The Addictive Nature of Gossip

From time to time, we do need to address the words that we speak, because our master, our Savior, told us that the words we speak, the same will judge us the latter day. We are accountable. We are responsible for what we say. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So, there are a number of abuses of the use of the tongue that we could discuss, but I do want to focus on gossip. There is lying. There is exaggeration. A lot of times, we tend to kind of glamorize and color the story and make it a little bit bigger. Anyone who's ever fished has done that. I've done that.

But gossip, and in looking at the topic, I want to discuss the addictive side of gossip. Maybe we don't focus on that, but you know, in part, that is true of any sin.

There is an addiction that comes with any sin, if we repeat it, and it becomes habitual, it becomes a part of our life. We have certain traits that we can follow with someone who is addicted to a substance, whether it's an illicit drug, whether it's alcohol, whether it's...

Oh, why don't we meddle today? Whether it's sugar, whether it's caffeine. There are traits of addictions, and we find that those carry over into sin of any type as well. We begin going down that, you know, like they say in that one commercial, denial is not just a river in Egypt. We deny. We're self-deluded. We're blinded to our own sin until the calling of God somewhere along the line, we snap out of it and we see what we couldn't see before. And I think it behooves us to address gossip from that point of view, because the guilty person, and who is he? Every last one of us. I gave this sermon last week and a number of times during the week. I caught myself in speaking with someone thinking, you shouldn't have been telling that person what you were just saying. I can cast no stones. None of us can. But the guilty often doesn't see it, or even will deny it and try to cover it up and continue in the sin. It has been said that there's no better way to start a conflict than to start spreading gossip. Governments do that. Armies locked, engaged in battle, do that. They put out this misinformation. Hitler had his propaganda minister. Let me give you a couple of definitions. This is a day for definitions. First of all, the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, the word gossip. A person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others. Now, the Bible is filled with statements that if we give praise, if we are thankful for someone, so many of the apostles in writing their letters, John would begin a letter, Peter, Paul would begin a letter. Paul said, I thank God for every remembrance of you. Or they might mention, someone came through and how they rejoiced to hear that you're holding fast to the truth. We covered that in Bible studies as far as the second and third letters of John. He had heard and he rejoiced at how wonderful it was to know that they were holding on to the truth. But then there's that other side. There are words that tear down. So, a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others. Now, another definition from a different dictionary, the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, word gossip. Rumor or talk of a personal or intimate manner. It also said that, as far as a noun, a gossip is a person who habitually spreads intimate private rumors or facts. Because you know gossip can include truth, facts that are passed on. But sometimes that can cause just as much damage. Let's go to James chapter 3. James, in his little short letter, takes a good part of one of his chapters somewhere close to half of chapter 3, and he addresses the challenge that every human being has of taming his or her own tongue. And he talks about the fire that it can ignite. James 3, let's begin in verse 2.

For we all stumble in many things. Well, amen to that statement. We cannot cast a stone at anyone else. That is where, from the beginning of Christ's ministry, we started there in the Sermon on the Mount. Chapter 7, he said, judge not, condemn not, that you be not condemned or judged. And we are to judge ourselves. Humanly, we want to look across the congregation, or somewhere else at work, or in the family, and judge others. But God says, you look and look at yourself. If anyone does not stumble in word, and there's only been one of those that walk this earth. Jesus Christ. He is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.

Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Verse 4, look also at ships. Although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder, wherever the pilot desires.

We have been able to go. We once upon a time were in Charleston. Let me think, there's an aircraft carrier there. Denise's dad and I got all excited about that. And for some reason, the ladies wanted to go shopping. I mean, go figure. But we could look down in the water where that, wow, what was that? I can't remember what aircraft carrier. It came out right after World War II. But you can look down in the water, and at the end of it, you can see, comparatively, this little tiny rudder. And yet, with that rudder, or maybe there was a pair of them, gang together, but they had taken that ship all over the world. Even so, the tongue is a little member. So if a 200-pound man would happen to have his tongue weighed, it would only be a small part of his overall body. And both great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles. If you've been in areas where there have been forest fires, we took the kids camping up in Yellowstone when we were out in West Texas. We went up to Yellowstone, but it was two years after, oh, I think it was 1988 when those firestorms got started in Yellowstone National Park. And you had these swaths. Hundreds of thousands of acres ended up being burned, but two years later you could still see. But you could also see greenery popping up everywhere, so it was recovering. Great a forest, a little fire kindles. And all it takes is somebody to flip a cigarette out or a campfire that is not carefully put out, and great damage can be done. The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature. And it is set on fire by hell, and that's the Greek word, gehenna, the like of fire. For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and creature of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. You can go to sea world, and once upon a time, we were able to visit a sea world with a Y.O.U. group many years ago, just out of San Antonio. And this huge killer whale, the trainer, gave it some kind of a signal and pointed off a certain direction, and that huge fish went underwater. And he's on the mic saying, I bet you wonder what I just told it to do. He says, I told it to swallow, take in about 500 gallons of water, and spit it out, on the people right there. And at that time, that thing breached and all that water over those, of course, they told you, if you get in the first dozen rows, you are going to get wet.

But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. I love the way it reads in the old King James, my brethren, these things ought not so to be. But that's a pretty good foundation for what we need to talk about today. All sin is deadly, and that includes the sins of the tongue. Whether it's profanity, whether it's filth, whether it's lying, whether it's negativity, whether it's criticism, or whether it is gossip. Gossip can be a particularly deadly sin. Gossip has destroyed more lives. It has tarnished more reputations. It has broken up more friendships. And it has split up more church groups than just about any sin. If you go back and look at times in the body of Jesus Christ when we've had wedges driven between people and people going different directions, you generally look back and you see a lot of gossip was taking place and was a major causal factor. Gossip is quickly told, quickly heard, and quickly spread. And perhaps worst of all, gossip is quickly believed. As human beings whom God has called, and we're coming to the point of repentance, of course, repentance is an ongoing process for the rest of our lives. But it is amazing. Sometimes we will openly admit to the fact that, well, yeah, I'm fighting my cigarette addiction. Or, yeah, I tend to eat too much. Or, yeah, I've lied. But it's so seldom that you'll talk to somebody and they say, you know, I'm just a gossip. I'm with God's help. I'm struggling against that. I want to ask you a question. It's kind of a two-part question, hinged together.

Are we to compare our life and actions to God's Word? Or, are we to compare God's Word to our life and actions? Which way is it? Are we to compare our life to the Word of God? Or, do we take the Word of God and compare it to our life actions? And maybe I should add words.

Sadly, too often we do the second. We are to look at our life, and we're to look into God's Word, compare the way we are to the perfect law of liberty. James also spoke about that, looking into the mirror, looking into the perfect law of liberty, and remembering what we see as we find we miss the mark. The focus of our attention must always be on the Word of God. It is authentic. It is authoritative. It is the final authority in all matters of faith and patience.

Whatever experience we have for good at work, not as good. We then test it according to what we find in the Word of God. We do not take the Word of God and then somehow compare it to our, filter it through our life. But you know, by nature we tend to defend the way we are, the way we see things, the way we've always done it. And that's where we get in trouble. That's where we, you know, when we're baptized and we may be struggling with certain things, and 40 years later down the line, we're still battling the same old things because we aren't looking as clearly as we should into the Word of God and asking God to live through us instead of, sometimes we kind of reason the way and we excuse ourselves. Is it not a dollatory to place one's own self before God? Of course it is. It is a dollatory to place ourselves, the human mind, the way we do things before God. Let's go to Proverbs chapter 18 now.

Proverbs 18. And here we have a classic statement that is made on the topic of tail-bearing or gossiping in verse 8. Proverbs 18 verse 8.

The words of a tail-bearer. Now I have a marginal note and it says the gossip or the slanderer. I think it would be true to read it anyway. The words of the tail-bearer, the gossip, the slanderer are like tasty trifles. They go down into the inmost body. On e-sword, the e-sword program, I pulled this verse up and I looked at it in all the different translations that I have on there. Let me read you some of the translations as far as different Bible translations and the way they word this very verse. The Bible in Basic English has it this way. The words of one who says evil of his neighbor secretly are like sweet food and go down into the inner parts of the stomach. There's something about human nature. We like hearing juicy tidbits about somebody else's life. Why? Well, we'll come back to that a little bit later. I think it's because if you hear dirt about somebody else in your mind, it lowers that person, but also in our mind, it elevates self. And that's a danger. Like when two men went up to pray, and when they went home, Jesus said, this man went home justified. He who exalts himself will be abased. He who humbles himself will be lifted up. Another one. This is the contemporary English version. It says, There's nothing so delicious as the taste of gossip. It melts in your mouth.

Easy to read version. People love to hear gossip. It is like tasty food on its way to the stomach.

The English standard is very similar to one I already read. Let's go to the Good News Bible. Gossip is so tasty how we love to swallow it. The Jewish Publication Society, or the more modern translation, is the Tanakh. The words of a whisperer are as dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. But notice the Young's Literal Translation. Last one. Young's Literal Translation. The words of a tale-bearer are as self-inflicted wounds, and they have gone down to the inner parts of the heart. That one's pretty blunt. Self-inflicted wounds. We do ourselves great damage when we gossip. But the sin of gossip quickly includes so many people. There is the original gossip. There is then the listener or listeners, and sometimes that group can be a rather large group. And then there are the repeaters. The gossip, those who listen, and those who repeat. And it moves through a congregation, through a family, through a workplace so rapidly. Let's turn to Romans chapter 1. Perhaps a simple working definition of gossip is just simply talking about people behind their backs. And by that, we understand it's negative talking. I am not trying to say today that it is gossip if you compliment and speak so highly of someone. Well, I saw so-and-so doing this, and that's a good type of tale-bearing. We're talking about the other side of that coin. All right, Romans 1. And let's go over to verse 29. We have some call one of the New Testament's send lists here, but we should consider a couple of words, a couple of Greek New Testament Greek words that are translated gossip, or again, it may be a different word depending on the translation you have. Verse 29, being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness, they are whisperers. A whisperer. This is a person who whispers behind your back, but with the intention of hurting you. Now, think about how the world has changed. How long ago was it whenever the telephone came along? I forgot when Alexander Graham Bell made that first telephone call. Before that, you had your telegraph wires. Every digit of that message cost you something, so it was short and sweet. But then the telephone came along.

Many of you, I'm sure, like me, remember growing up and it was a party line.

Thankfully, ours was mainly family, so that if they heard somebody pick up and they needed to use the phone, they'd quickly get off. Some people were on a party line. It might be serval on the road where those telephone lines went, and you had certain ones who were notoriously on that phone all the time. Then we had radio. I guess radio was here before then. Television. And then we had these portable phones that we carry around. Then we had email. I remember that first computer was 1988, but it still was a little while. The church at that time was trying to get all the ministers on cc mail so they could send us things like this letter that I just read.

So we had email. And AOL, you've got mail! And now there's what? This guy's a limit. Texting. Unlimited text plans. And if you take an email, how many times have we typed up an email to send to someone or reply to someone? And then we click on that send button and we think, oh no! But it's out there! And it takes on a life of its own. You can't unring that bell. You can't get it back. And so much damage, so much whispering and gossiping can take place. Verse 30, back biters. Now, whisperer came from a word that mentioned one who whispers with the intent to do evil, to hurt the person. This one, this New Testament word that's translated backbiters or slander in some has the meaning to speak evil of someone. So when we gossip, when we whisper, when we backbite, we're speaking evil of people. There are a number of places where those who gossip or slander are called, like here, backbiters. When we backmouth or badmouth someone, we bite them from behind, whether the gossip is true or untrue. In one Dennis the Menace episode, he whispered in his neighbor's ear, quote, Now listen good. I can only tell you this once, because my dad told me not to repeat it. End quote. Can only tell you once, because my dad told me not to... Well, I think he missed the point of what his dad had told him. Gossip. Let's go back and let's ask ourselves, where did gossip come from? Where does it start?

Very good. Satan. We have to go back there. Let's go to John chapter 8, because gossip is one of many fiery darts that Satan has that he shoots at us to try to get us to start shooting at others. John chapter 8, and we only have to read verse 44, this discussion that Christ was having with some of the religious leaders of his day. John 8 verse 44. You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it. Satan. That's the first cause. That's the originator of all gossip, direct gossip or indirect gossip. And when we gossip, or when we listen to gossip, or when we repeat gossip, we are giving Satan the devil a foothold into our life, into our mind. There is an old saying that goes something like this, that a gossiper is the devil's postman. My apologies, anyone used to work for the postal service? Yes. But a gossiper is the devil's postman. They deliver that mail. They deliver that attitude, that sin, to a person's mind. So it starts with Satan the devil. But you know, like with anything, once we get involved, once we're infected with that virus, we do a pretty good job on our own, don't we? So, where does gossip come from? First of all, Satan, and second one, it's the carnal human heart. Because we're all familiar with Ephesians 2 verse 2 about the prince of the power of the air, and again, the old analogy, how he broadcasts his attitudes, and it becomes a part of us. Let's go, though, to Luke chapter 6. Luke 6, and we'll read verse 45. Again, the words here of Christ. Luke 6 verse 45, A good man, out of the good treasure of his heart, brings forth good. And an evil man, out of the evil treasure of his heart, brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. So, Christ is saying that our words reveal what is in our heart, what is in our mind. And gossip comes from a heart that is a heart of evil.

And a tendency to insult others comes from a heart that is evil. And if our words are filthy, those words come from a mind that is filthy. And criticism. Criticism, the word technically means a breaking down of others. Now, yes, there is a type that can be for our good to give us something for improvement. We call it constructive criticism. But most criticism tears down negatively. Criticism comes from a critical heart. And profanity comes from a profane heart. And when a sinful, when sinful nature, when carnality controls our minds, the evil fills the mind, and the words that come out are filthy, or profane, or untrue.

But as we look at this, where does gossip come from? From Satan, but then from our own carnal mind. Let's break it down a little further. Why? Why do we seem to have such a struggle in gossiping?

Well, I think there are reasons for it. Probably we could have a long list. Sometimes, one aspect of it is just outright hatred. There's hatred for someone else. Let's, we'll pause with that thought, and let's go to Psalm 109.

Psalm 109, so many times, David, in his Psalms, he had people speaking evil of him. Yes, he had made lots of mistakes that were publicly known, but still, there were those. Remember the time he and his men traveling, and the man came out, was it a shimmy eye? I forget. Man came out, kicking dirt, throwing rocks, hurling insults at him. That's when Joab said, want me to go take this dead dog's head off. And David, leave him alone.

Leave him alone. Essentially, I think there was a humility there in David. He probably was thinking, you know, I've got that coming. Psalm 109, a Psalm of David, and let's just read verses 2 through 4.

For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful have opened against me. They have spoken against me with a lying tongue. They have also surrounded me with words of hatred, and fought against me without a cause. In return for my love they are my accusers, but I give myself to prayer. Follow that one away. We'll come back to that, because what do we do about gossip? David had to have been hurt very deeply, but he gave himself to God in prayer. But we read the phrase, verse 3, surrounded me with words of hatred. There were people who simply hated him. It doesn't have to be murderous thoughts. We might even question whether it's hatred. I mean, we all see people differently. We see through the lenses of our own eyes. But sometimes there are these feelings, and we wound people by the words we say about them behind their back. Maybe like with David, there were things said, but we would retaliate with saying things just as bad.

Thank God we've got another election behind us. Oh, man, the television! I sat there trying to watch news, and I had it where I could hit that mute button, and I hit it a lot, because when the political ad came on, I don't care what party, who they were, it was just vicious this year. But I think I said that last time, too. We may think hatred is too strong a word, but Jesus said we're known by our fruits. So hatred. Why do we descend into gossip so easily? I think another thought to file away here is just feelings of jealousy or envy. It may be someone jockeying, politicking for position at work.

It may be in the Church of God, too. That happens. We know that. There are those who play politics. It may be envy because somebody has more physical material things than we have.

There are some who just are blessed with a natural beauty, that somehow I didn't get any of that. But, uh, I... attempted humor. But I never thought I had a chance at a beauty contest. Don't answer that. But there are people who are just handsome or gorgeous, and people can be envious of that. But, you know, give them two or three decades and a few more pounds and gray hair and we'll see what happens.

But jealousy, envy. I think another aspect is feelings of inferiority. Feelings of being inferior. Again, gossip about someone and it lessens that person, but in the process, elevates self. And I think a lot of times we have these feelings of inferiority and that's a topic for another time.

Lots of reasons for that. Generally, our upbringing, things can be said because you speak ill of someone else. You gossip about someone. It brings them down in the process, in your own mind, at least, elevates self. I think another aspect here is having been hurt. Maybe that person has hurt you and there's a failure, a refusal, maybe just an unwillingness to forgive and forget and let it go. I think another aspect is, at times, when the Bible cautions us about having too much time on our hands, just idleness. Let's look at 1 Timothy 5 because Paul cautioned Timothy that you're going to have some in a converse, in a congregation, that are going to have too much time on their hands and that might take them down that road called gossip.

1 Timothy 5 verse 13. We're kind of breaking in on a topic here. He's talking about widows and the older women teaching younger women. If you have some that are 60 and older, we're just breaking in on that. Verse 13, we do have a caution. Besides, they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle, but also gossips and busy bodies, saying things which they ought not.

Yes, the context here is with some of the women, but it's men, it's women, it's gender either way. I think some of these, hopefully if we ponder it in our own life, maybe we can break it down as far as why does my own human carnal nature so easily start down a process that leads to tearing down someone else's character, if not assassinating someone's character. Let's consider another question, and that is just this. What is the wrong about gossip? What's the wrong about gossip? Well, on the one hand, the Word of God is clear.

Gossip corrupts. Gossip starts fires we can't control. Gossip destroys. Let me list four points for you. Again, what's the wrong with gossip? Number one, gossip violates the holy scriptures. There are so many places we could turn. You might find it interesting. The other day, last week, I pulled out off the shelf my old Knaves topical Bible.

And, of course, I've got it on a computer program as well, but I pulled the old book off the shelf. Hadn't done that in a long time. And there is a section on speaking, but then, comma, evil. Sometime if you have one of those, look it up. And it's just one verse after another, and so many come out of the Proverbs. Speaking evil. Well, let's go to Psalm 5 verse 9. Psalm number 5. And verse 9, Psalm 5 verse 9. For there is no faithfulness in their mouth.

Their inward part is destruction. Their throat is an open tomb. They flatter with their tongue. Let's look at Psalm 12 verse 3. Psalm 12 verse 3. May the Lord cut off all flattering lips and the tongue that speaks proud things. Psalm 52 verse 2. 52 verse 2. And here we read, Your tongue devises destruction, like a sharp razor working deceitfully. Now, these are just three examples from the Psalms. Again, there are so many in the Proverbs. But the bottom line is that when we gossip, we are not abiding by living by the Word of God.

And is that not elevating self above God? And is that not idolatry? And we know what the commandment says about placing anything in front of God. We're products of a world where people worship whatever comes out of the Almighty human mind. And the calling of God is to fight against that, resist that. God is the God of truth. He expects His children to become people of truth and to treat each other with love. But if we ignore Scripture or if we reject Scripture, we reject God.

Number two, gossip violates another person's reputation. Gossip violates another person's reputation. Untold damage and perhaps irreparable damage can easily be done. We live in a day and age when all it takes is an accusation. Take pastors. The church has, years ago, I think it was 04, the council came out with a sexual misconduct policy. If you're going to work with children and youth programs locally or at a pre-teen camp or a summer camp, if you're going to work with any minors, we have an agreement we have to be in harmony with.

We have to sign on the bottom line. A part of that says, see, I signed that paper. And by that, I said, I will never be in a situation where I am with a minor alone.

Now, at the camp setting, if there's a child out of line, we might pull them right over here, you know, under a shade tree and talk to them, but it's in public view. And that is a wise policy to have. I cannot make an airport run and take one 15-year-old boy or girl, it doesn't matter what gender, down to the Birmingham airport to take them to catch their flight. Because all it would take is an accusation, and my career is over.

Now, if two adults go and take that child to the airport, and the child says, hey, on the way to the airport, I was... use your imagination. Then you have two, and the Scripture tells us with two or three witnesses, things will be established.

And you've got two adults who can say, no, that kid made that up. We do have to be careful. We live in an age like that. And of course, here in the news lately, look at Bill Cosby. The thing that I... I mean, I have loved his career. What a phenomenal talent. But here are accusations from so many years ago. It's so far past any statute of limitations, which I think there's a reason for that. But I don't know what the truth is. But you've got one after another... you check the news, here's one after another of, you know, of engagements for his routines, and they're canceling out.

What if the man is completely innocent? Or what if... what if he was guilty and he repented? I mean, don't... aren't we all counting on the fact that we've all made mistakes? But if God forgives... we repent and God forgives and removes that sin as far as the East is from the West, is that...

is that go... as a cloud over ahead the rest of our lives? Hopefully not. But in this society, child abuse, sexual abuse, things like that, it's like it takes on a life of its own. Psalm 120 verses 2 and 3.

Psalm 120 verses 2 and 3. Song of Athens. Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips and from a deceitful tongue. What shall be given you? And what shall be done to you, you false tongue? Well, a lot of times you just have to stand there and all you can do is take it. Someone assassinates your character. And of course, that reminds me of, I think, the old saying that was attributed to Ben Franklin. If I'm correct in that, Ben Franklin essentially said, don't explain. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it. Don't explain. You're wasting your time. So here, this person lying lips, deceitful tongue, and you know, essentially what's going to be done? Well, God will take care of it in His own due time, but we can't. Number three, gossip violates the gossiper's reputation. Gossip violates the gossiper's, the tale bearer's reputation. Now let's go to Proverbs. Proverbs 10.

Proverbs 10 verses 18 through 21. Verse 18, whoever hides hatred has lying lips. Whoever spreads slander is a fool. Proverbs 16 verse 28. 16 verse 28. A perverse man sows strife and a whisperer separates the best of friends. And wow, has that ever happened? Separates the best of friends.

17. Proverbs 17 verse 4. An evildoer gives heed to false lips. A liar listens eagerly to a spiteful tongue. Well, in the process, that person begins to get their own reputation. That that person is a gossip. And if you gossip, if you spread falsehood, if you backbite, the time will come when people would learn differently. Or it's like the old story of the boy that cried wolf. Somewhere down the line, he had cried wolf and it wasn't true so many times. When it was true, nobody believed him. But if we go down the path of gossiping and repeating, then our own reputation, not only with God, but with others, is going to be destroyed. 19. Gossip violates the listener. The person hearing the gossip, the rumor, the lie, whatever it is, may get caught up in it, may believe it, and then start passing it on to others. And this seemingly never-ending cycle of misinformation is created. And the cycles of hurt and suffering and pain continue. And as James wrote, the whole world is set on fire, and everyone's reputation. I want to go ahead and shift on over to a last part. I want to spend a little time, a few points, few thoughts here on battling the sin of gossip. We've discussed. Gossip begins with Satan. His nature is broadcast into our minds. Gossip becomes a part of the human mind. Gossip destroys everything it touches. It's something we're going to have to battle. It is a battle with what can very well become an addiction. We can have the same pattern if someone addicted to alcohol or illicit drugs. We can deny it. We may not see it at all. We may cover up. We may outright lie about it. Let me give you four points on battling gossip. When I say that, I'm talking about in ourselves. Number one is, overlook offenses as much as possible. Overlook offenses. Too many times, I think, that we have brethren who wear their feelings on their shirt sleeves. A little too much so. Now again, we all have our own story. We have our hurts. We have things. We're products of what has happened to us all through our life. We have buttons. Others can't just look at us and realize, well, if you say something to David Dobson on on on doesn't such topic, it's going to be like a I'm going to hit one of his buttons as we say. But we come here and we innocently may say something or someone may say something to us rather that pushes one of those buttons. And what I'm saying is here, to the best of your ability, let it go. Let us slide. There are scriptures in the Proverbs that talk about he who covers an offense promotes love. But if you repeat a matter, you're going to separate friends. Overlooking an offense is an act of love and friendship. I think it's also a sign of maturity. I heard a definition a long time ago of the word maturity. Maturity is a sense of timing, of knowing when to make something an issue and knowing when not to. And there are a lot of times just let it go. I didn't look it up. It's any ecclesiastes. There's one place, chapter seven, I want to say, but there's one place where where it says essentially, don't hear everything that is said, or you might hear your own servant curse you. And I think the principle behind that is, you're going to hear things said out of frustration or a person is not really thinking, and they're not really trying to to to wound you. It's just things that said, let it go. Don't hear it. Don't make an issue out of it. Psalm 119 verse 165. Psalm 119 verse 165 it says, Great peace have those who love your law and nothing causes them to stumble. marginal note, it literally means they have no stumbling block to the degree we love. To that degree, we are exempt from being offended and hurt.

Church congregations are, well, they become families, and sometimes family members offend other family members. We shouldn't be surprised when we have these little frictions and irritations between us, but we shouldn't be so easily offended. If at all possible, I'm just saying, let it go. Don't make an issue out of it. Overlook an offense, and even as the proverb says, cover a sin. Don't let anything separate friends. Number two, don't listen to gossip. Don't listen to gossip. All right, now easier said than done, isn't it? Because so many times, someone has started talking to me, and I realized, no, wait a minute. I don't need to know this.

You don't know it for a while. There have been times that I have said, no, wait a minute, right there. What you're telling me about this congregation or this minister somewhere else, do I need to know that? Well, the answer is no, usually. However, sometimes we don't catch it, or you can't get them stopped. Proverbs 20 verse 19, I have it written down, so I'm just going to go ahead and just read it. Proverbs 20 verse 19, a gossip betrays a confidence, so avoid a man who talks too much. The Bible tells us if someone talks too much, well, the other proverb says there's going to be sin there, so be careful about listening to someone who's just so loose and free with information about other people. Have your guard up, and if need be, avoid them. You may need to stop them. You may need to ask them. I remember a time more than halfway across the country, at a difficult, challenging time in the church, when there's one of the deacons there that mentioned someone coming into their house and began this litany against leadership in Pasadena, and he just had to stop them. And he says, do not bring that satanic propaganda into my house again. And there's the door. You may leave. Now, that was an extreme case. Gospels need to be put in their place at times, because Satan is trying to use them to keep you out of the kingdom of God. Number three, confront a gossiper. Now, do it in a right way.

Galatians 6, verse 1, I'll just refer to it, Galatians 6, verse 1. If you have a brother overcome with a fault, you who are spiritual, all right, that was important, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of meekness. That's another important one, lest you also be tempted. We are familiar with, and you can just make a note of Matthew 18, verses 15 through 17. Matthew 18, verses 15 through 17, he speaks there of offenses. And he said that if your brother offends you, go to him one on one. You go to your brother. Now, I'll tell you what amazes me with a lot of decades under my belt in the body of Christ, and a lot of decades in the ministry of the church, what amazes me is how seldom that is done.

Too many times something is said, something is done, and instead of doing what Jesus said to do, we go and we start talking, and greater damage is done. But on those occasions, when we actually go to that brother or sister and say, hey, you know, you did this, or you said that, or I've heard that you have said that, correct me if I'm wrong, and you just lay it on the table, you can have healing. And maybe you feel closer to that person than you had ever felt to them, whenever it truly is something you can address and forgive and forget and apologize. A lot of times it's apologizing both ways. Ephesians 4. Paul here is using that principle of compensation, I call it.

Don't let corrupt words come out of your mouth, but then he goes on, here's what ought to come out of your mouth. Ephesians 4 verse 29, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, because we want to build up one another, that it might impart grace to the hearers. So, compliment rather than criticize.

Use the words that build and enhance unity and harmony in the body, rather than driving wedges between people. And number four, this is the last one, we'll wrap it up with this. Number four is just prayer. As we read back in one of the Psalms that David wrote, that he turned to prayer.

And I think a lot of times, let's go to Psalm 141. This is another Psalm of David, and I think a lot of times we have to just simply pray David's prayer, and we may need to pray it over and over.

Psalm 141 verse 3.

Verse 3, Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips.

Set a guard. What does a guard do? What did the caribbean do at the entrance to the garden of Eden, whenever Adam and Eve were driven out? They made certain they didn't go down that path again.

Keep watch over the door of my lips. And of course, a lot of this has to do with asking God to open our eyes to be able to take a good long look at the way our own mind works, because it is from that mind that the words flow. Ask Him to show us when, how, where we participate in gossip. Ask Him to show us our own sin, and don't worry about the next person. Psalm 15. Two quick verses here. Psalm 15.

Beautiful little short psalm of David, where he basically asks the question, who's going to be in your kingdom? Psalm 15, verse 1. Lord, who may abide in your tabernacle? Who may dwell in your holy hill? And again, he's basically saying, who's going to be in your kingdom? Verse 2, he begins to answer these beautiful, power-packed little phrases. He who walks uprightly and works righteousness and speaks the truth in his heart. He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against a friend, and whose eyes a vile person is despised, but he honors those who fear the Lord. He swears to his own herd and does not change. He might make an agreement, yes, I'll take off and be there to help you do that, and finds out that he made a rash promise, and it may cost him money. Well, let's go to Matthew 12 and we'll wrap it up.

Matthew 12. And in verses, we'll read verses 36 and 37 again, the words of Jesus Christ. Matthew 12 verse 36, but I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. The words are the reflection of what's in our heart, and will be judged by our words because our words reveal how we think. And so, as the old saying goes, let us choose our words carefully, for the day may come when we have to eat them.