Listen to 2010 version of the 8 part Agape Love sermon series:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8

[Gary Petty] Up in Austin, I'm actually a couple weeks ahead of where I am here and going through the series that we've been going through on 1 Corinthians 13. And I had an interesting experience this week. When I first put together these sermons on 1 Corinthians 13, as I've told you before, was actually many years ago. We lived up in Wisconsin and I gave this series then. And as I've been going through them to give them here now, I've been going back and realizing how important they are in terms of the church, as the single most important set of issues that we're dealing with in the church. But today, or this week, as I was working on the last sermon in the series, which would be a few weeks before we get here, I realized I had never finished this series 15 years ago. I never finished it because there was actually a verse in 1 Corinthians 13 that I could not grasp. I could not understand. And I deliberately didn't finish it. And as I was going through them, these series, I thought, "Why didn't I finish it? Why didn't I finish it? Why didn't I give the summation sermon?" And then I remembered I didn't get it. And so I never gave it. But this week I was looking at it, going through 1 Corinthians 13 again, and I finally realized I understand the summation. I understand the verse that I couldn't wrap my mind around those years ago. So I hope to give that in a few weeks as we continue through. Probably be after the feast now, by the time we get through this series.

Social commentaries or commentators have been lamenting for years that the concept of common courtesy has absolutely disappeared from our society. It's the loud music that someone plays and doesn't care if it hurts somebody else's ears. It's the way we drive. It's the obscene gestures. It's the snarling anger that just seems to permeate our society. When we talk about next week, when we go through this, the next in these series, we'll talk about anger, because when we talk about agape, it's not easily provoked as one of the core aspects of this. What we're talking about here is the character of God. Simple gestures like opening doors for people, children expressing respect for elders, people just being kind to each other. We've talked about kindness already as part of agape. But we live in a world in which common courtesy of just 30, 40 years ago has disappeared. And it's only going to get worse. When we go to 1 Corinthians 13, let's go back. Let's look at what we've covered and then look at the next quality of agape that's in this list. Because according to the apostle Paul, we can have all the truth. We can have all prophecy. We can even have all faith. And I've struggled with that one. How can you have all faith? And it can be meaningless. And yet according to the apostle Paul, that's possible. When we finish with agape, you'll understand that statement. You'll understand why he says it.

So how can we have all the truth and still be meaningless before God? How can that be possible? Because this is the very character of Jesus Christ that we have to have developed in us. Verse four, what are the qualities that we've looked at? Agape suffers long. And remember, agape and love, the English word love has to do with feelings. Agape has to do with the way you think and your reason and the feelings or the emotions that are produced by that. So when we talk about agape in terms of the English word love, most of the time they're not connected. They don't mean the same thing. We talk about love, we talk about how we feel towards a person. Agape is how you behave and even how you think towards a person. So it says agape suffers long. We went through that, how it literally means that. For the good of another person, you're willing to suffer a long time. And that even means sometimes you suffer the wrong for the good of the other person. It also means that because you're always doing what's right for the benefit of the other person, there's a time you don't suffer for them. The whole point is what is your motivation? The motivation must be what is right for the other person. And the example I used, if a person commits armed robbery, they should go to jail. That's what's good for them. That's what's best for society. But if we're doing it out of a sense of vengeance, that's not agape, that's vengeance.

It is kind, which has to do with actions. Love does not envy. We talked about how envy destroys our ability to actually have agape. And how powerful envy is is one of the core issues of human nature. It does not parade itself. And so there isn't this constant need to be the center of attention. When a person has agape, they don't need to always be the center of attention. It is not puffed up. Once again, this is a core issue of corrupt human nature. Pride keeps us from love, and pride keeps us from having a right relationship with God. And so human pride is one of the most difficult sins to deal with because it's at the core of who we are. It does not behave rudely. It does not behave rudely. That's where we are now. It is not rude. We look at rudeness and we see this in our society all the time. Rudeness is a lack of grace. It is a harsh offensive way of dealing with other people. When people say, "I'm just brutally honest," usually that means they're more brutal than honest. Rudeness, you know, it's interesting, the word translated rude there is from a Greek word that literally means to be ignorant. Now, I asked my wife this. She said she never heard it when she was young. I can remember being young, when I was real little, that if you did something really rude, that older people would say, stop acting so ignorant. And the context here is you can't act like... and I'll put something in Paul's speech here that sort of captures it. He doesn't say this exactly. We can't act like barbarians. We can't act like ignorant barbarians. Agape never acts like an ignorant barbarian. Agape attempts not to offend people.

Now, agape doesn't mean that you avoid the truth. It means that how you approach something, people are always going to be offended. Sometimes you're going to do the right thing and people are going to be offended. They may be offended by the truth. They may be offended just because they're a prideful person. Prideful people are offended and you can't help it. They're just gonna be offended all the time. Agape, though, has nothing to do with them. Agape has to do with you. How do you approach a situation? Is your first attempt not to offend? Luke 17. Let's go to Luke 17. Because that's what rudeness has to do with, behaving in a way that is offensive to others. Now, Jesus was offensive to others, but never because of his personality. It was because of what he believed. Some people are going to be offended by your religion. If you make the statement that you are against abortion, it's going to offend some people. Well, they're offended by the truth. You can't help that. But if they're offended because you're obnoxious with the truth, then we are behaving rudely. We're behaving rudely. Luke 17:1. "Then He said to his disciples, it is impossible that no offenses should come." In other words, there's going to be offenses between human beings. You can't stop it. You and I are going to offend people and you and I are going to be offended. But how we work through those offenses is very, very important because it is an aspect of agape. He says, "But woe to him through whom they do come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him."

How many times over the fourth sermon, how many times have we reached the point where forgiveness, you have to have repentance and forgiveness? When you're wrong, you have to admit it. And then the other person has to forgive. It's requirements on both sides. If one person doesn't repent, you can't have reconciliation. And if there is repentance, the other person is required to forgive. And then verse 4, "And if he sins against you seven times a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him." Now, notice the first part of this little section here. Jesus says, "Look. Don't offend people. Try not to offend people. Don't be rude." And then the second half, he says, "Now, if you've been offended because someone's done something against you, you must forgive." He deals with both of the parties. Both parties are dealt with in four verses. Try not to offend, and if you've been offended, forgive. That should be our first approach to any situation.

Now, there's some people who will not forgive you if you've done something wrong. And there's some people who will not repent. There's a whole other side to how to deal with that. Agape is how you automatically go into a situation. It's who you are. So it's what you do first in every situation. So what is the opposite of rudeness? So, okay, don't be rude. Well, then what should I be? Well, we went through kindness, but kindness is not the opposite of rudeness. Because rudeness many times occurs because of conflict. So, you know, you can be kind, but what do you do when there's conflict? So what is the opposite of rudeness? It's called tact. I'm going to give you the English definition of the word tact. Tact is the delicate perception of the right thing to say or do without offending. The delicate perception. People who truly have tact have a remarkable ability to look at a situation and move through the situation where there's conflict and cause the least amount of offense as possible. I've met people who have this delicate perception. It's finely tuned and it's amazing to watch them work. But notice it also says the delicate perception of the right thing. This is not flattery. This is not, you know, like politicians where they sort of say half things to get their way or to make everybody feel good or to make everybody believe they're on their side. That's not what it is. It is doing the right thing, but doing the right thing in such a way that you're not offending people in the way you're doing it. That's what tact is. So the opposite of rudeness is tact. It's the ability to do the right thing. He said, "Wow, okay, let's get back to some meatier matters, like who is the beast?" Remember what Paul said. "I can have all prophecies. If I don't have this, I don't have anything." This is the meat of what you and I must become as we develop Christ-like character.

So what is tact? How do we develop tact? I'm gonna give you some points on what tact is in action. First point is in Proverbs 15:1. So remember, it's doing the right thing. It's telling the truth, it's being open, it's being honest, but it's doing it in a way in which your mannerism and what you're doing is not offensive to the other person. Once again, you know, it's a whole other subject of what to do when a person's offended and they're attacking you, and no matter what you do isn't going to change it. But what we're talking about is how all of us should approach every situation. This should be our very first way of dealing with problems. Proverbs 15:1. "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." The first thing we should try to do in any situation is say something to try to help the other person deal with their anger. Now what we usually do, we're back to being puffed up. What we usually do is we're in a war of pride, right? And in that war of pride, then you're angry, I'm gonna be angry. You're gonna be angry, I'm gonna be angry. And we just keep ratcheting it up. A tactful person, the very first thing they try to do, it's not always possible because the other person won't let you, but agape is about what you do, is you try to get the other person, by a soft answer, to be able to bring that anger down so you can have a reasoned conversation. That's number one. It's very difficult to do. You have to analyze that, especially when you're angry, right? When we get into not being provoked next week, we have to deal with that whole issue of what happens when we're angry.

The second thing is the willingness to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Here's a prime example of this. You've all heard of Booker T. Washington. Booker T. Washington started the first university for African Americans because many of them could not get into public schools at that time. And so he created a university for them. And so they could receive education. And he would go for long walks. One day he left the university, he was walking down the street, and he was walking through an all-white neighborhood, and a woman came out and said, "Hey, I need someone to chop some wood for me. I'll pay you a good wage. Could you come chop some wood for me?" He said, "Sure." So he went back, took off his jacket, chopped the wood for her. When he was done, she came out and said, "Here's the money I promised." He said, "Oh, no." He said, "No, no, no." He said, "We're neighbors. Neighbors should do things like that for each other." Put on his jacket, walked away. Now, the woman's daughter was coming home at the time, and she walked up to her mom and said, "Mom, you have no idea who that was." She said, "No, it was just a man walking down the street that I hired to come do some work for me." She said, "Mom, that's Mr. Washington, the chancellor of the university. You just asked him to come in and chop wood."

Well, the woman was just horrified at what she'd done. So the next day, she goes into the university, goes into his office, you know, and he greets her very friendly and she says, "I'm so sorry. If I would have known who you were, I wouldn't have asked you to come chop wood." And he said, "Oh, no, that's what neighbors are for. I am very happy to help out in any way I can like that." The result was, and this woman was rather wealthy, she got all her friends together, and they helped finance the Tuskegee University for years. Why? Tact. See, he could have been offended, right, because of it, but he wasn't. He wasn't. And because of that example, those people saw him in a different light, and they responded to him in a different light. That's what tact is, is going into a situation, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. He didn't feel like she was being mean to him. She didn't know who he was. She needed some help and was willing to pay for it. He gave it to her and turned down the money. He didn't need the money.

A third way that we exhibit tact is that in order to resolve conflict situations, we must learn to see the argument from the other person's viewpoint first. And this is one of the hardest things human beings do. We all come to conclusions in almost any situation immediately. We'll come to a conclusion because of the way someone dresses, or a conclusion because of their body language, or a conclusion because of a phrase, and we'll come to a conclusion. And in that conclusion now, every other action we do is driven by that conclusion. And yet we may not have any idea what that person actually is thinking or what their motives are. In order to deal with conflict tactfully, we must first try to understand the issue from the other person's viewpoint. I'm not saying you agree with them. And, you know, this is the point that I brought out in many sermons. I brought this out how many times in marriage sermons. If we don't do this, how in the world does a husband and wife ever resolve a conflict? We must try to understand from the other person's viewpoint. You say, "Well, is that a biblical principle?" Let's go to 1 Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 9. Paul was accused of not obeying the law of God because of the way he dealt with people. And here he argues, of course, he keeps the law of God, but he's applying an incredible example of tact. Now, in a minute, I'm going to show you a place where Paul didn't show tact and how it got him in trouble. Paul was generally pretty tactful. Like most men with that much drive and being driven by God, you know, to fulfill what he had to do, sometimes Paul gets so driven, he just, you know, drove over whatever was right in front of him. Peter would do that at times, too. It's interesting you don't see John doing that much, at least in the scripture. It's just a different personality. But here we have, in 1 Corinthians 9:19, Paul says, "For though I am free of all men..." You know, Paul says, "I don't have to give account of myself to any man." He says, "I give my account of myself to Christ." "I have made myself," though, that's what he says. "I have made myself a servant to all, that I may win the more." Now what is he trying to do? Win them in a popularity contest? He said, "I become a sniveling little weasel to everybody, so that I can win them to my friendship," or, you know, so I can get, you know, voted in as mayor of Ephesus or whatever. Or court. No, no, no. What's he trying to win them to?

Agape always has very specific motives. And the motives always have to do with the betterment of the person you're dealing with. He says in verse 20, and here's what he's trying to win them to. He says, "And to the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews. And to those who are under the law, as those under the law, that I might win those who are under the law, to those who are without law, as without law." Now, does that mean, "When I was with the Jews, I didn't take God's name in vain. I kept the Sabbath, and I didn't lie, and I didn't steal. But boy, was I with the Gentiles. I drank like a drunken sailor, and I committed fornication, and I just lived without the law." Is that what he meant? Well, notice what he says here, the parenthetical statement. "Not being without law towards God, but under law towards Christ." It's very interesting, even in the Old Testament, and the rabbis knew this, it's in the Talmud, that once the Messiah came, there would have to be some modifications of the law for Gentiles that come into the people of God. So he's basically saying, "Wait a minute, it's not that I'm without God's law. I'm under the Christ's administration of the law," which the Old Testament said would happen. The law would no longer be administered through the Levitical priesthood. It would be administered through the Messiah. He says, "It's not that I'm not under the law of God," but he says, "When I go to people that aren't Jews, I don't go to them as somebody under the Levitical priesthood demanding that they be circumcised and do sacrifices. I go to them as someone who's under Christ's administration of the law."

Why is he doing it? You say, "Well, what's he saying?" He's saying, "I've learned to adapt to the customs of the people I go to to teach them the way of God without disobeying the way of God and the law of God." Notice the last part of verse 21, "that I might win those who are without law, to the weak, I became as weak." He says, "I learned to interact with people who were weak, who didn't understand, who sometimes were trapped in a sin, and I had to help them through it." He says, "I became weak to help the weak. I had empathy." We're back to the core concepts of agape. He says, "I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some." Verse 23, "Now this I do for the gospel's sake, that I may be partaker of it with you." Paul's motive was always to win people, to bring them to God and to Christ. An incredible example of tact. An incredible example of "I must understand. these people to work with these people." That's why Paul was never afraid to do work with the people he was serving with, to be with them in ways that he had to understand them and learn them. He had to go all over the world, to different societies, different peoples, and interact with them using different languages. And when he came to Jerusalem, he did rituals in order to win the Jews. How far was he willing to take tact? How far was Paul willing to take tact? Willing to say, "I will sacrifice of myself to understand somebody else." Not always agree, but understand.

Acts 16. Well, I know how willing Paul was to go with Timothy. Now I want to put this in context. Acts 15. Acts 15 is the Jerusalem conference around 49 AD. Acts 15, the apostles and the elders get together and they say, "Look. There are certain Pharisees that have come into the church that are saying that Gentiles have to become full Jewish proselytes." I've covered this before. Full Jewish proselytes to come into the church. They have to be circumcised. I mean, they have to become totally, completely Orthodox Jews to be part of the church. Do we require that? And after going through it, going through the Scriptures, it says no, God does not require that. Therefore, we do not require circumcision. Now they made some initial requirements. I mean, people have to stop committing sexual sins. They have to stop worshipping idols. They have to stop doing those things before they can start coming to the church. But we don't require them to become Orthodox Jews, and we don't require circumcision. Now, Paul was sent out to take that message to churches all over the world, the Roman Empire. So that's Chapter 15.

Chapter 16. "Then he," talking about Paul, "came to Derbe and Lystra. Behold, a certain disciple was there named Timothy, the son of a certain Jewish woman who believed that his father was Greek." So his father was a pagan. His mother was a Jew who had become a Christian. "He was well spoken of by the brethren who were at Lystra in Iconium. Paul wanted to have him go on with him." With him to take a letter that you don't have to be circumcised. "And he took him and circumcised him because of the Jews who were in that region, for they all knew that his father was Greek." Timothy is a full grown man. To what extent had Paul convinced Timothy that tact is important, not offending someone in order to bring them to God is important? Now, did Paul offend people? You bet he did. They stoned him, put him in prison, they tried to kill him over and over, they beat him half to death. But they were offended by the truth, not because Paul wasn't trying to be tactful. Verse 4, "And they went through the cities and delivered to them the decrees to keep, which were determined by the apostles and elders of Jerusalem." And the Jews there would say, Wait a minute, wait a minute. You're saying that these people don't have to obey the law of God." And Paul's argument would have been, "No, no, no. I'm not saying that the Jews should give up circumcision. We're saying that Gentiles coming into the church don't have to be circumcised. My proof? Here's a man who's half Jewish and half Greek and he's been circumcised." You could have made the other argument just as well. Right? He's half Greek. He doesn't have to be circumcised. That would have been a whole lot easier on Timothy. The argument is made because he wanted to bring those people into the discussion. That's tact. Many of the Jews still wouldn't accept it. Many did accept it because of things like this.

The fourth thing. So you have to seek first to understand before being understood. We have to learn to see something from the other person's viewpoint, even if that viewpoint's wrong. I've learned over and over again, and I've started this about a year ago, but many times I'll be in a discussion with someone and I'll say, "You know, I am not trying to make you angry. In fact, I'm not even arguing. I'm not even saying that I disagree with you. But I'm going to ask you some questions because I don't understand. Until I understand...." So it may seem like I'm arguing with you, but I'm actually trying to understand. I'm asking questions. The fourth thing, learn to make people, even the people that you're in conflict with, believe that you are for them. You're not against them. You're for them. Even if they're wrong, your goal is to help them, not to hurt them. Your desire is to help people, not to hurt people.

There's a fascinating situation in 1 Chronicles 13. 1 Chronicles 13:1. I use this scripture often when talking to, you know, developing leadership in the church, because this is a remarkable example of leadership, but it's a remarkable example of involving people so they are involved in something, that they know that you're for them. David had recaptured the Ark of the Covenant. Well, actually, God had made sure it came back to him. He now had the Ark of the Covenant, which was supposed to be in Jerusalem. Now, if you were David, what would you do? You would grab the Ark of the Covenant and you would take it to Jerusalem, would you not? Isn't that the commandment of God? But David didn't see just himself as the king, which he was. He was God's leader. He also understood that he needed to involve everybody else in this. So verse 1, "Then David consulted with the captains of thousands of hundreds and with every leader. And David said to them, said to all the assembly of Israel, 'If it seems good to you, and if it is of our Lord our God, let us send out our brethren everywhere who are left in all the land of Israel, and with them to the priests and the Levites who are in their cities and their common lands, that they may gather together to us. And let us bring the ark of our God back to us, for we have not inquired at it since the days of Saul.'"

He could have gotten up and said, "You know what we're going to do, folks? I'm bringing that ark back." But he said, "You know what we need to do? We know what God wants, right?" He says, "We know God wants to bring it back, but I want you to call everybody, not just here in Jerusalem, not just the tribe of Judah. I want the call to go out to everybody, all of Israel, all those who want to obey God, and I want everybody to come, and I want everybody to participate in this." And if you read through it, the people just responded. "Yes, we all wish to worship God." He's not just the God of David, he was the God of Israel. And David reminded everybody of that. And the result was that's a remarkable example of leadership through tact. He was gonna bring that ark back no matter what. I guarantee you that. But he included everybody into the decision. In this case, because it was their God, too. It was their ark. That was their God that made that ark holy. It was that God that made them holy as we brought them all into it.

The fifth point is when you have to actually confront somebody, pick the time, place, and choice of words very carefully. Now, I haven't done that at times. If you don't pick the time, place, and words carefully, you end up making it worse. Everybody's going to have to be in conflict. I mean, as a pastor, I have to sometimes be in conflict with someone in the congregation. And, you know, you just try. You pray and ask God, "Help me pick my time, place, and words very carefully." You know, I said Paul didn't do that once. Acts 23. I know this may not seem important. When we get to the last summation of agape, remember the very first sermon was about how it's preeminent in the scripture. Without agape, we are not the children of God. When we get to the last one, it will show the correlation between faith, hope, and agape, and how they must work together in our Christian lives. So all this is important.

Acts 23:1. Here Paul... And I understand the situation. I mean, if they were doing this to me, I'd have done the same thing. But Paul realized after he'd done it, he had done something he shouldn't do. It wasn't the tactful thing to do. And yet he was the right person... I mean, he was the person being wronged. I want you to understand. He was the person being wronged here. Verse 1, "Now when Festus had come to the province, after three days he went up from Caesarea to Jerusalem." He was the new governor. "And when the high priest and the chief men of the Jews informed him against Paul, and they petitioned him, asking a favor against him, that he would summon him to Jerusalem, while they lay in ambush along the road to kill him." I'm sorry, I'm in 25. I want to go back to 23. Although that's an interesting story. I'm thinking, "Man, that's not part of the sermon, but that's a... Then I realized, "I can't go on and keep telling this story." And they laid an ambush, but we can't go there.

Okay 23:1. "Then Paul, looking earnestly at the council..." He's brought before the Sanhedrin. Okay? So here's all the leaders of Judaism, and they're condemning him. And "said, 'Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day.' And the high priest Ananias commanded those who stood by him to strike him on the mouth." That was against the law. You could not beat a man into a confession. It's against the law. It's against God's law. And so the high priest says, you know, "Just beat him." They wanted a confession. Paul is being wronged here. He says, "Then Paul said to him, 'God will strike you, you whitewashed wall, for you sit and judge me according to the law, and do you command me to be struck contrary to the law?' Now those who stood by," of course everybody now is just absolutely appalled, "do you revile God's high priest?" He could not publicly revile the high priest. But he had just done that. He had now just broken the law, which generally happens when conflict gets out of hand. And, you know, he didn't have really time to think about his words here. And in that rush of this situation, you're breaking the law. He was now breaking the law. Paul immediately saw it.

Verse 5, "And Paul said, 'I did not know, brethren, that he was the high priest, for it is written, 'You shall not speak evil of a ruler of your people.'" So he says, "I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to do that. I'm not supposed to speak evilly of people who are the rulers of the people." Now, Ananias has still broken the law. And he could have brought that to his attention tactfully. But when you call someone a whitewashed [inaudible 00:39:05.458], you know what you're saying. You're nothing better than a rotting, stinking corpse. Yeah, it's a little bit of a slam, right? So he stepped over the line of what the law allowed him to do to a ruler of the people. He couldn't do that. But you know, Ananias had broken the law too. It all comes down to being able to learn to pick your time and place and choice of words very carefully. And it's hard to do it in the heat of the moment sometimes. I mean, I understand Paul. I'd have done the same thing. Now, I'd have probably slapped him back and been in real trouble, right? So remember that point.

Number six. As we live God's way of life, we have to remember this. It is impossible not to offend those who have a mind of enmity against God. You can live your life in remarkable adherence to God and there's some people who will still be offended by him, because maybe their pride. Maybe because they want their way. Maybe because they just hate God's way. So you can do it right and still have people offended by you. So we have to remember that. Remember tact isn't appeasement, okay? Tact isn't appeasement. Those are two different things. Appeasement is always trying to make everybody like you, okay? That's a sure way to be unhappy in life. Tact is going into every situation trying not to be offensive and yet being truthful. Now, that means that we have to go into every situation, this is the sixth point, so that we obey God but we don't let people be offended by our own egocentrics, our own arrogance. If they're offended, let them be offended by God, or let them be offended because of their pride. But don't let them be offended by our lack of grace. And do you know the most perfect example of this in the Bible? I won't go through it. It's Esther. Now, there was a woman who had such a remarkable understanding of the grace of tact. She put her life on the line to save the people of God. And the way she did it, it's just incredible. You want to read a story of courage and tact and doing the right thing in a way that's not offensive when your life is on the line, read the book of Esther. Remarkable person. I have my list of people in the Bible, you know, the 10 people I want to most be like, and Esther's one of them, okay? She's a remarkable woman. Not that I want to be a woman. I mean, I want to be like her. You gotta clarify these things, you know.

And then seventh point is praise before you criticize. We have to try to appeal to good motives when possible. Now, you all work with somebody or know somebody that don't have good motives. You're going to come across people sometimes, their motives are bad no matter what. But in any situation, our first attempt should be to appeal to someone's good motives. It's amazing how sometimes even a person with bad motives can change a little bit if we appeal to the good motives. I see an excellent example of that in Judges 8. Let's go to Judges 8. I think I used this scripture about a year and a half ago when I went through a sermon on Christian leadership. I think the one that I used with David and this one, I think I used in that sermon. But Judges 8. Remember what had happened here? That Gideon had been chosen by God to slay the Midianites, to drive the Midianites... I almost said Mennonites. Now the Mennonites were the bad people that had invaded. It was the Midianites who had invaded. The Midianites had invaded, and God chose Gideon to drive them out. And Gideon had this big army and he kept whittling it down and whittling it down until he only had 300. He said, "Okay, that's enough. Tens of thousands? I could get it down to 10, but poor Gideon couldn't take that. So go ahead, 300's enough."

And he wins the battle. And he's driving the Midianites before him. They're all trying to run away. And his 300 men are just exhausted killing Midianites, driving them out, this huge army. And they came to the river crossings. And he had sent ahead runners to tell the leaders of Ephraim, "Grab the river crossings, because when you do, they'd have no place to cross, and you can kill them." A guy can't fight in the river very well. Line up your archers on the other side. They try to cross at the river. Because there's only a few places you can cross the river on foot, and you can slay the army. And that's what happened. So 8:1, "Then the men of Ephraim said to Gideon, 'Why have you done this to us by not calling us when you went to fight the Midianites?' And they reprimanded him sharply." They were offended. They were offended because he never even asked for any Ephraimites that can be part of his army.

Now, there's a couple ways we can look at this, right? I mean, Gideon could have said, "You know what? I just slayed tens of thousands of men with 300 because God was with us. Okay, we're now going to slay all of you. How can you be offended with what God just did? God won the battle. But how could you be offended?" But being a tactful man, he looked at these men and thought, "They're upset, they are worked up, they're not even being rational." So what did he say? "So he said to them, 'What have I done now in comparison with you? Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer? God has delivered into your hands the princes of Midian, Oreb, and Zeeb. And what have I been able to do in comparison with you?' And their anger toward him subsided when he said that." What did he say? "Look." He didn't say, "Look what I had done." "Look what great victory God has done." He simply said, "You know, guys, you seized the crossings and you're the ones who captured the leaders of the Midianites. I didn't do that. You did that." It's tact. Their anger went down. You could now have a reasoned conversation. Now, some people won't let you do that. I understand that. But he appealed to different motives. Sometimes we have to appeal to those, look for an appeal to a better motive than what's driving the person. And see, the only way you can do that, by the way, is you have to first understand what their motive is. That means you have to understand. And the points of tact is you try to understand before you try to make them understand you, because by understanding them, you now have a basis for discussion. If you understand them, you may now find a motive that you can appeal to.

One of the greatest examples of this I've ever seen was a letter written, and I remember reading this in [inaudible 00:47:05.064] a number of years back. A letter written by Abraham Lincoln to General Hooker when Hooker was the general of the Army of the Potomac. The Army of the Potomac, in history, there's few times where an army has taken that many poundings, that many defeats and stayed together. Every time they went up against Robert E. Lee, they just got defeated because they had the worst series of generals probably in the history of humanity. It's just amazing. Usually with an army with a bad general, it gets defeated, right, and the army's gone? Well, they kept putting it back together and put another bad general. Then they get defeated and they put in another bad general. And this just went on and on and on. And Hooker, he gets in charge. And Hooker being a very cocky guy, he says, "You know what?" And he liked to think of himself sort of like Napoleon. McClellan, the one before him, liked to think of himself as Napoleon too. Burnside, who was between the two of them, thought he was Napoleon, so these guys all had Napoleon complexes. But Hooker says, "I think I'll just turn the army on Lincoln. I'll go take over Washington, then I'll have control of this mess and we can stop this war." So now the solution was to set up a dictatorship. It's interesting, the letter that he wrote.

Now, I want you to think about how lonely Lincoln must be right now. He's losing the war. Half the country seceded the moment he became president. And now his biggest army, the general wants to turn it around and march on Washington. And this letter is going to determine the course of history. He starts the letter with "I have placed you at the head of the army of the Potomac." He lets him know, "Wait a minute. I'm the one who put you in charge. Of course I have done this on what appears to me to be sufficient reasons, and yet I think it is best for you to know that there are some things in regard to which I am not quite satisfied with here." He started with, "I think there's good reasons you should be in charge, but I need to tell you about some things I'm not satisfied with. I believe you to be a brave and skillful soldier, which of course I like. I also believe you do not mix politics with your profession, in which you are right. You have confidence in yourself, which is valuable, if not indispensable, quality." He starts with saying the good things he liked about him. "You are ambitious, which, within reasonable bounds, does good rather than harm. But I think that during General Burnside's command of the army, you have taken counsel of your ambition and thwarted him as much as you could, in which you did a great wrong to this country and a more meritorious honorable brother officer." What he had done is badmouth the man that was in charge before him.

So now he has to get to the heart of the matter. "I have heard, in such a way as to believe, of your recently saying that both the army and the government need a dictator. Of course, it was for this, not for this, but in spite of this that I have given you command." This next sentence is amazing. "Only those generals who gain successes can set up dictators. What I now ask of you is a military success, and I will risk the dictatorship. Go do your job. Do it right. You and I will discuss what we'll do next." He could have removed him and had a revolt in the army. Lincoln just had this remarkable ability for tact. "The government will support you to its utmost ability, which is neither more or less than it has done and will do for all commanders. I fear that the spirit that you have aided to infuse into the army of criticizing their commander, withholding confidence from him, will now turn upon you." Now listen to this sentence. "I shall assist you as far as I can to put it down." You realize what he just told him? "The entire government has turned against you. I'm the only friend you have left, and I'll do my best to keep you in command." This was a guy who just threatened to come killing. And he said, "Look, you don't have any friends left in this government, except me, because I'm the one who put you there. So, go out and win some victories and then we'll talk about whether you really want to be dictator or not." "Neither you nor Napoleon..." That's a slam there. That's the only untactful thing he did in the whole thing. "Neither you nor Napoleon, if he were alive today, could get any good out of an army where such spirit prevails in it. And now beware of rashness, but with energy and sleepless vigilance, go toward and give us victories."

This shocked Hooker so much. It just froze him. And at the next battle, his headquarters was hit by a shell, a cannon shell, and he got a concussion. And he spent the entire battle walking around going... just absolutely out of it. And it was the greatest defeat of the Army of the Potomac in the history of the war. And Lincoln had to remove him because if not, basically his officers were going to kill him. And he saved the Union again. He saved the country again, by a man who was going to turn his own army against him, by simply tactfully telling him, "I put you in charge. Here's what's good about you. Here's where you have problems. Go do your job. I will try to protect you. And then we'll talk about whether you really want to try to come turn the army on me or not." Just remarkable. That's tact. And he saved the country, he saved the army, as he did over and over again. He appealed to his motives, his good motives. Hooker could not turn that army on him after this. He could not do it. And he appealed to those good motives.

It's like the wife saying, "You're so lazy. You never help me out around here. I've been after you to help me move those boxes in the garage for two weeks." The moment you said, "You're so lazy," you're not going to get any good benefit out of what happens next, even if he goes and moves the boxes, right? "Honey, I know and I don't want to badger you, but this needs to be done. I really need your help to move those boxes in the garage because I can't do it myself." Statement of truth, right? Of course, you could go say, "Because I need a fine, strong man to do it." That always works [inaudible 00:54:11.582]. "Okay. No problem. What do you need moved?" It all comes down to how you say it. It's the tact in which we approach the other person, where we give them respect.

And then the last point is when in confrontation with someone, ask God to help you be humble in your approach. Ask God to help you be humble in your approach. Because as the offended party, we can feel justified in offending the other person. As the offended party, we feel justified in offending the other person. In which case, now all we have is what? Everybody's offended. Once everybody's offended, it's real hard to clean up a mess. Now, back in verse 5, and I'm just gonna take about eight minutes here for this next point because I wanted to spend a lot of time on that, because I think that's important. The next point there in... the next quality of agape, in 1 Corinthians 13, is seeks not her own, or is not self-seeking. We're back to that concept. It's not that you don't have your own needs. Every human being has their own needs or own desires. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with the need. Maybe you're one of those sociable people and you need to have other people around you all the time. There's nothing wrong with that need. There's nothing wrong with a husband or wife saying, you know, the wife saying, "I need you to move those boxes." There's nothing wrong with that.

You know, that's not selfishness. Selfishness is always seeking everything to be yours. You're always seeking your way. You're always seeking your will. And you're always trying to force everybody else around you into your way and your will. Boy, those are scary people when they ever get any authority, that they have to force everybody around them into their will, you know. Everybody will dress exactly the same way and look exactly the same way and talk exactly the same way and do everything exactly the same way. And that gets a little scary. So self-seeking is this desire to always bring everything into my way. Now, sometimes you need to have your way. I mean, if nobody ever has their way, nobody would ever get anything done. Once again, we're into how do you approach a situation? Sometimes you need to have things done your way. There's a reason. I mean, if you're the foreman on a construction crew and you've got to lay the foundation of a building, it's got to be done your way. So I'm not saying that, "Well, no, I'm the foreman here, but I don't want to be self-seeking. So I don't care. Go ahead and build it. And if it falls down, well, that's the way it goes." Obviously, that's absurd, but we wrestle with this. People wrestle with "Well, I don't want to be selfish." Well, we need to ask ourselves, you know, "Is this something I really need? How can I communicate that to a friend or to my husband or to my wife?" Or maybe sometimes, "Hey, it is okay." See, if we're not self-seeking, there's times you say, "Oh, I don't care. Let's do it your way." There's times where you are willingly, "Oh, you know, that's not a big thing, so we'll do it somebody else's way." And there's times you're willing to do that. And that's what it means by self-seeking. It means always having to have it your way.

Four quick points on how not to be self-seeking. And first of all, being self-seeking, being selfish is an absolute burden. When you have to have everything done your way all the time, it's an absolute burden because every moment of every day is frustrating. Right? Because you're trying to get the universe to obey you. And the universe won't obey you. Those germs that you sucked up in your nostrils and got a cold, they wouldn't obey you, right? The universe just won't obey you. And so, you know, a self-seeking person is just frustrated all the time. "They won't do it my way. They won't do it my way. Nobody will do it my way. And I'm right." A self-seeking person is right all the time. All the time. So not to be self-seeking, the first thing we have to do is you and I have to go pray for God's will. If we're not willing to pray for God's will in our lives, then do not expect God's blessing in your life. He won't give you His blessing. We must go ask for His will. This is where faith comes in. We must trust that God loves us, and God will do what's best for us. We must trust it. We must trust it. So the first thing we must do in not being self-seeking is we must ask God for His will, to show us His will and to give us the humility to submit to His will.

Secondly, you and I must desire the physical and spiritual betterment of others. In other words, we want other people to grow. We want good things to happen to other people. We even want people to repent. See, if we get in trouble with that one, I don't want to repent. That means, wow, if they repent, I've got to say hi to them again. I've gotta treat them decently. See what I mean? We can justify anything as long as. we can keep somebody unrepentant. And so we have to seek the betterment of other people. We have to desire the betterment of other people. And when someone has done wrong, we must hope and pray for their repentance. Now, sometimes people don't repent. You and I can't change that. But agape prays for it. Agape desires it.

You know, it's amazing, I've asked this question probably 40 times where someone will talk about someone who really abused them in one way. I mean terrible abuse. Beat them or sexually abuse them as a child. I mean just terrible things. And I'll say, "Okay," because there's always a point in that discussion, "What is it you really want from that person? Do you want God to put them in the lake of fire?" And every time I've gotten down to that question, the person has said, "Oh, no, I want them to repent." And so you've now taken a step towards being healed. You can never be healed until you say, "I want them to repent." "But that person beat me" or "That person killed somebody." I know. Now, they may not repent, but agape, right? God is agape. What is God's approach to every human being on the face of the earth? "I don't care how despicable they are. I want you to repent." Think about it. That's God's approach to every human being. Now, there's still justice. Agape doesn't erase justice. We've already covered that. I always have to give that caveat. But our first approach is always, "I want you to repent."

A third point is we have to develop an attitude of cooperation. That's a whole another subject in itself, but I just didn't want to spend a lot of time on this one because I have so much other to cover and other things over the next couple weeks. But it is a willingness to cooperate, to work within a group, so that we're not always seeking our own way. And then the last point. Remember that our families and the church is where we learn agape and then we exhibit it to the world. We must be willing to reach out to people who aren't members of our own friends, and it's especially in the church. Jesus talked about, you know, when you invite people over to your house for dinner, don't always just invite your friends. Invite people who can never pay you back, people who won't give you anything, people in the church that maybe aren't even close to you. Invite them. Spend time with them. It was talked about in the sermonette. And in doing so, you will be rewarded. So we learned agape in the church by spending time with each other.

So, when we concentrate on this simple quality of not being rude, we find ourselves stepping away from unnecessary conflict and trying to find peaceful solutions if people will give us the opportunity. Now remember, you can't solve problems with other people who don't want to live by those rules. I mean, there's certain people who believe the way you bring peace to any situation is shoot everybody who disagrees with you. Well, that'll bring peace. I'm not sure that is good for the people you shoot. So that's not the agape approach. Some people are going to be offended no matter what you do. You can't help that. But you go into every situation trying to be tactful, trying not to offend. We go into every situation not seeking our own way, but trying to find out what's best from God's viewpoint for everyone. So this has been our fourth sermon now on 1 Corinthians 13. We still have a few more to go. It's easy for us to forget in everyday life about what Christianity is all about. Christianity is about conversion. Christianity is about conversion. Conversion is about agape.