Comfort in the Midst of Grief

For more than two years, Marilyn Eason courageously fought leukemia. She had help, she had the love and support of her friends and family, and of course of her husband, Rob. However, after a couple of years, on October 6, 1982, Marilyn died of leukemia. She was only 30 years old.

Her husband, Rob, was grateful for the many friends that had showed, you know, support along the way, the care that they had provided. But he was badly shaken by a number of friends who did nothing more than simply signed a sympathy card. In his words, he said the following, he said, I saw the same cards over and over. They all said deep sympathy on the front and on the verse on the inside of the card. And simply people simply signed their names underneath. He said they wrote nothing about my wife and how they remembered her or the experienced experiences that they had with her. He said I read the signatures, and I really felt next to nothing. Back in January of 1995, Tammy Thompson, her two-year-old son, Dale, died. He drowned in a spa. And she says this in her own words. She said, to my shock, many of the people that I had expected to be supportive and helpful under these circumstances were conspicuous because of their absence. She said it caused me great pain at the time that I really needed the most comfort. I felt that my friends had been fair-weather friends. She'd been uncomfortable. And so she didn't receive the comfort from her friends. And so she went to books. She tried to find comfort at this time. This goes way back to 1995. She wasn't able to find comfort even in some of the books. There just wasn't anything there that seemed to help. So she ended up writing her own book. She wrote a book that's entitled A Friend in Grief and How to Help a Bereaved Parent. Tammy goes on to say, in the five years since my little Dale died, so this was probably back in 2000, I've come to realize that in the majority of cases that the lack of concern was not the issue. It could be said that it was concern itself, though misguided, that caused the lack of support, that people were so unsure of what to say to me and scared of upsetting me further that they said nothing at all. One last example here before we get into the sermon. A few months after Irene Cluderfield lost her eldest son, he was age 17 in a skiing accident. This happened back in 1977. A friend dropped by with a bottle of champagne, a couple of long stem glasses with ribbons tied on it. And it was, in a sense, it was her well-meaning way of saying, you know, it's time to move on. It's time to be good again. But she said, but you know, she said, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for that then. She recalled. She said, I'd lost my son. How could I think about good times? How could I think about moving forward? At that time, she said, my friend was out of touch with what I was feeling. Further, to reach out to someone for you and I to reach out to someone who's grieving, who's going through some difficulty, who's going through pain, who's going through pain, who's possibly going through a loss of some kind, the loss of a child, the loss of a spouse. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's sometimes complicated. And we're not sure exactly what to do.

As observed by one particular sociologist, her name is Margaret Mead, she said this. She said, when a person is born, we celebrate. And when a person is married, we say, we jubilate. She said, but when they die, we act as if nothing happened. She says, in society, we don't know how or we haven't been trained or we haven't been learned, or haven't been taught rather, we haven't learned yet how to handle loss. We are taught how to acquire things. But we aren't taught how to lose things. And in the process of losing, something feels wrong and unnatural.

So, brethren, what I would like to do today in the time that we've got left in the sermon today, as I'd like to discuss with you the need of facing loss, the need of facing loss, and to offer suggestions on how to comfort those who do experience a significant loss in their life, as we all do, or as we all have, or as we certainly all will, because that is the nature of the human experience. I think most of us desire that when there's somebody that we know and love, and is in the midst of grief or in the midst of a loss, we want to help them. We want to comfort them. But sometimes we just don't know how. And so, the title of the message today, brethren, is comfort in the midst of grief. Comfort in the midst of grief.

Let's begin in the Scriptures here by going to Luke chapter 15. Let's go over to Luke chapter 15, because here Jesus Christ uses an experience to help us to understand a very important point. Luke chapter 15. When we get there, I think you'll recognize the story. Many of us have heard this one before.

Luke chapter 15. Jesus Christ is speaking here. It's a red letter Bible. If you've got one, you'll see it's speaking in parable to them in verse number 3 of Luke 15. And in verse 4, He says, Well, in what man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, doesn't he leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? You know, he's not happy because he's got ninety-nine sheep that are still hanging around. He's unhappy because one of the sheep is gone and is missing and is lost.

And then in verse 5, when he has found it, it says, he lays it on his shoulders rejoicing. Perhaps you can imagine the scene in a sense. The shepherd has gone out into the wilderness to find that lost sheep and he finds it. And he says he embraces it, he lifts it up and he puts it on his shoulders. You can imagine, you know, the animal there, it's around his neck and you've got two hooves on either side of your shoulders. And he and the sheep, in a sense, are rejoicing.

Verse number 6, and when he comes home, he calls together as friends and neighbors and he says to them, Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost. And maybe you've experienced something in your own life, in your own family, in a sense. Maybe even, you know, another family that's gone through a sense of loss. You're walking through a park and you see a billboard that says, Lost Dog. That answers to the name of Sugar. You know, or there's a lost cat.

And you know that somewhere in somebody's household, there's something that's missing.

A cat is missing, a dog is missing, or something even more serious. A missing child or a missing senior member of a family that's gone, that's missing. In a sense, and people are out looking for that missing person. And when they find that missing person, then there's joy. Verse number 8, or what woman having 10 silver coins if she loses one coin does not light a lamp and then sweep the house and then search for it diligently until she finds it.

She's not happy because she's still got nine coins left. She's unhappy because there's one coin that's missing. And then it says in verse 9, when she recovers, she rejoices. And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, Rejoice with me, for I have found the peace which I lost. And then I'm going to have a handout right now that I'm going to hand out to you. I've got Nathan and Joey here. And they're going to give you a handout. I'm going to focus the handout that they've got here on one side that shows the Holmes Stress Scale. And on the back side, there's something we're going to cover in a moment here further down along the way of the message. But it's called the Holmes Stress Scale. So when you get that in front of you, I'd like to bring your attention to that particular side of the sheet here. This is called, and maybe some of you are familiar with this, maybe some of you are not, it's called the Holmes Stress Scale. And what it does is it lists significant losses that can happen to people that people can experience in their life. All kinds of losses, all kinds of stresses or stressors, if you will, and all kinds of situations that can raise our blood pressure and they can result in significant stress in our life. So it identifies some of these stressors. Now, mainly what I want to look at is losses that we experience, not just the stressors, but also the losses as well. You notice at the very bottom of the chart, maybe you hadn't thought about this before, but vacations, you see that? Number 13, vacations can be a stressor in that sense. Maybe we don't think about it that way. And also, number 17, there's a small mortgage on your home, even a small mortgage on your home, or a car loan comes in at a number 17. A change in where you live in your residence, or a change in the school that you go to, that comes in around a number 20. So you can see some of the examples of things here. Trouble with your boss at work, or the beginning of school, or the ending of school, or whether a spouse starts to work, or whether a spouse stops working. You know, all of these things are examples here. But the major stressor here, the most difficult of all, is at the very top of the chart here. And it's awarded an index of 100, and it's the death of a partner. It's the death of a spouse.

And then going down, there's a divorce, which in a sense is the death of a marriage that had high hopes and dreams. And that's a 73. Or a separation from a spouse, it's a 65. And death in the family comes in at number 63. You know, talk about a close relative. And if you drop down, I think it's just around the halfway mark, you know, death of a close friend is at number 37. And we see here that not all losses are the same. The death of a loved one, the death of a spouse, you know, the death of a close friend is 37. The death of a family, close family member is 63. And the death of a spouse is 100. So there are other kinds of death, too. You know, there's some that don't even appear to be on here. The death of a child. You know, those are all significant. Or the death of a parent.

And so we experience these, brethren. And sometimes they strike us maybe in ways that we don't expect.

You know, they surprise us. Now, if you look at the bottom of the page there, it talks about if you have a score of 300 or more in a 12-month period, and we're talking about cumulatively here, a score of 300 or more that there is an 80% chance that you will have a major illness. It can affect us physiologically in that way. So these things are cumulative, and we have to learn in a sense to cope with them and to be aware of them. And if we are aware of them, then chances are we can handle them a little better if we understand what's going on. But we understand these things just aren't water off a duck's back, so to speak. These are things that affect us. These are things that have impact on us. Now, what's not written at the bottom of this page, and you might want to write this down if you're interested, is the key is to keep stress at between 100 and 150 or less in a 12-month period. To try to keep it at no more than 100 to 150 or less in a 12-month period. How do you do that? You know, that's not necessarily easy, because some things we don't have control over. You know, there's just some things that we can't control, but we can seek God's help. And with His help, we can begin to manage some of those things.

The point is that not all losses are the same, and they don't all affect us the same. When we experience the death of a loved one or the death of a spouse, or we're going through some of these other losses, they don't all affect us the same, but they do have an effect on us. Let's go over to Job chapter 1 and verse 1. Job chapter 1 and verse 1. We're going to read about the calamities that beset one of the servants of God by the man by the name of Job. Pretty familiar story here. Let's go over to Job chapter 1. We're going to see here, you remember the story, that there's a lot that happened to him. A lot of these types of things happened to him in a very, very short period of time. Job chapter 1, and we'll pick it up here in verse number 1. It says there was a man in the land of us whose name was Job. And then it goes on and gives us kind of an idea of what type of man an individual that he was. And that man was blameless and upright, and he feared God, and he shunned evil. So here was a God-fearing man that tried to really live according to the Word of God. He tried to follow the best he could. God's values, his standards, and God blessed him for that. Notice verse number 2. And he had seven sons and three daughters that were born to him. And so he had pretty large family. And further we're told about the value of some of the assets that he had, some of the blessings that God had given to him. It says that in verse 3, also his possessions were 7,000 sheep. Now that's quite a few sheep. That's a lot of sheep, 7,000. You know, and I don't know what lambs were worth in that day and age, but I think they were, they had significant value. I mean, they certainly have significant value today.

We purchased a leg of lamb for the night to be much observed, and it was quite pricey. You know, it wasn't cheap. So the price of lamb today wasn't cheap. I'm not sure how it was then. But if it was anywhere close, this was a great value. And it says he had 3,000 camels. And again, what was that worth? That was just such an important animal in that day and age. Albert Barnes' commentary talks about how important they were. They were like ships of the desert. They could haul three, four, 500 pounds, you know, at great distances without much water. And they were considered very valuable possessions. And he had 500 yolk of oxen. So again, Albert Barnes' commentary talks about that they were worth a lot. You know, that the oxen implies that they were devoting themselves to cultivation of the soil, in that sense. So as well as keeping the flocks and the herds, that they were cultivating the soil with the oxen. So there was a large number of oxen, and that would constitute wealth. 500 female donkeys. We may not think of it today, but that's like the chevrolet. That's how they would ride them. They would get around. And so he had 500. God had blessed him with 500 female donkeys. And they would ride the donkeys. That's how they get from point A to point B. And so they had quite a few chevrolet, I guess, if you want to put that way. And it says in a very large household, he had a lot of servants. A very large household to look after all of these animals. So this man was the greatest of all the people in the east. So he was very blessed. We know that. It's clear from Scripture. And he was a God-fearing man. However, trouble begins. Let's drop down to verse number 13. And this isn't a story. This isn't just a parable. But this is a real-life event. This is something that happened in reality to this man by the name of Job. Verse number 13. Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house. And a messenger came to Job and said, the oxen were plowing. So we know that they were working in the ground. And the donkeys were feeding beside them. So they were close at hand. And when the Sabians raided them and took them away, they're all gone, in other words. And indeed, they've also killed the servants that were at the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.

Verse 16. While he was still speaking, another also came up and said, the fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants that were tending to them and consumed them. And I alone have escaped to tell you. And while he was still speaking, another one came and said, the Chaldeans formed three bands. They raided the camels, and they've taken them away. Yes, and they've killed the servants, the ones that took care of the camels with the edge of the sword. And I alone have escaped to tell you. And while he was still speaking, another one came and said, your sons and daughters. He's heard all of this news now about the camels, about the sheep, about the oxen. And now he says, your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine and their oldest brother's house. And suddenly a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell on the young people. And they are dead. And I alone have escaped to tell you. Brethren, can you imagine? I can't imagine. You know, how would you have reacted? I don't know how I would have reacted. I think I would have just melted. I think I would have just lost it. How did Job react? Verse number 20. It says, then Job arose and he tore his robe and he shaved his head. One way of getting to mourn, in a sense, that's how grief was expressed in that day and age. It says, he tore his robe, he shaved his head, and he fell to the ground. And he worshipped the Creator God. And he said, naked, I came to my mother's womb, and naked, I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Wow. He worshipped God and he blessed his name. And that was his prayer. And he concluded, he said, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. And in all this, Job did not sin, nor did he charge God with any wrong. Well, let's go to Job 2 and verse 7. Let's turn just a few pages over to Job 2 and verse 7.

Excuse me, I'm still battling a cold here. I tease my wife I could sing in the bass section a lot easier than normal. I think most of us know that that wasn't the end of the story. We may think, wow, in chapter 1, he handled that pretty good. You know, he handled everything that he went. But I think we know, if we know the story, that that was not the end of the story. Because next, after experiencing all of those losses that we just read about, he next loses his health. Let's notice that in Job chapter 2 and verse 7. And then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and he struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the top of his head, from top to bottom. Now, how many of you have had boils over the years? You know, you've had, you've experienced the boil.

Okay, you know that that is one of the most painful things that you can imagine. When I was young, I had a few. My mother helped me get through them with some treatments. But I had one right underneath my armpit. And it was red, and it was like a ball of fire. And it was sort of the touch. You didn't, you almost wanted to keep your arm up all the time, because just to rub it against, you know, the, you know, the side of my chest was just totally painful. I want to be too graphic, but they, you know, they get full of pus and it's just extremely painful. And, you know, just to have one boil occupies your attention until it's gone. And he, Job, was covered with them. Verse number eight, he took for himself a pot shard with which to scrape himself while he sat in the midst of the ashes. So let's talk about what he's gone through in a very short period of time. First of all, he lost his wealth. We know that he lost the livestock, the camels, the oxen, the sheep. He's lost his servants, the ones, the great household that were helping to take care of all that. He's lost a good part of his family. His wife is still alive, but he's lost all 10 of his children. And now he's lost his health. He's in pain and he's in agony. He's lost his position, in a sense, he's lost his place in society, if you want to look at it that way. You know, we use an expression today, and this is where it comes from, in a sense, that he was in the ash heap of life. That's where he found himself. He was in the midst of the ashes, the latter part, of verse number 8. How would you or I handle that? How would we handle that? I can't imagine it.

I cannot imagine it. And yet it's here. It's here. For us to read, for us to learn from, to admonish us, in a sense. Let's take a look at another example of somebody who went through a lot. Let's go over to the book of Ruth. You can find that in the Old Testament. There's quite a story here also. The book of Ruth, right after the book of Judges, before the book of Samuel, we'll go to Ruth chapter 1 and verse 1. You know, for Job, a lot of these things happen in a very short period of time. And for Ruth, excuse me, actually for Naomi, we're going to read about Naomi. We're going to see that it maybe wasn't quite as fast, but it was just as devastating. Let's take a look at what happened to Naomi. Ruth chapter 1 and verse number 1.

We'll pick up the story here. Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled that there was a famine in the land and a certain man of Bethlehem Judah went to Sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. So these types of things would happen from time to time, that where you lived, there could be a drought, there could be famine, there wasn't food or water, and you had to actually pick up and move and make a decision whether you're going to stay or go to a place where there was more food or water. So this is what they decided to do. Verse number 2. The name of that man was Eli Malek, and the name of his wife was Naomi. And the two sons were Malon and Chileon, and they were Ephrathites of Bethlehem Judah. And they went to the country of Moab, and they remained there. In verse 3, then, Eli Malek, Naomi's husband, died, and she was left, and her two sons. So it wasn't just bad enough to go to a foreign land, a foreign country where you're not quite as totally familiar with things, but then your husband dies. And that makes conditions and situations a little more complex. But I'm guessing, no doubt, it was helpful. She was consoled by the fact that she still had her two sons. But you may know the rest of the story as we go on in verse number 4. It says, Now they took wives of the women of Moab, talking about the sons, and the names of the wives, so the name of one was Orpah, and the name of the other was Ruth. And they dwelt there about ten years. So they were a decade, at least, in this part of the world. Verse number 5, And then both Malon and Chileon also died. So the woman survived her two sons and her husband. You talk about tragedy, and in a life, put yourself in Naomi's shoes, you lose your spouse, and then your two younger children predecease you, in a sense. You know, she was probably depending upon them in many ways, and now they were gone. You know, as if one of the sons still lives, you've already lost your husband, if one of the two sons wouldn't have been enough, she lost both of them. So this would have been a severe trial for her. And if you look, I suppose at this Holmes stress scale, and you think about Job and what he went through, and you think about Naomi and what she went through, we're probably going pretty much right off of the charts. So how did Naomi handle this situation?

Let's jump to verse number 13. Look at a couple of verses here. She's talking to her daughter in laws here in verse number 13. She said, would you wait for them until they were grown?

Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands? In other words, until some others were to grow up, she says, no, my daughters, for it grieves me very much, so she was in grief. It grieves me very much for your sakes, that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me. You know, she took it pretty hard.

She was pretty emotional. You know, her loss was difficult, and understandably so.

She returns to her homeland, and we're going to jump to verse number 21 here.

It's in the same chapter. We jump to verse 21, and it tells us her frame of mind, her state of mind when she comes back home. It says in verse 21, I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again, empty. You know, she felt like she had a fullness of life when she left, but now when she comes back, she feels almost totally empty. This wasn't easy, brother. She says, why do you call me Naomi? Since the Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me. She goes on to say, call me Mara, because Mara means bitter. In the previous verse, in verse 20, she says, call me Mara. And that means bitter, because it was difficult for her. It was a bitterness that she was going through in her life.

Brother, let's notice what Jesus Christ has to say over in Matthew 5 and verse 1. Let's go over there. Matthew 5 and verse number 1.

The Sermon on the Mountain, Jesus Christ gives us instructions, something that can be very helpful. It's called the Beatitudes. The blessed blessings, or the blessed are those who do this or do that, called the Beatitudes. It's a Sermon Sermon on the Mount. He gave it on the top of a mountain. Let's see what Christ tells us in chapter 5 of the book of Matthew and verse number 1. Matthew chapter 5 and verse 1.

It says, in seeing the multitudes, Jesus went up on a mountain, and when he was seated, his disciples came to him, and he opened his mouth and talked to him. So Jesus is trying to teach now. He's teaching his disciples, and of course, anyone that's there. Let's jump to verse number 4. Jesus said to his disciples, Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Other than that's a scripture that maybe we don't think about a lot, but, you know, there's going to come a time if it hasn't happened already. There's going to come a time in our life when we will mourn, that will grieve. And Jesus says, in a sense, that blessed are those who mourn.

It says that presupposes that we know how to, I suppose, in a way, that we know how to mourn, because many people in this day and age don't know how to grieve. You know, sometimes we're told that, you know, even the boys don't cry. Or even, you know, big men don't cry.

You know, we're told that. Men don't cry. Children, boys, are told not to cry. We hold back, and in a sense, we go into some denial, and never really expressing the grief that we feel.

But Jesus Christ says in the scriptures that blessed are those who do mourn, who grieve, because they will be comforted. It's like there's a stage that we have to go through, that there's a process that we have to go through, that we have to mourn, and eventually will be comforted. You know, if we look at that hand out here, again, the one that says the home stress scale, if we look on the back here, there's another sheet here called the Psychodynamics of the Grief Process. It talks about that it is a process that we have to go through, and it's almost like you can't skip steps. You know, we may have to go through almost all of these eventually, before things get better, and before we're comforted towards the end of the process. And so, something that, you know, as we look at some of this here, we look at these 12 different points here, entitled the Psychodynamics of the Grief Process, and how we handle and how we react to things emotionally, to significant losses. There's a process. Usually the first reaction is shock, and the second then is guilt, and thirdly, it talks about anger, and then fourth, it talks about loneliness, and fifth, depression, and then self-pity, and then emotional expressions, and fear, and panic, and blame, and somanic distress, and then eventually growth, and finally memories.

You know, sometimes we don't understand this process, and we don't understand how long it can take to go through. It's actually a lot longer than what people think. There was a survey that was conducted by a university, and people were asked, how long do you think it should take someone to get over the death of a loved one? How long do you think it should take? Not surprised by the answers that some of these people gave. Some of the answers given were 24 hours, 72 hours, 48 hours.

A week tops, is one answer here. Rather than, in fact, when a loved one dies, it takes a whole lot longer than that. It can take a year, two years, three years, or more. It depends, really, on the person. It can take a long time, brethren. In fact, in a way, you know, it takes a long time to adjust. You know, you just ask anyone that's lost a loved one. You ask someone who's lost their spouse, and you're never the same. You know, it's like losing an arm, in a sense. You learn to cope, but you just are never the same. When people go through a loss and they lose someone dear, the first reaction usually is shock. And that's normally a gift, brethren, that God has given to us as human beings. You ask any number of people that have experienced that, even when a loved one is anticipated to die, even when it's been a long process, and you're expecting that, you're still shocked when the reality comes. It's like a two by four, hitting you right between the eyes. It's still a shock. Of course, it's a shock when someone shows up at your door. It's a policeman knocking on the door in the middle of the night, saying that a child or a loved one or a family member has died in the night. Obviously, that is a shock as well. But shock is usually the first reaction. And then there's guilt. You know, I could have done more. You know, I should have done more. You know, if only I'd been there, if only I'd have loved them more. You know, and another reaction can be anger. You know, why did they leave me? You know, I've got all of these young children, how could they leave me? You know, this isn't what I expected, you know, for our life going forward. And so anger is sometimes one of the things that has to be going through. You have to go through.

And then the next is loneliness and so on. And so many people have to go through these steps. It's a step of grieving. It takes time. And it's not just in order. You know, you can stop and then sometimes you go back to the beginning. It's just not a chronological order. You can be going back and forth. This ebb and flow. Sometimes you can get further down the line and you almost have to go back to step one. And so those are things, brethren, that we have to understand the reality of what can happen to somebody who's going through grief. It takes time. And knowing that there takes time to heal and knowing that there can be setbacks. Brethren, that helps us. It helps us in trying to comfort somebody that's going through something like that. You know, we can help them better, in that sense, if we understand a little bit of how it works.

Now, it does say, blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Brethren, there are three principles in comforting that are mentioned in the scriptures, probably more, but there's going to be three that I'm going to focus on today. Scriptures show that there are at least three principles, fundamental sources of comfort, that you and I probably should be familiar with so that we can understand and help other people. The first fundamental source of comfort is described in 2 Corinthians chapter 9. So let's go over and turn there for a moment. 2 Corinthians chapter 9. This is a beautiful passage and one that's encouraging and also strengthening us to us, I think, as we look at it. 2 Corinthians chapter 1 and verse 1.

Let's take a look at what God shares with us here in this particular context. 2 Corinthians chapter 1 and verse 1.

It says, Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God and Timothy, our brother, to the church of God which is at Corinth with all the saints who are in Acacia.

Grace to you in peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. Brethren, there it is. We're talking about the God of all comfort. Brethren, the God that we serve, the God that cares for us, God that loves us, the God that we serve, it talks about Him being the God of all comfort. What a beautiful description of the God that we have and the God that He is. You know, the hope that we have when we are hurting, is that we have a God who refers to Himself as a Father, who is the God of all comfort.

You know, in Hebrew, the word comfort comes from the Hebrew word. This is Greek here, but we look at the word Hebrew. It's nam. It means to comfort or to give forth size. And sometimes, you know, when you observe someone who's sighing, you know, it's maybe a body language if they're going through something difficult. Maybe that's a heads up to us that they may need comfort. But it comes from the Hebrew word means comfort or to give forth size. And so we have the God of all comfort. And notice verse 4, who comforts us. And so that's a responsibility that any Father has is to comfort His children. The great God who we serve, the great God of the universe, the God of all comfort, the Father of mercies, comforts us in our tribulations. Why? That we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort that we ourselves have been receiving from God.

As it says with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. How wonderful, brethren, in a sense, to be able to go to the Creator God when we are suffering, when we are in difficulty, when we're in distress. We have God that we can go to.

We have a Father that we can go to. So this is the first source of comfort, in a sense. It's through prayer, in communicating to God, in a sense, and asking for His help, for His mercies, for His comfort, when we're going through difficulties in times of distress, in times of pain, in times of duress, and those types of things. Brethren, I think I've mentioned this story to you in the past, referring to my wife's father, Jim Jenkins. I don't know how many of you knew him, but he came to the point where he was diagnosed with cancer. He started on the top of his head, and he had a surgery to try to remove that, but either they didn't get it all, or some of the cancer cells traveled to different parts of his body. And it settled in on one side of his face initially, and then it came in on the other side of his face, and there was a cancerous tumor that began to grow. I think I mentioned it got a pretty good size, like if you sliced a grapefruit in half, and you put it on one side of your face, that's about the size of the growth. And then it started on the other side as well. And brethren, over time, it became extremely painful. So painful that that's about all that he could think about, was that it occupied his waking moments, because it was so painful. Brethren, you know what he did? He took it to God. He took it to God, and he said, God, I'm having a hard time handling this. I'm really having a hard time handling this pain.

It's more than I am able to bear. And he said, you know what, brethren? Every time he prayed that prayer, the pain lessened. The pain lessened, and he was able to cope. God took away the pain.

He took away the pain. And so I think that's a wonderful example. And I know you probably know people that have gone through similar experiences, where they took it to God and said, God, this is more than I can handle. And God says, I promise I won't put you through anything greater than what you're able to bear. And he was, Mr. Jenkins was telling God, this is greater than what I am able to bear. And God took away the pain so he could cope. He went on to say, Jim Jenkins said this, he said, you know, and he told us, he said, God must really love me because he's putting me through things that I know are going to teach me lessons for the rest of my eternal life. He said, I may not even understand it now, but I know I'm learning things. You know, I may not understand it until later. But I know there'll be lessons that will benefit me later. What an example that he was to me, I will never forget his example. And what an example Job has been also to us in the scriptures. You know, they praise God. They pronounced him good. They blessed his name. Even in the final trial, in a sense. So we've got this first fundamental source of comfort, brother, and is our Heavenly Father, reaching out as a father reaches out to a child. And that's the kind of father that he is. Let's look at a second fundamental source of comfort. And that's found in Romans, chapter 15. So let's go over to Romans, chapter 15. And we'll pick it up right in verse number one of Romans, chapter 15. Romans, chapter 15, and verse number one. Paul, writing to our brothers and sisters at the church, God's people in Rome, he says, Then we then who are strong, ought to bear with the scruples of the weak. What's that mean, scruples? Well, we're talking about the weaknesses or the shortcomings or the difficulties or the trials or the failings of the weak.

And not to please ourselves. Now, we live in a world today that is probably more self-centered than it has ever been, at least in my lifetime. You know, there are times, in a sense, when it seems like people are very self-centered. There's a selfishness that seems to be at an all-time high, at least in my lifetime. And Paul says that we who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak. Now, I would ask, but I won't, which one of us here today are strong? You know, in which one of us are weak, you know, there are times when I'm stronger at some times than I am at other times. And then there are times when I'm weak and than I am at other times. And so, you know, it depends on the circumstance, doesn't it? It depends on our own individual situations. And it comes and it goes. Verse number two, let each of us please our neighbor for his good, leading to edification, you know, to build up, to edify, not to tear down, but to help. Verse number three, for even Christ himself didn't please himself. As it's written, the reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me. For whatever things were written before, were written for our learning. So the scriptures are here for our learning. And notice the next part here, that we, through the patience and the comfort of the scriptures, might have hope.

So, brethren, that's the second fundamental source of comfort is the scriptures. The word of God, in a sense, though, especially those that talk about that particular topic, that talk about comfort, that we have the scriptures here. Which scriptures? Well, I suppose it depends on who you are and where you want to go to turn to. I know for many of us, sometimes we'll go to the book of Psalms because we see the difficulties that David went through. Wow, if you haven't reviewed the book of Psalms lately, he had tremendous trials, tremendous difficulties in his life. And then we see the example of what he went through and then how he dealt with the difficulties, the losses, the pain that he found himself in. And of course, you could go through and try to look up every place where the word comfort is mentioned in Scripture or where it says consolation or to console someone. Those are all things, brethren, that we can take a look at that can help to comfort us. And so, we see then the second one is the Scriptures, or they're Old Testament, New Testament Scriptures that talk about comfort in instances where people were going through difficulties. And the Scriptures are there for our learning to comfort us. So that's the second fundamental source of comfort, is the Scriptures, the Bible itself. Now, let's look at the third fundamental source of comfort that we can find here in the Scriptures. And let's find that over in 2 Corinthians, chapter 7.

And verse number 4. 2 Corinthians, chapter 7.

And verse number 4. And verse number 4.

Let's notice what Paul went through quite a few trials of his own.

2 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 4. Great is my boldness, a speech towards you. Great is my boasting, on your behalf. He said, I am filled with comfort. Wow! You know, with all that he had gone through, with his history, all of his difficulties, all of his trials, all of his pain, he said, I am filled with comfort. Now, you and I can maybe ask the question, what was the last time that we thought we were filled with comfort? I mean, just full, that our cup was full, in a sense.

And he says, I've received so much comfort, Paul is saying, that I'm just filled with comfort.

He said, I am exceedingly joyful in all of our tribulation. What? Okay. He's in the midst of tribulation. And he's exceedingly joyful. Why? Well, let's read on verse 5.

God who comforts the downcast comforted us by the coming of Titus.

Titus comforted Paul, in that sense. God, in a sense, utilized Titus to help comfort Paul.

And not only by his coming, but also by the consolation, and that's another synonym for the word comfort, but also by the consolation with which he told us of your earnest desire and your mourning and your zeal for me. You've been worried about me. You've been mourning me, and you've had zeal for me. And so that I rejoiced even more. You know, that meant a lot to know that the brethren were thinking about him and praying for him. Let's drop down to verse number 13. I want to focus on that. Verse number 13. It says, therefore we have been comforted in your comfort, and we rejoiced exceedingly more for the joy of Titus, because his spirit has been refreshed by you all. So, brethren, here's the third fundamental source of comfort. It's the brethren. It's the brethren that can comfort us or that we can comfort others.

It's the brethren. And or it's people too. It can be friends. It can be neighbors. It can be colleagues. It can be family members. People that you know well. People who relate to you and you to them. You know, brethren, it's so important really to have a circle of people in a sense to be able to rely on, to be there, that can reach out to us when we're going through those difficult times. You know, I'll give you an example here of how this can be done.

This is a letter that was written to Ann Landers, so I think this goes back a few years because I don't think Ann is even alive any longer. But this goes back to something that was published in a column of Ann Landers. It says the following. This is someone who lost a daughter. She says, on May 11th, my lovely 25-year-old daughter Patty was killed in a car accident.

On the Monday after her death, I went to her office to clean out her desk. And while I was there, there were several co-workers who came to express their sympathy.

All of the conversation ended with, if there is anything I can do, please let me know. Well, a thought came to me that I would like to share with your readers. I told each of those sympathetic co-workers that there was something that they could do.

I asked them to write down their thoughts about my daughter and mail them to me.

I said I didn't care whether those thoughts were about Patty, or what she did, or how they felt about her, or some event that they had shared with her. She said anything. Just send anything. I told them that receiving the notes would give me a piece of Patty back to me. It would provide for me a glimpse of her life that I didn't even know about her as her mother. Their responses were heartwarming. To date, I've received 30 letters from co-workers and friends. And when I begin to feel down, I read those letters over and over again, and I am comforted. Please suggest this to your readers who are grieving. No words can express how much these letters have meant to me. They have gone a long way. So that's, brethren, you know, as we learn certain things, that's maybe something we can think about. You know, I know, of course, we've just had the loss of Opal, and I put in the email announcements that we could send cards in care of her daughter, Sharon. I don't know if you've sent a card or not yet, but if you haven't, brethren, if you could say something about Opal's life to her daughter, Sharon, in the card that you send. Something specific of how Opal touched your life, how she made a difference in your life. And also, if you could say something maybe to Sharon also, her daughter, who is really had been the primary caretaker of Opal for quite a long time as Opal lived in her home. I know that that would mean a lot to Sharon, if you were to do something like that. You know, I know how I felt after my father and my mother died, and we were receiving cards, and anyone that put a specific, went a little extra mile to write a little something about them of how they knew my dad, or how they knew my mother. And various comments about something maybe that happened, a funny story or something, and how they'll never forget them, and how they made a difference. Those were very, very comforting to us. And I know many of you have shared memories about Mr. Hopple, you know, that you have shared with me as we're getting this tribute ready to send to the home office, and I forward those to Marlene. And I'm guessing that's been very, very helpful to hear from Marlene, to be able to hear some of your thoughts and the stories that you've shared about how Bob meant so much to you, and how he affected your life. Those can be very, very comforting, for them to hear. Let's go back now to the book of Job again. Let's go back there.

And let's learn a few of the don'ts and the do's here. There's things, you know, sometimes we just don't know what to do when we try to help someone who's grieving. And there's do's and there's don'ts. Let's cover some of the do's and the don'ts here. And this isn't an all-inclusive list, because there are some excellent books that are out there on trying to comfort someone that's grieving. But I want to give you a few things. I want to share a few things with you here, and of course, from Scripture here. So let's go to Job chapter 2. You'll remember the story that several of Job's friends came to comfort him, because he was in a difficult time of duress, and his friends responded to his situation. Job chapter 2, and we'll pick it up here in verse number 11. Job chapter 2 and verse number 11. It says, when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon Job, each one came from his own place. They dropped everything, and they left. And this was a good thing, brethren, that they did, that they came. Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shewite, and Zophar the Nehemathite. For they had made an appointment together to come, and to mourn with him, and to comfort him. So those were their two main objectives, was to mourn with him, and to comfort him. Very important. In verse number 12. And when they raised their eyes from afar, they didn't recognize him. He'd gone through so much. They didn't recognize him. And they lifted up their voices, and they cried. You know, they each one tore his robe, and they sprinkled dust on his head towards heaven. And they sat down with him. So they came to him when he was in his greatest need. They came and they sat down with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights. And no one spoke a word to him. Can you imagine? They just came and they cried with him for seven days. Not a word was exchanged. And brethren, there's talk here about some of the do's is to be there. You don't necessarily have to say anything.

Just the fact that you're there means a lot. And so it says, his grief was very great. Now, we already read in chapter 1, it seemed like Job handled this so very well, you know.

Naked, I came from the womb naked. I'll go back. You know, worship God, praise him. You know, he's still God. We may have thought he handled that really well. But we see here now that we thought maybe he handled it in stride, but it was difficult. It was very, very difficult. We see that his grief was very great. And so it was difficult because he'd been through a lot. His experience was catastrophic. And so his friends, they compared notes. They said, we need to go talk to our friend. They made arrangements to come. And they came for seven days. Didn't say a thing. They looked at him. He looked at them. They cried. He cried. He cried. They cried. And it continued.

And you know, brethren, as long as they said nothing, it was helpful. You know, it was helpful to Job. It was when the trouble began is when they started to give advice, maybe something that they should not have done. So there are do's and don'ts. And it was some misdirected advice. And so we're going to cover a few of the do's and don'ts here when it comes to covering or comforting someone who's grieving. And so that we can maybe begin to learn. It's such a big topic, and there's no way I can handle it all in a sermon. But I want to introduce some thoughts and some concepts. There are good books to read here. I do want to cover a few basics. Talking about an example here of sometimes it's best not to say anything just to be there. There was a lady who by the name of Irene who lost the son. It's the one I'm referring to earlier. 17 year old son skiing accident in 1977. And despite her state of mind, you know, her friends and her family rallied around her. They tried to help her. But one of her sisters was especially helpful. She would come and just come to her house and just stay. And a lot of times they didn't even have any conversation at all. She just came, spent a few hours in a sense. And sometimes the mother who lost the son would break down in tears, and then the sister would cry. That was hard to anything that was said. And after a while, the sister would eventually get up and put on her coat and go home.

And Irene says this later. She says we never said a word.

So when the lost the son, we never said a word. But that's exactly what I needed.

She cared by just coming to spend time with me. She was saying to me that she cared about me. She cared about my son, and that she would keep coming back, even though I wasn't treating her the best or treating her like a guest. You know, all Irene needed was for someone, you know, to come by. And her sister didn't say anything at all. It just was there. That helped sometimes considerably. Another example, this happened to my wife many years ago. Before we were married, she was in the midst of a divorce proceeding. Her husband was cheating on her. He was going to leave her. Eventually married the woman that he had the affair with, leaving her alone with two kids.

And in the midst of all this turmoil, she came home where nearly all of the furniture was suddenly gone out of the house. He'd been there, had taken most everything. And she was just in total distress. Her life was unraveling, was coming apart. And she was just numb. She was just in dismay. And then all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. Right at that time, there was a church member who just happened to be in the neighborhood and just wanted to come by and check on Jelinda to see how she was doing.

Just was moved for some reason to just not drive by, but stop by. And it's just what she needed, brethren. At that time, she felt so alone. You know, brothers, I think sometimes God moves us through His Spirit. You know, sometimes He'll give a thought that maybe there's someone who's ill or sick and maybe we need to stop and see them. And I think God's Spirit sometimes moves us in that way and is suggesting that we act upon that. And when that person came for Jelinda, it was like literally a God's hand. It's exactly what she needed at that moment in her life. It occurs to me that sometimes God puts something into our minds. Through His Spirit stirs us up to do something, to call someone, to pick up the phone, to write a letter, to send a card. It could be God's moving us, in a sense, to do something.

We're going to talk a little bit more about the do's and don'ts here in a moment, but let's go over to Job chapter 21. Job chapter 21. We'll take a look here. Because Job's friends, in a sense, were doing some of the don'ts. They were not helping him with some of the misguided advice. Job chapter 21 and verse 1. Then Job answered and said, Listen carefully to my speech, and let this be your consolation. Bear with me that I may speak, and after I have spoken, keep mocking. Okay, so things weren't going very well. We'll skip the rest of the chapter, and let's go down to verse number 34. Verse number 34.

Of chapter 21, verse 34, he says, How then can you comfort me with empty words, since falsehood remains in your answers? So they were doing okay when they weren't saying much of anything. But now, when they began to give advice, what they were saying was the wrong thing. And it was, in fact, not beneficial, but actually harmful, in a sense.

And that's why he said what's recorded here for us in verse number 34.

So we have to be careful, brethren. We want to say the right thing and not the wrong thing.

I mentioned a book earlier by this woman who lost her five-year-old son. Well, it was a five-year-old son. I guess I can't remember. Her name's Tammy Thompson. But she couldn't find consolation, so she wrote this book, A Friend in Grief. And she shares some things here in her book. This is in the section, The Don'ts and the Dues for Supporting People. In other words, what to say or what not to say.

Here's some of the don'ts. Don't avoid the person. Don't avoid the bereaved person. This is the time when they really need to know that you care about them.

And there's nothing worse than being alone or deserted when you have the need the most at the time that you have the need the most. So don't avoid the person. You may not always know what to say, but sometimes just being there means so much. So don't avoid them. Number two, don't fail to acknowledge that they have just lost their loved one. Don't fail to acknowledge them when you first see them after the death. Don't fail to acknowledge that you understand they've lost somebody very special to them. They will probably seem to them that if you don't say something, that you're denying the existence of someone that's very important to them. If you say nothing, you may come across that you don't care about someone that was a big part of their life, whether it be in the past or the present. And so that's something to be aware of. Number three, don't forget them after the funeral. Don't forget them after the funeral. Time and again, you know, there's a lot of family support, a lot of friend support, you know, shortly after the death of a loved one. And for the first few days, there's a lot going on.

And but after the funeral, it seems like friends and family go back to their normal lives, in a sense. And there's no more of the formalities that need to be attended to. And all of a sudden, you find yourself alone in an empty house with your memories and your emotions. Number four, don't expect them to get quote unquote, get over it. Don't expect them just to get over it.

The loss of a loved one isn't something that you just ever get over. It just doesn't happen. It's just something you learn over time to live with, to live with the loss of a loved one. And the loss is not only the relationship, it's the person. It's their son, it's their daughter, it's their spouse.

And so we don't want to ever expect them just to get over it. And then there's some important things to do. Let them express their grief in their own way. Let them express their grief in their own way. That's something that we have to let them to do.

Though whether it be crying, whether it's be wanting to talk about the person, whether it's not wanting to talk about the person, in a sense, whether it's wanting to have people over, whether it's not wanting to have people over, you know, we have to let them express their grief in their own way. Whether they want to talk or whether they want to remain silent. In a sense, that's really important. Because letting someone go through their stages in their own way, and we will all do it in our own way. That's just the nature of the beast. In a sense, we're different in that regard. Everyone has their own way of expressing grief. But mourning and expressing grief is helpful. It's helpful. It's necessary in whatever form that it takes, and whatever way that a person feels that it needs to be done. You know, I've heard from people, maybe you have too, whose friends and relatives make comments on their reactions thinking they should be grieving in a certain way. You know, there's something wrong with the way that they're grieving. There's something wrong with the way that they're coping. You know, there's no right or wrong way to grieve. There's only what people instinctively feel that they must do to express their grief. It's a matter of respect, I think, for the individual respecting their way of grieving. As you respect the way that they like food or the things that they like to do or the way they raise their children or their lifestyle. It may not be for you, but if it suits them, then it lets us understand that's their right in that sense. Now, I know it can go to a wrong direction eventually, and there can be severe depression, and then there may be need to be some help, but that doesn't happen most of the time.

Another one of the dos is to listen. Is to listen to them. Listen when they start to talk, and listen carefully, and listen properly. Don't interrupt. You know, it's okay to ask questions, but then let them talk. Let them share what's on their mind. Okay, another one is to be patient.

To be patient. Sometimes in our conversations with them, they're having a hard time. They're breaking into crying, and they're having a hard time saying the words to us as we're trying to listen, and we may want to fill in the gaps and say it's okay. Not necessarily. It's not. I mean, it'll be better. We'll try to say something that things will get better. That's not necessarily the right thing to say. Just let them talk. Let them talk. They have a need sometimes to break down. They have a need to cry in that sense, and that's why they do it. My father never forgot this. He told me this happened a long time ago. He came from a pretty large family, and he was the youngest of all of the siblings, and he lost his father when his father was in his 50s, and my dad was at a fairly young age. He was under the age of 12, so he was old enough to know his father, my grandfather, whom I never knew. But he was old enough to know him, but he was wanting to cry at the funeral of his father, and he was trying to buckle up in a sense a little bit, and not to cry. And one of his aunts came over to him and said, my dad's name is Bob, they called him Bobby, and she said, Bobby, it's okay to cry. And he just sobbed. He just sobbed uncontrollably. We've got this 11-year-old boy that just buried his head into his aunt's chest and just sobbed uncontrollably because he'd lost his father. And that's a good example, brethren, of the grieving process beginning to start. It's exactly what he needed to do, is he needed to cry. Another one of the things of the to-do is that we want to do. And I've touched on this one already. Brethren, there are, of course, times when people would rather be alone. We need to understand that. There are times when they would rather be alone. And sometimes that's hard for us to know whether we should leave them alone or whether we shouldn't. You know, it's something that's hard to do. And I think sometimes we just happen to a loving way, say something like, would you like company? Or would you rather, you know, have us leave you alone, in a sense? You know, you prefer to be alone right now. And so it's okay to ask that question. And then we'll know. And then they know that we care enough to ask. And they'll tell you what they would prefer to have. There's a little more information here, some things that there's so much information, so I can't cover it all. But I thought this was a helpful thing as well.

This comes from a pamphlet entitled, A Friend is There, Suggestions for Friends of the Bereed. So one of the things that points out, and this is also in some other books, is for you and I to avoid when we talk to somebody that's grieving, is to avoid cliches. To avoid cliches. Let me give you a few examples here. When you're trying to comfort someone with well-intended words, it's best to avoid cliches, like you're doing so well, or others have lived through it, or I know just how you feel. You know, be strong, and you'll eventually get over it. Or time will take care of everything. Or things could be worse, worse things could have happened. You know, those times of things, rather, they just don't serve very well. So we want to try to avoid those types of things. We don't know what they're going through.

We're not in their shoes. We don't know. So just some things to be thinking about here. Let's go back to Job 42. Job 42. And I'll refer you here to the back of the home stress scale. We talk about that there are certain things that we just have to go through, and sometimes you just can't rush it. It just takes time. But as you get close to the list, towards the bottom of the list, then things begin to eventually change over time. But just too bad we can't just jump to the bottom of the list. But that just isn't going to happen. We look at number 11 here, and it talks about growth. And then we begin to have memories, you know, as we get to number 12. But brother, there's a whole lot of things that we have to go through before we get to some of those areas.

But things did eventually turn around for Job, as we know, and we're going to read about that in a moment. And we know that things eventually turned around. Naomi also was comforted, as Job was comforted. And they eventually get to the area of growth. And I want to refer you here before we begin reading in Job, chapter 42. I want to go back to a section in my notes here that I skipped because I thought it was too early to bring it up.

But there's a book that's written by a rabbi entitled, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. And I don't know if you've heard of it. The author's name is Rabbi Harold Kushner. And there's a point that I'd like to make in the book. And I think it comes further down when we get to the area of growth, when we've gone through these other stages. He says that the first part of our grief, we usually ask questions after the tragedy has happened. Why did this happen? You know, why could I have done something differently?

Could I have prevented this from happening? You know, why is this happening to me? Could I have prevented it? If only I had done it things this or that differently? He says we tend to ask those questions. And then when we get further into the grieving process, we need to hopefully come to a point where we ask a different question.

Instead of why did this happen to me, we begin to ask the question now that this has happened. Where do I go from here? Where do I go from here? Now, that's further down in the process, brethren. We don't even sometimes even address those questions until later on. But how can I learn from what I've been through? How do I handle it going forward from here? And that becomes a different question.

Let's go to Job 42 now here, and we'll pick it up in verse number 10. Job 42 and verse number 10. We get towards the end of the book here, and Job has improved, in a sense, tremendously. In his circumstances have gotten significantly better. Job 42 and verse 10. It says, "...And the Lord restored Job's losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed, the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before." Nearly literally, except for the amount of his children, it looks like.

Verse 11, it says, "...Then all of his brothers, all of his sisters, and all those who had been his acquaintances before, came to him. And they ate food with him in his house, and they consoled him and comforted him for all the adversity that the Lord had brought upon him. And each one gave him a piece of silver and each a ring of gold." So even after his situation and circumstances had changed and improved, he's still getting support. He's still getting consoled, you know, by family here, by friends here, you know, as we see that here in verse number 11.

Verse number 12, "...Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning, for he had 14,000 sheep." And if you remember the numbers before, these are double than what they had been before, except for the amount of his children.

"...14,000 sheep, 6,000 sand camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys." And he also had seven sons and three daughters, same amount of children that he had before. So rather than, in a sense, consolation, the comfort that we need, it's needed for a long time. It's needed for a long time. And this is even after things had gotten better, he would still get together with family and friends, and they would still console him and comfort him for the loss that he'd had before.

I'm going to read another section here of one of the booklets here. And actually, this is just a short section from one of the books that we have in the library. And unfortunately, I didn't put the name of the book here. It's in a library back home if you want to know where some of these do's and don'ts came from, as far as which particular book they came out of.

I can certainly let you know that. I can send you an email on that. But I made several photocopies of certain things of do's and don'ts as God begins to teach us how we can comfort one another. And I've got them back on the information table. So that's available. It's entitled a crisis checklist. So that's available for you if you're interested in the back table there.

And here's some other information that came out of one of the sources here.

It says, don't ask, but do. You know, when you're trying to help a brief friend, sometimes they'll say, well, let me know if there's anything that I can do. And a lot of times they're just trying to be nice and say, well, there isn't anything. Sometimes they're not being nice, but really nothing does come to mind in that sense. You know, even though the refrigerator may be bare and there isn't a meal prepared or what have you. But a thought is that it's not just asking to help you, but trying to really do something. It says, don't ask, do. In other words, we'll say, is there anything I can do? Well, don't just offer that, but actually do something. But be careful not to impose. So you want to be careful. They may want to be left alone. But, you know, sometimes it's appropriate in time to begin to actually do something, such as make a telephone call, such as make a visit, you know, such as to take over a meal or to invite them to your home. Don't just ask, but sometimes do. And so those are things to think about. Okay, let's turn over to 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 and verse number 14. 1 Thessalonians chapter 4.

We'll see some encouraging words over here in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 and verse number 14.

1 Thessalonians chapter 4 and verse 14. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, then even so, God is going to bring with him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord won't precede those who have died and fallen asleep.

Verse 16. For the Lord himself is going to descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

You know, I think God had to kind of explain through Paul, you know, a lot of people think, well, I hope I'm alive at the return of Christ. I'll get to see him first. No, the alive in Christ will not see Christ first. It's the dead in Christ that will see Christ first. So in a sense, there are at least a few advantages to dying. They get to rise first. They get to rise first. They get to become a spirit being first. Now it doesn't happen much before because those that are alive then are quickly changed as well. Verse 17. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and thus we shall always be with the Lord.

So the deceased rise first, and those who are alive rise second, not too far after. No, they may say, well, it's about time you got here. Okay, I'm waiting for you. Well, you've only had to wait just a moment or two, but anyhow. In verse number 18, therefore comfort one another with these words.

Brethren, God tells us that those words can be comforting to us. We don't want to grieve as those who have no hope. We are to grieve. No question about that, to mourn. And then we will be comforted. But we're not to grieve as those who have no hope, as it says in verse number 13.

Let's go over to the next chapter. 1 Thessalonians chapter 5, our final scripture here. 1 Thessalonians chapter 5 and verse number 11.

Paul writing to the brethren in Thessalonica says, therefore comfort each other and edify one another just as you also are doing. And so we do, as sons and daughters, brothers and sisters of God, we do have an obligation to comfort one another. It's one of the third principles that we talked about, to think about each other in times of loss, in times of distress, in times of pain, in times of duress. So we're told in Scripture to comfort one another, to remember one another. And we learned some lessons, sometimes difficult ones, in this human condition with some of the things we have to go through.

And of course, we talked about the first principle is that God the Father himself is a great comforter. He is a Father. He does comfort his children. And we also talked about the third one, the Scriptures themselves can be comforting to us. You know, really, the whole Bible is just a really obituary of people that have gone before us, that have had difficulties. They have a history. They've lived and they've died. And God still says, I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I am the God of the living, not the dead, which means that that's how he views us. It means that his eyes are on his servants, and we're as good as alive at the sound of that last trumpet. So, brethren, I hope this was helpful. Going forward, I've had a lot to learn on this topic, and I hope this was helpful for you.