Foundational Basis of Marriage, Part 2

Last week we began a series of sermons on marriage and family, and we shall be continuing that for the next, at least, today and two more. So, Foundational Principles of Marriage Part 2. Today we're going to talk about some of the most vital keys with regard to understanding the purpose of marriage. These are not necessarily in order of importance, per se, but I have structured them in a way that one should lead to the other.

The first key is to recognize that God is the author of male and female. Let's go to Genesis 1, verse 26. Genesis 1, verse 26. And God said, let us make man in our image after our likeness, that is, in form and shape, not out of substance. We know that man was created from the dust of the earth. He was subject to sin and death. And God is spirit. And God is eternal. But it says, let us make man in our image.

And throughout the Bible, God is described as having human-like qualities. That is, God is anthropomorphized in the Bible. Human-like qualities are ascribed to God. So let us make man in our image after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the fowl of the air, over the kennel, over all the earth, over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.

So God created man in His own image. In the image of God, He created He, Him, male and female. Created He, them. So gender, male and female, is attributed to God. God made us male and female for a great purpose.

In recent years, there's been a concerted effort to do away with male and female. To confuse gender roles. In a sense, to make male and female into one. We have had the unisex movement. We've had the radical feminists. The radical feminists would have us believe that man enslaved a woman, and that sex roles were created by man. If man evolved, then God didn't create male and female. And the Bible is not true, because I've just read clearly here that God created them.

Male and female created He, them. He also told them to be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. Look at verse 28. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it. And have dominion over the fish of the sea, the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth. So if you don't understand that God created male and female, then marriage is not going to mean very much to you or to anyone else.

The second key is to realize that male and female have the same ultimate potential in the sight of God. Now, in the structure of government, which we're going to address next week, leadership and the administration of authority in marriage, which we will address next week, the structure of authority in the Bible with regard to the family. We would turn to 1 Corinthians 11 and verse 3. But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ. The head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.

So in the hierarchical arrangement with regard to the structure of government in the family, is God, Christ, man, woman, then the children. And then Paul goes on here to give an example of how a woman may show that she is in subjection to her husband, and the hair on her head is used as an example of that. A man's hair must not be too long, and a woman's hair must not be too short. So that you do not want to confuse the gender roles of male and female. In Galatians 3, we'll see very clearly here that in Jesus Christ, there's neither male nor female, there's neither bond nor free, but that we are all one in Christ.

In Galatians 3, verse 26, For you are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ. There's neither Jew nor Greek. There's neither bond nor free. Now in this physical life, there are Jews and there are Greeks. There are Israelites and non-Israelites. There are people who are in bondage, and there are people who are free, and especially at the time in which Paul wrote this. There is neither male nor female.

You remember in the Old Testament under the Old Covenant, it was the males who were required to appear before the Lord three times in the year, and they shall not appear before me empty. Unfortunately, in the history of most of the nations, and to some degree in Israel as well, females were taken advantage of, and to a large degree, were so subservient to husbands that they were, in a sense, treated as their property.

We can see this one of the main things abuses in the world of Islam has to do with the way that women are treated. And especially in Afghanistan and some of the countries where the Taliban rule, and there is such a strictness, the Shiites are more prone to do that as well. And of course, Iran is a Shiite republic. Iran is virtually in control of Iraq. Now, I think, as you will eventually see, the United States is getting ready to depart there.

And they've already basically turned the government over to Iraq, to Iraqis. So, but under the New Covenant, there's neither male nor female. But of course, as long as we're in this flesh, in the physical sense, we still have our gender roles. But in the ultimate spiritual sense, we are all one in Christ Jesus, as it says here.

For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you be Christ, if you be Christ, then are you Abraham's seed and heirs according to the promise? It doesn't matter whether you were born Chinese, Japanese, whether or not you were born as a physical seed of Israel. But if you are in Christ, then are you heirs according to the promise and the seed of Abraham? So, first key, God made them male and female, created He them.

Second is to realize that in God's sight, we all, male and female, have the same ultimate potential. That is to be sons and daughters of God in the kingdom of God, glorious, radiant spirit beings. There is no respect to persons with God. The third key is to know and believe that God is the author of marriage. To know and to believe that God is the author of marriage. Marriage is not some kind of cultural kind of evolution that from the beginning, after God created Adam and Eve, He ordained marriage. Let's go to Genesis 2 and verse 18. The keys that we're giving today will not be found in the self-help books, psychology books, the sociology books, any of these books that you want to pick up.

They might occasionally have a point here or there, but to put the whole package together with regard to the purpose of marriage and family, you'll not find except in the Bible. In Genesis 2 and verse 18, And then the Lord said, It is not good that a man should be alone. I will make him and help meet for him, someone to stand alongside, a help meet. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast to the ground, every fowl of the air, brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

And Adam gave names to all the cattle, to the fowl of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found and help meet for him. Be pretty lonely to be out there. You're the only human being on the face of the earth, a male, and all you've got is animals.

That would be quite the existence, in the negative sense, I would think.

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept.

Yes, this is the first case of someone being anesthetized or put to sleep anesthesia. He took one of his ribs, your surgery being performed, closed up the flesh instead thereof, and the rib which the Lord had taken from man, he made a woman and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.

And one of the great purposes, of course, of marriage is to become one, not only just physically in coitus, which male and female can do, but from the beginning they were bone of bone and flesh of flesh. And the goal is to become one in mind and in spirit. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother. Here is where marriage is ordained in the Bible and shall cleave unto his wife. And that word cleave really means what it says. It's sort of like the gumbo that I try to get off my shovel here in South Texas. I've never seen anything like it.

I got it yesterday. I got it on my rings. My fingernails had to literally scrape my fingernails and everything else. That cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man his wife, and were not ashamed. In Psalm 127 verse 1, we read this last week as well, Psalm 127 and verse 1. In fact, the closing hymn was this psalm set to music. Psalm 127 verse 1. Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.

Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wakes but in vain. So God is the author of marriage and family. He's the one that is building your home, your house, hopefully. The next key, the fourth key that we've mentioned today, is to realize that the marriage contract or covenant is made with God and man. It is made with God and man, even in civil ceremonies in this nation. You will generally have this part about the covenant is with God and man, but for sure in the church.

The marriage ceremony reads in part, Do you covenant with God before these witnesses? Do you agree? Do you affirm before God and these witnesses? Do you covenant with God? And then we pray at the end. It is God who is binding you together as husband and wife. And we pray that God will bind them as husband and wife. Let's note now Matthew 19 and verse 3. I alluded to this last week. Some people think that the Pharisees were so strict.

The Pharisees were very strict in their own traditions, but when it came to the law of God, oftentimes they would find a way around. And one of the things that had happened under the leadership of the Pharisees, it became very easy for people to get a divorce.

Can a man put away his wife for just any reason? For burning the beans or whatever it is. Can he put away his wife for just any reason? They came to Christ essentially asking this question. This is Matthew 19.3. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him and saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have you not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female? So we have here affirmation from Jesus Christ of Genesis 1.27. He created them male and female. Have you not read from the beginning?

God is the author of gender. God is the author of male and female. And he said, for this cause, quoting further from Genesis 2, Shall a man leave father and mother, shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh.

Now Adam and Eve were literally one flesh because a rib out of Adam was taken, and from that rib God created woman Eve. And male and female husband and wife are to become one in physical union and also in mind and in spirit.

Verse 6, Wherefore they are no more twain, no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put us under. So we say, the you covenant with God and man. We say in the prayer, asking God to bind them as husband and wife. He said unto them, Moses, because, well, verse 7, they say unto him, well, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?

And he said unto them, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. There have been, and I covered this recently in a sermon about seven basic administrations, that God has permitted things under various administrations that really are not lawful under the new covenant. Because of the hardness of their hearts, he allowed it. That's not the way he intended it.

And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for Pornea. Pornea is the Greek word. And in recent years in the church, and this began essentially, the doctrine of divorce and remarriage in united is essentially the same as it was in worldwide. There have been very few changes with regard to that.

Pornea having a wide range of meaning. It means habitual depravity. It could include abuse of various kinds. God does not command a man and woman to live together, in which the man is beating the wife, or the wife is abusing the husband. He does not command people to live together in such a situation. But our purpose here today is not to go into the various nuances and meanings of Pornea. In the strictest sense, when the world looks at the word fornication, it generally has to do with illicit sexual relationships between a married person and an unmarried person, I'm sorry I said it wrong, between people who are not married fornication and illicit sexual relations between people who are married as adultery.

Except it'd be for fornication, but we see here that Pornea, that Christ is using this with married people. He's saying married. Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be, and obviously they're married for Pornea, and shall marry another, commits adultery.

And whoso marries her, which is put away, does commit adultery. Now notice the response of the disciple. His disciples say unto him, if this is the case of a man with a wife, it is not good to marry. I mean, we cannot get rid of her. There's just no way out, it seems. But he said unto them, all men cannot receive this saying, except they to whom it is given. If you are called by the grace of God, and that his Spirit is working with you, and you have gone under the watery grave of baptism, and you have entered in the covenant of sacrifice with God and Christ, and if you've entered in the covenant of sacrifice with your spouse, and you have covenanted in that marriage covenant with God and with man, it is very binding.

All men can't receive this, except to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, some people who have remained married, which were so, I mean, remained single, which were so born from their mother's womb.

And there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men, and there be eunuchs which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. So these verses here show you the biblical definition of how binding marriage is.

So it is God. So you have to realize this key once again. The marriage contract or covenant is made with God and man. And we can clearly see that it is God who is binding the marriage.

The disciples were amazed. So once a person begins to entertain the thought that there might be some biblically legal way out of this marriage, they let their mind become Satan's workshop.

And you must never go there unless it be for Pernaea. And as I said, we're not here to discuss all the nuances and meanings of Pernaea. It's amazing what the mind can do when it begins to look for loose bricks. You can always find fault. You can always find fault. There's not a perfect human being. There's not imperfect marriage. You can always find fault one with another.

On the other hand, we're to face our problems.

Mates who do not live by the four C's, and here are my four C's, conviction, commitment, courage, leading to conversion, look for loose bricks. Conviction, commitment, courage, conversion.

If you have those four things, you're not apt to look for loose bricks.

Once again, as Christ said, Christ said, there's just one, use this and close, there's just one loose brick.

It is Pernaea. Whatever all that means.

The next key is to recognize the purpose of marriage, and here we really get to the nitty-gritty. This also has to do with the purpose of human existence. Why were you born?

Oh, if our young people could be taught this, oh, if they could come to understand this, the purpose of human life, why do you exist? Why are you here?

Are you here just as a result of blind chance, some kind of evolutionary process?

Well, obviously that doesn't make sense to a rational mind.

You're just here by chance.

Somehow you evolve from a single cell, and all of that, even if evolution never gets an explanation to the very origin and beginning of all things. Even with Big Bang Theory or whatever they want to say, they start with something. Whereas the Bible says that He created them from that which is not seen, as it were, from nothing. So the fifth key to recognize the purpose of marriage. Why were you born? Another way to express this key is you must keep the big picture burning brightly in your minds. See, the big picture is that we were born to become sons and daughters in the Kingdom of God, to be in God's family, to live with God and Christ and all the members of the family of God for all eternity. God ordained marriage for the greatest purpose in the plan of God, that is to bring sons and daughters to glory in His spiritual family.

And marriage and family parallel what God is doing in bringing sons and daughters to glory in His spiritual family. One of the best ways to understand the spiritual side of life is to understand marriage and family. In other words, understanding the purpose of marriage is one of the great keys for understanding why God created human beings. See, in the ultimate sense, God created human beings because He's love and He wants to share. Love is outgoing concern. He wants to share who He is, what He is with human beings. And to bring about a family process, you could create spirit beings, as He did with the angelic realm, but they don't go through a birth process. They don't go through a begettle and birth process.

Human beings go through a begettle and birth process.

We go through a begettle and birth process physically to be born into this world.

And we will go through a begettle and birth process at the resurrection to be born into the family of God for eternity. Satan is the one who is ultimately behind the various movements designed to destroy the family. Once again, some of the principal movements are radical feminism, which seeks to reverse the roles of men and women, homosexuality, which seeks to destroy the roles of men and women, the so-called family planning movement, which endorses abortion. We must never forget that Satan hates humankind. He hates every person in this room, young and old.

Satan hates humankind. His mission is to destroy and to subvert God's plan and God's great plan of salvation. To a large degree, God's great plan of salvation is centered on marriage and family. God could have created each person individually, neuter.

Let's just consider this for a moment. Created each one neuter, sexualist. You'd be androgynous. You'd be neither male nor female.

In order for a sexualist human society to be sustained, God would have to continue creating physical beings. So he created Adam and Eve. They didn't have to create more. But you wouldn't have male and female. You'd just have one and it'd be androgynous. You know, when a baby is born, they have about equal amounts of androgen and estrogen. And as the developmental process ensues, then males, as they enter puberty, begins to shut down the secretion of estrogen. Not completely, and vice versa with women. When they enter puberty, they begin to shut down androgen, estrogen begins to take hold and they begin to develop as a female.

So this method, if God were to create each being androgynous, would not provide any natural bonding elements for society. Well, who's your mother? Who's your daddy? Well, God, you know, God created me and He made me androgynous. Well, the angels are somewhat this way, neither married nor given marriage. But human beings, we learn to love because our parents gave us life and loved us. We learn to love them as they loved us. And we should come to love God because He is the author of physical and spiritual life. Let's hold it to 1 John 4, verse 8.

1 John 4, verse 8. If it were not for God's love, you know, we have people who become, you know, agnostic or they become atheist and they sit smugly and they think, oh, well, all of this that He's talking about is just so much pig slop. It's really not worth going to the trough for.

I have it figured out. No, you don't have anything figured out.

You know, the Arab proverb here, I didn't know if I... this just came up naturally. The Arab proverb, he who knows and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him. He who knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him.

And there are so many fools walking around today. Common sense is a rare thing.

He who knows and knows not that he knows not is a child. Teach him.

And he who knows and knows that he knows is wise, listen to him.

You know the story of Jerry Clower. He told this story. There was a professor from a great northern university which was asked to come and speak in Washington, DC before the Bureau of Mind.

Well, he went and made the speech, and they were so thrilled with his speech that they asked him to travel around the country and give this speech on their behalf. This professor was basically a geophysicist interested in finding petroleum, especially, and natural resources. As part of the deal, the professor was given a car and a chauffeur, and they were on the road night and days stopping at various universities and places giving this speech. So as they were traveling one day, the chauffeur said, professor, there ain't no justice in this country. What do you mean there ain't no justice? Well said the chauffeur, I've heard you make that speech every day and night for eight months. I've memorized it. I'm a better speech maker than you are, and it's a shame that I am hardly making a living driving you all over the country and you're getting rich. Well said the professor, you don't seem to understand. I got my BA from Michigan State, my master's from Michigan, and I got my doctorate from MIT.

And the chauffeur says, I don't care where you got your education, the fact remains, I'm a better speech maker than you are, and it just ain't right.

So the professor decides that he's going to teach this old country boy a lesson. So he says to the chauffeur, I'll tell you what I'll do. Where we're going today, they don't know me. They've not seen me before, and since you and I are about the same size, let's exchange clothes and we'll see what happens. So they exchange clothes, and they then go into the field house where they give the speech. The chauffeur's up on the stage, and the professor seated in the rear with his legs crossed, and chauffeur's hat on his knee, and they introduce the chauffeur. He's dressed as a professor to make a speech and a great speech he made. When he got finished, there was a standing ovation, round after round, of applause. When things got quieted down a bit, the president of the university walks the microphone, glances at the clock, and the wall says, well, we got about 10 minutes here. Do any of you in the audience have any questions? About halfway back, a fellow with horn-rimmed glasses, books under both arms, a real egghead stood up. He said, professor, if one of those dinosaurs died, which roamed the earth two billion years ago, and his carcass rotted, and the earth's atmosphere built up layer after layer to a depth of 5,986 feet, and two billion years later, a drill bit on a wildcat venture bores through the decayed carcass. What would be the pH of the soil that is contained in the drill bit? And what would be the name of the stratosphere? You could hear a pin drop. The chauffeur up on the stage walks quietly to the microphone, and this is what he says, in all my years, and I've been traveling around this great country, this is the stupidest question I have ever been asked. I'm surprised that they would let anyone who don't know any more than you to even attend this great university. In fact, to show you how simple the answer to that question is, I'm going to ask my chauffeur who's sitting in the back to stand up and give you the answer. So, when you don't know and you don't know that you don't know, you could be in trouble, but I guess the chauffeur bailed out this guy.

In 1 John 4, verse 8, He that loves not knows not God, for God is love. And this was manifested the love of God toward us because that God said his only begotten Son in the world, that we might live through him. Of course, that is, live eternal, eternally, eternal life. Then in verse 16, We have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love, and he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him. Herein, as our love made perfect, we may have boldness in the day of judgment because, as he is, so are we in this world. So God created human beings because he is love.

He sent Jesus Christ to this earth to pay for our sins because the wages of sin is death. So not only can we have physical life, but we can have life eternal in the kingdom of God.

Now, men and women are born with biological and psychological differences, and more and more research bears this out. Not only do men and women differ biologically, but they think differently and behave differently from birth. Now, the words help me that we read from Genesis chapter 2 comes from a root word which means to help, to succor, to aid. I like the one who stands alongside, the one who's ready there to help and to supply that which is missing in the male gender.

Men and women were created in such a way that when they are joined together in marriage and become one, they complement each other and make each other complete, a beautiful unity, a wholeness. Now, here are some of the differences. Man is dominant. Woman is submissive.

Oh, yeah? Well, we're going to have the sermon two weeks from now will be on submission.

Man is aggressive. Woman is passive. Man is strong and conquering. Woman is sensitive and tender.

In fact, in 1 Peter, the woman is referred to as the weaker vessel. She is weaker in strength.

And no matter how they train for the Olympics and how much androgen the women take, and so that they look like the men and can run almost like the wind, they still cannot keep up with the men. There is a women's professional basketball association.

They talked with one of the leading... I saw this interview recently.

They talked with one of the women there on ESPN, said, Do you think that there will ever come the time in which the women can seriously challenge the men in basketball? And this professional women's basketball player said, No way! We just are not able to do it. So at least she knew what she didn't know. She was a child. She was ready to be taught.

Man is rational. Woman is emotionally perceptive. Man tends to look at things first from a rational point of view, and women tend to take a broader viewpoint of it and include feelings and not just the black and white. Man is pragmatic.

Woman is idealistic. Once again, perfectly joined in mind or spirit, they complement each other in a beautiful harmonious relationship. However, there is one caveat here that we really need to understand. In the human population, there are three categories of dominance. We say man is dominant, woman is missing. Psychologists in the 20s and 30s began to identify, and a lot of this work was done in Germany, they began to identify various groups in society with regard to dominance, mid-dominant, sub-dominant. So they broadly categorized, and this is true for male and female. You have the high 5% of the population are what's called high dominance. From this group, you get basically the leaders in government, the leaders in education, oftentimes those who excel in sports and that kind of thing. The leaders generally come, it's not always the case, but the leaders generally come from this high dominance area. You've heard the saying that leaders are born and not made. Now, of course, social studies have tried to refute that, and of course you can take courses and you can learn principles, and you can enhance your leadership skills, whether you're high dominance, mid-dominance, low dominance, but there's something to this thing of genetic makeup with regard to dominance. Now, in World War II, the Germans learned that when they captured the prisoners of war, the POWs, if they could identify the high dominant soldiers, they would isolate them from the rest of the men, and the chances then of a revolt, rebellion, and attempt to escape was greatly reduced. So, you have high dominance, mid-dominance, low dominance. Now, problems can arise when a high dominance female marries a low dominance male.

She is a go-getter. She's a leader. This guy is more laid back. He's just not a leader in that sense. That's not the way he's wired. And so, problems can develop when this takes place.

And so, you have to be careful, and I think that most people can probably come to recognize where they are on the dominant scale. And, of course, there are personality tests and that kind of thing that you can take to try to identify your personality type. But you know whether or not you like to be the leader, you like to dominate, and that you tend to usurp the role of your husband.

And, see, you can just... that's one of the things, and we talk about mate selection. I really wonder how much mate selection there is. I used to teach marriage and family at the college. I've got a notebook, notes about that thick from one semester in marriage and family.

And we talk about mate selection, but it seems that most mate selection, it just sort of happens kind of thing. This sort of kind of happens. We become friends, and we used to, you know, talk to students at the college and say, well, I know I see you really hanging out with Mary Jo.

Yeah, we're just friends. And I say, you know what I always say about friends?

They're the ones that you marry. So, it seems that it just sort of happens, and people talk about falling in love. You know, this thing of dating, dating as we do in the United States, and to a certain degree in Western Europe, is not done in the rest of the world, basically.

Most cultures, and this was the case in the Old Testament, the mates were selected for them by their parents. And, you know, when Isaac met Rebecca, Abraham sent off to his kinsmen, and they brought back Rebecca, and Isaac had never laid eyes on Rebecca before in his life.

And there are other kinds of examples. This thing of dating, going steady, and what is developed in the Western world. And that is, of course, some of this spin-off of illegitimate children, sex out of marriage, and the fact that puberty is coming earlier and earlier.

The average age for puberty in the 1800s for women was somewhere around 16-17, as late as 18.

And today, many children are entering into puberty at age nine, and most females are entering into puberty earlier than males. And that's probably the historical case for that as well.

So, in marriage selection, you really need to be careful. And also, after you're already married, you understand, well, I'm dominant, and this guy is not dominant. He's not really a leader, as I would like him to be a leader, but yet I'm supposed to be submissive to him.

And you are supposed to be. And it's something that you have to be careful of, and you can talk it out. You can talk it out. Now, we go back to this, and God made them male and female. Can you imagine living in this physical life with everyone being androgynous? It was neither male nor female. Wouldn't this be an awkward and strange relationship? God wants us to create within us His character and become a member of His family. So, in order for us to develop His character, He instituted physical parallels which will allow us to understand more concretely His plan of salvation. We can learn more about what God is doing through family than we can through any aspect of the creation. If it were not for the creation of male and female, the necessity of male and female coming together as one flesh in marriage to reproduce, there would be no family. And this is one of the reasons why roles are under so much pressure from Satan. If there were no families, there would be no bond to hold society together. The family unit is the glue of society. It is the adhesive element of society. It is the cement of society. It is difficult to break that apart if it is what it's supposed to be. The fact that you come out of the loins of your parents, your daddy contributes, his DNA. The mother contributes her DNA. And they come together and they make up that chromosomal chain. And you are part of mother and daddy. And you come out of, literally, come out of the loins of your mother. This ensures a natural affinity between you and your parents, and between the parents and their children. Intercourse, pregnancy, birth pain, surveil, are all designed to bind us together. To bond us together is one. You know, there's even a natural bonding in the animal kingdom. It is instinct, instinctively, they protect their young.

And they care for their young up to a certain point. And to a certain degree, we instinctively bond with our parents when we are children. But we must choose and learn to bond with our mates and with God.

You can choose to bond with your mate, or you can choose not to bond. You know, they have this saying today, you know, one of the Merle Haggard songs is, you know, let's take this trip, go to this motel where we used to go, make love all through the weekend. If we're not back in love by Monday, we can go our separate ways. We fall in love, we fall out of love, and we try to fall back in love. But love, really, between man and woman. And of course, I know there are the the natural, what we call attraction, and those kind of things that draw us together, and some kind of bonds of affinity that we begin to develop. But we can choose to love or choose not to love.

And if we understand who God is and what he does for us, we will choose to love, we'll choose to bond with God, and choose to bond with our mate.

So substance and marriage requires one to understand these principles and believe that they are of God. Once again, God is bringing sons and daughters to glory in his family, and what takes place in the physical family is to a large degree what God is doing in bringing sons and daughters to glory. God the Father begets us. The Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father.

We, as human beings, provide the female part that is our mind, in a sense serves as the ovum, in the spiritual sense. His Spirit bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God.

So then we are a spouse to a husband in the spiritual sense, and Jesus Christ is in that role of the husband, and the church is in the role of the mother. We talk about being nourished in the womb of the mother. So eventually we are born in the resurrection in the family of God, and there's a great marriage supper of the Lamb. Christ marries his flesh, the church, or he marries his body. In Ephesians chapter 5, now we have had our detractors who said, how can how can Christ marry his body? Well, in the same way that you are married to your body. Who is your body? According to Ephesians 5, you and your wife are one, thus you and your wife are one flesh, and no man ever hated his own flesh. So let's look at Ephesians 5. Verse 22.

Wife, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.

And we're going to have a sermon on submission. We're going to have one on the administration of authority and the role of the husband. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands and everything. Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with a washing of water by the Word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself because they are, as we shall see, one flesh. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church.

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. How? Because his spirit bears witness with our spirit that God and Christ live in us through his spirit. So therefore, we are the body of Christ. The church is the body of Christ where he makes his abode. He doesn't dwell in temples made with hands. We are members of his body, of his flesh, of his bone. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

See, Christ can marry his own body because they are one in spirit. By one spirit, we all baptized into one body. 1 Corinthians 12, verse 13. This is a great mystery I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. The next key is to give yourselves completely expecting nothing in return. This is one of the most important keys. Give yourself completely expecting nothing in return. Very few people are able to do it. To this day, I find myself defending myself. I want to defend me. You know, I would never do that.

And you say whatever you say, and you want to defend you.

In Romans chapter 5, we turn there, Romans 5, verse 8. God commended his love toward us, and while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

So Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. So just as in our relationship with Christ, we're not our own because Christ has purchased us with his blood. So is our relationship in marriage. We are not our own. We must give ourselves completely to each other within the structure that God has ordained for us. Let's notice 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians 7, and verse 1. 1 Corinthians 7, verse 1. 2 Corinthians 7, verse 1. Now concerning the things where you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Now Paul later clarifies why he says it's not good to be married. He says because of the present distress. Nevertheless, nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. Of course, it's talking about here principally sexual relationships.

The man does not withhold from the wife and the wife does not withhold from the husband.

Verse 4 is more our key. The woman hath not power of her own body, but the husband.

And likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. So give yourselves completely expecting nothing in return. The next key is respect. I put respect, I just put the word respect in a search engine, and here comes this long list of things. And guess what the advertisements are that surround this? Divorce lawyers, legal help. The world recognizes how important respect is in marriage.

Respect is quite subjective and somewhat difficult to define. Here's what the dictionary states. Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person. Esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person. A personal quality or ability. Or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. You might say, well, might make the statement, I have great respect for his or her judgment. Now deference to a right. And this we usually use in terms of an office.

Deference to a right. Well, he, she holds this office. I can respect the office, but I can't respect he or she. Deference to a right to a privilege or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges. Proper acceptance or courtesy, acknowledgement, respect for a suspect's right to counsel, to show respect for the elderly, and to show respect for an office. Well, in marriage and family, you hold an office in God's governmental structure. Remember 1 Corinthians 11, verse 3 and 4. I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of every woman is a man, and the head of Christ is God. God, Christ, man, woman, children.

So those offices are ordained of God and to be respected. But once again, we hear, well, I can respect the office, but I don't respect him or her. And when you begin to lose respect for your mate, then you begin to be in trouble. And you've also heard the term or the saying that respect is earned. You can't just give it because respect is something deep inside a person that you feel about another person. It's not just an objective kind of thing.

Respect is earned by coming to believe and understand. And here are some of the main things that lead toward earning respect. Respect is earned by coming to believe and understand that this person is faithful. This person is trustworthy, honest, caring, concerned, serving, responsible, dependable, consistent, aware of your needs and feelings, does not try to make you over in his or her image, does not try to control you, and you have the sense that this person will treat you fairly. There are, of course, many other qualities and characteristics of respect, and we could add to the list, but in short, respect might be equated with character. It is difficult to develop a meaningful and lasting relationship with a person you don't respect. This is how I don't respect you.

We live in an age in which people are not afraid to speak evil of dignitaries. For example, people that hold office. In fact, 2 Peter 2 has a section there beginning in verse about 9, 10, 11 where it says, not afraid to speak evil of dignities. There are many things that will destroy one's respect for another person, but when respect goes, the relationship will struggle to survive. So if you're beginning to lose respect from your mate, you need to let them know that you're losing respect and the reason why. Here are the reasons why. Let's talk about it.

We should also note that homosexuality destroys the offices of husband and wife.

Father and mother, and thus destroys God's governmental structure.

It's interesting to note that even in homosexual relationships, that one will refer to the other as this is my wife.

Rosie O'Donnell, she would refer to her wife, who was also a female.

And I don't know what I think Ellen also calls her. I hate the term significant other.

Things refer to her as her wife.

But when the basis for distinction is destroyed, when persons of the same sex call themselves female, when they are really male or when they're really female, then you begin to destroy the role.

And now the last key that we're going to talk about today.

One of the most important keys is repentance toward God.

Repentance toward God.

The root cause of all the marital problems that I've ever dealt with is spiritual.

The root cause. What's behind it? We should now understand after the sermon last week and what we've said today that marriage is a physical union, but it's founded on spiritual principles. And that, in different words, is in the marriage ceremony.

Now this is a physical union, but it is a spiritual institution. If marriage is going to be what God intended that it should be, we must repent and become converted.

Let's look at Matthew 18.

Matthew 18.

And, of course, conversion requires giving up self.

It requires becoming convicted, committed, and having the courage to live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God on the road to conversion.

In Matthew 18, verse 2, Jesus called a little child unto him and sent him in the midst of them, and said, Verily I say unto you, except you be converted and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

So when I'm talking about repentance, I'm talking about broad areas of attitude, of heart and mind, change in outlook toward God, toward Christ, toward the truth, the church, our mate, our role, our children. Not just Lord forgive me of xact. No, I told a lie. I gossiped, or I did whatever.

But create within me a new heart. As David prayed in Psalm 51, repentance is toward God, where he says, against you and you only have I sinned and done this evil in your sight.

And then in verse 10, I believe it is, he says, create within me a new heart and a right spirit, renew within me.

So the very essence of your being is converted, it begins to change into the image of God and Christ.

In Romans 2 and verse 5, Romans 2 verse 5, But after the hardness and impotent heart, treasure up unto yourself wrath against the day of wrath, and revelation against the righteousness of God. I actually read the wrong verse, verse 4.

Or despise you the riches of his goodness and forbearance and long suffering, not knowing that the goodness, the long suffering, the mercy of God leads you to repentance.

So God wants you to repent in those broad areas, attitude and heart and mind, not just in the small picky things. If the broad areas, the attitude, the heart, the mind, get right with God and with one another, then you'll have far less excuse to keep on keeping on in a situation that's really not working.

You have to be willing to humble yourself and to repent. Ask God that he would grant you repentance. Get on your knees and read Psalm 51.

You know, David prayed this prayer after he had committed the act of adultery against his wife with Bathsheba, whom he later wound up marrying.

So, brethren, we have talked about in the last two weeks.

Remember, I brought the eggshell up last week and it crushed into my hands. It says, is your marriage just a shell or does it have substance?

I took the baseball and a hammer and beat upon it. Talk about building upon the rock.

Is your marriage built upon the rock? Is your relationship with God built upon the rock?

The storms of life can come and go. They can beat upon your marriage. They can beat upon your relationship with God.

Nothing can separate you from the love of God or nothing can separate you from the love that is shared between you and your mate if you are faithful to the covenant.

The covenant that is made with God and with man. And any time that Satan tries to sow seeds of doubt, you keep the big picture in mind that God created us male and female, that we all have the same potential, that we are here to become sons and daughters in the family of God.

Keep that big picture burning brightly in your mind.

God ordained marriage for a great purpose. And God has revealed how we should relate to one another.

God wants us to become living sacrifices, giving up ourselves completely.

God wants us to become converted and humble ourselves as little children.

Brethren, if we'll do these things, God designed marriage and family to work, not fail. And if we do the things, if we implement the principles that are revealed in the Bible, if we understand them, if we embrace them, if we pursue them, we will be very blessed. All the trials will come and they'll beat up on your door. And sometimes you may think, I cannot stand, but you'll be able to.

For the help of God, you'll be able to because you have built upon the rock.

You have built a relationship that cannot be destroyed by Satan the Devil or anything else because God is the one who built the house.