, creating a partnership that mirrors the unity of Christ and His Church. 

Paul affirms this with the quotation, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31, quoting Genesis 2:24). Marriage, then, is not a human invention but a divine institution. It is to be desired, prepared for and honored. A man must grow into this calling, leaving behind immaturity and self-centeredness. He must “build his house,” both figuratively and literally, preparing himself to lead with strength and faith. 

Satan has long sought to destroy or distort this sacred institution. He attacks marriage because it reflects God’s image and purpose in the world. The union of husband and wife, joined in love and faith, is a living testimony of Christ’s relationship with His Church. This is why believers must guard against counterfeit versions of love—those that promise pleasure but deliver pain, that glorify self rather than sacrifice. 

Paul concludes, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32). Indeed, marriage is a living parable, a visible reflection of the invisible bond between the Savior and His people. Christ’s love for His Church is unwavering, eternal and complete. The marriage covenant is meant to mirror that divine relationship, showing the world what love that is faithful, pure and enduring truly looks like. 

“Nevertheless,” Paul writes, “let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Love and respect are the twin pillars of a healthy marriage. Husbands are reminded to love because love does not come naturally to prideful hearts. Wives are reminded to respect because respect, too, requires faith and humility. Both love and respect are expressions of mutual submission and devotion. 

Emerson Eggerichs, in his book Love and Respect, observes that a wife’s greatest need is to feel cherished, while a husband’s greatest need is to feel honored. When these two needs are met, a beautiful cycle of blessings begins; when they are neglected, a painful cycle of frustration ensues. 

In the end, Paul’s teaching brings us full circle. The standard for marriage is the relationship between Christ and His Church. Christ gave everything for His bride, and He calls husbands and wives alike to follow in His footsteps. This is not partial or conditional commitment; it is complete. Christ’s love was proven in His willingness to die. The question, then, comes to us: Are we willing to die to ourselves, to set aside pride, comfort and self-interest, in order to love as He loved? 

UYA Team | uya@ucg.org  

United Young Adults (UYA) primarily serves the 18–32-year age group for the United Church of God. There are three main areas of contribution to the lives of the young adults: Promoting Spiritual Growth, Developing Meaningful Relationships and Making the Most of Your Talents. The Know Your Sword series is a daily expository message introducing God’s Word from a trusted perspective.