Communication

And to find your seats. Flash the bathroom lights on and off. That'll get them coming out.

I think in Canada we put the lights on the outside.

I think they do, to some of the rooms. I think they did.

I hope you had a nice break. I'll take a sip of water while we're...

That clock is fast up there, by the way. I think I was told that already by about five minutes.

Okay, the next exercise I'm going to have you do is... and it'll probably be the last one. I have one more we could do, but I'll see how time goes.

The next exercise, as you see on the screen, is what are some blockages to receiving a message from a sender? It could be church services. It could be anything. What are some of the blocks that could happen that make it difficult for a receiver to receive the message?

So it can either be a receiver's fault. It could be other issues. But, again, see what you come up with and how many you can come up with. And we'll take a little bit of downloading on that. I have a whole list of them here that people have come up with over the time. But get together again. If you don't like your group, you can get another group. But if they aren't communicating well, find somebody else. Okay.

Five minutes. Five minutes. See how many you come up with. Some blockages.

Up here, I was just trying to find a line.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll give you about one more minute. It's a one-minute warning.

Okay. Once again, can we have your attention? We're looking for some people who want to share.

We have any others who want to share? Don't be ashamed. Yes. Come on up, Mrs. Warren. I was told I had to share. Okay, good.

Was it done by a blamer? A computer? Well, here I had his turns. He said I could have one. Okay. My first thought in the blockage is in the modern ace we're living in with the internet, we get the words, but we don't get any of the non-verbal with those words. And so many times, the meaning is lost in the text and the emails that are sent. And sometimes if somebody's trying to talk to us, we just sort of ignore them. We don't make eye contact. We just sort of go the other way. And I think that's one of the other blockages. Okay, good. Thank you. You know, eye contact is so important. I remember one of my trainees, I had him giving his sermon, and I took note that he was looking down about 90% of the time. He'd flash up and he'd flash up. This is not eye contact. This is neck exercise.

Eye contact is looking at the people. And of course, a person who's inexperienced, many times, they get rattled if they look at somebody, if their eye meets somebody else's eye. What are they thinking of me? Again, that's all about self. But when you eye contact is really important to bring people in. If they lack it, that can also turn people off. Yes, Lisa, go ahead. Yes. Oh, there's some good comments. Okay, we came up with some ideas on things that could block the receiving of a message. It would be different worldviews, physical impairments, mental and physical distractions. A religion can be a blockage. A family background can be a blockage. The mode of channel can be a blockage. The age of the two people can be a blockage. The gender of two people can be a blockage. Different marital status between the two people can be a blockage. Personal insecurities can be a blockage. And lack of interest can be blockages. Wow, good for you. Okay, let me give you some of them that have, groups that have done this in times past.

Their own personal interpretations can be a blockage. Somebody says this, but they interpret it differently. Moods. What mood they're in. They might be in a bad mood, so no matter how much good you say to them, you're not going to help them. A lack of concentration. And we all have to keep ourselves and stir ourselves. At church, about three o'clock in the afternoon, I tend to get, for some reason, maybe it's a sugar level thing, but I tend to get a little bit tired. I have to shake myself out of it. I say, let's go with it and sleep, you know. No, you've got to shake myself, shake yourself out of it. The maturity level of a person, the physical state of the person, they might be in pain. So, every so often, oh, bad, bad, bad, hurts. They miss what the person's in. Cultural differences. Cultural differences can be half listening, half-hearted listening, you might say. Tangential speaking. If the speaker is talking about this topic, then he begins talking about another topic over here, another one over here, and then a different one. You're not sure where this guy is going. I've heard people do that. I just sat there and I check out. I don't know where this person's going. Let's see. Oh, defensiveness. If you're defensive about what's being said. He's talking about communication. I'm not a very good communicator. I'm not going to listen to this. You know, you may restrict what's coming in. Internal and external noises. I don't mean internal noises for you. Maybe your stomach's scurgling. I'm not meaning that. But, things that are going on in the room, or things that are going on in the service, or things that are going on outside. You know, if there was a helicopter that came real close here, you could hear a chopper going over. It'd probably distract you. Or, things could be going on in the room. I had one fellow used to sit in about the third row and he'd fall asleep during church. A young man. A young man.

And so, I finally, I try to be understanding, but I finally, as a pastor, I went up to him. I said, can I talk with you? So, he came. I said, I'm aware that almost every week, you sit in that third row and you fall asleep. Is there something wrong with your health? Do you get enough sleep in the morning? Because it was an afternoon service. Do you get enough sleep? I don't know. He just has this problem. I said, maybe you'd be best to sit in the back. Because people see you slumping over. Sometimes your books fall on the floor of your briefcase and people are aware. And if you don't, if there's something physically wrong with you or mentally wrong with you, I don't want you to be exposed to a lot of condemnation or criticism. Maybe you'd be best to sit in the back. Maybe you'd be best to check this out. What's wrong? But he said, no, no, listen, I'm not, it's not that I'm disinterested. It's just that I just overwhelms me and I just fall asleep. I said, maybe you'd be better off to sleep toward the back. Sit toward the back. Sleep toward the back. Or if you need to get up and move around, get up and go out and splash some water on your face or whatever you need to do when you start to feel that way. You're welcome to do that. But again, people sometimes have difficulties. Body language. Body language of the of the presenter or the receiver. Conflicting themes in a message. He's saying one thing here, but then he's agreeable. He condemns it here, but he agrees with it here. That makes it difficult. Is he sober or not?

He's drunk. Probably not going to get it. If he's a know-it-all, he's probably not going to get it. One person said, I haven't learned one thing this entire year at ABC.

I haven't learned one new thing. He said, that's amazing because I've learned new things and I teach it all the time.

And we had teachers who were retired teachers who taught all their Karen Ketterson and all these other things. And they said, they tell me, wow, I never knew that before. He said, you must be a real genius. Again, know it all. Okay, so a lot of things can happen during this time. Preconceived ideas, flashbacks, daydreaming, lack of respect for the speaker or lack of respect from the speaker to the audience, and nervous gestures. If I'm standing up here playing with my hair, not long enough hair to play with, but I'm standing up here playing with my hair the whole time and that might cause you some distraction. Okay, let's move on. Thank you for your contributions. There are five levels of communication. The level number one, which is number five on this list, you'll notice I start with level five. Level five is not where you want to be, but take a look. Five levels of communication. Number one is cliche communication. Very safe form of communication. How are you? How are you doing? Nice weather outside. Comment on things. That's one level. And that's the fifth level, the lower level, the higher level, numerically, but the lower level on the list. You want to be number one. So the second one is level four, and that is reporting the facts about others. We can talk about what others have said, share gossip, and offer no personal information. So level four is a little more personal, but it's personal about everybody else. Level three are your ideas and judgment. We're willing to share some of our thoughts and ideas, and we take a risk, but we're still cautious. So when you can share some of your ideas, please bear this in mind. What makes up you? What is unique about you? It's not how tall you are. There are people the same height. It's not the color of your hair. It's not whether you wear glasses or hearing aids. What's unique to you? Your feelings and your thoughts. Don't you just hate it when somebody tries to tell you what you're feeling? Don't you just despise it when somebody tells you what you're thinking? You're thinking this. I know you're thinking it. No, I wasn't thinking that at all. See, when you can share your feelings and your thoughts with others, you're sharing part of you.

You're sharing part of you. And that's dangerous. With some people, if you share your feelings and your thoughts, it's like putting a knife in their hand and exposing your fifth rib. And that's why people don't usually go that far. So level three is getting close. It's ideas and judgments. What do you think about this? What do you think about that? And level two is number four. Level two is your feelings and your emotions.

We share how we feel about facts and ideas. We begin to share ourselves. When you share your feelings, how do I feel about that? What do I think about that? You might say, who cares what I think about it? Okay. It doesn't matter. Sometimes what I think is never doesn't follow. I was on the Council of Elders. I thought this is a great idea. I proposed it. Shot down.

Now, what did I know? Here's something they don't want to do. So that I helped them? Of course. Now they know they don't want to do that. So I helped them by giving my idea.

The point being, it was my idea, and I'm allowed to share it. And regardless of whether somebody receives it or not is not the issue. That's why we men sometimes are too much of fixers and not enough listeners. Sometimes a wife just wants to tell her husband something. She doesn't want it fixed. Just wants to say it. Just wants to get it out. Doesn't want it fixed. Doesn't want it edited. Just wants to say it. Because they are women tend to be able to share their feelings a lot more easily than men do. And here's number five.

Number four is very good. Number five, and that's level number one, complete emotional and personal communication. Absolute openness and honesty, which involves the risk of being hurt because you're too open. You would only do this with your husband or your very best friends or your wife, your very best friends. You'd be that open. But in marriage, you need to be that open with each other. You need to be able to be that open with each other. So those are five levels of communication. Number five, cliche communication. Number four is facts about others. Number three, ideas and judgments a little bit. Number two, feelings and emotions. And number one, complete emotional and personal communication. Absolute openness and honesty. You better hope in marriage you can tell talk to your spouse about anything. You better hope. Now again, that doesn't mean timing. You could just blurt it out anytime. He comes home, he's battling a, you know, the traffic on the way home, or he's just had a hard day at work, and he comes in. The first thing you spring on him is the kids need to be spanked. Now maybe that isn't the best time to do it. Maybe you better wait a little while. You can still be completely open and honest, but it's a matter of sometimes timing. So again, striving for that level number one is something really important.

Why marriages fail. I brought a book along. I won't read it, but I brought it along for you to see why marriages succeed or fail. How You Can Make Yours Last. It's by John Gottman, PhD.

Really good book in many areas. Why, and I'm just giving you the very, very briefest summary of it. Number one, first point, first bullet. More, when there are more negative responses than positive responses between spouses. The more negativity there is, and you think about it, how easy it is to be, we live in a negative world. We live in Satan's world, and Satan's a loser, and he's known it since the day he was defeated. Since the day he became Satan and tried to take over God's throne, and God cast him back down. And God restrains him. You can only do so much. Still let him be the God of this world, yet. He still restrains him. You're not going to touch those people. No, you're not going to do that to Job. No, you're not going to do that. God restrains him, but he's still a loser. He knows he's a loser, and he can read the book at the end, and know that he's going to be put into an abyss. And he's going to be incarcerated, he and his demons. But he still is crazy enough to think he can try to take over God's throne again.

Maybe we're better fighters now than we were back then. Maybe God's angels are weaker than they used to be. Two-thirds of them left. One-third went with Satan. He's a loser, and he likes to get you negative. If he's negative, he can't win. And there's more reason to be negative. More of our emotions can tend to negativity than positivity. So it's easy to be in a down mood, but it's also easy in that down mood to project it onto others. I always promise my class, no matter what I'm going through, I'm not going to try to promote project onto you whenever I'm feeling negative, whenever I'm feeling negatively. It's not, why should I do that to them? If I feel hurt about something, why should I project that hurt onto them? It's not for me to do. So again, when there are more negative responses than positive responses between spouses, that marriage is headed down. And you think about it every day, how many negative things you say to your spouse. How many times you say something that's not uplifting? Number second bullet. There need to be five times more positive responses, comments, than negative ones. For every negative one you offer, there have to be five positives just to bring you back to even. So load up on the positive ones. Make them genuine and sincere. Every negative one takes five positive ones to counteract it. And again, why marriages fail?

When key ingredients of love and respect are missing. When love and respect are not there, do you respect your spouse? Do you respect them? Not because he is Arnold Schwarzenegger when he was in his prime. Not because he is Clint Eastwood. Not because he's John Wayne. Not because he's Brad Pitt or any other movie star that you think is handsome. Not because she's whatever type today has looked upon as beautiful. Angelina Jolie or whoever, Jennifer Aniston, whoever you think is beautiful. But because they are beautiful to you. Because he's handsome to you. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. Are they handsome and beautiful to you? And do you love them for who they are? And do you respect them? Respect them for who they are? For what they bring to the table? Not for what you wish they could bring to the table? What they bring to the table? What they bring into your life? Okay, communication negativity. Look at this. This female has that male backed into a corner. She's giving it to him. And this is even worse. This lady's giving it to that guy. Negativity is not good. Let me show you the cycle of negativity why it's so important to overcome it. First of all, here it is. Cycle of negativity. Criticism. This enlarges into a general blaming for a specific mistake. Complaint is okay since it addresses a specific issue.

Dear, the toast was a little burnt today. That's a complaint. But to say, you're a terrible cook. See, she burnt the toast. She didn't cook you a bad breakfast. The eggs were fine. The toast was burnt.

Address the specific issue. When criticism comes in, and they're talking about communication, this takes a specific issue and enlarges it to a general one. Second one, cycle of negativity. Second one, cycle of negativity. Contempt. Now, this is greater intensity than criticism. It's usually an intent to insult or abuse. So now you're not just saying you're a terrible cook. You say, am I a god that I should receive a burnt offering today? No, that's hostile humor. But it's a put-down, and it's contempt for that other person. Usually an intent to insult or abuse. Name-calling, hostile humor, mockery, insulting body language.

Are you going to bow down to me? Maybe I need to sit on a throne since you just offered this burnt offering to me. Again, you could go on about that. You can think of other specific issues. Then what happens when this happens? And we're all guilty of this from time to time. Number three is defensiveness. It's the cycle. What happens to the person who feels under fire? She may say to him something, and he may say that to her, you know, the toast is burnt.

What am I, a god that you're offering me to burn offering? And her response to him might be, yes, but I gave you dinner on time, didn't I? Or she might say, you didn't take out the garbage. What does taking out the garbage have to do with burnt toast? Well, maybe the burnt toast should have been in the garbage, but that's irrelevant. The point is, she's throwing at him something else, right?

She's become defensive. Denying responsibility, making excuses, cross-complaining. Yes, but you didn't take out the... See, what does not taking out the garbage have to do with burnt toast? Nothing. But throws the guy off, or throws the other person off. Defensiveness. And finally, stonewalling. This comes from why marriage is succeed or fail. Stonewalling. The spouse removes him or herself by turning into a stone wall. She doesn't want to hear anymore. She may leave the room. She may go crying into the bedroom. She may just go out and sit down and read a book. She may just walk away. If he's the one that's being under fire, he may just glot, slam the door, jump in the car, and drive off and feel rubber.

That kind of a thing. That's stonewalling. He becomes a stone wall. In other words, you can't penetrate it. No more feelings on this issue. So that's a cycle of negativity. First of all, complaint is okay. But if all you do is complain, then that's not a good thing either. Then you might not be aware of the good things that that person does. But when it turns to criticism, where you turn a specific issue into a general issue, then it becomes a problem.

A cycle of negativity. Toxic issues that people talk about that cause problems. Sex, alcohol, money, in-laws, parenting, and a death in the family. Those are all called toxic issues because they evoke feelings that are not usually talked about. All of them evoke feelings, but usually they're not talked through. So that's why they're called toxic issues. Here's our fourth workshop, which I'm not going to have you do for lack of time. But if I were going to have you do it, I would ask you, what are the key components of effective communication in marriage?

Let me give them to you. Openness, trust, approachability, emotional content, admitting faults, appropriate touch, respect, and facial body and hand gestures, being that which are positive. So again, what are key components of effective communication in marriage? Openness, trust, approachability, emotional content, admitting faults, appropriate touch, respect, and gestures that are appropriate, facial body and hand. So those are some of the keys I'm going to give you.

Five aspects of marital communication. Five aspects of marital communication. Again, we talked about this briefly, that first statement. What is the degree of openness in your relationship and your communication with each other? How open can you be? One lady I know. I know very well. I won't say who. I don't want to condemn. This lady, her husband, had such strict rules on what she could eat. In fact, in an old family. And she could not eat ice cream, unless it had honey. Only a little bit. I think Hagen-Dazs makes vanilla with honey.

As far as I know, there are too many others that make it with honey, unless you find it at a health food store. What she would do, when she'd go do her wash, her husband would usually drop her off and he'd go run some errands and come back. Guess what was across from the Washateria ice cream shop? She would go over there and order herself some ice cream.

And she really didn't enjoy it because she had to eat it so fast in case he came home. Came back and caught her. Now that's a shame. That's a shame. This is a grown woman.

This is not a little kid. You don't do that. Again, she couldn't be open with him. She couldn't say, I want to have some. You might not like ice cream. I do. But she couldn't be. Again, the degree of openness. Can you get things off your chest? Or are you the type, place everything close to the chest?

You don't want anybody to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. Second one is self-disclosure, another aspect of marital communication. You have to be able to speak of your feelings and your thoughts. You have to be able to speak of your feelings and your thoughts. So when you marry somebody, you expect that they're going to be receptive to your feelings and your thoughts. Because that's being receptive of you.

That's being receptive of you. Third, the character of communication. Is it positive and upbeat? Or is it negative and downcast? So again, evaluate. How do I communicate?

Do I communicate in a positive way? Do I leave people feeling uplifted when I go? I do pray that anybody I have interaction with as a normal rule, I leave better than when I met them.

Or at least neutral. Not downcast. You make that your philosophy in life. How do you leave people?

How do people feel after they've had a little bit of time with you? Do they feel like they ran into a buzzsaw? How do they feel? Do they feel chopped up and spit out? How do they feel? Or do they feel welcomed? Do they feel uplifted? They feel things? Wow, really, that was refreshing. That was a nice talk.

Again, what is the character of your communication, particularly in marriage?

Brother D, credibility. Are you trustworthy? That's one thing I try to stress to the ministry.

Confidentiality. Somebody says something to you in private. If you want to spread it, you should ask their permission.

Sometimes it's very powerful to say to somebody, well, you know, you told me about your promotion on the job. Do you mind if I tell some others about this? I think that's great.

See? I've asked them permission. Maybe they don't want everybody knowing. Maybe they're humble enough they don't want anybody to know. Maybe others is not. Again, I don't consider it being vain because somebody tells a good thing that happened to you. But maybe you do. But if I say to you, do you mind if I tell others, I've just shifted the power to you. I've just put power in your hands. That's a good thing to do. If you ever wonder, should I say anything to anybody else about this, ask the person. Do you mind if I tell them about your sickness? Do you mind if I tell them about they discovered this little lump? No, I don't want to tell anything yet until I know exactly what it is. Okay, I honor that. Again, credibility.

Credibility and trustworthiness means I will never hurt you.

I will never hurt you. You can be totally safe with me. Number five, or E, nonverbal expressions, touch, meaningful, positive touch. Just a little hand holding when a person goes by. I usually sit in the chair right on the entrance from the family room to the kitchen. And when my wife goes by, I always put my hand on it. She'll grab it and hold on to it. Just steady her and also to hold it and go by. And she holds it affectionately and walks by. And just a nice gesture that sends a message. I love you and I care for you. Little things you do in life can help that other person be uplifted. And again, these require time and activity together to express. So you have to have time with each other in order to express this. Take a look at a few other slides. I'll bring it on to the end on Do Communicate. Notice openness is essential for successful communication, being able to be open with the other person. Flowers are more beautiful when they're open rather than when they're just in the budding stage. Juhari window. Interesting one. You see this one on the left side. You see the openness. That's what's known to you and known to others. Everybody knows about you. You know that about you. Notice on the other side, I'm sorry, down to the bottom as we go from open to hidden, that which is unknown to others but known by you. So you're hiding some things. On the other side, you'll notice on the other one, it says known to others but unknown to you on the right. So others may know it, but you don't know it. Those things you're blinded with, you don't know you do a certain thing. And the last one, that which is unknown, is unknown to both of you. Here's one that even brings it clearer, the Juhari window. First one is you're free, known to yourself and known to others. Not at the bottom, known only to yourself. At the top, known only to others. You're blinded to that. They see it, but you don't. And at the bottom, that which you don't know about you and others don't either, yet. It's probably something you'll discover. Trust is essential for communication, successful communication in marriage and anywhere. We trust animals sometimes more than people.

Now that's trust. Of course, Roy got Siegfried and Roy. Roy got bitten by one of them. I think he blamed himself for how he treated the animal or whatever when it attacked him. That huge Siberian tiger, beautiful tiger. Trust. Interesting quote. It takes years to build trust and a few seconds to destroy it. Trust has to be built up. It says, I can rely on you and I prove it by every time being there. When you are reliable, when you can be counted on, when you never hurt that person, I'll never hurt you. I've worked with some couples where the one person cheated on the other and the one thing I told them they have to re-establish is trust. You've got to always be there. You've got to keep your promises. You can never hurt them again and gradually win back their trust. But it takes time to rebuild it and only seconds to destroy it.

Nonverbal communication. I like this one too. Peanuts. You'll note. She says, this is Pepperman Pattie says to Chuck, move your elbow, Chuck. It's in my way as they share the same school desk. I can't write with your elbow in my way, Chuck, and stop wiggling around so much. You make the whole desk move. Chuck goes, she says, size can start arguments too, Chuck.

Nonverbal communication. He didn't say anything. He just made a sound. That sound said, I'm exasperated. I'm getting tired of this.

Reading a person like a book. Facial expression is an important nonverbal communication.

Caring touch. Listen to what Hayakawa in his book, Language and Thought in Action, says on page 261, the mature mind, on the other hand, knows that words never say all about anything.

It's not just the words. Remember, we said only 7% of the words. Tone is like 38% and 55% is your body language is what you're like. Luke 7 verses 36 to 50.

We could read that, but I won't go there with you just to give you the short version of it. Remember the lady that came and met Jesus as she entered into the... She was in this house of the Pharisees and she entered in and she took... She started weeping and crying. She never said any words.

She was weeping and crying and she was washing Jesus' feet with her tears and wiping it with her hair. And then she took this box of ointment that she had, probably one year's wages according to another account, and she put it over his body like ointment or oil. And he said, if he only knew who this was, it's doing this to this lady. And Jesus said her sins were forgiven. He understood this woman was so sorrowful, she didn't say a word. But her actions showed what she was doing, just like our actions do too. Galatians 2.9. Galatians chapter 2 and verse 9. I have a note on that one too that I can share with you. Yeah, that's where they gave the handshake to the Apostle Paul. We extended to him the right hand of fellowship. What did that right hand... what did that non-verbal signify? We're for you. We endorse you. We approve you.

We shake hands on it. We agree with you. You go to the Gentiles. We'll go to the Jews. So Galatians 2 verse 9. Now you see a verse and you're receiving a rub-dub.

Little kids hugging each other and a woman hugging somebody in distress. But hugging, letting somebody know you care.

Different expressions of people sharing together, communication, touch.

Again, there are all kinds. I can do gestures, carry meanings, and they carry different meanings when you look at what happens in the world, what kind of an open palm in Greece is an insult dating to ancient times. West Africa, you have five fathers, an insult akin to calling someone a bastard. Open hand. Open hand. Thumbs up in Australia means up yours. Dirty language.

In Germany, the number one means number one. In Japan, it means the number five. In Saudi Arabia, it means I'm winning. In Ghana, it's an insult. In Malaysia, the thumb is used to point rather than the finger. So if you're doing this, you're pointing up instead of pointing this way. So again, we're talking about being careful the gestures you use that they're culturally correct. Again, thumb and forefinger. This sign is a vulgar one in some areas. In France, if you say somebody's saying, how did you like that bill? And you go, you're telling that person you're a zero.

You're a zero. Here we usually say, that was great, like okay, is that okay? They do that, and that's a vulgar gesture in other areas. So gestures carry meanings. And again, how a person speaks and what they say and what their gestures are, whether they're nodding, whether they have vocal variety when they speak, all that is important. There's the pursuer and distancer in relationships. Some people pursue and some people want a distance. Note the pursuer and distancer. The pursuer likes relationship time. The distancer likes alone time. The pursuer expresses feelings and personal thoughts. The distancer avoids them. The pursuer doesn't have firm boundaries, but the distancer guards his or her boundaries. The pursuer moves through life at a rapid pace. The distancer moves more deliberately. And you might want to ask yourself in your relationship, who's the pursuer? Who's the distancer? Stages of marital conflict. I'll cover these very quickly. There are normal stresses, safe climate and credibility, open communication. That's number one. Number two, cooled emotions. This is when there's marital conflict. Cooled emotions, less safety. There's some turbulence. Criticism is arising and they still have some credibility. They still have some respect for each other. Number three, dramatic changes in temperature of the relationship. Now the relationship is cooling off dramatically. Anxiety is high. Impaired ability to communicate. A high level of criticism. We already talked about criticism. And credibility is fading. They are, in this stage, marinating in bitterness.

Marinating in bitterness. And number four, extreme conflict, seeking an attorney, ready to call it quits. The key is to stop it in either one or two. Very hard to bring people out of marital conflict who are already in number three because they have their bitterness marinating.

Again, we talk about how you could do an exercise on non-verbals, and I won't do that. You have another exercise. You have another exercise. Let's talk the last part here now. Do communicate. Proverbs 12 and verse 14. Proverbs 12 and verse 14. Now you can learn all you want to about communication, but unless you communicate, it's not going to work. Proverbs 12 verse 14, we read this. A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth, and the recompense of a man's hand shall be rendered to him. God will bring it back to him. The fruit of our mouth. What is the fruit of your mouth? Is it positive? Is it uplifting? Is it encouraging? Is it helpful? Is it honest? Is it plain? Flattery is no good at all. Flattery is just lying. First chapter 25 and verse 11. Proverbs 25 verse 11. A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold and pictures of silver. So do speak. Do communicate. Philippians 4.18. Philippians 4 verse 18.

The apostle Paul writing from prison says this. He says, But I have all and abound, and am full, having received of Epiphradites the things which were sent from you, an odor of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, well pleasing to God.

He's come here. He's refreshed me. I abound and I have all, because he's come and he's brought your message. He's brought your message of encouragement. He's brought whatever goods that he brought along with him. Colossians 4 and verse 6. This is a great scripture.

Let your speech, your words, be always with grace. Always with grace. And he says, Season with salt. Let it be tasteful always, that you may know how you ought to answer every man. How to answer. How to bring a message across is what's important.

Proverbs 31, 26 talks about the virtuous woman who opens her mouth with the law of kindness. That's there in 2 Corinthians 3 and verse 12. 2 Corinthians 3 and verse 12. So seeing then that we have such hope, we use great plainness of speech. We speak plainly. 2 Corinthians 3 and verse 12. Don't beat around the bush. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be tactful, but speak plainly. I'll close with these comments. Those who try sharing consciously and sincerely comes from the book The Family, page 31. Those who will try sharing consciously and sincerely have an adventure coming to them, just as thrilling as a child's first toddling steps into a strange, romantic, and exciting enchanted land. When you try sharing consciously and sincerely.

And the last one, the communication of ideas from the Royal Bank of Canada.

It is important for most people to talk and to be heard, to voice their problems to get things off their minds. A really satisfying talk is one of the greatest pleasures there is. And people will pay $90 an hour just for someone to listen to them. Because they don't get people who listen to them from their families, from their work, and in life. So those are the sources that I got a lot of the material from. These are all listed back there. But I'd share them with you. And remember, communicate, communicate, communicate, because we want your marriages to last happily till death do you part. That's the end. I hope you've had a good session today. Hope I've given you some food for thought. And more importantly, food for practice, so that you can have better communications, not only with your spouse, but with your children, with your family, with your friends, with your employees, your fellow workers on the job, and with your neighbors, that you'll learn to communicate in a positive, uplifting manner. Thank you very much. You want to ask a blessing? I'll ask God to protect you and keep you on going home. You can just remain seated. Heavenly Father, our great God, you who ruled the universe, you are the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. You're the one who gave us this beautiful country. Thank you very much.