The Healing of Grief

Hmm. Looks like the last minister here would have had a larger place to put things. Who would we blame that for? I'm going to need this in just a minute. Well, as I said a while ago, whoa, what in the world? Hang on, time out. My sermon notes went to Trump's next move. I'll push the X and hope that's what I should do. Hmm. We're back.

Alright. I want to give a sermon on the healing of grief because the one thing that is very certain about every life is that we're not going to get out of this alive. The most certain thing about every life is that it will end one day. Now, we all have had our own personal experiences in my immediate family. The years that stand out to me of getting those phone calls are 1980 when my brother Charles called to let me know when we lived in Birmingham that our mother had died.

In 1992, the phone rang and it was again my brother Charles who let me know that our dad had, our father had died and we were living in California at that time. And then in 2009, my nephew Chance called to tell me that my brother Charles had died. So those three times, half the immediate family is gone. And we all go through stages. We go through a lot of feelings.

Sometimes we feel angry, betrayed. We are concerned about others like the remaining parent or the family who have had the loss. Sometimes we feel guilt that, well, if I'd prayed more, that if I'd fastened, I'd be able to get out of this alive. If I'd prayed more, that if I'd fastened more, maybe I would have changed God's mind.

And God's in charge. God's the one who gives life and God's the one who said there's a time to be born, there's a time to die. Now, looking up the word grief in the Webster's dictionary that I have at home, it says Webster defines grief as acute sorrow, deep sadness, emotional suffering from a loss. Now, grief may come from a number of directions. We generally think of death, first of all. It happens with divorce. It happens with separation. It happens with jail term, long-term illness, loss of a job, retirement, loss of a pet.

There are people who have had a pet for many years, and normally they're going to live a number of years, and then it's over. And it's very painful. We've had experiences of those close friends or family members who leave the church or go with a different portion of the church. So, learning to deal with grief is a part of living, and it does come home to roost with us, within our family, within our congregations, and within the overall body of Christ's God's Church as well.

The healing of grief. Alright, you have a handout. As I mentioned, this is the same copy. This is a photocopy of the copy I was given in 1983. And I have some more up-to-date material, but it basically says the same thing. And different ones have tried to group it in different ways.

Some have tried to condense it down to five points, and others even down as far as three, but generally they're combining several points into the same, into their, their abbreviated points. I went, did a little internet search, and from caring.com website, there is an article I found on the stages of grief, and the author, Melanie Hyken, wrote, losing a parent, spouse, or other loved ones is really hard.

And what most of us don't know until it happens is that it hurts for a long time. It mentions different experts and how they have listed recognizable stages that you'll pass through. She said that some have continued to work with the, the original Kubler-Ross model. Others have simplified that to three or four stages, or expanded the list to as many as ten. So we have ten here, and this isn't the main focus of the sermon, but I want to just review it with you.

We all go through these stages. There is a time of shock. I cannot even imagine what it was like for the couple down in Alabama to get the call, or rather to make a call and find out the news of what they had lost. They'd lost a son. And so shock. We just have an inability to really comprehend. It takes a while to sink in, and even takes time to really understand the full magnitude of what has happened. There is an emotional release, so emotions come in. Everyone reacts differently. Some, what is the term? Some repress, some keep it inside. It's good for us to talk it through, to share, but again, everybody's different.

It's not one size fits all. Some therapists say it's a great event. Get angry, yell, shout, scream. I'm not sure if I'm in agreement with that, but at any rate. There is a time of depression, loneliness, isolation. Sometimes you think, nobody else understands what I'm going through, and with time we realize there are a lot of people who have gone through the same type of a loss.

Number four are physical symptoms of distress. We'll talk about that a little later, because, well, we'll look at a scale later as far as just some of the life change units that can add up within a given year. Here we have a lady in the Gadsden Church who has lost a parent, a sibling, and a child in one year, and that places her or any of us at great risk of having some type of a physical distress. Number five is panic. Panic. I'll just let you read what is there.

Number six is guilt. A lot of times, guilt comes in. And you know, that's one of the great tools Satan uses, and he has a lot of success on us, making us improperly feel guilty.

And we might think, well, if I just told the kids we'll drive home another way, then they wouldn't have run into that drunk driver. We couldn't have known that. Usually with time, we come to a peace and realize we probably did about as well as we could have. We may, though, go through a time of imagining wrongs and just feeling that I let them down. Number seven, hostility. Hostility. Yep. There can be that tendency to strike back, get in want to get even with whoever is perceived as having caused the event that led to a loss. Again, in losing a job, maybe it would be a supervisor or an owner or a boss. And number eight, inability to renew normal activities. It's just there are times... there's one author I read, he described it as being like there are times in life we just have to stand there as if we're... I think he used the example of a jackass caught out in an open field in the middle of a hailstorm. There's nowhere to hide. You just stand there and take a beating. And with time, understanding comes. I can look back on times of life, phases of life. I tell you, I used to think if we can just get the kids through high school, all of our worries will be over. Oh!

But we went... we've gone through trials with our children when they were of college age, young adult age, that pale anything before that point into insignificance. And I vented to an elder up in London, Kentucky, once. I said, you know, I just feel like I've been standing here taking a beating for the last six years. And, you know, he kind of laughed and we talked about it. And then before we left, they were going through things with kids and grandkids. And he says, you know, I feel like I've been standing here taking a beating the last two years. So, anyhow, then there is a number... a number nine gradual overcoming. And it does take time. And one example that I've heard and have used is it's like if you have a serious cut, say to your hand, a serious cut, you go to have it treated. It's cleaned. It's stitched up or super glued, whatever. They do it differently now. Staple, however it is, bound up. You change the dressing. You clean it. The time comes, the stitches or the staples are taken out.

And then when it heals, there still is a scar. There's that scar that reminds you that something's not exactly the same. There's something that happened once upon a time and it impacts you the rest of life and emotional heals, excuse me, emotional wounds are very much the same way. And number 10 is readjustment. Takes time. Takes time, but life will never be exactly the same as it was before. But there is a recovery in becoming stronger, deeper, better for having faced and endured and with the grace of God continued on after a horrible, horrible time of grief. So, we'll leave those behind. And I'd like to give you... Before I go on to those other points, I'd like to mention for years, I've got this file. It's called Grief, healing. And I've had opportunity to be in a lot of funeral homes for some odd reason, sadly. And when I go, they often will have a little display of booklets or pamphlets. And here's one. Is there anything I can do to help? It has 19 points. Good, solid recommendations. What to do, how to help someone who's gone through great loss. Things like keeping in touch, being yourself. Don't judge. Don't condemn. Just be there for them. Here's one, actually talking with young children about death. And you may recognize Dr. and Dr. Mr. I don't want to give him too much of a promotion. Mr. Rogers, as in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood. And actually, it's very common sense. Good source. Here's one on healing grief that came from some of these. They usually stamp them inside. Well, I don't know on that one. Here's one on about grief.

Well, I'm not seeing it. But there is a lot of material. And actually, the funeral home in near Gadsden that I worked with the other day, just Thursday, in looking up the obituary on the website. Their websites anymore are a tremendous resource. They'll have a resource tab, things to help tab, and you can click on that. And they had all kinds of literature material right there online as far as how to help. So let's go on then with our points on the guidelines for healing grief. And number one is accept the loss. Accept the loss. I'm not saying you have to like it. But accept it. Let's go to Genesis 37.

We have an example of Father Jacob. Jacob made mistakes in child rearing. We know that. He played favorites. He lavished special gifts and liked the multicolored coat upon his son Joseph. And that bred a certain resentment in the others. Genesis 37. Let's begin in verse 31.

And this is breaking in on the story, but the brothers, the ten older brothers, have taken Joseph and put him in a pit. Reuben has interceded for him. Verse 31. They took Joseph's tunic and killed a kid of the goats and dipped the tunic in the blood. Then they sent the tunic of many colors. They brought it to their father and said, We have found this. Do you know whether it is your son's? Notice their terminology. Your son's. They weren't accepting him. It doesn't sound like fully as their brother. Your son's tunic or not. He recognized it and said, It is my son's tunic. A wild beast has devoured him. Without doubt, Joseph is torn to pieces. Then Jacob tore his clothes, put sackcloth on his waist, and mourned his son for many days. Notice verse 35. In all his sons and daughters, he had a lot of sons. Dinah is the only daughter whose name were given, but he had daughters, and rose to comfort him. He refused to be comforted, and he said, I shall go down into the grave to my son in mourning. Thus his father wept for him. Now, we know the rest of the story on this. Of course, he had a lot of years of grief. A lot of years when maybe he just couldn't address it, couldn't deal with it. But what glorious news it would have been in chapter 45 to find out. Well, the brothers first found out that Joseph lived, and then the father found out. But a part of accepting grief is to allow for an emotional response as the initial shock wears off. We don't need to. Even we men don't need to try to suppress tears. We are given role models in the Bible. In the world, we're given role models like John Wayne. And I don't think John Wayne ever cried in any movie I ever saw. Not that I remember. It was Be Tough and Hang In There, You Got Bucked Off, Get Back On, Go On With Life, things like that. I've got a magnet at home on a file cabinet that someone gave me. It's John Wayne that says, life's tough. Life's tougher if you're stupid. Well, he's not our role model. We enjoy his movies. Clint Eastwood used to be this tough guy, but you know, late in his life, some of them, there's a human side that comes out. I enjoyed the one on Trouble With The Curve. It's a baseball scout. Good movie. And he's healing with his daughter, where there'd been a breach for a long time. But in the Word of God, we have, of course, our main primary role model of Jesus Christ. He had a friend who died, and he wept. He wept. And he had another friend whose name was Stephen, who was being stoned to death. And when Stephen looked up to heaven, and he saw in the vision, into the very throne of God, there was the Father, but standing at his right hand, standing at his side, was Jesus Christ.

Christ was not taking what happened to Stephen sitting down. We have the example of David, who cried so much, Absalom, my son, my son. And, of course, his example, whenever the child born initially to Bathsheba, and how he responded, he got up, he washed, and went to God, and then he went to help his wife. I have a book. I picked this up in California, which means about 25 years ago. I don't know what to say by Dr. Robert Buckman. I don't know what to say. I've read the book. I pull it off, and I use it as a resource, and I find I still don't know what to say. But I would comment that we should never underestimate the eloquence of what we communicate by just simply calling, or sending a card, or signing a card, or going to a funeral. I saw the Bowens. There were quite a few who came, of course, a lot from Gadsden, a good number from Birmingham, and quite a few down from Huntsville came to the funeral. And they go back a lot of years. I played softball with Ferris back about 1979 and 80 in a church softball league. But it just eased the pain. It strengthened them, even when people just came through and shook their hands. So in this book, the thing I was going to read here... One of the arguments, friends...this is pages 17-18. One of the arguments friends and family put forward in order to avoid talking to a person is that talking about a fear or anxiety might create an anxiety that didn't exist before the conversation. And then he writes, in fact, the opposite is true. Not talking about a fear makes it bigger. One of the greatest services you can do for your friend is to hear her fears and stay close once you have listened. That's a common statement that is made, that after the funeral and a little later the family goes home and a little later people stop calling. And we're probably all guilty of that. I know I am very much so. And the person's alone at that time. That quote that I read leads into point number two, and that is, talk about it. Talk about it. As far as the healing of grief, talk about it.

Buckman writes, page 16, in many circumstances, particularly when things go wrong, people talk in order to get some trouble off their chest and to be heard. You see this quite often in behavior of children. But later he writes, it releases a bit of pressure and human beings can only stand so much pressure. There is relief to be found in talking. There is, therefore, a relief that you can provide for a sick person, or we would say a grieving person, by listening and simply allowing him to talk. You can help your friend even if you don't have all the answers. And none of us has all the answers. So talk about it. Don't be judgmental. Don't try to force them to talk, but be there for them. The Scriptures tell us that we are our brother's keepers. And if we are especially close to someone, be available, be willing to give up time to listen and strive to be understanding and supportive. Realize you might get snapped at. And that's fine. Take it. Take it. Because in time, they may not remember that, actually. But in time, they'll be sorry for that. They'll be inspired that you stuck in there with them. 1 Peter 5, verse 7. I think primarily we're told here, talk to God about it. Whatever the grief is, whatever the hurt, whatever the loss, whatever the concern or worry in life, talk to God. 1 Peter 5, and we just read verse 7.

Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. There's one translation that uses the word worry. Cast your worry upon Him. Let Christ bear that burden. We probably, most of us, remember the popular poem, Footprints. And it tells the story where the person looks back across life and the footprints in the sand. And most of the time, there'd be the two pairs of footsteps where the person walked with Christ. And then there came a point looking back at life when there was only one. And the person asks the question, well, Christ essentially, where were you during that time? And He simply said, that's when I was carrying you. And there are times when we just have to place ourselves in the hands of God and let Him carry us. Number three is stay busy. Stay busy.

There is a proverb in Ecclesiastes that says, through idleness of the hands, the house drops through. You know, a house has to be maintained. And we can let things slide for just a while, and then we really pay for it. But if we're just maintaining all the time, cleaning windows, cleaning gutters, just little here, little there, all the time, then the house stands. I had a third grade teacher who loved to use the phrase that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. And so then she would give us busy work. And it probably didn't hurt us, but we sure didn't care for it. But human nature, by nature, is centered on self. And especially when we hurt, we look at ourselves and we can fall into the woe is me phase.

And we are creatures of habit. We need structure. We need to maintain a routine. We need to keep our minds occupied with meaningful projects and work. So when there is a loss, when there is a time of grief, then strive to maintain your regular schedule. And also look for other people who have positive outlooks.

It's contagious. There are proverbs that talk about that. It is like a good medicine to be around someone who is cheerful. Number four is take care of yourself physically. So physically care for yourself. I have somewhere here the Holmes Stress Scale that you may have heard of.

And I don't know where it went. Holmes Stress Scale. There was one that came out decades ago by this Dr. Holmes. And he and his team looked at all of these different changes that happen in life. And he assigned life change units. The original one stated that if you have over 200 life change units, you've just gone through about all you can handle. And if you go over that, I mean if life throws more at you than that, then you're very susceptible to becoming physically ill. There was a later revision, Dr. Holmes and a Dr. Hayne, I want to say. It may not quite be right there. And it divided into 300. But of course, on the top of the list, the loss of a spouse. And there go 100 points right there. A divorce was something like 73. And it assigns children moving out of the house. And you think, yay, it's time to throw a party. But no, it's very stressful. It's a painful, painful time. And when Denise and I moved 10 years ago from Kingsport down to Huntsville, we realized the house is quiet. And leftovers that we put in the refrigerator the next morning are still there. There's nobody else in the house. We were used to having, especially the youngest boy who would be a vacuum cleaner cleaning out leftovers sometime in the middle of the night every night. Well, I don't need that stress scale. But it goes all the way down. And I forget, I think it was like 20 points if you keep Christmas. If you keep Christmas, I mean, it's stressful time. You've got points against you. And you could do a search, look for the homes. I think it was RAHE, Homes, and I'm not sure how to pronounce it, but Homes and Rahi, stress scale. And when a time of great loss comes upon us, at the moment, we may not feel like taking care of ourselves. We may need to remind ourselves, or others closest to us may need to remind us, you will care before long. And the body is important. Health is important. Our lives are valuable to God. After all, He's the one who created us in His own image and likeness. And in our case, He looked down on the earth, and the Father began drawing us. We responded to an invitation called a calling. We were chosen and placed in the very body of Christ, forgiven and given the Spirit of God. He's got a lot in... He is investing in us. He cares. Let's go to 1 Corinthians 3 and read verses 16 and 17. 1 Corinthians 3 verses 16 and 17. A good reminder here that we need to take care of the physical body. Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him, for that temple of God is holy, which temple you are. And so we do have an obligation to take care of our physical body, our physical health. And a lot of this has to do with maintaining a schedule, being balanced, getting a proper amount of sleep, and having a balanced diet, and we'll get to that next. Let's look at 2 Samuel 12.

2 Samuel 12. We have the story... We look at the tail end of the story of David's sin with Bathsheba and the child that was born, and notice what David did.

2 Samuel 12. And let's see... Let's pick it up.

Well, verse 15. Then Nathan departed to his house, so the prophet who had told him, You are the man, left, and the Lord struck the child that Uriah's wife, that's Bathsheba, bore to David, and it became ill. David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose, and went to him to raise him up from the ground, but he would not, nor did he eat food with them.

Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And then you remember the story. They debated, do we tell him, do we not? And he somehow sensed that, okay, it's bad news. Bad news. And so he asked, then verse 19, is the child dead? And they said, he is dead. Verse 20, so David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes, and he went into the house of the Lord and worshipped.

Then he went to his own house, and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate. And then in verse 24, then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife. And, of course, then it's skipping a bit of time, and they raised a little Solomon. He accepted the grief. He took care of himself at the time, and then he went to see about his wife. Number five is eat well. Eat well. You may not feel like eating. You may just want comfort food.

I made a comment last week in both areas about why do people send sweet rolls and pies and cakes to the houses of people who have had such a loss? They need stews and soups and fruit and, you know, and balanced. And my wife just said on the way home, it's called comfort food. I said, oh, I try to keep that stuff out of my life.

I need to do a little better than I have been. But anyhow, comfort food. We should eat well. If we can only pick at food, it's not the time to try three meals a day at the local McDonald's. It's time to have quality food, and we'll probably need vitamin supplements, and we probably need those every day anyhow. But remember the example in Daniel chapter one where Daniel and the three friends were after the period of time, they were, excuse me, their countenance appeared fatter and fairer in flesh than all the others who were eating of the king's diet, and they were living on vegetables.

So we need a balanced diet. We need some meat. We need some vegetables. We need fruit. We need plenty of fluid. Whole grains. And whatever we do, do in balance and with moderation. Number six is do exercise regularly. And it hopefully is something that as we can, and everybody here can do, exercise has a different definition. And my exercise today is a whole lot different than it was when I was 31 years old. But we take what we've got and go with it.

I think we can just distill it down with the word move. Just if we just move. And I don't mean to reach and grab the remote, just get the blood flowing. I don't mean lifting the fork to the mouth. My father, when I put on weight, I didn't have a weight problem when I worked construction. And when I jogged, but at about age 38, my left knee started hurting. So I had a doctor in Texas who took a couple of pictures and said, If you'll stop that jogging, you might get through life with those knees, which I'm beginning to wonder about.

But anyhow, I stopped jogging and started walking, but my weight started going up. And my dad said the best exercise for you, boy, is pushing back from the table in time. And I remember that. A lot of wisdom there.

Well, exercise. If you have a routine, keep it up. Nothing like walking. I do a lot of walking these days, and I like going along a creek with, especially now, leaves are falling, and I get to crunch leaves as I walk down the trail. And there is something that takes place within us. The endorphins that are released has to do with feelings of positivity, and we just feel better. We have a better outlook, and we probably sleep better. But first, I'll just mention the key phrase here.

First Timothy 4 verse 8. Paul reminded Timothy that exercise profits for a little while. It is amazing how quickly muscles will atrophy, and you'll lose what you once had. But we need to keep the blood moving. The life is in the blood.

Number seven is deal with guilt. I realize that is a mouthful, and there's nothing easy about that. Many times we have wrongs to the deceased that are imaginary or exaggerated in our minds.

As we say, hindsight is 20-20. We all make our mistakes. We are imperfect human beings. And with a little time, we generally are able to, in a more balanced way, look back and think, well, you know, I probably did about the best I possibly could have under the circumstances. But the most difficult person walking the earth to forgive is the one you see in the mirror. We struggle with that the most, forgiving ourselves. And there are times when we lose someone and we can't turn the tape back. I'm dating myself now. Tapes are a thing of the past. But you can't roll back time and redo, undo and redo different things. So it's... we oftentimes will have these thoughts, like I said a while ago. If I just told the kids, come home a different way, that wouldn't have happened. Well, we don't have control over that. In Ecclesiastes 9, we are reminded about time and chance. Ecclesiastes 9 verses 11 and 12.

Ecclesiastes 9 verse 11. I returned and saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill, but time and chance happen to them all.

For man also does not know his time. And it reminds me of the old saying that I've heard for a long time, and that is that tomorrow is promised to no one. And that's why I reminded everyone there Thursday. Let's remember the Bible teaches us to count to number our own days. And in the process, count our blessings and live life realizing we are not promised tomorrow.

Years ago, when we lived in Memphis, there was a man who, as I remember, drove a truck delivering some type of gas. Maybe it was welding gases. And it was toward winter, probably around 30 degrees, where with the warmth from the ground, most streets, highways were fine. But as he took off at about daylight that morning in his truck, and the route he went took up over a viaduct that crossed over some railroad tracks.

As he hit that, he realized he was on a sheet of ice. And scary, all was fine, though, until he peeked out and there was a truckload of lumber in an accident already with a car, and it was coming up his direction. And with the impact and the fire, he never got out of the truck. He was driving down the wrong road at the wrong time.

And he sleeps in his grave, waiting the voice of Jesus Christ. Well, sometimes we're talking here about guilt. Sometimes there may be things that we did, didn't do, said, didn't say. And Satan can use that to try to get us to flail ourselves over the head and sit down on the bench and watch others run the race. If we have done something genuinely wrong, then 1 John 1, verse 9, tells us to go and confess it to God. 1 John 1, verse 9 speaks of confessing your sin to God, and he will forgive it. And we have to do that. We can't justify it. Penance surely doesn't work.

Forgiveness does work. Philippians 3, verse 13. To me, the Apostle Paul is a fascinating story. Here is a man who had an unbelievable passion, even when he was doing what was wrong. He thought he was doing God's service. He was getting letters from the local authorities and going out and hauling in Christians and taking them in before the courts. He was giving his approval to the martyrdom of Stephen until the day came when he was making his way toward Damascus, and God struck him down, and God began working with him.

But throughout Paul's epistles, and we have a great deal. The largest portion of the New Testament was written by Paul. And there are times when the story is written about him that Luke wrote in Acts later, as he had gone back to Jerusalem that last time. And he stood there, and he said, "'To this day I stand before you with a clear conscience, before God and man.' He had no guilt that was waiting him down. And here, as he wrote to the church at Philippi, chapter 3, verse 13, "'Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended, but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.'" God wants us to be a forward-oriented people.

We all make mistakes. There are times we make mistakes. We can't go back and fix it. We ask God's forgiveness. If the person is living, we ask their forgiveness, but we go onward. Number eight, review God's truth with respect to your grief. Now, if it's a death of someone close, for instance, there are places in the Bible that we can go to. David, he found the child died. He went, he worshiped, he cleaned himself up. He went and worshiped God, had something to eat, and then went to see about his wife. We have basic scriptures that teach the resurrection.

That's the beauty of the eighth day that we just observed. The beauty of the fact that the time will come when the graves will be opened, they'll stand before God, the small and great, and they'll be judged. Or, as Jesus said, the time is coming, and now is when all who are in the graves will hear his voice and come forth. Some, when Christ comes, are welcome to the eternal family.

Others, to a time when they can understand and be judged. But there are scriptures like Isaiah 57 verse 1. Some of these we often will use in our funeral messages, and rightfully so. Isaiah 57 verse 1, a beautiful verse, gives us a lot to contemplate. 57 verse 1, the righteous perishes. Sometimes the most wonderful people die, and they die in a way that seems like it wasn't fair. And no man takes it to heart. Merciful men are taken away, while no one considers that the righteous is taken away from evil.

He shall enter in the peace. Sometimes, you know, think of any saint that dies. And we've had a lot. You know, there was the, I forget the name of the couple, Elder and his wife are up in Canada, driving to the feast, and they die in an auto accident. And John Sephoric, who died during the feast, and they await the call of Christ to raise them back to life. Psalm 116 verse 15.

Psalm 116 verse 15. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. Which may strike you as an odd statement to make, but it's a beautiful statement. The psalmist says it's a beautiful thing when someone is a saint. And that says a lot right there, the word saint. One of the called out ones, one of the believers. When somebody dies, the next waking moment is going to be with the resurrection. And it is beautiful. There will be sorrow when there is death.

That's only right and good. There should be sorrow tempered by hope. Paul wrote those at Thessalonica. You could just make a note of 1 Thessalonians 4 verses 13 through 18. He wrote to them, he didn't want them to be ignorant of what happens to those who die. Or as he put it, those who sleep. The time comes, they'll hear the voice of Christ and rise. We, Paul thinking still early on in his earlier epistles, still thinking he would live till Christ's return. We will be changed. But then he wrote, comfort one another with these words.

If it is a type of grief that comes from something else, job loss, loss of a home, loss of a vehicle, if it's a marriage that ends, there's somewhere in the Word of God we can go. Where it reminds us, as far as marriage, look to the ultimate marriage of Christ in the Church and be about the business of making ourselves ready. Number 9, I know we've got a lot of points. Number 9, seek out others who have experienced a similar loss. Now, every loss is personal and individual to us. But there are others.

I saw Thursday people coming up. Mrs. Marjorie Ashley has lost a son. She knows what it felt like. There's a member down in the Gadsden Church had a son murdered a number of years ago. He knows what it feels like. And I think they had a greater impact, whether they said a word or not, because the Bowens knew this person knows what it feels like.

So seek others. There's a strength that comes with seeking out others like this. Ecclesiastes talks about the strength of this two-fold, this three-fold connection that's not easily broken. And again, sometimes we stand there and take a beating, and understanding comes later. There are many, many support groups out there that can help us. We can use them as crutches. I use the word crutch. I like that because with crutches, literal crutches, if you sprain an ankle, break a bone in a leg, you use crutches for a while to help yourself get around.

The day comes, though, when you take those and you hopefully can just hang them on a hook in the corner, standing back in the garage somewhere. You don't need them anymore. The same is true with needing crutches at a time of grief and lean on somebody else. There are all kinds of support groups, and you have people have different feelings about support groups, but based on 12 steps, whether it's alcohol or narcotics or emotions, or there are groups like alanine or alateine for some of the younger ones who live in households, whether it's substance abuse, all kinds of groups there, others who are willing to listen and to encourage.

Proverbs 12, verse 25, Let us remember our old friends and keep them engaged as well and spend time with them, even if it's awkward. I say that because sometimes you might have three or four married couples who are really close friends, and then one loses a spouse, and they feel like the odd man or odd woman out. And it's a challenge. Proverbs 12, verse 25, Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.

Proverbs 17, verse 22. A merry heart does good like a medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. That's why I said a while ago, seek and find those with positive attitudes, because it lifts you up, and a negative attitude pulls you down. Be willing to talk, share, act naturally. No need to avoid the subject of the person's grief and learn from each other. Number 10, and this one I think is very important, number 10 is postpone major decisions. It's not the time the next week to decide I'll sell the house and I'll move to Montana.

Now, maybe you really want to go to Montana. That's a pretty big decision. Give it time. Give it time. Don't be rash. Give yourself time to regain balance and perspective. We're here close enough. Let's just go to Ecclesiastes 3. I was looking at this Thursday morning and something struck me in these verses where it talks about there's a time for this, a time for that. There's a time for everything. Don't be in a hurry.

It'll work later on. Ecclesiastes 3, verse 1, to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven, a time to be born, a time to die. Verse 3, a time to kill, a time to heal, a time to break down, a time to build up.

Verse 4, a time to weep and a time to laugh. Now, notice the latter part of verse 7, a time to keep silence. That's why I say, don't feel you always have to say something or you have to find the magic bullet, the silver bullet, the exact words to say that will help heal this person's broken heart. Sometimes there's great eloquence from just being there and not saying a thing.

And there is also a time to speak. A job change, a move, change of location may become necessary, but give it a little time.

Grief, again, is like an emotional wound. It takes time to heal, and when it does, there's still a scar. 11. Turn grief into energy to help others. Get yourself involved in giving back to others. And perhaps with time, especially as you heal, there'll be those who will go down the same path, and there'll be those who recognize you've been there, done that. You understand? Galatians 6, verses 1 and 2. Galatians 6, verses 1 and 2. Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual. Alright, we need to remember that. We better be close to God first. Restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Because sin is highly contagious, and if that person is into a mindset or some type of activity that is outside of the law of God, it might get on you. Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. And so that's why I say, turn that grief into energy to help others. In the process, it gets your thoughts off of yourself and onto the fact that someone else needs help. Number 12 and number last. It goes without saying from the outset, maintain your relationship with God. David went first and thanked God. Then he ate. Then he went to see about his wife.

Notice in Hebrews 4, right at the end of the chapter, we have help. We have an advocate. We have a high priest. He has been here. During the life and times of Christ, somewhere we don't find Joseph spoken of anymore. So he probably helped his mother as the eldest, helped his mother and the younger ones with the loss of a breadwinner, spouse, father. He lost dear friends while he walked here. Hebrews 4. Verse 14 speaks of having this great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God. Verse 15. We do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Grace to help in time of need. We all will have our times when we will face a great loss. We will be battered and bruised. We were told that from the outset. I don't think I was listening as well as I should have, but with a little time, you face one trial, you face one occasion of grief after another, and you begin to realize that it is through much tribulation that we enter the kingdom of God. Let us close in, well, actually, two more places. Let's go first to 2 Corinthians 1.

2 Corinthians 1. We have some statements here that remind us that when we suffer, God comforts us in those sufferings so that we can give to others who have need. 2 Corinthians 1. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in. Now think about that. He doesn't say He takes us out of all of our trials. He doesn't say He fixes all of our trials, but He comforts us in all our tribulation. Why? That we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. There are so many things we just simply do not understand until we have gone through it. And then the lights come on. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. For if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.

And let's see, verse 7. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so you will partake of the comfort, the consolation. And now let's go to Revelation 21. Some of the most beautiful words.

The day will come for the feet of Jesus Christ that stand on the Mount of Olives. The first resurrection will take place. And you know what that means? It means we're on duty. There will be people who have just lived through the most unbelievable period of time.

They will need the sons and daughters of God to give them comfort. But it does remind us, as we get a little further, the time comes after even the thousand years that follows. The time comes when all the graves are opened, and then we're really on, but we'll have a lot more help by that time. And think about those who come up in the Great White Throne Judgment. The last thought they would have had may have been lying down in bed that night. We would all hope to go that way. Maybe it was realizing an auto accident was taking place, or their plane was going down.

And they're going to come up, and isn't that exactly what's going to be on their mind? I suspect so. Revelation 21, verse 4, And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

Verse 7, He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. Ultimately, grief will become a thing of the past. Death, as we read, will be the final enemy that is defeated. And God has called us to be the agents of His healing. The healing of grief is included in that. And so God help us to be learning from the things that we experience, and to be preparing ourselves like the water that goes out from the temple, to go out and wherever it goes, there's healing that follows. So, wonderful Sabbath to all of you. See you in a couple of weeks.