I Will Make Him a Helper Comparable to Him

Well, happy Sabbath once again. Great to see all of you with us today. To begin a sermon on marriage today, I would like to give some quotes. I think that's an appropriate way to begin a topic on the discussion of marriage. This one's from Prince Philip. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. Socrates, the great philosopher, once said, By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad wife, you'll become a philosopher. Agatha Christie. Her opinion was an archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

David Muir. I will get into some more sentimental sappy ones. A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It's when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. Ruth Graham Bell, the wife of the late Billy Graham, said a good marriage is the union of two good forgivers. One more. The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is in giving just a little extra each day as often as possible for as long as we both shall live. Through someone. Fawn Weaver. Well, next Sunday we are going to have a marriage ceremony here for Adam and Christine.

That's always an exciting event. We had a marriage here last September with Mike and Paula, and that was a wonderful event as well. We love to have marriages here within the Church of God. We love to have marriages in our building. Marriage is so important because it's under assault in our Western culture. People are waiting longer and longer before they get marriage.

There are many forces trying to destroy or redefine marriage. We have no fault divorce. We have feminism. On the other hand, we have men who act like they were raised by Neanderthals. We have same-sex relationships. We have adultery. We have porn addictions.

We have a lot of stresses and things trying to destroy the concept of marriage. In our major cities in the United States today, 80% of the children born are born out of wedlock. That's in our major cities, major metropolitan areas here in the United States. So the whole idea, the whole concept of marriage is under assault. People trying to destroy it, other people trying to redefine it.

So I think it's good for us as we think about a very happy event that's going to occur next Sunday. We talk about the state of marriage and maybe look at our own marriages a little bit as we go through the sermon. Let's begin by going in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. And I'd like to talk about the fact that the man needed a helper. The thing that always stuns me when I read sometimes some articles that are a little more feminist oriented, in which I've heard phrases like, well, women aren't expected to be complete.

After all, they were just created to be helpers. They're not really like full like Adam was. They're just created to be helpers and that's not fair. That's denying women their full womanhood just being a helper. I've read articles on that. I've even heard similar comments like that made within some women in the Church of God. Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. So let's begin here and see if this is true. And the Lord God said, it's not good that man should be alone.

I will make a helper comparable to him. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them and whatever Adam called them, called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. The new Revised Standard Version, I like its translation. It said, there was not found a helper as his partner.

I think that's really a great translation. So in the midst here of God's good creation, Chapter 1, verse 31 said everything he created was good. A man was alone and incomplete needing a helper. So God created a helper for him. Soon he'll create a helper for him and she will be a help mate to the man her name will be Eve. The Hebrew word here for helper is azer and the root of those word means to surround something, to protect it, to be an aid, to help it, to promote it.

That's what that Hebrew word azer means in the original Hebrew. So rather than being a demeaning term, this word helper is used throughout Scriptures and the Scriptures say that helpers are essential to all of us. Let's read some examples. Psalm chapter 33 and verse 18 if you will turn there with me. You know, if anyone should be offended by the term helper, it should be men because basically God is saying here that left alone man is incomplete.

So if anyone should say, well wait a minute, you're saying that without female companionship that I'm alone, that I don't quite have everything that I need. So it's men who should be offended by the concept of Eve or a wife being a helper. Psalm chapter 33 and verse 18 behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his mercy to deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive and famine. Our soul waits for the Lord. He is our Azar. God is our help and our shield.

So is that some demeaning term towards God? If God is our help, not at all. For our heart shall rejoice in him because we have trusted in his holy name. The word help, helper, describes a function not one's diminished worth. One does not lose value as a person by humbly assisting in the role of a helper no more than God is diminished by assisting in the role of a helper. A hospital aide is not diminished because they help the elderly or the disabled.

The elderly and disabled probably could not function without the love and care of that aide. Jesus said in Luke chapter 2 and verse 26, he was greatest among you. Let him be as the younger, meaning let him be as the one who gets all the menial tasks dumped on him, like growing up in the family. And you were that I was the youngest in my family and I got to take out the garbage and I got, I inherited all of those menial tasks because my older brother and sister thought they were too old or mature to have to do those things. So I was saddled with them.

That's what Jesus means when he says here, let him be as the younger, the younger of the family, the one who gets dumped on. And he who governs as he who serves. Psalm, let's go back forward a few chapters, Psalm chapter 54 and verse 2, Psalm chapter 54 and verse 2. The psalmist was inspired to write, Hear my prayer, O God, give ear to the words of my mouth, for strangers have risen up against me and oppressors have sought after my life. They have not said God before them, Selah. Stop and think about that for a while.

That's what the word means. Verse 4, Behold, God is my helper, Azar. Same word referring to Eve. Same word referring to the companion that Adam needed because he was incomplete without that companionship. The Lord is with those who uphold my life. He will repay my enemies for their evil. Cut them off in your truth. I will freely sacrifice to you. I will praise your name, O Lord, for it is good, for he has delivered me out of all trouble and my eye has seen its desire upon mine enemies.

So again, we and there are other areas in the book of Psalms where it says God is my Azar. But I think we get the point. We don't certainly don't need to cover all of them. Let's go to Hebrews chapter 13 and verse 4 and see what it says here. Hebrews chapter 13 beginning in verse 4.

The author of the book of Hebrews, perhaps Paul himself, wrote, marriage is honorable among all. Marriage is an honorable institution and that's why we'll be celebrating one a week from tomorrow. And the bed, undefiled. What a man and woman who are married to each other agree to do in their bedroom is between them. If they both enjoy it, what they agree to do together and share together is their business. Governments and churches should not insert themselves into people's bedrooms.

A man and a wife have rights and as long as they both enjoy spending time together, it says that the bed is undefiled. But for indicators and adulterers, God will judge. Let your conduct be without covetousness. In other words, don't want things that everyone else has. Want their house, want their job, want their title, want their spouse. Be content with such things as you have, for he himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper.

Obviously, this is the New Testament. This is a Greek word here. It happens to be boethos, the Greek word for helper, but it says, the Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me? Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the Word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct.

In other words, imitate the faith of those who rule over you. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So Jesus Christ himself came down to earth in the role of a helper, as well as a Savior. So again, the idea of a helper somehow being less than a full person, or somehow the term being derogatory, or being a diminished role, is not a biblical concept. That's a concept that's been inserted by human cultures, distorted, dysfunctional human cultures, and if females have been oppressed, that's not because God endorses, or wanted, or expected oppression. It's because people have rejected God and created their own cultures in which males and females played differing roles.

There's something else very important in Scriptures that's also referred to as a helper, and you may already be there in your mind, and I've already been thinking of this. John chapter 16 and verse 7. Jesus says here, Nevertheless, I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away if I do not go away, the helper will not come to you. He's obviously referring to the gift of God's Holy Spirit, also referred to using a Greek word translated here into an English word. The English word used in this translation is a helper, and if I depart, I will send him to you.

Of course, we know the Holy Spirit is not a gender. I will send it to you, and when it has come, it will convict the world of sin and of righteousness and judgment of sin because they do not believe in me of righteousness, because I go to my Father and you will see me know more of judgment because the ruler of this world is judged. So obviously, this is a Greek word in this case, but it's also translated here in the new King James Version as helper.

That's the role of the Holy Spirit. That doesn't diminish what the Holy Spirit, that powerful tool that God gives us, that doesn't diminish the role of the Holy Spirit. Some translations use the word comforter or advocate. The Greek word here is perclettos, meaning an intercessor, a consoler, an advocate, a comforter. Those are some of the things that God's Spirit does for us. So let's get back to Genesis chapter 2 and take a look at verse 21. Let's go back there, and I wanted to just make sure that we understand what it means here when it says that Eve was created as a helper.

That is not a demeaning term. It is not saying she's less than, she's inferior. Years ago, I had a conversation with someone who used to attend here, and he happened to be married to someone of a different race, and the gentleman said to me, he made a comment to me about his wife not needing prayer and study, and I said, I beg your pardon? He says, oh, she comes from an ignorant culture.

She doesn't require prayer and Bible study like I do, and I was stunned. I was just absolutely stunned by his perception of who he thought his wife was and what his wife's rule was. Obviously, in his eyes, she was less than. She was inferior, and that's a very scary perverted human idea at looking at anyone who happens to be your life partner. All right, chapter 2, verse 21, back in the book of Genesis. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs and closed up to flesh in its place, then the rib which the Lord God had taken from him, he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man.

It's a gift. He says, I'm bringing you something that's going to be compatible to you, and here's a special gift from God. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. In other words, she's me! She's just like me! She's fully human, fully me! She comes from my bone, she comes from my flesh, she's not inferior in any way! She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and the woman, and they were not ashamed.

So they had not yet received this influence that will occur after they sinned, where they feel a sense of shame. Right now, the idea of shame is foreign to them. They have never experienced the feeling of seeing someone naked, of their own nakedness, of their own inferiorities. Oh, I don't look good in the mirror. Oh, I look, do I look fattedness? By the way, that's a loaded question. Don't ever answer that question. But they feel no sense of shame whatsoever.

So God, he creates a perfect companion for the man, and her name is Eve. She wasn't taken from his foot so that he could walk all over her. She wasn't taken from his head, from his skull, so that she could control him and tell him what to do all the time, tell him how wrong he is all the time.

She was taken from his side to be his life partner, a partnership to walk alongside him for the rest of their lifetime. They were able to enjoy two wonderful gifts on their first Sabbath together after creation. They had a direct personal relationship with the Creator God because God was present there in the garden and spoke with them. And of course, they had a garden paradise as a down payment of what God eventually will establish over all the earth. Unfortunately, they sinned and they removed those gifts and blessings from their lives, and it's going to take the establishment of the kingdom of God to restore that garden that God originally intended to encompass all of the earth.

So we just read these verses. What's happening in these verses? What's happening is Adam is publicly proclaiming. Adam said, this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh and she shall be called woman because she was taken out a man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall be one flesh.

That is a public declaration. He declares his union to his wife. That's why we have marriage ceremonies. The idea of a marriage ceremony, whether it's here or in front of a judge, is that the couple publicly declare their union and their commitment to one another. Again, he did this verbally in the presence of God and in the presence of Eve, and also I'm sure there was a little serpent slinking around in the leaves listening to all this. And there were heavenly hosts, billions and billions of spiritual beings listening to this proclamation, this public declaration of his. And Adam was making a covenant with his mate.

They were now to be fused, to be glued together, to become one team of partnership throughout the rest of their lives. This verse emphasizes the complete identification of two personalities being brought together in a marriage and sharing their lives. The passage tells us that God instituted the idea of what marriage is, and marriage is intended to be monogamous, heterosexual, and the complete union of two partners, two people. When you read the book of Genesis, you will not see that God created Adam and Steve. He created Adam and Eve. It does not say that a man shall have five wives, or two wives, or a wife shall have two husbands.

They were exclusive to one another. Now, it didn't take long. Their son Cain brought polygamy, the idea of polygamy, into the world. So it didn't take long, but that, from the beginning, it was God's intention that marriage would be monogamous, heterosexual, and the complete union of two persons. Unfortunately, again, beginning with Cain, polygamy was introduced into human cultures. However, Scripture reveals that Adam and Eve were exclusive to one another.

This is what God originally intended. I sometimes still perceive that people in the church misunderstand the difference between what God's will is and what God allows. God's will is rarely done on this earth. That's why Jesus taught us to pray, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, because it's rarely done. God holds his nose and puts up with a lot of deviation in human cultures, a lot of perversions in human cultures.

But because he allows it, because he doesn't send a lightning bolt down immediately and vaporize people, does not mean that's acceptable to God's will. God's will is one thing. What God allows because he is a patient and a compassionate and a merciful God, that's something totally different. So I think it's very important for us to understand that. It is not God's will that people do things like polygamy, incest, adultery, fornication, homosexuality. Again, he allows these things to occur, but it doesn't mean that he agrees with sin or that he endorses anything that is sinful. Jesus himself asked Jesus a question about divorce in Matthew chapter 19 and verse 8, and Jesus said, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

What's Jesus saying? In the beginning with Adam and Eve, he intended them to live together for a lifetime. A complete, total partnership. It's because of the perversions and distortions of human beings that I allow, contrary to my will, contrary to what I started in the beginning, that I allow divorce. That's what Jesus Christ is saying here.

So today, marriage should be a public declaration of fidelity and of union, no matter what culture one is from. And we're going to be, again, celebrating a marriage in a little over a week, and we're going to be doing that. So what happened to the relationship after they both sinned by eating forbidden fruit? We're going to see immediately that what you might call the battle of the sexes begins, and it's kind of been going on ever since. Genesis chapter 3 and verse 1. Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field, which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, Has God indeed said, You shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And actually, her first answer, as I've said before, is spot on.

What's the serpent trying to say? Oh, let's look at the negative. Let's look at what you can't have. God said, You can't eat this? And her response is possible. Oh, no, you misunderstand. God says, We can eat all of this except this right over here. So she starts out, of course, she's innocent, and she's naive compared to this very subtle, manipulative serpent that represents Satan the devil. And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden. See? She's got the big picture. She's very positive oriented. But the fruit of the tree, which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, You shall not eat, nor shall you touch it lest you die. And the serpent said to the woman, You shall not surely die. Of course, that's a lie.

They're dead. Adam and Eve are both in the ground, so old that I'm sure there's nothing left of their bones. I'm not a pathologist, but that's a long time to be dead. Their only hope is that there's a resurrection because they are, as we say, deader than a doornail. So he's lying to where you shall not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it, your eyes will be opened and that's a half-truth. Sure, your eyes will be open. You'll now understand what shame is, and you'll now begin to feel guilty for the things that you should do or the things that you shouldn't have done. And you're going to have this whole level of I'm not good enough of shame and guilt and inadequacy happen to you when you bite into that fruit and you take that forbidden fruit. Your eyes will be open and you'll be like God, knowing good and evil. You might know good and evil, that certainly doesn't make you like God. Verse 6, so when the woman saw that the fruit was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. So the serpent deceives the woman, and it's interesting to note who is the leader here? Who's leading? Who's following?

The leader is Eve. Takes the fruit, takes a bite out of it, hands it to the follower who unquestionably goes and also eats of the forbidden fruit. That's important because I want to bring out a scripture, a verse, in another minute or so. Genesis chapter 3 and verse 16. So they sinned, and God first, before we get to this verse, he has a few things to say about the serpent, prophesy about the serpent, and part of that prophecy is the fact that Jesus Christ would come and crush his head in the future, that Christ would be born. And then he addresses the woman to the woman. He said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception in pain, and you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. Now, in the garden, there was safety, and there was security because God's presence was there. Now, in contrast to that, when a woman would give birth, it would be painful. It would be dangerous, and until the last 50 years or so, childbirth historically was very, very dangerous. If you go a typical old cemetery, you'll be amazed at how many women died in childbirth, and how many children were born who did not live very long, who succumbed to various diseases. Their sin alienated the intimacy they had between God, that is, Adam, and Eve. And in the same way, it would alienate the intimacy between man and woman. I want to make a comment of what some scholars say about this verse here. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you traditionally. The traditional interpretation of that is that you will long to be led by your husband, and you'll have a natural affinity to want to follow your husband. Your desire will be to be his. But there's another possible way that that phrase is translated. It happens to be a Hebrew word, desire, that is keshu ka, and some scholars give this a slightly different meaning, because they just go a chapter forward, and they see where the same Hebrew word is used, and it's used in this way. It's used describing sin trying to control Cain, God said, and its desire, speaking of sin, is for you, but you should rule over it. So some scholars believe that the verse that we just looked at where it says, your desire shall be for your husband, would be better translated. You're going to desire to rule over your husband, like you just did by picking the fruit off of that tree, and giving it to him, and him following. Some translations say this couldn't be. You're going to desire to rule over your husband, like you just did, but instead he's going to end up ruling over you. Of course, virtually every human culture on earth developed to the point where women were in subjection to their husbands, first to their fathers until they were married, and then to their husbands. So that is just an interesting way that some say that can be translated. So instead of marriage being a respectful partnership, as God originally attended from the beginning, there's indication here that marriages would have conflicts, and that shouldn't surprise us. What is a marriage? A marriage is a relationship in which two people who grew up in different family cultures and have their own opinions and their own views, their own likes and their own dislikes come together to live together. And there's a difference between dating, and then there's another difference between 24-7. Living with someone day in and day out, and quickly understanding that they're not perfect. They have flaws, and they're different, and their opinions aren't the same as ours. Their values may not be the same as ours.

So all of that is part of what we call the process of maturing in a marriage. Let's go to 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 1. 1 Corinthians 7, beginning in verse 1.

We're now going to go to the New Testament and take a look at some things that the Apostle Paul said.

1 Corinthians 7, verse 1. Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Now I have to give a little bit of background here.

Paul was a bachelor, and at the time he wrote 1 Corinthians, he in his heart of heart believed that Jesus Christ's return was imminent any day. And what he saw in marriages was a complication. He saw that when you're married, you can no longer dedicate yourself exclusively to God.

I mean, that is, in all fairness, that is a weakness, if we can use that phrase, of being married compared to being single. When you're married, you have marital obligations and responsibilities that pull you away from a relationship with God, especially when you're a young mother and you have children. So you have to raise your children, you have to correct your children, you have to change the diapers, you need to make meals for them. Oftentimes moms are also working while they're doing all those things, and a common refrain that I hear from a lot of young mothers is how guilty they feel because they're not able to connect with God deeply and closely when they're in young motherhood. So Paul is saying here, in his opinion, because he thought Jesus Christ was returning, it would be better to remain single, like he was. Now concerning the things of which you wrote me, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife. So he thinks because of sexual urges and the temptations, he says, if you feel that way, then you should marry, certainly, rather than sin. Let each man have his own wife. By the way, that's singular. He doesn't say, gather together four or five wives, if you can afford it. Your own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection do her, in other words, marital intimacy. And likewise, also, the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. What he's saying here is don't ever use intimacy as a weapon against your spouse. That will create long-term bitterness. Probably will destroy your relationship. Do not use your body, or withholding your body, as a weapon to get back and punish your spouse. And that applies to men or women. Should absolutely never be done. He says, do not deprive one another, except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves the fasting and prayer, and come together again, so Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. So he's saying, this is my opinion, particularly regarding whether one should marry or not. So I want you to notice his first instruction regarding biblical marriage between one man and one woman. They should mutually show affection to one another. He doesn't say, wives, it's your job to show affection to your husband. And he's saying, both of you have the responsibility emotionally, mentally, and yes, physically, to show affection and love and concern to your spouse. Doesn't matter whether you are the man or you are the wife.

When you willingly give your body to your spouse, you're showing submission to them, and vice versa. Again, it's a two-way street. Paul is saying it doesn't matter if you are the husband or the wife. This applies to both of you. Submitting is mutual. It's not just something that the wife is expected to do. Submitting is mutual. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 15. See what he says here, Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 15. See then that you walk circumspectly. That means that you walk carefully, that you plan your steps, that you plan your life and don't just allow things to happen. See that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time. In other words, making the most of your opportunities. Having a goal, having a plan for your life, having a goal or a plan for each day. We've talked about a mission statement and why that's important in the past because the days are evil. If you don't have a plan, if you don't have goals, then time and chance is going to take over your life, and you're probably not going to like the results. Time and chance, as I've said before, does not care about your hopes or dreams. It's arbitrary, it's cruel, it just is stuff that happens. And if we don't want to be subject to that, then we have to make our own choices and our own decisions because the days are evil. The days are filled with confusion and someone else willing to make all your decisions for you if you're not willing to make your own. Verse 17, therefore, do not be unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is. He's going to tell us the will of the Lord is that we be filled with his Spirit. Verse 18, do not be drunk with wine, which is dissipation or debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit. And what are some of the benefits of being filled with God's Spirit? Filled with God's Spirit. Who touched upon a little bit in our sermonette today? Speaking to one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Being spiritually minded, talking about spiritual things, singing and making melody in your heart. As we go through the week, do we have a song in our heart? Do we have something that's in our head that's peppy and energizes us? Something that's beautiful and wonderful? A refrain or a song that we have going through our heads?

Saying this is what happens when you're filled with the Spirit. You're Spirit-minded. You're thinking about spiritual things. Verse 20, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submitting one to another, not just wives submitting to their husbands. People just love to pull that Scripture out, put it in bright lights, bump up the font to you know 120 Arial font. No, he says submitting to one another in the fear of God. So submission is not only for wives or females. In reality, we are all in submission to numerous things. It doesn't matter what your gender are. We're all in submission to God the Father. We're all in submission to Jesus Christ. Do you have a job? I've got news for you. You're in submission to your employer. Are you a citizen of the United States? I have worse news for you. You are in submission to a government and the gazillions of laws that it has created to try to enforce Ten Commandments. So we're all in submission.

That's the reality of it. And if we are in Christ, we should all be in submission to one another.

All right, he clarifies this. He expands upon this after saying we need to be submitting to one another. Verse 22, wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife. Oh, Mr. Thomas, you were doing so good to this point. If only you would have ended your sermon a little earlier, it would have been the best sermon ever. But now you've got to interject this head stuff in here. Verse 23, for the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Well, first let me make some comments about what being the head of anything, something, anything means. The Greek word for submit here is hoopotasso, and it means to subordinate yourself voluntarily, not because you have to, not because you're under threat, but to voluntarily submit yourself to someone or something.

That's what the word means in its original Greek, to be under obedience. So why would Paul say this?

Well, for a number of reasons. First of all, even nature teaches us that anything that has two heads is a freak of nature. Ever see a two-headed cow there at some carnivals and circuses? Most of them are in big pickled jars. Two-headed snakes? Anything that has two heads, any organism, is a freak of nature. It doesn't matter whether you call yourself a family, a church, a government, an organization, a club, or a marriage. Ultimately, someone or something must make a decision.

Someone has to be tasked when all the information is sorted out and pros and cons and everything. Someone has to be there. It says, all right, this is what I think we should do. And God has tasked with that role to husbands. I know that role can be difficult because, frankly, in many marriages, the wives are a lot smarter than their husbands. So it's very difficult to submit yourself to someone when you know they're making a mistake, when you know that they're doing something wrong.

But being the head of anything does not give you the right to make all decisions. That's not what Paul means here. Being the head of anything, does that mean that you get to demand your way or that you bully other people to accept your opinion on everything? That's not being a head of anything. It's being a foolish tyrant. Being the head of anything means accepting accountability and responsibility for your decisions. A wise leader asks for advice, listens, accepts advice, listens to input, weighs the pros and cons of a difficult decision, and even after they've made the decision, they're humble enough to reverse it if they see that it was wrong. They're not too proud, too stubborn to say, no, we are just going to continue down the wrong path here because I made the decision. Again, that's not being the head of anything.

Verse 25, husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved at the church and gave himself for her total commitment. Total dedication is what Jesus Christ gives for his church. Paul is saying husbands, that's the level of commitment and dedication that we should give to our wives. Verse 26, that he might glorify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh. Obviously, unless you have some mental issues, no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. So the instruction of men here is that, look, God gives you the ultimate accountability and responsibility to make difficult decisions in your family. Obviously, you should do that with consultation with your wife and other people who are talented in that area of decision that you need to make. If it's financial, maybe seeing an accountant, if it's medical, maybe seeing a doctor, get the input, get the advice, think it through, pray about it, meditate on it, seek your spouse's input, and make a decision. You need to do that. You need to make a decision. But having said that, realize that you're also accountable and responsible for that as the head. And also realize, Paul is saying here, that because you have that role also means that you need to love your wife as you love your own body. Do you bathe?

Do you shave? Do you put lotion on yourself sometimes, men? Do you take care of yourself? Look in the mirror, comb your hair, right? Trim your mustache, take kind of take care of yourself, buy comfortable clothes. Why? Because we love ourselves. That's why. And it's not necessarily bad that we do that. He's just saying the same amount of care and love that you have for your own body. That's the amount of care and love that you need to have for your wife. Jesus Christ cherishes his church, cherishes his church, and in the same way husbands, you should cherish your wife.

How did Jesus give you to the church? He gave total commitment. Everything he had, he gave it all.

And we too should give love and loyalty and respect and patience towards our wives.

Verse 30. If you'll turn there, drop down to verse 30.

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined or partnered with his wife. And that who shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Paul says the reason I'm weaving this in is marriage has a greater purpose. Marriage is representative of the fact that Jesus Christ will marry his church. And just like two human beings become one flesh, when Jesus Christ marries his church, they will all become one spirit and will all be part of the family of God. We will be spirit, sharing eternity with God the Father and Jesus Christ.

Marriage represents that on a physical plane, on a physical level. That's what he's saying.

We should cherish our own mates like we do our own flesh. Your mate should be special in your eyes. Let your mate know that they are special in your eyes simply because they exist.

Not because they do everything the way you would do it. Not conditionally. Well, I'll love you if you do this, this, this, and this. If you want to have a good marriage, you have to love your mate unconditionally. That doesn't mean there aren't times when you sit down and you say, darling, you have these characteristics that absolutely drive me nuts, drive me mad. Let's talk about them. That's okay. That's called communication, and it's okay to do that.

But those kind of difficult conversations, by the way, go a lot easier if that person knows you love them before you sit down and have that kind of a conversation.

Let your mate know that they're special in your eyes simply because they exist. God wants us to learn to submit to imperfect people so that we'll have no problem submitting to God, who is perfect for all eternity. So learning to submit to one another is part of the growth process. It's hard to submit to someone when you don't agree with them.

It's really hard to voluntarily say, well, I think this is a bad decision, but okay.

I know that can be very, very tough. Just a word of wisdom for women here, the wives. I want you to remember that when you constantly put yourself down in front of your mate, oh, I don't look good enough, you know, I never look good enough, I weigh too much, and this and that, and I've got a big nose, and you're constantly telling that to your mate, you're actually making other people look better in their eyes. Don't put yourself down in front of your mate. Don't be negative about yourself. Show other members of your family that you and your mate cherish each other. I'm going to say something that's very difficult to say, but I think it needs to be said. And this comes from being in the ministry close to 40 years, and it comes from being in the church close to 50 years.

Our children, as they're growing up, should see open affection between us, not conflict.

If you and your wife are in the church, if you're in the church and you're in the faith, the very first thing that your children are seeing and observing to decide whether they're going to stay in the church or leave isn't the length of the church service. I'm sorry. It isn't a boring sermon they hear, a whole four hours out of all the hours in the week. If your husband and wife, and you have children, the first and foremost thing that they see that's going to decide whether they stay in the church or leave it is the state of our marriage. Does this work? So they take me to this place every Saturday, and they tell me that this is a way of life. They say it's God's way of life. So when I'm home all week, what do I see? Do I see affection? Open affection? People who love each other, who obviously are enriched by this way of life? Or is there conflict? Is there immaturity?

Is there arguing? Is there bitterness? So what's my point? My point is, is that every marriage has its differences. Don't display any of your problems to your children. Don't argue in front of your children. Don't put on a demonstration in front of your children of outbursts. Those kinds of things because your children are watching. And your children want to know whether this way of life works.

And the largest determining factor that they can have in this experiment going on in their heads is the state of my parents' marriage. So please, let's not forget that. That's very, very important.

So do we cherish each other? Tell your mate that you cherish them. Give them small gifts.

Do an unexpected favor. Take a walk together. Watch a movie together. Share a favorite beverage sitting on a bench or in a chair. Enjoy at least one daily meal together if it's at all possible.

Do chores together. Wash dishes together. Do some things as a couple. And sit and talk.

And don't forget to have some fun. A couple of things I'd like to emphasize. Going back to verse 28 here. It said, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.

A little message for those of us who are men. If you don't love and cherish your wife, like you love and nurture your own body, then don't be surprised why you have problems in your marriage.

Don't be shocked! Verse 33, let the wife see that she respects her husband. This one's also going to get me in trouble. The Greek word for respects is actually the word phobia. So when we get the word phobia, we know what that is, right? We heard terms, you know, phobes, this, phobes, that, and people have phobias. That's actually the Greek word for respects. Now, Paul does not mean, and the translators understand where Paul's going with it, he does not mean that wife, you should be terrified of your husband. He doesn't mean you should be afraid of your husband. But there's a point when deep respect actually turns into awe. This is going to be the part that a lot of American women, even women in the church, who have been more influenced by feminism than they care to accept or admit, they're going to find this a little difficult. And that is that Paul is saying here that women should be in awe of their husbands. I know what some of you are thinking. You've never met my husband, Mr. Thomas. You've got to be kidding me! So you're in a relationship with your husband. Are we only going to focus on their flaws?

Are we only going to focus on their flaws? They're obvious problems because everybody is human, and so if that's what we choose to do, you will never have a happy, harmonious relationship. The biggest complaint men have is they feel like they are taken for granted. And I know women feel that way, too. But you have a conversation with a man. I go out and beat my brains out all day, and I come home and it's like, doesn't appreciate the money that I make, doesn't appreciate my struggles and problems. And I know it's a two-way street, and I know there are issues, but one terrible thing that feminism has done to our modern culture is it basically has made a husband a cartoon character, a buffoon, an incompetent inept clown. And frankly, not only in our culture, but in our church culture, most women do not respect their husbands to the degree that they should. So my suggestion is that rather than focusing on your husband's flaws, which I'm sure are many, focus on one or two good qualities that your husband has. Maybe he's a good provider. Maybe Elise gets up and goes to work every day. That's more than hundreds of millions of men are unwilling to do in our culture today. Maybe he's a good provider for the family. He may have other problems, but maybe he works hard and he provides for the family. Maybe he's loyal. He may have other problems and weaknesses, but maybe he's loyal to you and loyal to the family. Maybe he's gifted with his hands. Maybe he can fix anything. He may have other problems, and that's obvious. But he's gifted in that he can fix things and he can take care of things at break and things around the house. So the way to have deep respect for someone is not to focus on all of their faults and flaws and problems and weaknesses, but to emphasize and focus in your mind those one or two really good qualities they have and show a high degree of respect and appreciation for those qualities. That means a lot to your husband. It means a lot to any man. Focus on at least one wonderful quality your husband has and show him some admiration and appreciation for it, whatever that may be. Let's take a look at the final scripture today in 1 Peter chapter 3 beginning in verse 1. 1 Peter chapter 3 beginning in verse 1.

Wives. Likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, in other words, even if you're married to someone who does not hold your faith, maybe they're agnostic. They might go to another church, maybe they go to no church. Be submissive to your husbands. Why? That even if some do not obey the word without a word, maybe one by the conduct of their wives. Just saw I mentioned the importance a few minutes ago of the conduct of our marriage. People are watching. They're analyzing. They're deciding if this works, if this is for them, by the condition of our marriage. Peter's also saying that our mates who may not be attending with us are also deciding whether this way works, whether there's validity to this religious faith by our conduct, how we treat them, the words that come out of our mouths, our countenance. Are we happy or are we always doomsday? So this is what he's saying here. Without a word, maybe one by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear, phobos, that's the same Greek word, by the way, and it's saying your chaste conduct accompanied by deep respect. Again, this word is intended to be an analogy, deep respect for God, accompanied by your respect. Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging of the hair, wearing gold, or putting on final peril. Not that there's anything wrong with that per se, but it shouldn't be. We shouldn't be shallow. Our lives shouldn't be about just physical things and physical adornment. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Continuing here in verse 5, Peter says, Now, wives, when's the last time you called your husband, Lord? I'm showing hands here. I'm just teasing. So, what's the scripture saying here? It's saying that she respected Abraham. It's not about it giving someone a title. It means that she was in awe that she had tremendous respect for Abraham in spite of all of his flaws, and we've covered that in some sermons. He certainly was not a perfect man, but she loved him anyway because she focused on his good qualities. Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. In other words, if you are being motivated willingly, not because you have to, not because you're afraid to, but you do good things out of a good heart. Verse 7, husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding. The new Revised Standard Version says, with consideration. So dwell with your wife with consideration for her, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. So he says here, first of all, to honor your wife as to the weaker vessel. If you go into a lot of homes, you will find something called the China Cabinet.

And what's in the China Cabinet is fine China. And it's delicate. It's in the Cabinet because if you use it every day, you'll probably break it in the pieces. It's delicate. It's weaker than the corral or the iron stone or the junk that you have in your usual cabinets that you use every day to eat. You have the precious, weaker China held up in a Cabinet because you're proud of it. Because you're giving it honor.

Yes, it's weaker than all the other utensils you use, but you've set it aside because it's to be cherished and honored because it is, after all, fine China.

This is similar to what Paul is saying here. Yes, man, you may be physically, you may be a brute, and because of testosterone, you may be physically larger than your wife.

And yes, you, in your own mind, you may say, well, physically speaking, she's weaker than I am.

In the same way as you treat that fine China, is the same way that we should honor and treat our wives.

And it says here, being heirs together of the grace of life. If you're fortunate enough to have your mate in the faith, you are very blessed with the opportunity to have Christ at the center of your marriage.

If you have the wonderful blessing of having both you and your spouse in the Church of God, you have the opportunity to discuss spiritual topics. You can worship together. You can pray and study together. You can share spiritual goals. You can take your marriage to a dimension that's deeper than if your wife's one religious faith or an agnostic in your of the faith of God.

So it's a real blessing if both of you have been called and are working together. That's what he means, being heirs together of the grace of life. It's a partnership, your marriage. It's not one dominating and bullying and controlling the other. It's a relationship of a partnership, being heirs together on that journey of life.

Well, in conclusion, good and bad marriages all face the same problems and challenges. They really do. Great marriages have the same issues, the same problems that poor marriages have. The difference is that good marriages work constantly to overcome their problems, and they don't ignore them. Bad marriages are really good at compartmentalizing things, just putting everything in a box and ignoring the obvious. Children know their marriage is mediocre. Their close friends know their marriage is mediocre. And they're pretending that everything is okay. A happy marriage doesn't pretend its problems away. But instead, a productive marriage diligently works on their marriage every day to clean things up, to clean up the problems, to eliminate them, to look at themselves and say, why isn't my mate responding to me? Well, maybe it's because I'm critical. Maybe most of my communication is centered on how wrong they are, or something they're not doing. But what kind of relationship is that? Not a good relationship at all. Anything worth having in this life requires a lot of hard work and effort. And that includes, my friends, our marriages. So we read earlier Hebrews 13 and 4, and it states that marriage should be honored by all. Next week, we're going to be doing that. We're going to be celebrating the wedding of Adam and Christine, and remind ourselves, and hopefully think about it during the ceremony. of God's purpose for marriage. Today, our marriages are intended to make us one flesh. And if we totally grasp and understand that, that's a wonderful and beautiful thing. But it's representative of something, and that is, in the world tomorrow, our marriage with Jesus Christ will make us one spirit, sharing eternity together, all of us, in the family of God.