Being a Loving Husband

Please welcome Matthew 20 of our Last week, I spoke on the subject of marriage and This week, I was going to give a Bible study originally. Norma kept saying, you're going to give another sermon on marriage, aren't you? Last week, if you'll remember, I gave a sermon on how a wife aids her husband. Even though I thought it covered both sexes, I guess it was aimed more toward what women can do to help their husbands.

So today, I thought I might dwell on a sermon focusing on marriage and how men can have a greater part in their marriage and what we need to do. I'm only going to give a split sermon on this because I couldn't find anything to speak about, men. No, that's not true. Actually, I've got a folder I could speak. I think I mentioned to someone before church, I've got enough material there.

I could speak on men for the rest of the year. Not this year, but next year, every Sabbath. So there's plenty of information, plenty of material out there. Why do so many marriages fail? Why do they grow stale and boring? Ask yourself about your own marriage. Is your marriage alive? Is it crackling with fire? Is it exciting? Or has it gotten a little stale? A little boring? Most marriages begin with high hopes and you find that over a period of time something happens. It's like the foundation begins to crumble and disintegrate and all at once the marriage isn't what everybody dreamed about.

Before you get married, everybody has all these high dreams and hopes about marriage. You know, I'm going to have the perfect marriage. Everything's going to work out great. But sometimes marriages become an empty shell or they simply become a business arrangement. And so what can we do to make sure our marriages, again, are exciting and on fire? How can it happen that a marriage would fall apart? Where a couple can't stand each other?

Where there's a strained silence? They never speak to one another? There is a gradual progress that happens in marriages and we don't want to fall into that pit. Sometimes we can make the mistake of taking our marriage for granted and we don't want to do that. Or we become so busy with our jobs, careers, or with our children that our marriage suffers. We want to avoid all of these pitfalls and we need to make sure that our marriages keep growing.

So do you have a drab, listless marriage? Or is it something that is a growing institution? Marriages have to be constantly worked at. They don't just happen. You don't get married and just live happily ever after unless you work at it. You've got to put some effort into it. So we cannot neglect our marriages.

So men, how can we be more loving as husbands? What can we do to add more love, more spice, more excitement back into our marriages? Well, let's go over to Ephesians, the fifth chapter. Many times we talk about marriage, we almost always know we're going to go to Ephesians, the fifth chapter. And we'll take a look here at verses 22 through 24 to begin with.

Ephesians 5 beginning in verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husband and everything. Now, I could go off on women. You need to submit to your husband. If you do that, there'd be no problems in marriage. But we all know that's not true. It does say that women are to submit to their husbands, but that's not what I want to focus on in these verses.

What it talks about here, if you'll notice, is that the husband is the head. It does state that the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. So, consequently, the responsibility of headship, leadership, guidance, direction, falls squarely on the husband's shoulders. If he's the head, it's the head that's supposed to direct the rest of the body. And just as our head directs our body and gives us guidance, so it is in marriage. So, you and I, as men, we need to rule our families, as it indicates here, as Christ rules the church.

Now, that's quite a high standard to shoot for. Here's Christ. He's in charge of the church. And you and I, as husbands, are to rule our families like Christ rules the church. Now, when your wife looks at you in the morning, or at night, or at noon, or whenever she looks at you, does she learn what it's like to be married to Christ by being married to you? I mean, is that what she picks up on? She looks at you and says, yes, that's the way it is in the church.

I have this wonderful husband. Wow! You know, it's exciting. I see what it should be like in the church. Maybe we should ask the question, how much of Jesus Christ does your wife see in you? Now, that could be asked of the wife also. Does Jesus Christ take the church for granted? That is, he says, oh, there's the church, and looks to me like it's okay, and then he walks off and comes back a year later, oh, there it is, and then he becomes interested in the church again.

Does he take it for granted? Obviously, he does not. Now, verse 25 tells us, husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Now, let's notice a couple of things here. You and I are to love our wives, just like Christ loves the church. Now, how much does Christ love the church? Well, he loves the church so much that he gave himself, as it says here, he loved the church and he gave himself for her. Jesus Christ was willing to die for us, to make it possible for our sins to be forgiven, to make it possible for us to receive the Holy Spirit, and so a husband must be willing to do for his family.

We have to give ourselves for our families. A man should have a sacrificial love for his wife, for his children, for his family, where he is willing to give and to sacrifice. Too often in marriage, we find we tend to be selfish. Now, I don't know if you have that tendency, but I find that I do, that we all tend to be a little selfish.

I think that comes along with human nature and that we express, many times, love from a selfish point of view. Let me read out of the book, The Missing Dimension in Sex. This was written by Herbert Armstrong. This book, if many of you'll remember, came out in the 60s, and it was a compilation of what we used to call freshman sex class, or Mr. Armstrong told a class on marriage and family and sexual relations, and he took his notes and he wrote a book, and that's what this book was from.

Let me read his definition of what love is supposed to be. If I had to define love in four words, he said, I would say... Now, you're going to hear six words, but four of them are the definition. Love is an unselfish, outgoing concern. So, definition of love, and men were to love our wives in this way, is an unselfish, outgoing concern for the good and welfare the one loved. Love is primarily on the giving, serving, sharing side of the fence, not on the getting, taking, factional, striving side. It is not selfish. So, the godly love that God wants us to have, the love He wants us to have for our mate, is a love that is not going to be selfish, but it's a love that gives.

God is love. Consider how God expressed love towards us who are human. Suggest even those who are hostile or rebellious towards God. Many quotes John 3, 16, for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believed in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. So, Jesus Christ is God, one of the divine persons who composes the God family. Notice how Christ manifested love. In Romans 5, 8, and 10, we read this, God commended His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

So, Christ was willing to die for us. And men, we should be willing to die for our wife, for our families. Since Christ died for us when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son. So, how did Jesus Christ express His love to the church? Well, the scripture that has been quoted above, He gave Himself for it.

So, Jesus Christ gave Himself. Now, as we read back in verse 23 here in Ephesians chapter 5, that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the body. And so, we as husbands are there, and God places a responsibility upon us to be the protector and to look after our family. He goes on to say, love is unselfish, it is not an emotion, though it may be expressed with an emotional content.

Now, how often do you find that love is expressed, especially in Hollywood, romantic novels, you know, anything you want to read about it in this society around this, love is expressed as an emotion. Whereas, He says here, love is unselfish, it's not an emotion, although it can be expressed and have an emotional content. True love combines the rational aspect of outgoing concern, a desire to help, a desire to serve, give, or share, along with sincere, concerned, affectionate feeling.

William Graham Cole, in his book, Sex and Christianity and Psychoanalysis, gave an excellent analysis of love. He draws an interesting distinction between mature love and infantile love. Now, too often, as young people grow up, they have what's termed as infantile love. So, if you're a young person, you're considering marriage, you're going in that direction, how do you tell the difference in a mature love and an infantile love? The latter is primarily emotional, thoughtlessly selfish, seeking its own gratification. Like puppy love, it does not love another as he is, but for what he is, but as he is assumed or romantically desired to be.

How often do I talk to couples when I'm counseling them for premarital counseling concerning marriage? They have these blinders on, and I can see. I ask them about the other person, what they like about the person, their good points. They start describing this person. I've got the couple here. They're talking about the person they're going to marry. As they describe that person, it's somebody I've never heard of before. Who are they describing here? They begin to talk about that person, and you sort of inwardly think, I'm not sure they're viewing this person exactly correctly, but we all tend to do that.

It says, illusion, says Cole, is the standard diet of infantile love. It is, as the poets say, blind. Cupid, appropriately enough, is in diapers. So, Cupid is in diapers.

Are for any from Britain. Those are nappies. We have at least one from Britain, so that's in the book. I thought I'd go ahead and read it. Mature loves his coals, not blind. It has progressed from Pablum to Porterhouse. Jesus said, it's more blessed to give than to receive. That is a true statement of which nearly all human beings are ignorant. Cardinal humanity is bent on getting, taking, having. The average person selfishly is primarily interested in gratifying the desires of the five senses with no concern for others. And so, we see that the definition of true love is an unselfish, outgoing concern for another human being. So, this is the type of love that we are to have for our mate. And it runs both ways, but we're talking about men here today.

So, this is the way we are to have love for our wives. Now, let's notice in verse 26.

Verse 26 says that he might sanctify and cleanse her, talking about Christ and the church, with the washing of the water by the Word. That he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. You find that Jesus Christ is the one who is responsible for cleaning us up, helping us to grow, cleaning away the spots and the wrinkles, the sins, the faults, the mistakes.

And the principle is the husband has a responsibility to be the spiritual leader in a home. We men are to lead in the marriage and especially in the spiritual realm.

We're there to teach our family, teach our wives, to guide and direct in the proper way, and to be the right type of an example. Now, hold your place here. Let's go back to Matthew 7, verse 24. Matthew 7, verse 24. Because we find a principle here, this is a principle that applies directly to marriage. It can be applied to any number of circumstances. But in chapter 7, verse 24, the book of Matthew, it says, Therefore, whoever hears these sayings of mine, we read the Bible, we read the scriptures, we see the commandments, we know what God says. Christ said, if you hear and He does them, I will liken Him to a wise man who builds his house on a rock. The rains descend, the floods came, the winds blew and beat on that house, and it did not fall. For it was founded on the rock.

Now, who is the rock? Blessed Jesus Christ. So our house, our personal spiritual development, must be built on the rock. I say likewise that our marriage must be built on the rock. In any marriage, especially in the church, there are three involved in that marriage. It's you, your mate, and Jesus Christ. And we are to found our marriage on the rock. That means on the teachings, the admonition, the instructions concerning marriage. We must have also a God-centered approach to marriage. And you and our marriage. It goes on to say, but everyone who hears these sayings of mine does not do them. Will be like a foolish man to build his house on the sand. The rains descended, the floods came, the winds blew, beat on that house, and it fell, and great was the fall. So in our marriages, we will be confronted with trials. We'll have tests. We'll have difficulties. That's what the rains and the floods and winds beating on the house. Our marriages will have pressures. There will be pressures inside, outside of that marriage that will exert influence on the marriage. And how is that marriage going to stand? It's going to stand if it's built on the rock. It's going to stand if it's built on the sayings, teachings of the Bible and the scriptures. And if Jesus Christ is right in the heart and the core and the center of that marriage, that marriage will endure. Now, in Matthew, excuse me, in Proverbs chapter 15 and verse 3, I said I wasn't going to talk about angels, but we have one reference here. Proverbs 15 verse 3, The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good. So God, Christ and the angels inspect our marriages. They look at our families. They see whether we're praying or studying. They know exactly what we're doing. Men, to your children, does your wife know that you are a God-fearing individual?

Do they know that? Do they know that you love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your might? Now, if they do, how do they do? I mean, what are the clues that are going to clue them in or cue them in on the fact that you are this way? Well, do they ever see you pray? Do they ever see you study? Does it ever come to their attention that you might be fasting? Do you uphold the legitimate authority in the church? Or do you speak against it? Do you compromise with tithing? Do you keep the Sabbath? Or do you work over into the Sabbath? What kind of an example do they see emanating from you, the head, the leader, the one who is to be the guide of the family? It's not our talking that people will see and know that we're converted, but it is our actions. It is action. Jesus Christ said, you shall know them by their fruits. And so it's by our fruits, by our example, by what we do.

Now, let's go back to Ephesians 5 again, Ephesians 5, verse 28. In this case, verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives. How? As your own body. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Now, that might be a little difficult to understand, but not really, as we will see.

You and I are to love our wives as we love our own bodies. Now, how do you demonstrate that? How do you show your wife that this is the way you truly love her? And again, if you're not married, you need to be taking notes because this is the way you're supposed to love your wife when you get married. Verse 29 answers the question because it says, no one ever hated his own flesh.

But he nourishes and he cherishes it just as the Lord does the church.

So how do we know that Christ loves us? Well, he nourishes us. He feeds us. And he cherishes us. He cares for us. Notice how the NIV translates verse 29. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds it and he cares for it just as Christ does the church. And then the new, revised standard version, Ephesians 5.29, says, for no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it. So he tenderly cares for it just as Christ does the church.

So Jesus Christ tenderly cares for the church. That means you individually, and he nourishes you. He feeds you. He feeds you on the Sabbath. Every time you open the Bible up, he feeds you with the Scriptures. Always dropping papers out of the back of my Bible. So God is very concerned for each one of us. I want you to notice what West Word Study of the Bible says about this section. Let me read from it. It says, Expositors' comment on verse 28 is as follows.

The idea, therefore, is that even as Christ loved the church, so too ought husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.

This is not to be reduced to like themselves. In other words, it's not saying that you are to love your wife like yourself, necessarily. That may be part of it. Nor does the Greek word pass, translated as as, means simply like. Notice verse 28 here. It says, So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. It doesn't just mean like their own bodies. As if all that is meant is that the husband's love for his wife is to be similar for his love for his body. The word has a qualitative force, and it means as if it were or as being. Christ and the husband are each heads. Christ is the head of the church. Husband is the head of the wife. And as Paul has already put it, and as the church is the body in relationship to the former, so is the wife in relationship to the latter. The husband the head, therefore, is to love the wife as being his body. Even as Christ loved the church as forming his body. The idea of husband and wife being one flesh is probably also part of the view. He that loves his own wife loves himself.

Their relationship of head and body means that the wife is part of her husband's self.

When you get married, the two are supposed to be so close to one another that the wife is just like the man's own body. Just as the church is the body, the Christ. To love his wife, therefore, and this character as being his body is to love himself. It is a love, consequently, not merely of duty, but of nature. Now, you know, that's basically what it mentions here in a summary of what verse 28 is about. So, we are to nourish our wives. Our wives will know that we love them because we nourish them. We feed them, we take care of them, we look after them, and this implies all of that. Then also notice it says Christ cherishes the church, and you and I are to cherish our wives. The word cherish means to take care of. You look in the Greek, it means take care of, have concern for, to take care of. There are all kinds of scriptures that you could refer to. In Ephesians 5.29, it means to give his own body whatever is needed. Whatever is needed.

Does your wife feel like that her needs are being met by you? Her physical needs, her spiritual needs, her emotional needs, psychological needs, that all of those are being met. Whatever the wife needs, what are necessary that you are supplying them.

So, we as husbands are to cherish and care for and tenderly look after our wives. In fact, Paul uses this, hold your place here again, in 1 Thessalonians 2 and verse 7, talking about how a minister is to deal with a local congregation or church.

How he dealt with the church. He says, We were gentle among you just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. Just like a nursing mother is nursing her child, cherishes that child loves that child, so it is with a husband loving his wife. Now, let's back up here again. And notice verse 30, Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 30.

It says, For we are members of his body, of his flesh, of his bones. Now, when God created Eve, you remember, God took a rib, some flesh. He created a woman, and Adam said, This is now bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. Now, that expression is used to describe the church. Now, when Christ gives us his spirit, he takes part of him, his spirit, puts it within us, and then we become, in a sense, bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, we become one. There is a union that takes place. We have been united with Jesus Christ.

Now, in marriage, we literally become one flesh in a number of ways. Sexually, obviously, is one, but you become one in so many areas and approach. And so, you see that marriage is the same. The husband has a headship, and in marriage, the two become one. It's interesting here, when you go on and read in verse 31, it says, For this reason... For what reason? Well, so that a man and his wife might become one body or part of his body, of his flesh, of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother. The word leave in the Greek means to leave behind or to depart from. When you get married, you are to depart from this group over here, your family, and you are to go over here and start a new union. You're to leave them behind. That doesn't mean you never see them. It just means that you have now set up your own union, your own family. And then it goes on to talk about, he's to leave or depart from his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and they too shall be one flesh.

Word joined means to be glued upon, to glue, to join oneself too closely, to cleave, to stick to.

Compound verb, quoting here from Nida and loud lexicon, the compound verb denotes a most intimate union.

Shall be one flesh does not include the preposition ace in the Greek.

So, at full rendering is shall be unto one flesh.

So, we are to become unto one flesh when we get married. That's why God joins the two together, so that we can come to that.

And that's exactly what God does with us.

Now in verse 33, we find the last verse in this section.

Nevertheless, let each of you in particular so love his own wife as himself. So, we're to love our wives as ourselves, and let the wife see that she respect or reverence her husband.

Now, you are to love your wife as you love yourself.

I'd like to quote another article that Mr. Armstrong wrote.

It was an article dealing with marriage, but also dealing, well, basically, actually, was dealing more with the type of love, selfish love, that human beings tend to have.

But I think it clearly explains the problem we see sometimes in marriage and why certain marriages don't make it, end up on the trash heap, so to speak.

The human mind, he writes, is essentially self-centered. But the human mind is an empirical mind.

Self includes whatever one thinks is his or hers. His clothes, his home, his property, his children, even his parents, his team, his country. And if we were fighting Martians, it would be his earth, you know, against the Martians. Self expands to include what belongs to self as long as he feels he's still. Selfishly gets from whomever or whatever it is.

So as long as you're able to obtain from that, then you're okay. One human spirit can be compatible with another human spirit, especially when it's to one's selfish or pleasing advantage.

Thus, an unconverted husband can get along with an unconverted wife.

So long is there is no attitude of hostility, competition, displeasure, incompatibility, annoyance, and dislike.

But the carnal self, actuated by the human spirit, is essentially self-centered.

And it loves primarily itself.

It loves another when it gains, receives pleasure or satisfaction from. And or feels the other is part of his or her empirical self.

That explains why some marriages succeed even when both are unconverted.

When one is converted, the other is not. It still may succeed as long as it is satisfying and sees and advantageous to the unconverted.

But the mind led by the Holy Spirit will have an attitude of love towards another so long as he is truly being led by that Spirit of God. If one is not the Holy Spirit of God, is not being motivated and led by God's Spirit, he or she may still live compatibly with the mate in marriage so long as such a person is selfishly pleased with the relationship.

Now, you and I with God's Spirit are supposed to have that Spirit to guide and motivate us in our marriage and to direct us.

The word here for love in verse 33 is a word that's a derivation of the word agape.

It's not exactly agape, but a kapo. It means to esteem to love, indicating a direction of the will.

That you set your will and you love that person, finding one's joy in something or someone.

It means to love or to regard with strong affection.

So you love another one with strong affection. Notice chapter 2 in verse 4, where this word is used here and used in this context or this way to have a strong affection and regard for.

Verse 4, God, who is rich in mercy because of his great love, which he loved us.

So because of God's great love and mercy, he loved us. You and I are to have that type of love toward one another.

It is also a love toward superiors that include the idea of duty, respect, and serving with fidelity, with faithfulness.

Chapter 6 in verse 24 of the book of Ephesians shows the word used in that way. Grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity.

But you and I are to love one another in sincerity.

And it means to regard with favor, goodwill, to be benevolent.

So we are to love our mate as we love ourselves.

Remember Matthew 22 in verse 39?

You are to love the Lord your God with all your soul, all your mind, spirit, and so on. And you are to love your neighbor as yourself.

And in marriage, we are to love our mate as ourself.

Now the problem is we can begin to take our marriage for granted. And you capture the girl of your dreams. Maybe you have this dream. You're going to get married. You see this lovely thing across a crowded room. You know, you fly to her side. You make her your own. And then all of your lifetime, you're in love. But something happens along the way in many cases. We no longer have to impress that girl. You get married, you got her.

So what you did to impress her, make her think you were a knight in shining armor, you're no longer doing.

In many cases, we begin to let down, take things for granted.

And we have a tendency at home to let down, to relax. We have nobody to impress. You already got her. She's there. You don't have to impress her anymore.

And sometimes we become too busy with work, with family, pursuing careers, responsibilities. And so we begin to neglect one another.

The wife can put children ahead of her husband.

Wives, children do not come first in a marriage. We know that a man can put his career first.

First always is God. You know, that's the first thing in our life. Seek you first, the kingdom of God in His righteousness. But on the physical plane, the first thing in a marriage is your wife.

Then come the family or the children, and then is your career. Not the other way around. And too often men have it the other way around.

As an old saying goes, too many couples marry for better, are for worse, and not for good.

You and I, when we get married, we want to make sure we marry for good.

It was long as we lived.

So how do you build love into your marriage? How do you maintain love in your marriage? Remember, love is an action word.

Love is doing something. Love is not just a feeling. Love is action. You can say all day long you love somebody, but if your actions don't show that, how do they know that you love them?

As I mentioned last week, we need to realize that men and women are different. And let me just read a few examples of how men and women are different.

This is titled Men vs. Women, Comparing Nicknames.

It says, if Laura, Suzanne, Deborah, and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Deborah, and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut Head, and Scrappy.

They just don't look at things in the same way. When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John will each throw $20 on the table, even though it's only $32.50.

None of them will have anything smaller. None will actually admit he wants change back.

When the girls get the bill, out come the pocket calculators.

And that's true. My wife carries a calculator. And I have to borrow it occasionally.

When it comes to money, a man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

Bathroom. A man has six items in the bathroom. Toothbrush, comb, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel from a holiday inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

And that's some truth to that.

Arguments. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

And then dressing up, a woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

A man will dress up to go to a wedding or a funeral.

Or we might say on the Sabbath. And then, finally, concerning children, our offspring, a woman knows about her children.

She knows about dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes, and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware that short people are living in the house.

And that's, again, a lot of truth.

So we all realize that men are different than women. And women are different from men.

So, men, what can we do to begin to show and demonstrate a little love, or more love, in our marriage? Well, let me give you several points here very quickly. Number one, we need to spend more time with each other. Spend time together. At one time, you were total strangers. You got to know each other. You always found time for each other. Couldn't stay off the phone. Always, you're trying to see each other.

Marriage should increase a couple's companionship. Now you have time to live together. It's not that she lives over there and you're several blocks away, or stayed away, or whatever it might be. You're able to spend time with each other.

Your mate is the most important person, or should be the most important person, in the world to you.

Don't be guilty of marital idolatry.

Marital idolatry is putting someone before your mate.

Idolatry is putting something before God.

And you and I should not put others before our mate.

Another old saying is, Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt, he forgets about his sugar.

So you and I need to make sure we don't forget about our sugar.

So we need to spend time with one another.

Now I realize that you work, especially you're younger. Maybe both are working.

You're out of the house. You become home tired. But we've got to spend time together.

And that leads us to another point.

You need to continue to date one another.

Need to go out together. Why is it that once couples get married, very seldom do they ever go out on a date.

Norm and I, with our children going up, we used to make a big deal out of it.

We would at least once a month go out on a date. We tell our boys, this is date night.

We'd have a babysitter.

And later on, as they got a little older, the older boys would watch the younger. And we would go out. Where are you going? Well, here's the number. When you're going to be back in.

And we would tell them, well, we'll be back at a certain time.

Now, never forget the time when David was babysitting. We said we were going to be back. I forget something like 10. Maybe it was 11.

And we came in. You opened the door, tried to be quiet. There was David. Where have you been?

Why didn't you call?

And, you know, he was a little upset that we hadn't called. And we thought, well, I guess we should have called and let him know we were going to be late.

But you need to date.

When you have children, and especially when they're smaller, it's likely that the wife is going to be with home. Be home with them when they're young.

And she's going to be there. She's going to be taking care of the house, the children.

And she's going to feel cooped up all the time.

A lot of times, men are out in the world. Maybe your job is one where Bob's talking.

When I go out visiting, I'm out all day talking. I come home.

Last thing I want to do is talk.

Well, here's my wife, especially when she had little children. And she said, the only intelligent conversation I have is with a five-year-old. And, you know, I want to talk.

So, you know, we have to talk.

So you need to date. You need to realize sometimes that your wife needs to get out. She needs to know, number one, that she's special to you, that she's somebody you still appreciate, you love. You want to take her out and let her realize that she's still special. So it doesn't matter how old you are. You can still go out, go to a movie, go out and see something, do something together.

The two of you just need time together.

Private time as a couple.

And that brings us to another point.

That is to communicate with one another.

In marriage, we need time to communicate.

Last week, I discussed the difference between men and women and how men and women communicate. And I showed that we've got the right side and the left side of the brain. And women have four times as many connections. Remember, man's brain, woman's brain, you know, connected together. And women are able, men are able to think, you know, one step at a time. Women are able to look and think and observe many different things. That's why a man comes into a room.

He sees, you know, he's looking at one thing. That's what he sees. A woman comes in. She notices the shoes, the clothing. She notices, you know, the decor. She notices everything because her whole mind's working. Man's concentrating on one thing at a time and probably not even seeing that.

But we have to communicate.

Again, men accuse women of not talking or excuse me, of talking too much. And women say, well, their husbands don't talk and women do not like the strong silent type.

You and I need to learn to be leaders and communicate as far as communicating with our wife. So what do you talk about? You come home, what do you talk about?

Well, you need to be genuinely interested in what they were doing during the day.

Now, you come home and you say, I know what she was doing. She was cleaning house, changing diapers, nursing babies, you know, cooking food.

What's so exciting about that? I heard about that the day before.

Well, we all as human beings want somebody to take an interest in us, what we're doing.

Sometimes a husband would make his wife feel left out, feel alone. She's not apart.

You need to be able to solve problems together.

A lot of times a wife will say, wait till your dad gets home and he'll take care of this.

Well, you know, then dad comes home and, you know, he, you discuss the situation or a problem.

Man, we need to communicate with our wives and we need to let them know how much they mean to us, how we feel about them. We need to share our thoughts with them.

We shouldn't let gripes and complaints, new complaining build up.

As Proverbs 13 and verse 10 says, by pride comes strife and contentions. Don't let things build up to where you have contentions and strife in a marriage. Talk them out. Get them out in the open. Communicate with one another.

Then, men, we need to verbally express love to our wives and do it constantly.

Men tend to bottle up their feelings or, you know, can be this way. The wives, you know, can look at a bottle and shake it. They don't know what necessarily in there. They want to see. They want to hear how you feel.

I remember years ago a sermon being given.

We were at Ambassador College where the minister said, you know, husband should tell his wife at least twice a day that he loves her.

And you saw all these men look around.

Many of them, obviously, were not even twice a day saying how much they love their wives.

Do you express love and appreciation for your wife in other rooms besides the bedroom? Do you show affection to her?

You need to tell your wife several times a day how you love her, how you appreciate her.

Do you buy her gifts?

Again, when before you got married, you were always bringing candy. Maybe candy is not the best thing. But to bring flowers, bring a gift, give a card, you know, it's always nice when you open up, or your wife opens up something that your husband knows that she's going to get into.

And there's a card or there's a note from the husband.

I was up in Cincinnati the other day, and I opened my suitcase up.

My wife wanted me to see this on the second day I was there. It was my birthday. Not the first, but I was pulling clothes out of my suitcase, and I saw this note in there, actually. It was a card, and it was from my loving wife, you know, telling me how much she appreciated me.

Well, she should know that I appreciate her the same way.

And it's doing things for your mate that they don't expect, where you express love to them, that begins to build a bond there and lets them know that you love them.

So we need to be able to share love. Let's notice in 1 Corinthians 13.

1 Corinthians 13, verses 4 and 5.

This is the way that we need to be with our wives.

Verse 4 and 5.

We read that love suffers long, is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, and thinks no evil.

This is the way our love needs to be demonstrated to our wives.

So they need to know that you are loving and caring, that you show that love, that you express that love.

Then husbands, do we actually pitch in and help our wives around the house?

Some boys, as they were growing up, were told by the father, Stay out of the kitchen. Don't help in the house. That's women's work. That's their domain. You shouldn't be involved in that.

It's like another saying, a foolish husband says to his wife, Honey, you stick to washing, cooking, ironing, and scrubbing. No wife of mine is going to work. Well, of course, it's not until you have to start doing some of those things that you begin to realize how much work is connected with that.

In many cases, we find that our wives do work outside of a home, and then they come home and they've got to look after the children, cook, wash, and do all of these type of things.

Nothing wrong with a husband pitching in and helping and helping. Do we pick up our clothes? Or do we make these little neat piles all over the place? Here's Monday's clothes. Here's Tuesday. Over here, Wednesday. I don't know how many of you read the newspaper or the comics. One of the favorite comic strips that Norm and I like is one called Zips. It's about a 14, 15-year-old teenage boy. You see his room sometime, and you have to take a shovel to clean it out. But it so describes the way some husbands are. They get married, and the idea is their wife is like a puppy dog. She comes along behind them picking up. Well, that's not the way it should be. We taught our boys, as they were growing up, you don't go to school. They couldn't leave for school until they put all their clothes up, put all their toys away, made their beds. Then they took a shower and did all that, and they come up and be ready for school. Well, they were taught that. Now, whether they followed up on that later on, they got married is another question.

But you find that you're a team, and there are times simply you know that your wife is not feeling good or that she's just overworked. That's when you jump in. That's when you show love in action. That's when you demonstrate how much you love her.

And a final point is our personal appearance is important. Again, remember when you were dating, how careful you were in combing your hair, and you had your clothes just right, and you dated this girl, and you get married, you come home, you just sort of let down around one another.

How do you look when your husband comes to the door? We could also switch that around for the wives. You know your husband's coming home. Do you try to think, boy, he's coming home, and you make sure that you're dressed appropriately? Sometimes men can be out working, manual labor. You need to come home, comb your hair, wash your hands, pull your dirty clothes off, and put on the dirty boots where they go. I'm not saying you can't relax and put on older clothes, but sometimes we become so sloppy around each other that we forget our appearance. Mr. Armstrong used to not ever let his wife see him with his hair not combed. He'd comb his hair in the morning. The first thing you do is go to the bathroom and comb his hair. He'd comb his hair because he just had that much respect and love for his wife. Well, men, we need to make sure that we go out of the way to show and demonstrate to our wives the love that we have and truly love her. One of the things we need to do every day is to pray for our wives and ask God to deepen the love, the concern, and the care that we have for them. Because, again, it doesn't just come naturally. It is a fruit of God's Spirit. It's something that God gives us. That God would help us to truly have that as an approach. Again, we must constantly be attending our marriage. We've got to work at them. The reward from our putting forth the effort will be great because we will see our wives reciprocating. The children will see our examples. So let's work on being an odd couple. What is an odd couple? A happily married one as far as this world is concerned. So let's make sure that we truly have a happy marriage.